Eris blinked at all the activity going on around her. This…
This was astonishing.
Her world, as undeveloped as it was, didn't have this much activity these days. The old Kingdom of Norse that had been done in thanks to a Reincarnate's idiocy, as prosperous and advanced in the ways of magic, hadn't ever had this much activity.
She was sure that there weren't even many versions of Earth, as a whole, that had this much going on.
In her few thousand years of existence, from the beginning to the few minutes ago that she hadn't seen this place, she hadn't seen so much moving.
Angels of all shape and color flew about the wide, vast space, their wings glittering in the light shining from the glowing ball of light in the center of the giant, cloud-laden room that she couldn't even see the edges of.
They were moving… things. Weapons, from holy swords and spears that glowed thanks to magic to great, technologically advanced cannons that Eris was fairly sure didn't exist in the vast majority of worlds. Entire houses, slumbering beasts, a few tanks…
They were also… drilling. She could see a Principality showing dozens upon dozens of Angels, for what have must have – literally – been the millionth time how best to fight using any kind of weapon. She could see many using the holy swords and spears – more powerful and devastating than most anything a human could have devised – and other shooting at targets, switching between bows and arrows composed of light and metal and glowing, white and gray rifle's whose projectiles shone blue, even across a distance she couldn't really even guess at.
Despite the Angels shouting, despite everything around her and the God she was speaking to… Sarutahiko Okami remained sitting in a lotus position, calmly addressing anyone he could pick out from the shouting, nearly-panicked mass of holy beings around him.
Then, they all were mostly gone, and Eris had his full, undivided attention. Just as he was about to rise, an Angel called out. "Stop sitting like that. You aren't Buddhist, you stupid Japanese-"
Whatever they were about to say about the 'stupid Japanese-,' they were quickly quelled by a glare from the object of his scorn. "I can't help it if…"
He scoffed. "Leave me. I have matters more pressing than those of impudent fools."
Though she heard grumbling, the Angels did all flitter away, towards other Gods and Goddesses seated on the giant platform that surrounded the star-like ball of light at the center of the room.
With a huff, he readjusted the cord tying his long hair into a bun on top of his head and smiled widely at her. "Now, I don't often get visits from the likes of you, so you can say that I'm very curious how you even managed it."
Eris might have taken offence at how the orange-skinned man said the words 'the likes of you,' but there was no denying that he used the term endearingly.
And, really, there was an undeniable gap between Eris – whose religion hadn't spread beyond a single world – and most of the Deities that hailed from some version of Earth and controlled at least a few dozen of the planet humans hailed from.
She smiled at him and fluffed the wings of her outfit absent-mindedly. "Well, I just used a few of the skills I've gotten managing so much paperwork. I called in a few favors, and, with a bit of Luck…"
She trailed off and blinked at his response.
He shivered, shaking his white, wide, almost… poncho-like shirt and shaking his head. "You Luck Deities scare me, sometimes. War can be tricky business, but I don't have to judge people for living their lives, at least…"
Eris shrugged, and the Deity rose from the floor he was sitting on and brandished his golden spear – which seemed to be adorned with jewels, one of which had to be Coronatite – about the room. "Well, I think I'll get an outsider's perspective. How is this place?"
Eris didn't need to take another look around; she'd be remembering this place for centuries. "It's…"
Then, she paused, trying to find the words. Eventually, she hesitantly finished her sentence. "Is it enough?"
Sarutahiko Okami grimaced, which didn't do any wonders for his looks, especially with a nose as long as his. "It had better be. We've got our best and brightest defending The Descent for when it's vulnerable during The Anniversary. They're aren't even supposed to be enough traitors to make it this far, but…"
He grumbled. "Well, even if they do make it here, they'll have to make it through me. I protected Heaven when Hell tried their damnedest to come up; I'm not letting anyone go down if I can't help it."
Eris nodded, and he shook his head. "Well, we'll be fine, no matter what may come. What can I do for you, Eris?"
She beamed at him, taking care to hide her annoyance at how long he'd taken to get the reason she wanted to speak to him. "Ah, you see, I was wondering if you could help me address a problem I ran into facing… The Atheist."
His face scrunched up as if he'd smelled something obscenely foul; with that nose of his, he would've been unable to smell anything so horrible if it had been anywhere in the room. Still, he sighed…
"The Atheist…"
He shook his head ruefully. "Oh, to be so unconnected to billions to be able to walk among my faithful in something resembling my true form…"
Eris felt the urge to blush at the mingled envy and scorn he heaped on her – he wanted to be with his people, but he wasn't so weak that he could easily – but she kept her face as straight as she could and he gripped his chin.
He blinked, and then raised an imperious eyebrow at her. "You didn't come to me just because she was Japanese, did you?"
Eris blinked and smiled at him. "Of course not!" she lied happily.
Inside, she was trying desperately to force herself not to sweat and reveal that-
"Of course that's why you chose me…" he trailed off unhappily. He crossed his arms and sank back down onto the ground.
"As you well know, The Boss controls the largest number of Earths in existence, and while most versions of Japan on those Earths are either Buddhists or agnostic, to varying degrees, I control a number of different versions of Earth."
He blinked. "In fact, you sent a soul to one of mine at their request, right? That tells you just how different The Atheist's Japan is from mine."
"But-" she began. She'd used a lot to get here, and she was not-
He held up a hand. "Wait. I'm not going to turn you away… but I'll make you work for it," he said, grinning. Her expression soured, but she listened as he spoke.
She wished her expression could sour more after she heard what he proposed, but she agreed anyway. She wanted the advice of those that knew more and that were higher in station than her.
She wasn't an idiot. She knew, despite her own holiness, that Degurechaff had been fighting the best of their efforts to convert and kill her long before Eris had even heard of her. She needed help, if she wanted to make sure that people she cared about didn't perish trying to fight her.
-OxOxO-
Eris gaped at the sight before her. She had expected many things, when she'd been tasked to round up a few of the War Deities that were still not helping out – despite the fact that the preparations for The Anniversary had been ongoing for thousands of years.
She had expected columns. Lots of white stone and marble and statues and open fires and swords and shields and chariots. Women and men alike in various states of dress. Olives and the sea and sandy beaches.
Typical things that the Greek Deities were supposed to like.
Instead, she found… deserts and mountains and lots and lots of sun… as well as tanks and aircraft and soldiers dressed in modern – by the measure of most Earths – military fatigues and carrying guns and pieces of modern technology.
The moment she'd shown up, she'd been detained by a human-ish looking Angel who gave her a look up and down and pointed her towards the looming, craggy looking mountains in the distance.
She had walked, for two days, across a desert. A human would have likely perished, but it couldn't hurt her – as long as one was loyal to Heaven, nothing in Heaven could hurt you – but it was a drag to wade through, and she was sure her clothing would need hours to fix itself from all this damage.
Still, she'd managed to arrive at the cave that was supposed to hold the two Deities. What she found…
Again, it failed to meet any of her expectations. The oh-so-mighty Ares was holding neither spear nor shield, but a bomb detonator in one hand and a phone in the other. He was not dressed in military fatigues and helmets like the Angels, but in voluminous, red and yellow robes. He set down the phone and ran a hand through his scraggly white beard and readjusted his turban as he turned around.
"When Sarutahiko said Eris was coming, I thought it would be my sister…" he trailed off unhappily. Eris said nothing.
"Well, we knew he wanted us to help out. You wouldn't have let anyone else but family come here, would you?"
Eris turned her gaze to the other inhabitant of the cave – though the screens and holograms would make you think of it as anything other than a cave. Athena, too, was not clad in a white robe and sandals and holding a spear and drinking wine; instead, she drank a Starbucks-brand coffee and tapped away at a phone in one hand.
Sunglasses were perched on her delicately manicured brown hair, while a business attire that would have done any American proud made her look all the more commanding. The array of brightly colored medals on her lapel also helped that notion.
Ares groused at that and turned to her. "Well, you can tell-"
Eris cut him off. "I'm not here to ask for your help," she said, leaving out a yet at the end of her sentence. That brought them up short, and both looked away from their devices to stare at her.
She took a deep breath. "I wanted to know your opinions on The Atheist. I-"
They needed nothing else. Both had broken out blindingly bright smiles, before glaring at each other. "Well, she's obviously the best soldier-"
"Tactician, you mean. She's the best-"
"Soldier, you technology-abusing-"
"Tactician, you insanity-craving-"
Eris blinked as they continued to hotly debate the subject of Degurechaff – or, more likely, their age old rivalry.
Ares turned up his nose at her, scratching his beard as he bored into her with his dark eyes. "She is best as a soldier! She had one of the best kill scores of any in her position as a magic-wielding, flying soldier in World War One. She could defeat any mortal in single combat; the epitome of a soldier!"
Athena scoffed, and Eris could see that she was out of coffee, or the drink would have gone everywhere with how hard she was gripping it. Eris wondered, for a moment, if the drink had spilled, if it would have made the dark, dusty cave they were in any cleaner.
"She is best as a tactician! What do one-on-one battles matter, when she could plan for the destruction of any force foolish enough to face her armies? She could-"
Eris finally tuned back into the conversation for long enough to realize… that neither of them seemed especially hateful of Degurechaff.
When she voiced her… concern, both scoffed. "Oh, please. The moment that she permanently accepts Him as her God, there'll be bidding wars fought over the people who get to train her on her duties. She's not like the normal idiots that get hefted up here…" Ares scoffed.
Athena nodded. "On the subject of the usual riffraff that get promoted to Deity-status, you have my agreement. Most aren't as wonderful as Gautama is with responsibility."
In the brief lull, Eris jumped in. "Well, it seems like you two have a lot to say about… The Atheist. Perhaps we could discuss it more?"
Both nodded enthusiastically. "Indeed. You've been most helpful to our discussions. We can't make like the factions we look like if we've got you in the room," Athena said. Ares nodded along.
Eris tilted her head. "But… I thought you two were…"
Both gave each other, and then Eris herself, looks of absolute amusement. "Young Goddess, in the worlds we control-"
"Where those stupid-ass Romans either lost, or they decided to kick The Windbag's followers to the curb, or where good old Alexander lived for more than a few stupid decades-"
She glared at Ares, and he shut up. She smiled brightly. "Anyway… we take after war, and we have few enough worlds that our followers' most prominent desires change how we look, if not our overall character. Now…"
And, as they talked about where they would meet – conveniently located close to the areas that the other War Deities were preparing defenses for, which they claimed they were helping by defending their own areas – Eris wondered why this was working so well…
Was she really that Lucky, like Sarutahiko had claimed?
-OxOxO-
Unlike the last pair she had met with, this was… too close to what she had expected.
It… it…
"Asgard does look a great deal like the most popular of the comic book movies, doesn't it?"
She whirled around to see Odin: white beard, gold eye patch, long spear, golden armor-like-clothing and all.
And he was right: he looked scarily like what those most famous movies depicted him as. She opened her mouth, unable to abate her curiosity, and he chuckled.
"Ah… while the number of worlds I truly hold sway over is small, the number where I have been made famous is far greater. Adopting some changes the mortals suggested have been… nice, at least aesthetically."
She sighed, and made to open her mouth again, but again, he interrupted her. "You can tell that jumped-up Japanese bureaucrat that I'll be there soon enough to help. I'm not planning a thing, though."
She glared. "Actually, I wanted to ask about The Atheist."
His one eye blinked quickly, and then a grin broke out. "Ah… you know, if she had been dropped on a more interesting world, her foe wouldn't just be a Valkyrie in name."
Eris tried not to squirm at the thought of her. She had been… odd.
Eris shook her head, and opened her mouth, and-
"I think, without a doubt, that she does the name of the Kingdom she is currently in a certain amount of… poetic justice."
Eris stopped. "Belzerg… you mean, she's like a Berserker?"
He nodded, and, between a single blink, Odin was changed. Gone were the golds and whites and the spear, replaced instead by…
She backed away as the great bear lumbered forward and spoke. "Yes… I will be working extra hard to make sure, when she gives in, that I'll be allowed to train her before He whisks her away to be a Seraphim, or whatever he decides to do with her."
It went without saying that Eris fled as fast as she could.
No matter if they were both Deities, she didn't like staring a bear in the face any more than a regular human would.
-OxOxO-
Eris mucked through the bog she was currently trying to traverse. Stupid, stupid…
She shook her head. No, she had to keep going. If she found this one and got her help, Sarutahiko had promised to aid her in her quest to destroy that stupid girl.
If only she could find this aging, decrepit-
"Am I really decrepit?"
Eris whirled around, before she calmed. She couldn't be harmed, even if she could get spooked.
"I am here to ask you about-"
And, like that, the bog and vines and gnarled trees and mushy ground and water were gone, replaced by a small, stooped over hut. Out of it…
Eris winced. Decrepit… was putting it lightly.
She could see a smallish horse off to one side of the house that didn't seem to stoop nearly as much as the gray-haired, fair-skinned old woman that was now trekking towards her. A spear – short and nearly broken – hung from a leather strap that was slung around her shaking shoulders.
At once, Eris wanted to offer to help her, but…
"Be quiet, you. We both control the same amount of population on our single-worlds. Try and make me feel even more useless, and I'll show you just how good I've gotten in my years," the old woman crooned.
Eris raised an eyebrow, and the woman sniffed unimpressed at her. "Regardless. I suppose you all are preparing for The Anniversary, yeah?"
Eris nodded, and the woman gave Eris a once over. She mumbled something…
Eris's eyes narrowed. Anyone who spoke under their voice was usually saying something about her padding her breasts. "What was that?"
She snapped up so fast Eris was sure she'd broken a neck bone or five. "I said that I'll tell you about The Atheist."
Eris tried to suppress the urge to gawk, and she failed as the woman cackled. "Ah! What, you think, with my stable, uninteresting, plague-ridden world, that old Macha wouldn't keep up to date on things going on elsewhere? Shame on you!"
Eris felt the urge to tell the old hag to can it before she got out a vacuum cleaner and sucked her away, but she shook her head. "Oh, I know what that girl is."
Eris tilted her head. She was curious.
Curious enough to walk towards where the woman was seated on a moss-covered log, and curious enough to lean towards her as she made to whisper in Eris's ear.
What-
"SHE'S A GODDAMN THREAT!"
Eris jerked away as the hag cackled. She rubbed her ear and tried to quash the tears, but she just pointed and laughed at Eris. "Oh, you think you've got it hard because you lost four sub-par soldiers and had to kiss a girl to live? GROW UP!"
A flicker of the light had Eris dodging out of the way of the old horse, and she thanked her own Luck as the woman mounted it…
With difficulty. She was up on the horse, though, brandishing her half-broken spear and ignoring the wheezing of her horse. She raised her blade…
Only for the horse to collapse.
She looked down, unhappy, until she sighed and sat back down on the log. "Come over here."
When Eris didn't immediately reply, the old woman rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna scream again. I'll tell you why she's a threat, too."
Eventually, Eris did sit back down, and the old woman began to speak. "Tanya von Degurechaff…"
She smiled. "She is a leader of men. Though she certainly thought of herself as only being a cog in a machine, that was only true for as long as she wanted – and could trick herself into believing – that she was one."
She sighed wistfully. "Do you know why this Aniversary is so contentious?"
Eris sneered at the ground. "It's because of her."
The woman made a sound that made Eris think she almost agreed with her. "That's some of it. If she had believed Him when he claimed to be God, a lot of our current panic wouldn't be going on. But…"
She sighed. "Well, I won't go into the details, but many are… dissatisfied with His decisions, myself included."
Eris's eyes widened, but she waved away her concern – and growing hostility. "Oh, be quiet. I'm no traitor… and I couldn't really fight any other God or Goddess. I'm… washed up."
She shook her head as Eris made to reach out a comforting hand. "No, back to the topic. The Demon King – as well as Wolbach and Regina, if they could work with such a hardcore Atheist – would be given a massive boon to have her. Most of that foolhardy boy's Generals are leaders by nature of being powerful or useful or pleasing to the masses, and while they have slowly learned what the monsters that formerly held those positions knew…"
She shook her head. "Degurechaff could upset your world in an instant. Her power and her knowledge means that she picks the winner. There's only so much magic can do against tanks, after all, and while our Reincarnates might hold out hope, the inhabitants would fold to the rule of the Demon King like wet paper if she came in… if she let him keep his position as Demon King."
She smiled unhappily. "Look what happened to my world: an isekai protagonist unites most of the world easily using their future knowledge in the hopes that a human civilization united more quickly would remain more devout… but a slightly different bubonic plague at a more inopportune time leaves the only bastion of life limited to a single, relatively small island. My former friends have left me to safeguard the world and have snatched up my followers elsewhere."
"I am decrepit."
She shook her head, and they were silent, for a moment. Eris reached out another hand, and then, she spoke again.
"Tell me, child… what did He promise you, to allow your followers to rid Belzerg and its allies of Wolbach and Regina's followers?"
She snapped her mouth – she had been about to offer her her condolences, not that she would do that ever again. "I-"
She smiled patiently at Eris. "Come now. We've all done things like that, and it never works out well. Playing in the affairs of mortals rarely does, for them and for us."
Eris rose. She didn't have to listen to her – or think of the followers of those Dark Goddesses – if she didn't want to.
She'd got her answer, anyhow. No matter what she was – soldier, tactician, berserker, commander, leader of men, or… whatever – Degurechaff was a threat, able to choose a winner at the drop of a hat.
That meant that she had to start harming her as much as possible so she couldn't tarnish her world as this old crones clearly had been. Luck decreases for her, increases for her enemies…
Even against Demons or the Undead. Eris might hate those that had cast Heaven aside, but she hated Degurechaff more.
And, besides, hadn't she cast Heaven aside too?
She ignored the muck and cold and grime of the bog as much as she could. It was easy, really, with the echoing laughter of that crazy old Goddess wrapping around her until she could teleport away.
-OxOxO-
A/N 1: So. I promised to upload every day after the eleventh for a week because of how good my life was, and then I stopped in the middle…
I was going to keep up the schedule, but Isekai Quartet Season 2 came out and smacked me across the face, and I wasn't going to upload anything that wasn't related to at least one of those fandoms in celebration.
That's this, by the way. I belted it out in just under three and a half hours, and I think I did pretty good, representing her talk with a bunch of war deities doing their own things. How did you all like it?
This Omake is, by the way, based on suggestions by Mechamorph, though I decided to have her talk to a bunch of different deities with different opinions on her.
