Being a rather short girl who'd found herself rubbing shoulders – figuratively; she was too short to do it physically – with some of the most important leaders of the Empire's war effort against its enemies had given Tanya a lot of practice with being stared at in either awe or confusion.

Those situations hadn't… exactly prepared Tanya for this situation, however.

Most of those leaders, after all, were men. Aging men, too, most of the time, but some were on the younger side.

Tanya could appreciate the fact that a great many of them were probably attractive in one sense or another, even if she didn't care for any of them at all.

Regardless, none of them had been beautiful women staring her down with looks of pure confusion, either.

Tanya took another sip of the hot water in the teacup she grasped in her hand, closing her eyes and imagining that it was the coffee she was promised. Those crusty old men would probably look a lot more like the three people sitting in front of her and her… son after being told that Tanya was her father, in another life.

They had introduced themselves first, before Tanya had introduced herself in her normal fashion. Aqua had looked like she was on the verge of tears, until Kazuma had spoken up and revealed the truth, along with an explanation of their real past, at her prompting and threatening.

And speaking of that son…

"I've got to say, Kazuma. You've done well for yourself. I would have thought you would sit around in one of those stables for a couple years and forget all about your quest to kill the Demon King."

She opened half an eye to stare at her son. She couldn't quite make out what the expression on his face was supposed to mean – though it looked like an odd cross between being constipated and forced blankness – but his posture told her enough.

The hunched back and head staring down at the ground…

The hands clasped together and shoved between his legs and pressed into the couch they were sitting on…

The way his shoulders were nearly past his knees, as if he were just waiting to make a run for it…

Yes; her son, as always, was uncomfortable around her.

She almost sighed. It seemed that his transportation into this world – at the hands of the still stupefied 'goddess' sitting across from her – had not cured him of his scorn for his family members.

She almost snorted at that thought. It wasn't as if it were her or her wife's or her youngest son's fault.

Kazuma was a NEET, after all.

Tanya opened her eyes wide and looked at the other three in the room. Surprisingly, Aqua seemed to be taking it best. She wasn't twitching erratically, after all.

Considering Tanya had forced Kazuma to spill the beans about their reincarnation to his friends, she wasn't all that surprised.

Darkness was the worst off, actually. She seemed to be twitching and gibbering and casting her darkened gaze at Kazuma, Aqua, and Tanya over and over, like a spinning coin waiting to topple over.

The other one, Megumin, seemed more perturbed about some kind of 'feud' she thought she had with Tanya, a notion which she had dissuaded her of immediately.

Tanya had no idea what the muttered comments of 'bad parties' and 'rival' had meant, but she didn't honestly care.

She rose. "Well, it's been nice talking to you all, but I think I-"

She felt a hand grab her arm, and she turned to look at Kazuma. The look on his face had finally passed, and he seemed more… annoyed than anything. "Wait a second…"

Tanya blinked, and the annoyance passed into mild anger as he stood up. "You can't just leave! You've just created a ton of problems! I don't want to-"

Tanya scoffed. "Kazuma Satou…"

His face immediately lost all of its anger as his scowl became a nervous, tiny smile and his eyes shrank. "Ah, you haven't lost that terrifying ability to say my name and make me want to run away like in a Studio Ghibli movie…"

She crossed her arms, ripping her forearm away from him. "These problems would have surfaced anyway! Do you think they would have just accepted that Aqua calls herself the 'goddess' of water and has powers and-"

"Yes, we would have."

Tanya blinked and stared at the pair of them with a skeptically raised eyebrow. They stared at her with an equally nonplussed expression, and Tanya wondered if they were all but words on a page, with how utterly flat everyone around her was starting to look.

"Well." She said it with just the slightest change in tone to indicate that it was just ever so slightly derisive.

She looked back at Kazuma, muttering to him behind a raised hand so they couldn't read her lips. "I know, with you being… you, the bar is set kinda low, son, but I thought you wouldn't hang out with actual idiots."

"HEY!"

"…Yeah, so did I, but I guess I shot myself in the foot by bringing along the fake goddess…"

"HEY!"

They smiled at each other for a moment, but then he shook his head. "Wait! No, really, what happened to you? You were gone for, like… three months. How are you…"

He gestured vaguely at her, and she raised an eyebrow. "A woman? Seventeen?"

He blinked. "Uh… yeah."

She opened her mouth, but then Darkness jumped in. "HOLD IT!"

She seemed to be breathing heavily, but she wasn't casting her eyes about towards the inhabitants of the room anymore. She took a deep breath, and then turned on Megumin. "You're just going to accept all this?"

She shrugged. "Eh. I've seen more contrived plots in the venerated histories of the Crimson Demons and some books at the library. If Kazuma accepts it, then we should probably conclude that he and Degurechaff are brain damaged and that we need to take care of them for-"

"HEY!"

Darkness whirled on Kazuma. "Alright! How do you know that she's your father?"

He blinked, and then his face assumed that half-constipated, half-blank look again. "Ah, it's really… rather private, so-"

"I told him the exact date and time that he first masturbated, of course."

Kazuma's face twisted in on itself, and he shrank down from standing with hunched shoulders to nearly being doubled over.

Tanya gave the disgusted, baffled stares the other three adventurers were sending her way the response they deserved: a scoff, followed by a short explanation.

"I told our internet service provider to inform me of any odd activity they saw. I got a notice, and, as planned, I gave him The Talk and warned him, under no uncertain circumstances, that if he got anyone pregnant, I would disown him to save my career, unless he proved himself worth the effort of defending."

She turned her head towards Kazuma, as did the other three, and Tanya sighed. "Using it as a way to identify each other is foolproof, even if he obviously hasn't ever earned that distinction."

He whined again, and she glared down at him. "Oh, shut up. Your mother and I were well aware that you weren't attending your classes – did you think the teachers wouldn't report your absence, or that we just didn't care about your success?"

He glared up at her, and then he apparently decided that standing wasn't worth the effort. He curled up into a ball and faced his back towards her. "I thought you two would be too busy. You two seemed to love your jobs that much, anyway…"

Tanya rolled her eyes. "Of course not! Your mother and I might have married out of convenience, but we grew to care for each other and you and your brother, even if we show it by demanding your best."

He shot her another look over his shoulder, and she sighed. "Look… my years of fighting in a magic version of Europe has taught me… a lot about… emotions."

"Oh? You finally learned that those are real and not a figment of people's imaginations?" he asked.

She easily ignored him and continued. "Anyway. We probably could have raised you and your brother a bit better… but you could have done better too- and don't deny it, you NEET!" she shouted the last part as he made to complain again.

She took another step forward. "Honestly, have you looked around yourself? A mansion? You managed to acquire a mansion in only a few months here! I'm proud of you for doing so much, even if I wonder why the hell you didn't show this much initiative in real life!"

Tanya could see his ears beginning to glow red as she continued. "And you even tied three people to you forever! There's literally no one that would want to partner with them, thanks to their very niche abilities and uses, but you've managed to use them well and tie them to you! They couldn't leave if they wanted to! I'm really proud of you"

"HEY!"

He was silent, for a moment, digesting her words. Then he sighed. "Whatever. You've explained, and I suppose that I can get details later… but no parent should confront their child over porn. Would you ever want that done to you?"

He was now sitting up and staring up at her, waiting for an obvious 'no.'

Tanya smirked.

"Are you kidding? Half the reason that we married, beyond the need to appear properly and happily married to our coworkers, was the fucking great… well, fucking."

She wiggled her eyebrows to make sure he understood.

He did. His expectant gaze quickly soured, and Tanya's smirk grew wider. "Yeah. You know the reason we gave you all that soundproofing material for your 'gaming setup' was because we got more than we needed for our room, right?"

That sour expectant look quickly grew into everlasting horror, and Tanya fought the urge to cackle. "Honestly, if we were into exhibitionism, we could have remade the more raunchy parts of the Kama Sutra-"

"AAALLLLLL RIGHT!" he cried, begging her to stop.

She didn't.

"We might not know exactly, but we think you were conceived-"

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!"

-OxOxO-

A/N 1: Not Canon for an even wider number of reasons than the last one.

Regardless… by popular demand, I have a continuation of 'Relations'! We got a taste of the interactions between Tanya and the Canon Gang, as well as some background on the hypothetical home life of a fatherly salary man and his NEET son. I hope you enjoyed it, as it'll probably be the last you see of it from me, for now.

Now, I might do a bit more for it later if my muse decides to go for it, but I'm not going to make it it's own story or focus on it, even if it is intriguing to imagine what Kazuma's life would be like if, say, his family all got killed together and they all got isekai'd at once.

Now that I mention it, that would make an interesting original story, too…

Regardless, if someone would like to adapt these Omakes into a story of their own, fucking go for it! It's a hilarious idea, if you ignore the impossibility of, you know, Tanya having a family.