Uh, hey everyone. :D

This isn't the next chapter of SR - that one's still on track to be out by December 25th. But this is a Christmas present for my excellent friend Laura (or Lorealie) - a bonus chapter about everything between trials 2 and 3 from Souda's perspective! It'll also help me understand his character a little more.

TWs: Trauma, unreality.

So I hope this tides you over for now, and I'll see you again in ten days.


Item Get: Shocking Criminal Tales

A cheap newsprint magazine, covering conspiracy theories, gruesome crimes, political intrigue, and alien sightings. This issue contains a special feature on serial killers, including "Kirakira-chan" and "Genocider Syo." Despite the name, the magazine is published in Spanish.


"This ties me directly to the crime, and I don't mean to make a scene about it like Hanamura-san. So I confess. I killed Pekoyama-san. My methods were exactly as you said."

Souda hadn't realized until that moment just how important she'd become to him.

He knew he'd liked her. From the minute he'd laid eyes on her he'd known something amazing had come into his life — and changed it for the better, no doubt about it. Even if he'd known they existed outside the movies, he never would have thought he'd ever meet a real live princess. And not just a princess, but a perfect princess, with perfect skin and perfect blonde hair and a perfect ratio of hips to waist to chest…

"Sonia-san…"

Really, he'd never doubted any part of her was anything but perfect. And perfect didn't just mean kind, and perfect didn't just mean beautiful. Perfect was the way she attracted your eye. Perfect was the way she stood out in a crowd. Perfect was the transcendent nature of her being, something that couldn't be touched by all the dirt and grime and technical imperfection of every other human being he'd ever encountered.

Perfect was the concept of maybe leaving the island, and taking her back home, and living in some kind of a future where he never had to lose her…

"You don't…you don't have to defend Tanaka like that…"

Perfect was everything he'd ever hoped the others could be. Everything he'd hoped he'd been right about. Everything that could take all the evil and ugliness in the world and on the island and banish it with an act, a thought, a prayer. Everything that could accept him, and lift him up, and make him perfect, too...

He'd always been disappointed, in the world and in himself. But by her very nature, she was different. She had to be. She couldn't…

She was still talking. He'd hardly heard a word she'd said. Her voice was sweet and clear as ever, but her words… they weren't hers. They couldn't be. There was no way she could possibly say them, no way they could be true. They didn't match. They weren't perfect. And if they weren't perfect, then they had to be a lie.

Togami had said Tanaka was the other possible culprit. He was covered in lies, and terrible at faking his own innocence. He may have had the others convinced, and he may have had Sonia's good, pure heart thinking this was the only way to keep him in line, but he couldn't let this stand. "No, you didn't,"he said. "Tanaka did…Tanaka killed Pekoyama..."

"Tanaka-san killed no one, Souda-san." Her voice was level, her words sad. Her composure stood even when she was forced to lie. He hadn't done enough — she was still in Tanaka's thrall. He needed to act. He needed to push her aside, he needed to act in her defense, he needed to tackle Monobear, wrestle the secrets of the island out of him, and Monomi too when he's done, and he needed to lead the rest of them to safety — with Tanaka as their prisoner, of course — and he needed to pull Sonia-san into his arms and tell her she was safe now, that someone as beautiful and sexy as she is should always be safe, and then she'd kiss him and call him her hero and…

His fantasy crumbled as the voting started. He still retained enough composure to push Tanaka's button, to tell them all the truth. The results came up. The vote is wrong. Monobear corroborated the lie, then had the audacity to call him a liar…

The cracks in Sonia-san's face broke his heart. The meaning of his intent came through, but there really was nothing he could do. "Souda-san, I appreciate the gesture of goodwill, but you know as well as I do that's not correct! And Tanaka-san, why did you do such a thing? You know you've done nothing wrong!"

"No… No, Sonia-san, it's okay, it's going to be okay…it's just a joke, it's just a mix-up, you'll see, he'll say it in a second, he'll say Tanaka did it…"

He was at the end of his ability. He was useless, worse than useless. He let a killer run free, and because of him the conspirators against the most beautiful and innocent girl in the world were going to have their way.

The punishment comes. The ropes bind her to the stick. The chain breaks, the wolf pounces, and S on nia Never mi nd dies sc re a mi ng …


He remembered the sun flickering in and out as his eyes blinked open and shut. He remembered Nidai and Owari pouring water on his face. He remembered the hotel twisting and turning around him as he stumbled back to his cottage, supported on Nidai's shoulder. Then his ceiling. Then his own voice telling Nidai he was fine. His tears. His ceiling again. His tears…his ceiling… then nothing, nothing…

He woke at noon, drenched in cold sweat. He could tell how hot it has, somewhere at the end of his nerves, but he was still shivering. He tossed back and forth, his body shaking harder than ever, his memory only working in short bursts. She's dead, he thought. She's dead. She was eaten alive…

He felt a fresh wave of nausea and threw himself toward the side of the bed, hanging his head over the edge in an effort to make it pass. It did, eventually, but the thoughts were harder to shake. He'll never spend another moment with her. He'll never relive that rush of giddy endorphins he'd felt whenever he was around her. He'll never get the dozen beautiful golden-haired children he'd been hoping for ever since he'd resolved to marry her. He'd never…

I'll never be happy, he thought, throwing the other, less focused thoughts away. He'd known from the beginning the island was only going to destroy everything he cared about. He'd thought he was going to die at first, and he'd even tried to barricade himself away, just to delay the inevitable. But this was worse than death. It was the destruction of hope, hope beyond his wildest dreams – and then the onset of despair, with the knowledge that he was powerless to combat it.

But I'm not powerless. His nausea cleared in an instant. I have what they didn't think I'd have. I have the truth. I know Monobear's cheating at his own game. I know he's doing this just to destroy us, just to be evil. I know Tanaka's conspiring with him. Pekoyama's just as much a victim as anyone else. And Sonia-san…they're making Sonia-san seem like a villain…!

He was on his feet in a second, though he forgot to put on his shoes. The splinters on the boardwalk brushed his feet as he ran out the door, but he could deal with that later – his goal couldn't wait another second.

There was no one out, even at midday. The ruin of Pekoyama's cottage was still smoking when he reached it. Sonia's own cottage was just across the way. His reason, or perhaps just a part of his mind that wanted to torture him with lies, was telling him how easy it would have been for her. She could have slipped back inside without anyone spotting or suspecting her… no. He wouldn't let himself think that way anymore. He leapt to her door and pulled on the handle, cursing when it didn't give way but not giving up.

After thirty seconds he heard a voice behind him, one that sent his blood boiling under his skin. "Huh? What's this? What are you doing?" He turned back and shouted something, more like a wail than words. "Well, I guess there's no harm in letting you in. There's no good in it, either, but that's neither here nor there…"

The door swung open and he fell into a dazzling white light, hitting the carpet with a thud. He heard the door slamming behind him, and tried to get up to follow after Monobear –

But what he saw in front of him stopped him cold. It was something he never thought he'd see – a beautiful, dazzling white room, full of expensive furniture, all neatly arranged. He couldn't have imagined something more majestic if he'd tried, or something less suited for the horrible fate she'd suffered.

The dirt from Souda's boiler suit stained her carpet as he rolled onto his side. He took a deep breath. The room still smelled like her. He was reminded of her smile, her kindness, the way she'd always loved and cared for everyone – and he was sure, deep down, she'd always loved and cared for him most of all. He was sure of himself before, but now he knew the others would be convinced. He just needed to show them. And he didn't have much time – he needed to start now.


They'd been deluded. They were too far gone to listen to reason.

Togami screamed at him to disassemble it. He tried to get him to listen, he told them the truth, told them Monobear couldn't be trusted, but they persisted in thinking he'd play by his own rules. That he could somehow be counted on and Sonia-san couldn't.

"If you really thought that Sonia couldn't possibly kill then I would say I've never met anyone less qualified to build anything to honor her." They looked at Sonia-san's purity and they only saw Monobear's ugliness. Even when he tried to get Saionji and Koizumi to listen they only attacked him. They wouldn't listen to a word. And here he thought Koizumi, of all people, the one Sonia-san was trying to protect, he thought she'd see that same truth…

For a glowing second he thought Togami believed him. He saw the fear and anger in his eyes, and his body shook as he thought he'd gotten through, that he had someone on his side that he knows can convince the others. But then he started talking about something else, saying things about Monobear and Sonia-san that aren't even close to real. He ran away.

Perhaps he couldn't handle it after all.

He still held out some hope for convincing them over breakfast, for explaining just what he meant to do when he erected the shrine, but Saionji pushed him away, and the others didn't rush to his defense. He was powerless again, just like he was during the trial.

He got his food, trying to stare the rest of them down as he went, but found himself looking at the shrine instead, the one he spent hours crafting with his bare hands for Sonia-san's sake. He should never have trusted them with her. He should never have put her out in the open where the outside world would only pollute her, where it would only tear him away from her. He burned the image into his mind before he left.

He didn't go right back to his cottage. He stood at the door for a moment, holding his food, then put it down, walked over to Tanaka's cottage, and banged on the door several times, using all his restraint to stay silent, to control his next move. Tanaka didn't respond. He banged again. No response. He banged again. No response.


The next three days were a blur of failure.

He didn't leave his room for the rest of the first day. He drifted in and out of sleep. He braced himself against the ebb and flow of anger and longing in his mind, and he channeled it into action, or tried to. He wrote an elaborate plan on his notepaper, and was about to throw it out the window when Monomi came in and warned him about littering. He cried in her face as she tried to help him, but when she couldn't say anything he hasn't already heard or rejected she left, whimpering. Then his remorse kicked in, followed by the knowledge that he'd already done wrong, and he kicked at the walls until he left dents.

He made more plans and woke up the next morning in a pile of them. The Monobear announcement rang in his ears, reminding him of his responsibilities. He knew today would be better. He knew they'd have time to sit on the knowledge he'd given them…

But then Togami resigned not long after he arrived. He should be shocked, but all he could think was that he couldn't understand his reasoning. Really, on some level, it enraged him. How could Togami delude everyone by saying this is his fault, when the truth is right in front of him and he refuses to see it? He thought Togami could do better. But perhaps that's his own burden, for not doing better.

He knew in the back of his mind that he couldn't do anything now, thanks to that stunt. He could feel their eyes on him, daring him to make a move they don't understand. He could hear them already, berating him in his mind – "How could you do something like that at a time like this? Togami just resigned!" So he kept his composure. But only barely. His chopsticks trembled against the table throughout the rest of the meal, and by the time the others started leaving he was practically banging them with all the force in his hand.

He went to the third island with some of the others, not because they invited him, but because Nanami told him about the electronics district. And Nanami may be a ditzy space cadet, but bless her, he thought; bless her naïve soul for giving him this small bit of hope. He almost felt happy again, looking at everything there – the TVs, the cellphones, the wiretaps, everything.

But not just for the sake of it, oh no. Even if he couldn't get the cell phones to place a call to the outside, he could still do something with this technology, more than he ever could before it. He only found one thing that worked on its own – a laptop on top of a stack of TVs – but when it didn't connect to the internet he left it for later. But it confirmed for him that something could be made to work here, especially with the help of a Super High School Level Mechanic. Like…

Like that walkie-talkie set, he thought after accidentally destroying two or three smaller wiretaps. It was big, and clunky, and it turned out to be more difficult to finagle with than he thought, but it sent his imagination soaring as he worked at repairing it. He could attach the camera end to Tanaka somehow, or hide it in his room, and then when he'd inevitably talk about his master plan, he'd know, he'd have proof. Or…

Or…or…something. Something that'll give him the proof he needs. Something that's undeniable, something that'll break through.

By the time the day ended he had a transmission function, and then all he needed was to be able to record the footage itself. Even still, it gave him enough confidence to try again with the group the next morning – and it only helped when Tanaka not only showed up, but had the gall to think he could show remorse for all he's done. Or that he could stand anywhere near Sonia-san's shrine. In his eyes it was only growing dirtier and dirtier with their touches, and in a flash of rage he knew he had to do something about it –

He'd hardly touched Tanaka's coat before Tanaka turned and pinned him. This was it, he thought, this is what he'd been waiting for – but even that confidence dissipates after a second.

"Then you still entertain your delusions? I am told the weak take comfort in such. Go on, accuse me again of conspiracy. You will do nothing but make a fool of yourself."

He could swear, for a moment, that Tanaka almost sounded sincere. But he couldn't believe it, not when it meant giving up on Sonia-san…

But what if it's true? he thought for the first time as the arguments raged around him. What if I really am making a fool of myself? What if everything I've been doing is for nothing…what if she's looking down on me, and not even…not even…

He repressed the thought, and in a flash of newfound emotion he hated them. He hated every single one of them and he hated them even more when Kuzuryuu came and distracted them with his own self-serving bullshit. He could hardly comprehend what was happening, especially not when…

The moment passed. The meeting broke up, and the crowd dispersed. He was one of the first to leave. He doesn't remember the trip to the electronics district. He pulled the walkie-talkie set out of its hiding place and tried to power it up, even though he knew it wasn't ready. It didn't work, not even as well as it had the previous day. He tried again. It didn't work. He pulled out his screwdriver, without any particular plan in mind, but before he could stop himself he slammed the screwdriver into the wiring, severing it.

Then he slammed it again, and again, and again, and again. He stared at it for a moment, then picked the entire set up and hid it behind the tower of computer screens. Then he walked back into the center of the electronics district, lay down in the middle, and looked up at the sky, watching it blur in and out of focus.

"Why aren't any of you giving me a chance? D-d-do you want Sonia-san to be guilty that badly?"


He woke up to find an invitation on his face.

He looked back and forth, wondering who could have put it there, before reading it in more detail. The writing was warped, stained by his tears, but he could still make it out clearly. "Summer Fireworks Festival at the first island beach! Meet Ibuki at the supermarket at 8:00."

At first he couldn't believe it. Why would Mioda do something like that at a time like this? She could've at least woken him up. Then he remembered – of course she would, and she probably would have found letting him sleep hilarious. For the first time he started to feel a little excited. It'd been ages since he'd been to a summer festival. He'd often forget about them at home, and even when he did go he'd never worn a yukata or had the spare change to buy anything…

But no one would want to see him there. For the first time in a long time, a sense of loneliness overpowered his sense of duty. He'd be turned away for sure. Called crazy, or a host of other names. And then he'd have nowhere to go except back here, to the ruin of broken machines, to plans that hadn't worked and never would, to his own thoughts, to his own memories…

He saw the sun setting, and knew it had to be almost eight, so he left the electronics district and headed for the first island.

He passed Koizumi and Saionji on the way to Rocketpunch Market, and despite his attempts to greet them they didn't even look. He entered the store to find himself alone with Mioda, and from her he got the first honest welcome he felt like he'd gotten in days. Something had got her excited, he could tell – but before he could get a word in edgewise she'd shoved a yukata in his hands and pushed him toward the boys' bathroom.

He changed into the yukata, which had to be the cleanest thing he'd worn in weeks, and stepped back out. Mioda definitely seemed impressed. "Lookin' good, Kazuichi-chan!" she said, pointing finger-guns at him, and in the moment he felt confident enough to point back.

He'd almost rather Mioda went with him to the beach, but she said she had to wait for the others, so he went on alone. He'd just started imagining the warm welcome he was sure to get when he reached the beach, saw the others, and immediately hid behind a palm tree. After confirming he hadn't been seen, he looked out to assess the situation. Koizumi and Saionji were at one end, talking. Tsumiki was sitting by herself. Hinata and Togami were by the fireworks, strangely silent.

He didn't know which encounter to risk first. Koizumi must hate him, Tsumiki must hate him, Togami must hate him, Saionji he knows hates him, and Hinata…he didn't know and couldn't say for sure. He knew he was his friend once, but…

"Are you okay?"

He jumped back a foot – but felt far more calm when he saw it was only Nanami, looking at him with a concerned expression. (And looking pretty cute in her pink yukata.) "You look…a little jumpy," she continued, her expression unchanged.

"What, this? Ah, no, no…" He scratched his head, trying to recover from the embarrassment. "I'm…just…tying my shoelaces!"

"You're wearing sandals, Souda-kun."

"Sandal laces."

"Oh…well, that works." Nanami looked down at both their feet, and he desperately wished she would leave. "Do you need any help?"

"Tying my sandal laces?"

"Going down to the festival."

"What – no, no, no!" He almost leapt back again. "What are you trying to say, huh? I-I'm not scared! Not at all!"

"It's okay," Nanami said. "They'll think we came together."

His face burned bright red. "Well…nothing bad about that…"

"Of course not." Nanami took a few steps down the path. "It's okay to relax. Honest. That's what the entire evening's about."

Her words struck something inside him – and so he actually ended up following along. He almost doesn't care that the others' eyes went wide when they saw him, or that his attempts at conversation with Togami kind of failed and he had to leave in order to salvage some sense of his self-worth. But from there…things almost got better. He got Tsumiki and Nanami to listen to him talk about the electronics district, even if he never quite got to reveal his grander plans. And he was surprised when Togami actually come to join them – he thought he'd messed that up for good, and he was glad to be proven wrong.

And then the fireworks themselves started. He really could have done without Mioda's singing – he had to scream at her to get her to stop – but the display in the sky, the oohing and aahing and general collective enjoyment, was more than worth it. He almost felt normal again, sitting there. As though they weren't on the island to begin with, and were back home instead, just hanging together as though they'd all been friends in a more stable life…

He was only taken out of it when he saw Tanaka on the opposite side of the beach. He wasn't talking to anyone; he was just sitting with his stupid hamsters, looking up at the sky. He felt a faint twinge when he looked at him, but he wasn't sure it was anger. Was it regret? Was it shame? He couldn't stop thinking about it, not even as the night went on and Tanaka didn't end up talking to them.

He went over the memories in his mind, even as they were happening. The picture with Nidai and Owari. The spectacle of the finale. The conversation as they all headed to the diner, the chatter in the diner itself… he could hardly believe that hours ago he'd been crying alone in the electronics district. He'd thought himself so unforgivable, so terrible, such a failure, and yet…he'd been so happy, these past few hours. And all because…

And all…because…

Because you forgot about her.

He had the thought as he arrived back at his cottage, stumbling with exhaustion. He felt some part of his strength leave with it, and he leaned against the door, the key stopped in the lock. He took a few seconds, then turned it, letting the force of his body open the door.

He forgot about her. He joined the others that were denying the truth, and for what? A night to mock their sacrifices? Not just them, too, but Pekoyama's, and Hanamura's, and…that other kid, what was his name?

He should know his name, they said it so much…Kojira…Kaneda…Ko…something with a Ko…no…that's not right…none of them are right…

You didn't use the hope that her sacrifice created. Or is it more correct to say that her sacrifice didn't create enough hope for you to use?

His head was fogging over; he could hardly remember which way was up and which was down. He could see his bed, but it looked like it was at the end of a long tunnel – he walked, he took a step, and then another...

And to think I had such high hopes for Sonia-san… If the hope she created wasn't enough to crush your despair, then it was a worthless hope, wasn't it? And pretending it was never invoked at all…a truly strong hope would never pass with so little notice!

He took another, and then the ground rushed to meet him. He hit it, he felt pain…

So the outcome of that hope isn't anything worth being concerned about. And there's nothing to be done about it, really – after all, Sonia-san is dead.

He can't feel pain anymore. He's floating. He couldn't see, he couldn't think…he felt an idea repeating and repeating, but it was so far away, so impossible to even grasp it…

But there's really no use to me saying this, is there? I'm not even sure if you can hear me. You're close, very close, but not enough for me to be sure we're in the same place. If I could reach out and try to grab you, would I even make a connection? Would a worthless person like me be able to save you, or save the world from all the despair you've polluted it with, if Sonia-san couldn't?

Ahhhh…I didn't think so. But it doesn't matter, in the end, at least not to you. Because you're about to die, too. I'm sorry to be so direct, but I didn't know if you knew...


No words.

Nothing but pain.

There's red in his eyes. Blood. There's blood…! The blood magnifies the pain. He screams. He lurches, he moves several inches, he falls, he feels pain, he feels blood. He screams until his throat cracks and shatters, shaking in a desperate attempt to move.

There's nothing, no thought of when or where. Nothing but blood, blood and pain… He sees above, below, to the side…a door. If he could get to the door…the door…the door could… could…

He can only think in bursts of feedback from his nerves. His adrenaline surges and he lunges forward again – there's one word on his mind now, and that word is door, the door shakes as his vision shakes and spins and he moves, he moves, he comes closer, closer, closer…he can't move, but he moves, he can't, but he can, he must…he…

The door opens. The door is gone. And then…there's pain. Pain but no more adrenaline. There's an ebb and a flow, a rise and a fall…he sees blurred images, Togami, then Hinata, then Togami again, then black, then white, then blue, then…

Then, for a while, the vague impression of touch. Then pain, horrific pain. Then nothing.


But in the nothingness he had a dream.

He saw something like a burst of white light, not quite like the light in Sonia-san's room, but…but not as imaginary. It was formless, it was incomprehensible, but it was real. It had something like a physical form, and it felt like a gentle caress when it touched him, folding itself around his body and holding him close to itself, as if it wanted to make him a part of all it was.

You've done a good job, it said. You can rest now. It's okay.

Its voice moved him to tears. I didn't, he thought. I didn't save you. I didn't even save you in their hearts.

You didn't have to, the voice said. What I did was my own decision, and that's the truth. I thought it was what was best, but I know it wasn't perfect. I'm sorry. Really…you don't need to hurt yourself for my sake.

For a moment he was fully awake, and the fear was insurmountable. He heard voices in the back of his mind, battering him from all directions, but when he closed his eyes he was back in Sonia-san's arms. You need to leave, she said. They need you out there. But you don't need me.

Was it real? Souda would ask himself later. Was he actually talking to her, or was he only hearing what, deep down, he wanted her to say? I know, he still said. I'm sorry.

You don't need to apologize, Sonia-san said. You weren't really doing anything, anyway.


He snapped awake then, and couldn't go back to sleep. He was panicking, he was absorbing new information like cannon blasts to the face, but he was alive, he was alive, he was surrounded by voices and he was overwhelmed and he was scared but he was alive.

He couldn't think about the dream, not until he could comprehend everything else. Three days have passed. He was ill. He was attacked, and Tsumiki is dead. The investigation is starting, and a trial is happening. They need to know if he saw his attacker, but all he knows is the pain and the crawling. They've bandaged his chest and back, and somewhere along the line he saw the blood on Togami and Hinata and he knew that they saved him. He knew they cared…he knew…somehow…

He wasn't sure if his fear would ever go away. He drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour, going from dreamless nothingness to waking terror and regret. He was attacked because he didn't succeed, he tells himself. He wasn't good enough. He's sorry. He'll be good…he's sorry…

In the meanwhile, the others took care of him. He saw Monomi crying by his bedside. He saw Togami adjusting his painkiller doses. He saw Nidai helping him out of bed as if it's another universe – he knew he didn't want to go, he knew he didn't want to get hurt, but he couldn't seem to get his body or his mouth to say it. He only comprehended kindness, assistance, the kinds of things he thought he wasn't worthy of.

He tried not to think about the details of the trial, even as they took him to his stand. He knew he wouldn't be experiencing them as fully as if he'd never had to feel that pain, as if it didn't concern him. But, a part of him said, perhaps if he does listen, then part of him will feel whole again, more whole than it did before Sonia-san ever died. He tried not to think about Sonia-san, either. He doesn't have a concrete plan anymore. He only had to live in the present, moving forward until something else changed and his mind settled into a steady rhythm.


The end. Happy birthday, Laura!

- Carth