A/N: Hey guys, Chad Commander here, so this was my entry for the winter contest fic. This fic was made as a test for future projects regarding drama and angst. I also feel it wasn't the best bit; nevertheless, I uploaded it because it's my first entry, and I still am proud of it. While it may not have won, I never wanted the win; it's still a start and a reminder for my following entries. So here it is; I hope you enjoy it.


Old Habits Must Die Hard

The buildings radiated a feeling of misery. Halls of offices once filled with salarymen, tunnels of the once populated subway stations, and busy roads of Masumoto city were now silent. The only sounds which could be heard emanated from Shinji's vehicle. The second capital of Japan was a wasteland. Decayed buildings, cars were thrown about, and belongings of its inhabitants. The remains of Christmas and New Year's decorations were strewn about the city. The Third Impact had only happened a year ago, a year of suffering for him. Shinji rejected Instrumentality, though the world had abandoned him. For over a year, nobody other than her came back.

The boy exited his car and entered Matsumoto's Castle. It had miraculously survived the devastation that had befallen the rest of the city. Both called it their home.

Shinji carried a duffle bag over his shoulders as he walked through the once grassy flat fields of the castle ground, now red-colored flats. At the door of the Castle, a slim figure awaited him. As he got closer, his heart began to pound. He wanted her, but he knew he didn't deserve her, nor would she allow him. She had made him suffer after emerging from the primordial soup. She had scolded, insulted, and even beaten the boy, for he did nothing while she was torn to shreds by the Mass-Produced Eva's, had jerked off to her while she was vulnerable, and worst of all tried to kill her after returning from Instrumentality. Those memories were kept away; if they wanted to survive, there was no need for anything else, no more fighting or dialogue. He knew this was a lie, and it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down.

"Hello, baka Shinji."


Shinji placed the bag onto the table; inside it were medical items, some food, and seeds he had found at a local supermarket and garden. They had to scrounge what they could. They took turns on who went out to get supplies. Teamwork was the only way to survive, whether they liked it or not, but by now, both had grown accustomed to the practice, and little complained was ever heard. Asuka verified the stuff he brought.

When he looked at her in the past, he would cringe. It would be an enabler for him. Now he watched her thoroughly as she carefully verified the items he had brought. Asuka had long ago removed her plug suit instead of wearing ragged clothes they found around the city. When he looked at her now, he would feel compassion and anger within him, but above all of those, there was one he always remembered: warmth.

"Well, Shinji, you've proven yourself useful once again. Hopefully, this lasts us a bit longer," the redhead spoke while picking up a bag of seeds, "good job. What about fuel?"

"The car is almost empty, though the gas station isn't that far. I would be grateful if you could fuel it tomorrow." Shinji answered as he sat down on the old chair next to him, never breaking eye contact with Asuka's eye. The redhead's fist closed as he looked at her across the table, anger rising from inside her. The audacity to look at me in the eyes without flinching or feeling sorry. Do you think you've changed? Well, you haven't. Third, you- God, what am I saying? I already talked about this with myself. Asuka's thoughts were interrupted by the most unusual thing: rain.

"Huh, would you look at that," Shinji reckoned with a smile on his face, "I never thought I would see rain again."

It had been a month since it rained, and both took the opportunity to fill up on water and bathe. Shinji ran through the Castle into his room and opened his door, leading to outside. He took off his clothes and looked up at the sky. The droplets of water hit his face. Shinji cleaned his body of the filth he had accumulated, though never removing the grime he hated the most: his memories. He washed his arms and legs as he kept looking at his hand, being reminded of the things he had done with it. He gritted his teeth and closed his hand into a fist. I won't abandon her again; the past is in the past.

Asuka stroked her wet hair as the rain kept falling onto her body. As she finished, she placed on a towel to prohibit the boy from seeing her naked, though he had already seen her body. Not only when he had jerked off to her unconscious body but in a time of need. Asuka wrapped her own arms around herself. It took her back to a moment when she felt whole. She remembered that day when the rain wouldn't stop, and home was nowhere close. Both were soaking wet, and the cold began. The Third Impact had devastated the world, screwing up its climates. Cold winds started to come in. The decision she took would save them from the horrors of hypothermia but would leave her with a frozen reminder of something she regretted doing but wanted. No, she lusted for it.

"I need your warmth."

Asuka stared at the boy from a distance. The words she whispered circled her mind. She slept with him, though not in the way she envisioned. She slept out of survival; she allowed herself to be enveloped by him. She fell sound asleep that night. Any perverted thoughts about the nature of the situation never surfaced. She was in the place she wanted. Have I found peace with myself? Have I been too harsh? He is a monster though I can't stop but think of the warmth he gave. His breathing, his…heat.

Asuka's heart began to pound faster as she tried to suppress these feelings from her mind. She walked over towards where he was; stared at him while bathed. She saw his body, a reminder of the warmth and pain she felt. During the first week after the Third Impact, he had abandoned her while she slept. She became enraged when he came back, beating him for his actions. She had suffered through him, before and after the Third Impact. Yet, he was kind to her. After that, he didn't abandon her again. She didn't know what to do, and it didn't help that his entire body reminded her of the time she sought him and hated him.


Shinji looked at Asuka, her eyes fixated on him. He put on his towel as he walked towards her, passing by her as if she wasn't there. As Shinji entered his room, he went to his closet to change clothes, after which he lay on his bed. As Shinji was drifting away, his door opened.

Shinji jumped as he saw the redhead in her underwear with an oversized shirt opening the door. She was tired, and she was shivering.

"Shinji, can I sleep with you?" the redhead asked, "I won't take no for an answer."

"What about your room? Why can't you sleep there or in the main room." Shinji asked, perplexed as to why she wanted to sleep with him. A month ago, she slept with him, and now she asked for it again.

"Don't ask me why idiot, you know why I came. It's freezing, and I don't want to freeze to death. So, I need your warmth."

Those words, I remember them. It feels like yesterday, that day, we…felt…calm. At peace, as if nothing wrong could happen. Perhaps we could experience it again.

"Uhm, ok, Asuka. Come in." As Asuka entered the room, the boy got pushed, and she fell onto his bed. Asuka plopped right next to him and began to cuddle him. He didn't know what to make of it: a masochist dream, a nightmare, or a moment of peace between them. They had not fought about the past for so long that they had started to get along. He looked at her as she slept and smiled. Sometimes I wish this would never end.


Shinji woke up from his slumber to find his side of the makeshift bed empty. The Castle wasn't made for residency, so changes needed to be made for survival, this included some uncomfortable beds. Shinji got up and went outside. The hellish landscape is illuminated by the Sun. As he took in a breath of fresh air, he went back inside and noticed that today was the 24th of December. Oh, it's Christmas eve? Maybe I can cook something nice and have a normal day for once. Shinji entered their makeshift kitchen and looked at a book he found about cooking. He smiled as he read a recipe that he knew would make their night.


Asuka drove around the streets of Tokyo-2. Before she headed towards the gas station, she had tried to find anything useful, but all she could find were some old clothes. She stopped at the nearby gas station Shinji had told her. Once she finished filling her tank, she decided to explore inside. Most of the stuff was probably expired, but sometimes it didn't matter. She quickly found something that made her smile. "Nesquik, and it's not expired yet. Huh, maybe Shinji can make some hot chocolate tonight."Her smile quickly evaporated when she heard herself, talking as if things were normal, as if she hadn't been abandoned by the man she slept with last night, that she had wanted to sleep with him again for so long and pretending she was tired to avoid talking about anything between them or the nature of such encounter. This made her face swell in embarrassment an anger. I seek from the one who has taken from me, ironic. Then again, I've never known why he ever left. She began to walk away from the store with doubt, she had hidden these questions for so long that their ugly face began to show itself in the worst of times.

As Asuka arrived, she could smell a remarkably familiar dish from within the Castle. Once she came in, she found the culprit of such delicacy. German Potatoes!

Shinji came out of his room to see the German observing the meal. She was looking at it as if she were a child. It made him feel like nothing had happened that all was good. Sadly, such illusions needed to come to an end. "How did everything go, Asuka?"

Her usual personality set in again once she heard the question. "Well, idiot, I filled the tank up and did some quick stops but didn't find much, but, in the process, I found this," she remarked as she placed the chocolate powder onto the table, "probably will go great with those potatoes."

Shinji smiled at the German's request. "Without a doubt."


Shinji and Asuka sat on opposite ends of the small wooden table, eating dinner. A German dish on Christmas made Asuka feel at home again. The chocolate was good for what it was, especially on this night. Asuka looked at Shinji and began to rethink about her thoughts at the gas station. She had pushed him and berated him but why was he still here, why hadn't he left once again, and she began to wonder if he even felt sorry. Her mind raced as she considered her words; however, she wanted the truth even if it meant ruining such a beautiful and cold night.

"Shinji, I am going to ask you something. Be honest."

Shinji looked at her thoughtfully.

"Why are you still here?"

Shinji's eyes widened, and he placed down his chocolate. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you put up with me, or better yet, why do I put up with you?" Asuka said as she looked down at the table. "Why do you make me suffer? Why are you a constant reminder of my failures?"

"What are y- "

"Don't play dumb, Ikari! You know what I mean. It's been almost a year since the Third Impact, and you sit there as if nothing has happened. How come I am still here? It feels like I am prisoner in this place." She told herself to appreciate and hate him, to reprimand and sleep with him, and told herself that he was a monster despite his care.

"So, you're my hostage? That's what you mean by that? In all fairness you are your own warden Asuka," Shinji responded with a straight face; he didn't smile or cry. He just looked at her, deep into her eyes.

"What!?" she could barely produce a response because of her shock.

"I know what that means, and I know what you feel."

"What did you say!?" she responded. Her hand began to form a fist, and her anger rose from the response.

"You know what I said." He said with a stern face as he placed his hands in the position his father had used.

A loud bang came from the table as Asuka slammed her fist. The chocolate fell to the floor from the movement, causing the cup to shatter. "So, you truly hate me, don't you?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Shut up!" Asuka exclaimed as she rose from her chair and walked over to him, "I know that you hate me, but I want you to know that I hate you even more. The idea of having to breathe, eat and sleep next to the person who defiled me, who left me to die and who abandoned me once again, makes me sick."

Shinji could feel her breath, but that wouldn't stop him. He was done running away. "Then why did you come to my room yesterday?"

Asuka backed away, and her eyes widened. Her fist began to subside, but her anger didn't not. "You know-" before she could finish, he attacked again.

"Why didn't you leave after I abandoned you? Why did you stay? Why did you push me away when I wanted to help?" Asuka was stunned by his questions, it made her defenses fall, but he wasn't done. "I know that I am a monster, that I don't deserve pity nor mercy. When I defiled you, I was at my lowest. I needed validation and only found more pain. I failed to save you because I couldn't look at you because of my actions. When I choked you, I didn't know what to believe until you touched me and when I abandoned you…when I did that…I" Shinji pondered and looked at the ground, failing to see Asuka, who was no longer angry but looking at him as if she was seeing someone else. She wanted to say something, but he continued without missing a beat.

"When I left, I couldn't bear to look at you. I thought you would be better off being alone, but once I left…I thought for hours about you. You pushed me away when you needed me. I pushed you away when I needed you. Then I realized why I was here, to come face to face with my sins. I had run away so much that it finally caught up with me. I needed you, and I abandoned you. I decided to go back and face it."

Shinji raised his head to look at a confused Asuka. Her face was filled with regret. "I-I-I…Shinji…" She tried to find words to finally save what little she could, but nothing came.

"There is your answer. I came back because I would make things right."

Both pilots looked at each other for a while. She had not said a word after his outburst. The warmth she looked for betrayed her feelings, leading to her lies being exposed, leaving her defenseless towards Shinji. She felt defiled, being put in her place by the boy who'd been nothing but a wimp and burden. She wanted to leave, to prove him wrong. She hated his guts, and she would not endure any more of it.

Asuka got up from the table. She avoided the eyes of Shinji as she went into her room, and never coming out. Shinji looked at her room's door with a concerned face. Shinji was now alone at the table. He stared at the door for five minutes before standing up. "You can't run from it, believe me I've tried," he muttered as he picked up the broken piece of the cup from the floor.


The wind blew hard during the morning. Shinji woke up due to a banging door, which had been blown open. As he went to close it, he saw the outside; a side of Rei's face could be seen on the horizon, the flesh floor covered in parts of snow and no sunlight. He went back inside and opened her room, finding it empty. She had left and didn't leave any notice or small message, she simply vanished. Shinji shook his head. She will come back; I know she will. He closed the door and went to do his everyday chores.

Apart from the wind, the Castle was quiet. Asuka's departure made it dead silent. Shinji made some food, not realizing he made for Asuka too. He placed it on the other side of the table. Once he sat down on his own, he began to eat some cooked fish. He looked at the clock on the wall. It read 3:45 P.M.

"She should have returned by now. Maybe she is- No, I know her, she can fend off by herself," Shinji sighed as he got up to clean his plates, "I hope I did the right thing."

An explosion came from outside. Shinji rushed out and saw a flash of red coming from the other side of the canal. Shinji's eyes widened as he ran back towards the supply shack outside. His worst fears had been realized as he got supplies and a red jacket and orange gloves: the emergency flare was gone.


The coldness of December was picking up; Asuka lay in front of a building, trying to warm herself. She only brought a green jacket, some long jeans, and barely any supplies. She wasn't going to stay out for long, it was only for a while so she could clear her mind and make him regret his words, but the weather disagreed with her.

"Hu-r-r-ry, Shin-n-n-ji," she said, shivering as she fired a second flare into the sky, "I-I-I-I ne-e-ed you-u-u baka."


Shinji saw the second flare being fired into the air as he raced through the city. His heart was pounding, his skin was hot; he expected the worse. Another red flare flew into the sky, and then they stopped. Shinji mind raced when he didn't see a fourth flare, he stepped on the gas and finally reached his destination, and his heart sunk.

"Asuka!" he screamed as he raced towards her. She was unconscious and shivering. He quickly searched for a shelter and decided to head into an underground subway station. Once he placed her on the floor, he began to notice she wasn't breathing all that much.

"Asuka? Asuka? Speak to me…stay awake!" he said as his voice began to quiver with the possibility that she was gone, but he wouldn't give her up nor run away. He began to do CPR, hoping to resuscitate his companion.

He placed his hands on her chest and began pushing down to begin the procedure. "One, two, three, four…" he said with every push. He then set his mouth over hers to begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "Come on…one, two, three, four…." Once again, he placed his mouth over hers, still not breathing. Shinji's eyes began to tear up as he kept doing CPR.

"Asuka please, wake up!" Shinji said as he did one final compression. He placed his fingers under her nose to see if she was breathing. His heart finally ceased pounding rapidly when he felt a slight breeze of air coming from her nose.

After some minutes she began to wake up, the first thing she saw was a fire and her savior. "Hey Asuka, stay where you are. You scared me; it looks like you got hypothermia. Here drink this," he said as he gave her some water he had heated, "careful it's hot and drink it slowly."

The girl drank it without saying a word, and after that, fell back and began to sleep. Shinji saw the girl he had made suffer so much, sleeping soundly next to him. He stroked her hair softly, not wanting to wake her up. He began to see how she shivered a bit and decided to do something he had wanted to do since that fateful day.


Asuka felt comfort in her sleep. For the first time in a long time, she was sleeping without fear from her past. She slowly began to feel something next to her, something she had come to love but hate; Asuka started to feel the object she missed the most but desperately tried to push away. Asuka woke up and saw next to her was Shinji, who was inside the sleeping bag he had brought. She looked at him and saw he didn't bother to sleep with his back towards her; she looked at him and how he slept so peacefully. She began to question herself and turned to look at the roof of the subway, which was still intact after everything that had occurred last year.

"Uhm…sorry if I woke you up," Shinji said, half asleep as he lazily looked at Asuka, who was still looking at the roof, "what's on your mind?"

"You saved me."

"What?"

"Baka, you saved me. You went through all of that just to save me; why?" Asuka said as she looked at Shinji, who was now awake and had his arms crossed behind his head.

Shinji began to look at her, tears began to form. "I didn't save you; I only ran away. I let you get away, and it almost cost me everything. I was lucky that you brought the flare, but I did it again…" he began to tear up as he looked at the roof. "I abandoned you; I falsely thought you would come back."

Asuka looked at Shinji with a newfound emotion: sympathy. "It's not your fault; it's my own," she said, which left Shinji dumbfounded, "I decided to run away because I began to hate you again, a hate I had tried to leave a while back."

Shinji looked at her as she looked at her hands, trying to avoid his eyes. "You have done things I will never forgive, that's without a doubt; however, this environment has let me drop some of it because survival was necessary, but it was that day we slept…together that made me rethink why I wanted to hate you…."

Asuka looked at Shinji. He saw some tears forming but never falling from her eyes. "I needed to hate you to remind myself that you were nothing more than a pain in my existence, the man who killed me, who raped me, who abandoned me, and for a time it worked, but then I began to see that it was all for nothing."

"Because you needed me?" he said without hesitation.

She looked at him and didn't say anything. Neither knew how to continue after such answer, so Shinji decided to swerve his response. "Uhm…well, we should get back home; the storm has cleared. I'm going to pack everything up, get some rest, and I'll let you know."

As Shinji began to walk away, his companion began to hold the side he had slept in and began to bite her lip, something she had within that she wanted to say but was afraid of. She, too, was tired of running away.

"I do need you!" she exclaimed, which echoed the tunnels; Shinji turned and looked at her as she finally released her tears. Shinji began to slowly walk towards her.

"I need you more than you think, forgive me, Shinji." With that last sentence, Shinji enveloped Asuka in an embrace as the two exchanged tears and tightly embraced each other. The Sun had melted the cold snow and what little life was left began to show.