A/N: Hello! Long time no see! I've decided I miss Private Practice (and the fandom of course) too much not to continue this fic, so here is chapter 9 for y'all. Enjoy!
**tw** Middle of the chapter is rated M for references to abuse.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 9
I see...great love in my work. You know, I just see extraordinary love, extraordinary sacrifice. People going through so much, and they go through it together. They sacrifice for each other, they choose each other.
October, 1989
New York, New York
At six years old, there was nothing Alina Levin loved more than listening to her father teach molecular physics to his university students. Ever since she could remember he had insisted she would learn five times as much sitting in lecture with him than at home with a nanny. Of course, her mother never approved of her attending class, but despite her objections, every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:30pm Alina would hold her father's hand as they walked together down the long hallways of Columbia University School of Medicine. She would sit down in the back corner desk of his classroom, doodle in her notebook, and watch with fascination just how fast his students could scribble down notes. Alina may have been advanced for her age—having entered the second grade a year early with a reading level already nearing middle school—but writing with that kind of speed was something she didn't think she'd ever master.
The weather had been particularly warm on this one October Thursday; yet there Alina sat in her corner, chewing her thumbnail shyly as her father's students filed in, red hair tucked neatly underneath the navy blue beanie hat her mother had recently begun insisting she wear to school.
"You're already going to be the youngest in your class," her mother would say. "Do you want to be the only student with red hair as well? You'll stick out like a sore thumb."
At first, Alina had wanted to cry. Sure she didn't personally know any other redheads, but her father had always told her that her hair was beautiful. Also, Alina knew she was adopted, and so a small part of her wondered if her birth parents were out there somewhere, walking around with heads full of auburn hair just like hers. In a way, it made her feel special.
Still, the last thing Alina wanted was to cause her mother any undue stress. So she learned to swallow her tears and despite the heat, here she sat, hat on her head and making herself as small as possible, sure no one would want to look at the little carrot top in the corner.
That is, until she overheard a woman's voice, sitting down at the desk closest to her.
"So how'd it go meeting Sam's mother last weekend?"
"I think it went okay," another woman responded, sitting down beside the first. "Although I can't really tell if she likes me, or if she was just pretending to like me for Sam's sake but really she hates me for stealing her only son…"
The first woman laughed. "Tell me about it."
"I take it Carolyn's still not rolling out the welcome wagon?" the second woman chuckled.
"Oh no she totally has," said the first. "But it's still weird. It feels...I don't know...forced, somehow."
Alina had no idea what they were talking about, but as she listened it didn't occur to her that she had accidentally looked up at them until both women had stopped talking, and were staring straight at her.
"Hello," the first woman smiled at her. "You look a little young for medical school."
"Um," Alina swallowed, feeling her palms start to sweat. As much as she loved to be here, she always shied away from talking to the students, who were all so smart, and so grown up. "My papa's the professor," she said.
"Oh I remember Professor Levin mentioning his daughter a few classes ago," the second woman piped up. "But he didn't mention how cute she was. What's your name, honey?"
Alina felt her cheeks redden. "My name's Alina," she replied softly, but her eyes had taken hold of something else. The first woman's hair. It was auburn red, just like hers.
"Well it's very nice to meet you, Alina," said the first woman, breaking her from her trance. "I'm Addison, and this is my best friend, Naomi. How old are you?"
"I'm six," she told them, still mesmerized by Addison's hair. The long layers. The way it flowed gracefully over her shoulders. The way she carried herself with confidence.
Alina wished she felt the same way about herself.
"So first grade then, huh?" Naomi asked. "Did you just start elementary school?"
"I'm actually in second grade," Alina replied, blushing again while subconsciously pulling a strand of her own hair out from underneath the beanie. "I like to read a lot of books and so my teacher told my mama and papa that I don't need to be in first grade after all." A part of her hated explaining this to people, but in a way she always felt like she had to.
"You know, Alina, I skipped the first grade too," Addison told her.
"You...you did?" Alina asked.
"I did," Addison nodded. "So I totally know how it feels to always be the youngest in your class."
Alina twirled the strand of hair with her index finger. "Did you like to read a lot too? Sometimes kids in class make fun of me, for reading so much…" she looked down timidly.
"Yep, and I still do," Addison reassured her. "So does Naomi."
"I bet you have to read a lot for school, huh?" Alina said.
"That too," Naomi chuckled, taking out her notes from last lecture to begin reviewing.
"But hey," Addison leaned toward Alina, close enough so that the little girl got a whiff of her perfume. Immediately the smell comforted her, for reasons she wasn't even sure. "I know how it feels to be made fun of, when kids think you're too smart, or too this, or too that...take it from someone who spent part of her high school years pr…"
Addison paused, not finishing the sentence. Alina kept listening.
"But if you keep studying hard, and keep reading your books, and be nice to all the other kids, someday you might find yourself here in med. school too. Maybe becoming a doctor." Addison winked, giving her a warm smile. Suddenly Alina felt very comfortable, as if she had known this woman her whole life.
Alina smiled, a genuine smile, blush creeping up her cheeks again. "Thanks," she said. "You ha…" she tried, mustering up the courage to give Addison the one compliment that had been on her mind their entire conversation. "I mean...you have really pretty hair. I've never met anyone with red hair like yours before, and like...like mine."
"Oh you have red hair too? Let me see," Addison smiled.
Alina looked down again.
"What's the matter?" Addison asked.
"Mama says I shouldn't show off my hair too much, 'cause I'm always the only one with red hair in the room," Alina admitted, silently kicking herself for talking that way about her mother.
"What if you just show me really quickly and then if you want to you can put your hat back on?" Addison suggested. Alina appreciated that she didn't ask any questions about her mother.
Alina sighed, hesitating for a moment before reaching a hand up to remove her hat. There was something about Addison—aside from being a redhead herself—that told Alina she would never make fun of her, never tell her to hide who she is. As she pulled off the hat, Alina felt her long ginger locks fall down past her shoulders. She willed herself not to be self-conscious, to allow herself to take up space. She looked up at Addison who, to her delight, beamed back at her.
"There you are," she smiled.
"Addie, she looks just like your mini," Alina heard Naomi chuckle from her desk.
"You don't think it makes me stand out too much?" Alina muttered.
"Well of course it makes you stand out," Addison replied. "But that's because you are a very beautiful young lady, Alina."
"I am?"
"You are," Addison nodded, before running her fingers through a strand of Alina's hair lightly. Alina felt a shiver go down her spine, almost as if Addison's touch had given her an electric shock. "And I am really glad I met you today."
Alina smiled, a genuine smile, subconsciously twirling her hair again.
"I'm really glad I met you today too."
That night, as her father tucked her into bed, Alina thought about her encounter with one of his students that afternoon.
"Papa?"
"Hmm?" he replied, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
"I talked to one of your students today," she told him in Russian. "She has red hair too, and she told me mine was beautiful."
"You are beautiful, my darling, have I not told you this a thousand times?" her father replied, leaning down to rub his nose against hers, making her giggle.
"I know. And I know Mama means well, but sometimes she makes me feel like I should hide, or that my hair looks funny. Stuff like that," she admitted. "I just liked meeting another redhead today is all."
"Well I am very glad you did," her father smiled. "I love you to the moon, my sunshine. Now get some sleep."
"I love you too," she said, as he leaned down to hug her, placing a kiss on her temple. "Oh, but Papa?"
He looked at her, running a warm hand over her cheek, waiting for her to speak. She grabbed onto it gently, always feeling so safe in his warm hands.
"I think I know what I want to be when I grow up."
"Oh and what's that?" he asked.
"I wanna be a doctor."
March, 2012
Los Angeles, California
As soon as Alina looked down at her pager she felt her chest tighten. Her palms begin to sweat. Her breath catch in her lungs.
"Gloria I'm sorry but it's the ER, I have to take this." Alina composed herself, apologizing to her patient, an expectant mother who developed severe cardiac issues after getting pregnant only months post-heart transplant. A patient Alina had grown particularly fond of. She loved working with expectant mothers almost as much as the children themselves. "But I'll be back as soon as they take you to surgery. Dr. Montgomery, thank you again for the consult." She looked at Addison.
"Oh, you're, you're welcome," Addison replied, and Alina noticed her stand up a little bit straighter, as if she were coming out of a trance.
Under normal circumstances, Alina would have questioned Addison's strange behavior throughout the consult. But these were not normal circumstances. This was not a normal page. She could ignore it, she really could; but if history had taught her anything, it was that this page would come and find her no matter what. She had no choice but to deal with it now. In public. Where she could be safe.
Alina turned on her heel, leaving the room at a quick pace. Despite wishing she could move a millimeter-step at a time, she had to. She had already announced to the room the page had come from the ER. She couldn't give herself away.
Once she thought she was out of sight, Alina paused only for a second in front of a closed door to examine her reflection in the window with closed blinds on the inside. She took a deep breath, blinking a few times before pulling her auburn waves out of her loose bun. She almost felt as if she were about to give herself a pep talk, although she would have no idea what to say anymore; after moving to Los Angeles she had believed with all of her might that this situation would never happen. That she was done.
That she was finally safe.
Nevertheless she walked on, down the long hallway, down the stairs, and toward the St. Ambrose Emergency Room.
"Darling, there you are!"
Alina heard him before she saw him. That heavy English accent. The voice that haunted her life, her dreams, her soul for years.
She felt as if she wanted to vomit, but she swallowed the nausea and pressed on, refusing to give him the satisfaction. She was strong. Brave. No longer a slave to him.
She looked up. There he was, leaning against the end of the front desk, conveniently, as far away from any nurses as possible.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded, voice quiet, heart pounding against her ribcage.
"Now is that any way to greet your fiancé?" Edward grinned, leaning forward to kiss her cheek, as if any of this were normal.
"I am not your fiancée," she seethed, stepping away from him.
"Just as feisty as ever, I see," he continued, the same sick grin decorating his face.
"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Alina asked again, emphasizing each word, determined not to let him sense her fear.
"Exactly what I should be doing here," he replied. The smile fell from his lips, and Alina could sense that same anger she had been victim of for so long bubbling at the surface. "Bringing you home."
"I am home," she snapped.
This time, he laughed.
"Alina be serious. You can't possibly build a life here, in this sad little hospital nobody's ever heard of." He gestured around the room. Alina gave the room a quick once over; of course, just busy enough for no one to second guess a doctor chatting away with a perfect stranger in the corner.
"You belong in Boston. With me."
Alina swallowed, feeling a slight twinge of pain in her wrist at the memory of her last few months in Boston, finishing up her residency at Mass. General. The fear of going home at night. Wearing long sleeves under her scrubs even in the heat and humidity of August.
"Do I need to refresh your memory?" For the first time in almost a year, she looked him straight in the eye. "I am not your fiancée. This is my home. I am not going anywhere with you. Not back to Boston, not anywhere. Now if you don't mind I have actual patients to see, so you can show yourself the hell out of here."
Alina breathed heavily. She shuddered to think of the consequences if she had said this to him a year ago.
"Darling, what has gotten into you?" Edward sneered, stepping closer to her yet again. She took yet another step back. "Such a temper. What happened to my sweet, polite girl?"
"How did you even find me here, anyway?" Alina asked, unsure if she really wanted to hear the answer.
"You remember how much your mother loved us together, don't you?" he smiled.
Alina felt the air being sucked from her lungs, but she passed it off as an exhale and incredulous eye-roll. Still, the tears burned. Her own mother, the woman who was supposed to love her unconditionally and always be on her side, told her abusive ex-financé where she lived. Her own mother, who knew almost everything he did to her, from his possessive attitude to physically breaking her wrist. And yet she sent him after her.
Edward could say and do a lot of things to make her feel small; worthless; stupid; unloveable. But this? Alina had never felt more unloved in her entire life.
"Yes, I remember," she whispered.
"Well, then…" he replied, as if this should be reason enough for her to go back to him. "I can't believe you're wearing your hair down. You know I always loved it pulled back. Out of the way." He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
As if by reflex, she slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me!" she almost shouted.
He grabbed her right arm, and right away she had to try not to wince as his nails dug into her, tight grip cutting through her circulation.
"Come on, darling, don't you remember how happy we were together?" he sneered again, pulling her closer, lips mere inches away from her ear. She felt the vomit return to the back of her throat.
With all her might, she pushed against him. "I said don't-"
"Is there a problem here?"
Immediately the grip on Alina's wrist loosened. Dr. Wilder, one of her superiors, walked up to them.
"Dr. Wilder," she breathed, automatically tucking her arm behind her back, certain her ex had left a mark. "No, no problem at all. It's nothing." She forced a smile.
Dr. Wilder's brow furrowed, as if he didn't believe her. That thought frightened her almost more than going back to Boston with Edward. It was one thing to have told Addison about her ex, it was another for the entire hospital to find out, and in front of Edward no less.
"Didn't look like nothing," Dr. Wilder said. "Can I ask who this is?" He gestured to Edward.
"Edward Sharpe," he introduced himself. "Alina's...good friend." He looked at her with that same ugly smile again. "From home, in Boston."
"Edward was just headed back there, actually," Alina said, trying to give Dr. Wilder a believable smile when all she wanted to do was cry. "Stopped by the hospital to say a quick goodbye."
"Okay..." Dr. Wilder nodded, but Alina could sense he was suspicious. "Well, unfortunately, I have a patient who's just come in after a car accident with her three-year-old daughter, so Dr. Levin, if you could come with me I'll need you on this one."
Alina nodded, straightening her stethoscope around her neck. "Right, of course. Edward, it was nice seeing you. It really is too bad I can't make it back to Boston anytime soon."
"Yes," he replied smoothly. "Too bad."
She could sense his anger, even though he was the master at hiding it in public. It was right there in front of her screaming if Dr. Wilder hadn't shown up, you would be on the ground in pieces for talking to me like that. Still, she turned away from him, following Dr. Wilder back down the hallway, willing the adrenaline to stop coursing through her veins.
"The patients, Dr. Wilder?" she asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Won't be here for another five minutes," he finished, stopping them. "Just got the call from the ambulance right before I saw you."
Alina exhaled, leaning back against the wall.
"Alina," Dr. Wilder said gently, the kindness in his voice surprising her. Not that he had ever been unkind to her, but until this point their relationship had remained strictly supervisor-subordinate. And he had never called her by her first name.
"Yes?" she breathed, willing herself to look at him.
"Are you okay?"
Such a simple question, one that under normal circumstances would not make her want to break down, fall into a heap on the floor. But these were not normal circumstances.
"Yes," she answered finally, solidly. "Yes I'm fine. Edward is an old friend and we were just...catching up about some stuff going on back east."
The lie tasted like pennies in her mouth.
"You're sure? Because if there's something you want to tell me…"
"No." She shook her head. "I promise. Everything is fine." She smiled at him.
"Okay…" Dr. Wilder said again, and she knew he still didn't believe her. But he didn't press. "Patients are coming in through the back entrance. Meet me there in five."
"Thank you, Dr. Wilder," she said, watching for a few seconds as he walked back toward the ER. For the first time since seeing Edward, she was alone.
Alina looked the other way, and upon seeing a restroom about 20 feet away, she took off in a run. Thankfully the bathroom was a single unit, because as soon as she burst through the door she fell to her knees in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach not once, but twice. As she sat there on the cold tile floor shaking uncontrollably, Alina felt the tears that had burned the backs of her eyes for so long finally release. She leaned back against the wall, burying her face in her hands to muffle the sobs.
Her safe haven in Los Angeles was no longer safe. No matter how many times she told him she was no longer his fiancée, or that she would not go back to Boston with him, for as long as she stayed here he would know where she was. He would always know where to find her, and could do it at any time he pleased.
This had been the mental torture Alina had been so used to for so long, and Edward Sharpe knew it.
He knew exactly how to play her like a fiddle.
"Scalpel." Alina heard Addison's voice from behind the surgical mask. While technically Gloria's baby would be her patient, Alina stood in the operating room as close to Gloria's head as possible; Dr. Bennett was monitoring her heart, and if Gloria had any questions or feelings of panic during the procedure, Alina wanted to be the one to comfort her. She had to be there to comfort her.
Alina's pager had gone off again while she had been tending to Dr. Wilder's car accident patient's daughter, nearly giving her a heart attack. Thankfully, the little girl had suffered no more than a minor concussion, so Alina had just been chatting away with her when she got notice of Gloria's emergency surgery.
"Your baby's almost here, Gloria," she smiled from behind her mask, running a gloved hand over the woman's hair.
"I know," Gloria breathed. "I just wanna hold her already."
"And you will," Alina said. "Just as soon as we make sure your heart is okay."
"I love my baby so much," Gloria near-whispered. "I just want my baby to know how much I lo…"
Gloria's voice faded away. Her monitor began to beep furiously.
"She's in VFib!" Alina shouted.
Addison and Dr. Bennett immediately sprang into action, doing their best to take the baby out and restore Gloria's heart at the same time. The problem was, and Alina knew, both could not be done at the same time.
No, no, no, Alina thought, watching the situation play out. "Gloria, Gloria stay with me!" Please, she wanted to beg.
She heard the sound of a baby crying. It had lived. She had lived. Dr. Bennett began shocking Gloria with the defibrillator.
"Come on Gloria, your daughter is here waiting for you, you have to meet your daughter," Alina begged. Still the woman was unresponsive to the shocks.
Less than a minute later, it was clear. Gloria had died.
The tears escaped through Alina's eyes once again, and suddenly the operating room felt very small. She couldn't breathe. She had to run.
And, ripping the mask from her face, that was exactly what she did.
Six hours later
"Twenty-nine year old female, blunt force trauma to the chest and abdomen, been unconscious for at least 20 minutes!" Addison shouted to the doctor on call, following alongside Alina's stretcher off the ambulance and into the St. Ambrose ER.
"How long have you been with her, ma'am?" the trauma doctor she had never seen before asked her.
"It's Doctor," she said. "I found her lying unconscious in her house about 20 minutes ago. Someone hurt her...I don't know who but someone hurt her!"
Addison felt her heart shatter in two saying those words out loud. The thought alone made her see red. Someone hurt her baby. Her 29 year old baby who had been forcibly ripped from her arms just moments after her birth.
"And you are, doctor?" the trauma physician asked.
"Dr. Addison Montgomery," she replied. "I work here. I'm her…" She had to stop herself from saying 'mother' out loud. Word would get out, and Addison wasn't ready for that yet. "I'm her next of kin."
"Well Dr. Montgomery I'm going to need to take her into surgery and get a head CT, and I can't have you in the room for that."
Although by this point Addison was already in the trauma room with them, a tight grip on Alina's hand.
"I am not going anywhere," she snapped. She had left Alina alone long enough already; Addison didn't want to spend another second away from her.
"Dr. Montgomery my patient needs to be examined and I cannot do that with family in the room!"
Several nurses were bustling around, hooking Alina up to machine after machine. Addison barely heard them. All she knew was her daughter. She had finally found her daughter, after all these years. She had been right under her nose the entire time, but now she could be...no. Addison couldn't finish the thought.
"I'm right here, sweetheart," she whispered to Alina, kneeling down beside her.
The trauma doctor shouted Addison's name again.
She stood up, once again ready for a fight. "I AM NOT-"
"Addison?"
There was only one voice in the world that could have pulled her away from this situation, and he was right outside the door. Jake Reilly stood there, looking at her with equal parts concern and confusion.
"She's bleeding into her abdomen. I need to get this patient into surgery now," the trauma doctor announced.
Addison snapped back into reality. "I'm coming with you."
"No, Dr. Montgomery, I cannot have you in my OR!" The trauma team began pushing the gurney out of the exam room.
"No-" she started again, but this time Jake stopped her, grabbing her hand as she tried to follow them.
"Addison what is going on?" he asked, now with total concern in his eyes. To Addison it was almost impossible to believe that just an hour ago she stood in his office, essentially professing her love for him.
"I'm sorry, Jake, but I have to-"
She tried to pull away and follow the gurney, but Jake held on.
"Hold on, hold on," he said, and Addison stopped, once again reminded that if this were literally anyone else, there was no way she would listen. But she had come to love Jake, she knew this now. She trusted him. He would not hold her back if he felt it was against her best interests. "Is this a patient of yours, Addison?"
"No, she's my-" Addison stopped herself again. Here she was standing with the potential love of her life, yet she still couldn't bring herself to share her secret. What if he became angry with her? Accused her of lying to him? Or, worst of all, run away? Just as Derek did. Just as she was used to. "It's Dr. Levin," Addison told him, trying desperately to compose herself. "She works here and she's...she's been hurt. She's my...friend. Please, I...I have to make sure she's okay."
Tears stung the backs of Addison's eyes.
Jake's grip loosened on her hand significantly, like he knew she wouldn't run. This thumb traced over her knuckles gently, attempting to calm her before leading them in the opposite direction.
"Where are we going?" Addison demanded, feeling her heart begin to race again.
"To the surgical board," Jake replied. "To find her OR."
Seconds felt like years as Addison sat on the floor, leaning against the wall outside the operating room with Jake, foot tapping on the ground and wringing her hands together nervously. She felt like her entire body was on fire; she could hear everything that was going on in the OR, but so far—and by the grace of God—there hadn't been any complications yet. No crash carts. No extra specialists brought in for emergencies. Still, with every beep of Alina's heart monitor Addison was a reminder to Addison that her baby's life was in danger. Her baby, who she had held for only seconds but had loved for her entire life.
Her daughter was not allowed to die without knowing who she was. Her daughter was not allowed to die, period. The thought alone was too much for Addison to bear.
Jake reached over for her again, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her to him. He smelled slightly of musk, just as he had in his office, and Addison found it slightly comforting. She let herself lean into him.
"Do we know what happened?" he asked her quietly.
"Someone hurt her," Addison replied numbly. "I found her unconscious and...someone had beaten her. Badly." Her voice shook.
"Here at the hospital?"
"No," Addison whispered, tears escaping from her eyes as she shook her head. "At her house."
"You were at her house?" Jake asked, trying to understand. He rubbed her arm soothingly.
Addison took a deep breath. Despite her fear, she knew she had to tell him eventually. After all, he was Jake. A loving, understanding, and unfailingly kind human who had been waiting for her for nearly a year; for her to move on from Sam, to be ready to love again. No, he wouldn't leave her the way Derek did.
And now that Addison knew about Alina, and with Alina's current condition...keeping the secret from Jake any longer would be too hard, especially now that she knew just how much she loved him.
"Jake," she whispered. "There's something I have to tell you."
Jake turned to her, leaving a lingering kiss on her temple, wordlessly telling her to continue.
"Back in Palm Springs, that night when I was drunk...I told you some things about my past that I've never told anyone before, not even my ex-husband."
She knew Jake knew this, but he remained silent, willing her to continue.
"When I was in high school. I was r…" The word caught in her throat. "I was raped. I had a baby. My mother had her taken from me right after she was born. I only got to hold her for a few seconds, but she was...she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Like this bright beacon of hope and the one good thing to come from all that awfulness. She had this head full of auburn hair like mine, and the biggest ocean eyes. I named her Alina; she was perfect, and I loved her with my whole heart, even if I wasn't supposed to.
"A few months ago...I started looking for her. I know it's been 29 years but I...I had to know. I had to find out she was okay, that she was happy, wherever she was."
Addison pulled back, looking Jake in the eye. The even beeps of Alina's heart monitor continued in the background, paired with a mixture of muttering among the surgeons and nurses.
"Last month I went back east, to New York and then my parents' house in Connecticut, to look for her," she continued. "I thought maybe she had been adopted out of New York, but I didn't get much information there. Only that the family that adopted her wasn't from the United States."
Jake watched her intently, and for the first time Addison was having difficulty reading him. He didn't seem angry though, and for the time being that was enough for her to continue.
"But when I got up to my parents' house, I went through some of my father's old medical files in his office. I think a part of me knew that...even though he let her get taken away, he wouldn't let her disappear entirely. I found my file. It had the names of my baby's adoptive parents.
I found my daughter that day, Jake."
Addison swallowed, adrenaline coursing through her veins, knowing the confession that was coming.
Jake took a deep breath.
"And she's…" he paused.
Addison blinked slowly, exhaling before gesturing with her eyes toward the operating room behind them. The tears began to flow again.
"Dr. Levin isn't just my friend, Jake," she said. "Alina is my daughter. I found out a month ago she had been adopted, and that she had tried looking for her birth parents once...I went to her house tonight to tell her. That's when I found her…" Addison's voice caught in her throat.
Jake caught a few of her tears with his thumbs.
"Jake, I...I didn't mean to lie to you, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before. Are you angry?" Addison began to cry, unable to bear the thought of losing her daughter and the man she loves all in one day.
"Oh Addison," Jake said lovingly, pulling her into his arms. She let herself melt into him. "How could I possibly be angry?" he whispered against her temple. "You are smart, you are compassionate, you are...one of the bravest, strongest people I know. I may be feeling a lot of things right now," he chuckled, and she smiled against him through her tears. "But angry is not one of them."
With that, Addison's barrier broke and she finally allowed herself to cry, letting Jake rock her back and forth soothingly as she clung to him. She had finally told her truth to a man, and he didn't run away.
Once her sobs subsided enough for her to steady her breathing, Addison knew one more thing she had to say.
"Jake?" she choked.
"Hmm?" he hummed, rubbing her back.
"I love you."
He pressed another kiss to her head.
"I love you too, Addison. Since the moment I met you."
And she knew it to be true.
Addison glanced up at the clock from Alina's dark hospital room. 4:12am, it read. Addison wasn't supposed to be in there, but she hadn't left the hospital since her daughter went into surgery, and she sure as hell wasn't going to leave until she woke up.
Alina had been brought into the ICU immediately after surgery, which ended nearly an hour ago, and had yet to wake up. Addison had snuck in here after all the on-call doctors and nurses had gotten her settled. Now, she'd be damned if anyone tried to kick her out.
Addison felt the lump return to her throat, watching Alina sleep, seeing her hooked up to a breathing tube. She stood up, going to kneel at her daughter's bed, resting her shaky arms at the end of the mattress. Gently, she brushed a strand of hair from Alina's forehead.
"It was always you," Addison whispered. "Always you, my sweet girl."
Alina's life support machine whooshed in the background.
"And I want you to know," Addison continued, voice breaking. "That I love you, Alina. I've loved you your whole life, and I promise I will never stop loving you."
And with that she leaned forward, sealing the vow by pressing a kiss to her grown daughter's forehead, just as she had done to her little baby 29 years ago.
Reviews would be greatly appreciated :)
