A/N 1: Not Canon – the presence of different characters and them not being angry or hateful towards each other makes that obvious. I wish it were, though.

Listen to 'A Modern Major-General' while reading for the best experience possible.

-OxOxO-OxOxO-

Tanya was lounging around in Wiz's shop. There hadn't been very much going on since she'd had to fight Evan, and Aqua was, as usual, attempting to harass Wiz. Whenever she threatened to break some merchandise, Tanya intervened, but she let things play out otherwise. It wasn't like Kazuma couldn't reign her in if she took things too far.

For now, the 'goddess' was sulking after Kazuma had whacked her over the head again. Tanya kept an eye on Aqua, but she wasn't all that interested in doing Kazuma's job for him.

In another corner of the room, Megumin, Yunyun, and Wiz were all looking at various magical artifacts.

Tanya put down the watch she'd been messing with and looked to them, vaguely interested in what they were doing. The watches were really hard to make cheap at this point, though she was getting closer.

"What's this item, Wiz?" asked Megumin, who was pointing to an oddly shaped potion bottle.

Aqua spotted it and immediately moved to purify it. Tanya jumped up and pushed the annoying woman away from it while listening to Wiz's explanation.

"Ah, it's a potion that increases the effective radius of any spells that affect the mind. There aren't many spells like that, and since only powerful Archmages, Adventurers, and very specific advanced jobs can learn any, it has been here forever. It doesn't even need to be ingested."

The Crimson Demon nodded thoughtfully. Megumin wondered if her father had made this. It certainly seemed like something he would produce.

Yunyun tapped Wiz on the shoulder. "What's this spell scroll? Even I haven't ever heard of this one…"

Tanya blinked, and then turned away from Aqua, who Kazuma was berating for touching anything. Yunyun was holding up a scroll that she couldn't see the writing on. She walked closer as Wiz took it up.

She blew on it, and a smokescreen of dust flew from it. The three of them began to cough.

CRASH!

Tanya winced as Yunyun cried out. Megumin had probably broken that potion, then, and either Tanya or Kazuma would be forced to pay for it.

She sighed. Well, at least she didn't have any spells that worked with the potion. Wiz had just said something to that effect.

As they continued to recover and the cloud of dust receded from the air, Tanya snatched the piece of paper out of Yunyun's hands. She squinted and tried to read the top of it, but…

"Hey, what language is this in?" The other three, who had recovered, were glancing at her curiously. Yunyun took it back from her, muttering under her breath.

She again turned to Tanya, looking confused. "I don't know. I certainly can't read it. Still, I should be able to activate it, if I put a bit of mana in it…"

Wiz, who had stopped coughing – and why was she coughing if Liches couldn't be affected by physical attacks? Was there another category besides magical and physical? – was trying to shake her head, and Tanya realized that ignoring the way her Luck had been dropping even farther recently was not a good thing.

The piece of paper lit up, as did Yunyun's chest and arms, where the potion had seeped into her skin. With a great flash of light, Tanya threw up an Active Barrier around herself in the hopes that she wouldn't be killed by whatever this was.

Then, the light around her bubble disappeared. Tanya dropped it and looked towards the epicenter of the blast. Megumin, Yunyun, and Wiz all seemed to be staring at her oddly.

She turned around to see that Kazuma and Aqua had also stopped their bickering to stare at her creepily, and Tanya moved a hand to the rifle hanging off of her body. She really hoped she wouldn't have to kill them.

Wiz began to shake violently. She grabbed onto a nearby table with Tanya's merchandise on it, trying to speak. "T- Tanya… that spell was the Conductor's Command. We'll be forced to sing and dance for hours on end…"

Tanya, after digesting the words, peered at Wiz in confusion. "What's the use of such a spell?"

She was still shaking, but she managed to speak. "It… it was used to make the enemies of the caster tire themselves out. We'll continue to dance and sing for several hours, even if our feet are bleeding or if we need to use the bathroom. It doesn't usually affect the caster, though, so I wonder…"

Megumin was able to speak now. "My father's potion…"

Tanya glanced towards her curiously, but Yunyun's dejected sigh meant that Megumin's father must have been known for these kinds of potions.

Tanya cast one last glance around the room, and then shrugged. "Well, I'll just leave and lock the door and-"

Wiz shook her head unhappily. "With that potion… the whole town has likely been affected."

"Oh," was all that Tanya could say before the door was opened with a crash.

She spun around to see that Lorelei and Darkness were hand in hand – something that was very odd, considering their animosity – and grinning widely. Both had the look they got when they were really enjoying themselves – dressing people and getting hurt badly, respectively – and Tanya tried to back away.

Wiz, apparently unable to resist the spell any longer, spun towards a small record player in the corner of the room – one of Tanya's newer inventions that needed much less magic than the equivalents the reincarnates here had been able to come up with – and spun a disk over. A jaunty tune began to exit from the large horn-thing Tanya didn't know the proper name of.

It continued for a bit, before they stepped forward and began to sing.

"She is the very image of an irate individual, she's got tactics, power, and prowess, both mental and magical," they began, and Tanya groaned as she left the shop, pushing past Darkness and Lorelei, who were too busy focusing on singing to stop her. She didn't have to put up with this.

She was proven wrong, and her escape didn't avail her. Dust and his team, looking more coherent and friendly with each other than Tanya had ever seen them, appeared and joined in. "She knows the Empire's king, and she quotes her fights historical, From Dacia to Tiegenhoff, in order chronological."

Before Tanya could choke on the air she was breathing – how did they know that? Who had told them, and who could have? – the others from inside the shop began to trail her, phonograph in hand.

They continued, and Viktoriya was in the lead. "She's very well acquainted too, with matters homosexual, She denies all emotions, both the foreign and those personal."

Tanya felt her jaw nearly fall out of her head at that declaration, and she turned and ran down the road. She could hear Aqua casting her own brand of Tanya's Reinforcement spells to ensure they could keep up.

She continued to run, but everywhere she went, the townspeople were beginning to sing the song. Darkness was leading now. "About monetary theories she's teeming with a lot o' news, with many dismal facts about our Belzerg's human rights abuse."

Everyone began to chant the last line, while Tanya was just confused. She hadn't found all that much, right? They… mistreated the beastmen because of the Eris Cult's Luck fetish, but…

It wasn't that bad, right?

Her confusion cost her, and she was soon surrounded. Aqua was leading now. "She's very good at integral and differential calculus."

Then it was Viktoriya again, who was now staring at her… oddly. She even batted her eyelashes at her. "She knows not the actual name of Being X, how scandalous."

Tanya was stunned by Viktoriya's… forwardness, with how she drew out scandalous, but she regained her senses and surveyed her surroundings as Wiz took the lead. "In short, in matters of her power, both mental and magical, she is the very model of a modern Major-"

"General!" she shouted. Everyone paused to look at her, and she shrugged uncomfortably. "I was technically promoted to Major-General. Either use the full name, or call me a General. Just don't call me Major! I haven't been a Major in ages, and-"

Everyone grinned at her, and Tanya realized that her finger was burning. She gulped.

This spell must have caught her a bit, then. She was fighting it, subconsciously and consciously, but it had pushed her to interrupt them.

She shook her head and took off into the sky. She needed to get to a defensible position so she could figure out how to cure the town, or how to get them to lose their memories. She was not letting anyone in or out that had been given knowledge of her by the spell.

The music didn't stop, and she turned around to see that Viktoriya was carrying both Megumin and Wiz. She glared at her, and they continued.

Megumin was leading, screaming over the sound of the howling wind. "She doesn't know our history, King Belzerg or us Demons red; No one knows her full spotty past, the hearsay of her crimes has spread."

As usual, Tanya tuned out the insults Megumin threw at her. It was an easily achievable thing, these days.

Viktoriya began to talk again. "She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of not-God Being X, In love she will not recognize she wants to screw her adjutant."

Tanya choked on the air again and began to descend. Wiz began to sing. "She can tell undoubted Visha from the undead and X, that beast, she hears the thundering theme from the Empire's frontline in the east!"

Tanya reached the ground, just outside of her mansion, but the others were already there, waiting. Chris – wait, she was still here? Tanya needed to kill her – stepped forward and began to sing as well.

"Then she can run foes through with a weapon we've never seen before, and plan and organize her newfound troops into a brand new corps!"

Again, everyone around her began to chant the last line, while Tanya was confused. Newfound troops? She hadn't met anyone that met that description.

Her head was beginning to hurt. How could a single potion or spell grant this much power?!

From behind her, the gates of her mansion burst open, and Alderp stepped forward, arms held in place by his side by two guards. "Then she can write a revolutionary bill in Belzerg's tongue and tell you every detail of Kaiser William's uniform."

She began to pour magic into a spell, but Yunyun held out a piece of paper Tanya didn't recognize. Her spells failed her, and she realized it must have been that Magic Canceler she'd used on Hoost.

The Crimson Demon spoke. "In short, in matters of her power, both mental and magical, she is the very model of a modern Major-"

"General!"

She clapped her hands over her face, and everyone was grinning evilly at her again. She broke through the lines around her and activated a Reinforcement spell before Yunyun could do anything.

She sped through Axel, soon arriving at the Adventurers Guild. If she could get behind the receptionists desks and activate whatever defenses they had, she could wait it out.

But it was too late. Everyone was already there, and she recognized the fading light of Wiz's Teleport spell. Lorelei wasn't there – it seemed that even in this state, they wouldn't do some things.

Kazuma stepped forward, clearing his throat. "In fact, when she knows what is meant by 'loliNEET' and 'shamefulness…'"

Tanya was sent into the guild, and she spun around to see that Lorelei had pushed her in. The beastman sang. "When she can tell at sight a nice suit from a cute hated dress,"

Aqua stepped forward, casting an alarming amount of buffs on everyone there – including the adventurers and receptionists – and began to sing. "When such affairs as sorties and surprises she's not wary at, And when she knows precisely what is meant by 'commissariat…'"

Viktoriya. "When she soon learns of what progress has been made in metallurgy…"

Chris. "When she knows more magic that the Priests in Eris's nunnery-"

Darkness. "In short, when she has a smattering of Medieval strategy-"

Kazuma began to speak. "You'll say a better Major-"

Tanya interrupted him. "General!" she shouted, and Aqua finished the line.

"... has never sat a gee!"

Tanya briefly wondered what the fuck that was supposed to mean, and she realized it didn't matter.

She just had to sing now.

She smiled happily. "For my military knowledge, though I'm not fervent or plucky, Has been expanded beyond the beginning of the century; And still, in matters of my power, both mental and magical…"

Everyone was staring at her, giving her wonderful, happy smiles of encouragement. Viktoriya's face made it very apparent that she wanted to use their bodies to make the sweet song of love up in the rooms the guild had.

She shook her head angrily, glancing down at the ring on her finger.

She exploded.

"I am the very image of an irate individual!"

-OxOxO-

Tanya spent the next hour singing songs with everyone – from the Empire, from here, and from any anime that Kazuma could name – before she regained her mind.

She sighed as everyone continued to sing and dance. She'd only barely escaped behind the bar, and Viktoriya looked very much like she wanted to do nothing but fuck for a nice, long while.

Tanya shivered. She wasn't sure if it was due to fear, arousal, anticipation, dissatisfaction due to the actions she was now performing, or an odd mix of all four.

It pained Tanya to do this. She would probably end up regretting it, but…

She cleared her throat and activated the town's announcement system. "Everyone, drinking is now mandatory. Every man, woman, and child capable of walking will report to the nearest place that sells alcohol and drink until they black out. I and the guild will be paying for it."

She was fairly sure that this spell would take away everyone's memories – Wiz had lamented the fact in a wonderful solo set to some rock song – but she wasn't taking any chances.

She sighed tiredly. It was time for her to burn through the town's cash, hope that no one remembered today, and agree to enforce the community service for Luna to pay back all the money she would be using to pay for so much alcohol.

She wasn't even writing anything down. It just… wasn't worth it, and she'd think anything she wrote without corroboration from Visha, who would hopefully not remember anything, was the work of Being X.

Tanya looked into the section of the receptionist area marked 'Luna's special stash,' and she grinned to herself. Luna was constantly overworked, which meant this stuff would be good, even if she didn't remember it.

-OxOxO-

A/N 2: This Omake is, of course, at least a third of the reasons I decided to have Tanya be promoted to Major-General. I hope you all enjoyed it just as much as I did.

-OxOxO-

The Song:

She is the very image of an irate individual,

She's got tactics, power, and prowess, both mental and magical,

She knows the Empire's king, and she quotes her fights historical

From Dacia to Tiegenhoff, in order chronological.

She's very well acquainted, too, with matters homosexual,

She deny all emotions, both the foreign and those personal,

About monetary theories she's teeming with a lot o' news,

With many dismal facts about our Belzerg's human rights abuse.

She's very good at integral and differential calculus;

She knows not the actual name of Being X, how scandalous:

In short, in matters of her power, both mental and magical,

She is the very model of a modern Major - General!

She doesn't know our history, King Belzerg or us Demons red;

No one knows her full spotty past, the hearsay of her crimes has spread,

She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of not-god Being X,

In love she will not recognize she wants to screw her adjutant.

She can tell undoubted Visha from the undead and X, that beast,

She hears the thundering theme from the Empire's frontline in the east!

Then she can run foes through with a weapon we've never seen before,

And plan and organize her newfound troops into a brand new corps.

Then she can write a revolutionary bill in Belzerg's tongue

And tell you every detail of Kaiser William's uniform:

In short, in matters of her power, both mental and magical,

She is the very model of a modern Major – General!

In fact, when she knows what is meant by 'loliNEET' and 'shamefulness',

When she can tell at sight a nice suit from a cute hated dress,

When such affairs as sorties and surprises she's not wary at,

And when she knows precisely what is meant by "commissariat",

When she soon learns of what progress has been made in metallurgy,

When she knows more magic than the Priests in Eris's nunnery –

In short, when she has a smattering of Medieval strategy –

You'll say a better Major – General! – has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm not fervent or plucky,

Has been expanded beyond the beginning of the century;

And still, in matters of my power, both mental and magical,

I am the very image of an irate individual!