Notes at the beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own To Aru Majutsu No Index or To Aru Kagaku No Railgun.

Text in italics between single quote marks are internal thoughts.

Rated Teen to be safe for mild language and Touma's misfortune with girls.

Story

It was shortly after 10:00 in the morning of January 2, when cleaning robot R2D7AXH3458173 came out of sleep mode and rolled toward the exit of the district 7 maintenance yard. It was followed by the other cleaning robots that were stored there when not in service. They were headed for a destination known to no one but their electronic brains.

Maid-in-training, Tsuchimikado Maika, was sitting on top of her cleaning robot at the male dorms for a Certain High School. While her step brother lived in this dorm, her reason for being here was to clean up the latest disaster from his next-door neighbor and classmate, Kamijou Touma. It was still early in the day, just slightly past ten o'clock. Hearing the familiar sound of the robot, her step-brother Motoharu came out to chat with her while the robot did its duty. Suddenly the cleaning robot headed to the elevator. "Where are you going? The cleaning is not yet finished." Maika exclaimed. The robot entered the elevator cab and then commanded the elevator to go to the ground floor. With a "ding" the elevator door opened and the cleaning robot took off at its maximum speed with Maika clinging to it and yelling at it. Motoharu looked down from the seventh floor and not wanting to wait for the elevator, saw the situation that Maika was in and started running down the steps two at a time in pursuit of his sister and that errant robot.

Touma and Index stood at the prearranged intersection to meet up with Misaka Mikoto and her roommate Shirai Kuroko. While waiting they discussed what happened earlier at the dorm.

"I feel really bad about leaving that mess for Maika-san to clean up. It was partially my fault and this bad luck of mine. If we had not promised to meet Misaka-san and her friends about now, I would have cleaned it up myself."

"Now Touma, Maika-san said it was a maid's duty to perform such tasks. You should not interfere with a person performing tasks that they believe are part of their calling. Besides why exactly are we meeting up with Short Hair and her friends? I expect food in compensation." Index replied back.

"Yes, my little nun of endless appetite, there will be food." Touma answered back with a small sigh as he checked the meager contents of his wallet.

"Hi guys!" the sound of a familiar voice reached his ears which caused him to smile as he looked up.

"Hello Zapper and good morning to you too Shirai-san" Touma greeted back in a cheery manner.

"Good morning to you also Kamijou-san and Index-san" Kuroko politely replied back after a nudge from Mikoto.

"Where's Uiharu-san and Saten-san?" Touma asked.

"Uiharu texted that they would meet us on the third floor overlooking the open area. She wanted to do a quick errand before we met up." Mikoto explained.

"If everyone is here, shall we head out?" Touma suggested while extending his hand in a ladies first gesture. After only a few minutes of walking to the mall they were presented with a strange sight, even by Academy City's standards. In the street was a cleaning robot travelling at a high speed with a young girl in a maid outfit clinging to it. A male of high school age wearing a Hawaiian style shirt was chasing after the robot desperately trying to catch up.

"That's Maika-san!" Mikoto and Kuroko exclaimed in unison. As if by instinct, Touma took off running trying to intercept the robot to help Maika. Kuroko quickly sized up the situation and formulated a plan of action.

"Stay here Sissy, I'll get her!"

"Watch out for his right…"

[POP]

"…hand" Mikoto tried to warn her.

Kuroko's teleportation positioned her a few centimeters above the ground and right behind Maika on the moving robot. Kuroko immediately wrapped her arms securely around the maid and

[p..] 'teleportation failed?'

Kuroko didn't even have a chance for a "what the hell". Maika was pulled off the cleaning robot by Kuroko since she had zero forward momentum after her teleport. They would have pitched forward and landed on their faces except for two counter forces introduced into the situation. Kuroko due to her Judgement training leaned back so as not to land on the person she was rescuing. She then realized that someone's hand was on her right shoulder also exerting a backward force.

For a brief moment Kuroko thought that they might actually land on their feet except that the rearward pull on her shoulder continued. Like dominoes falling Kuroko found herself on her back with Maika having landed safely on top of her due to her continued grip on the maid. Kuroko then realized that her back and head did not hit the ground but rather a body; a body that spoke.

"Such misfortune!"

The voice of the ape was close; too close. Kuroko then realized that the back of her head was resting on his chest and worst of all the lower portions of her body were lying on the ground in between his legs. With Maika still on top of her she could not get up to extricate herself from this weird human sandwich where she was playing the part of the meat.

Motoharu had caught up to them and reached down to help his little sister up from the mess of bodies on the ground. Index and Mikoto also had run over to offer assistance. Much to Kuroko's disappointment it was the nun that helped her to her feet. That just left Touma groaning on the ground with Mikoto looking down on him. Her worried look was quickly replaced by a smirk when she realized he only seemed to have minor injuries; if any. Definitely the best-case outcome whenever he becomes involved in these types of matters.

"Idiot! You had to grab her with your right hand." Was all she said. Mikoto having one of the best seats in the house for this little spectacle, knew what Kuroko was attempting to do since she had seen her roommate's performance during various Judgement actions. Of course, she was also very familiar with Touma's predilection of charging into situations to rescue others. If Touma had been just a half second slower, Kuroko would have safely teleported Maika off the robot. Instead, they ended up with a heap of bodies in a style normally used as comic relief in some of the manga she read.

Mikoto then extended her hand to help him up off the ground. In the meantime, Maika had explained to Kuroko what had happened and thanked her for rescuing her. Motoharu also thanked Kuroko profusely for saving his little sister and commented that Touma's bad luck had followed him into the new year.

The cleaning robot in question was nowhere to be found.

After determining that everyone was in relatively good shape; the group decided to continue their trek to the mall leaving the Tsuchimikado siblings with a friendly "Happy New Year and see you later". They met up with Uiharu and Saten as planned on the third floor. Mikoto told the two girls about their little misadventure on the way to the mall. Uiharu the normal sweet soul that she is, enquired about the injuries with obvious concern.

"Uiharu, don't worry too much about this idiot. Anything that doesn't send him to the hospital is by definition just a scratch." Mikoto remarked wanting to reassure her little friend.

Everyone got a chuckle out of that knowing the relative truth behind Mikoto's statement. They all had at one time or another visited Touma in his reserved room at Doctor Heaven Canceller's hospital.

"From my point of view, Kamijou-san's year is not off to bad start." Saten opined. Everyone looked at her wondering where she was going with that comment.

"Think about it; it's only the second day of the year and he has already had two girls fall for him." That remark received a mixture of groans and snickers.

"One of those girls was Shirai-san, whom from your story Misaka-san, had the most intimate contact with Kamijou-san." Saten said with her hands clasped behind her back and leaning forward toward Kuroko while looking directly into her eyes. She had purposely stressed the word intimate which caused her target to squirm as intended.

"Shirai-san, are you perhaps giving up on your quest for Misaka-san?" Saten asked with a fake innocence.

Kuroko felt a chill go down her spine at that suggestion and the misunderstanding that it may cause.

"Of course not," she sputtered. "I remain loyal to my Sissy!"

Mikoto rubbed the temples on her head feeling a headache coming on. 'Please Saten-san, don't get the little pervert started so early in the year.' Mikoto thought to herself.

Saten personally enjoying the results of her teasing decided on a final zinger to close things out. "Back to Kamijou-san, from my count the ratio of females to males in our little group is 4:1. Four pretty girls if I might say so myself. My remaining question is, who will be Kamijou-san's girl?" Saten looked directly at Mikoto when she asked the question. Mikoto's face turned bright red, while Touma looked down while rubbing the back of his neck muttering indistinct words. Kuroko and Index both simultaneously had similar thoughts of 'And it better not be ' Each girl filling in the blank with their own favorite reference of "My Sissy" or " Short hair" for Misaka Mikoto.

Saten turned and looked over the railing indicating that she was done with her teasing …for now. Looking down on the open area they watched a cleaning robot working. Mikoto was about to ask what their group was going to do next when a minor disturbance started on the ground floor below them. A group of at least fifty cleaning robots with two security robots leading the way entered the open area. Being an unusual sight people stopped to gawk, both on the ground and the upper levels. A few even took out their cell phones to start recording the odd sight.

The robots started to move about with the people on the ground just seeing random movement. People in the upper levels could see that the cleaning robots had arranged themselves into a pattern that looked like two balloons on strings. They then started to rotate back and forth at different rates which emitted sounds from the robots that people recognized as the happy birthday song. More people in the mall took out their cell phones to record the happenings.

"We are members of Judgement; shouldn't we do something?" Kuroko asked Uiharu.

Uiharu looked back at her with an amused look on her face and asked in return "And do what? Arrest a bunch of robots and on what charges?"

"Good point" was all Kuroko could answer in return.

When the song finished, they moved about until they formed into the shape of two party poppers set into a V pattern. The body of the poppers had a group of robots packed together. Once again, the robots started rotating back and forth to generate the happy birthday song. When they finished there was a loud pop and the robots that were "inside" the popper bodies moved out and looked like confetti that had been ejected. That prompted some of the people watching to applaud.

Again, the robots moved about until they formed into an isometric rendition of a round cake with two candles on top. The two security robots were at the tip of the candles. When the robots started to generate the happy birthday song again, the two security robots turned on their electric stun attachments. The electric arcs generated made it look like the candles were lit on the cake. Upon conclusion of the song the security robots activated their public address (PA) speakers and in Japanese could be heard announcing "Happy Birthday Isaac Asimov. Make a wish 3… 2… 1… On the count of one, the arcing on the stun attachments stopped as if the candles had been blown out. This started another and louder round of applause from the people watching.

The two security robots went to the front of the robot group and using their PA speakers again, except this time in English they said "Th-th-th-that's all folks!" The security robots then took the lead and with the cleaning robots forming into a single file line behind them, they all exited the mall from the same way that they had entered.

While the performance was going on, everyone's attention was on the robots in the open area. If someone had looked up, they would have noticed a lone drone hovering high up near the ceiling of the mall directly over the robots during their routine. Now that it was finished, the lone drone followed the robots still skirting the ceiling. At the last moment it swooped down and out of the opened doors leaving the mall at high speed to a destination unknown. From start to finish, only about three minutes had elapsed. Five minutes later the first anti-skill van showed up. Of course, as they say in the business, "There is nothing to see here."

Kuroko and Uiharu put on their Judgement arm bands and went out to fill in the anti-skill officers of what had just transpired. Since all of the robots were gone and there had been no injuries or damage, anti-skill radioed in a quick report, packed up and left. With their Judgement responsibility completed, Kuroko and Uiharu returned to their friends.

Mikoto, Touma, Index and Saten remained where they were at while their other two friends completed their Judgement duties. Most of the people around them were smiling and excitedly talking about what they had just seen.

"That was quite a show" Touma spoke in an admiring way.

"Yes, that was a really good job of hacking. Whoever did that must be a genius programmer and a hacker extraordinaire." Mikoto added in.

"Hacking? I was convinced that we had a new urban legend along the lines of "The day the robots revolted."" Saten said in disappointed manner.

"Touma, I'm hungry! You promised there would be food!" was Index's contribution to the conversation.

Kuroko and Uiharu returned to their group at that time. After a quick conversation and the wish to prevent further injury and trauma to Kamijou-san, it was decided that the food court would be their first stop.

Maika was standing on the sidewalk still talking to her brother when a cleaning robot approached and stopped in front of her. She looked at the robot, crossed her arms and with a "Humph!" turned away to show the robot her back. The robot then gently bumped into the back of her legs before slightly rotating back and forth rubbing against her like a lost kitten. She looked down at the robot and spoke to it. "OK then, I'll forgive you for scaring me like that." She climbed on top of the robot; sitting on it in her usual manner. Extending her arm out she told it "We still have to finish cleaning that area." The cleaning robot and the maid-in-training then proceeded down the street heading back to the dorms of a certain High School.

***Later that evening****

"From the windmills to the schools, to all of Academy City, a good evening. Today's top story at six. In what authorities are calling a highly sophisticated and elaborate prank by a hacker, fifty of the city's cleaning robots and a couple of out-of-service security robots converged in the open area of the Seventh Mist mall. They proceeded to arrange themselves into various patterns while playing the Happy Birthday song. Per an announcement it was to honor the birthday of Isaac Asimov; an American Science Fiction writer from the twentieth century. The following video was sent to this station by an anonymous source showing the robots' routine.

[Video that was taken looking down on the robots is then shown]

Academy City security authorities would like to reassure people that the security robots involved did not have any live munitions or security programs installed during this occurrence. There was never a danger to the public. And in other Academy City news…"

END OF STORY

Notes at the end

This story is cross posted from AO3. Thank you for reading. Please review if you get the chance.

Now for some background notes and explanations.

Isaac Asimov an American science fiction author is credited with devising the Three Laws of Robotics. These were used in a series of short stories and collected into a volume titled "I, Robot" The title of this fanfic is a nod to him and his works.