ZW 2009 Day 3: Jealousy
Stone Cold
Disclaimer: Lyrics from Demi Lovato's Stone Cold. Not mine, and neither is ATLA but y'all knew that already.
Dedicated to my almost-friend. I hope you've found what you were looking for.
Summary: Katara still sees him in her dreams, his skin glowing electric blue and the smell of burning skin tingling in her nose. She feels his breath on her skin and hears him whispering in her ear. But here, in the real world, he's happy, healthy and in love.
Stone cold, stone cold
There's tension in the Fire Nation tonight; the sconces flicker in time with the noblemen's breathing and the servants' chattering is unsettlingly muted. Katara walks into the room surrounded by her friends, and their jubilance strikes a sharp contrast against the stiflingly dark room. Zuko has converted the throne room into a makeshift ballroom, but nobody's dancing. The Fire Nation does not dance, as any one of the local attendees would remind anyone who asks. Everyone else isn't sure whether that means they're permitted. Aang makes short work of the awkwardness and pulls an Earth Kingdom noble's daughter in for a dance.
You see me standing but I'm crying on the floor
Her eyes scan the room. Sokka has the unenviable task of trying to sweep Suki off her feet without dropping his crutches. She can't see Zuko, but there, in the corner, standing as straight as a sword, is Mai. Katara narrows her eyes. Mai is a threat (to Aang, she tells herself). The other girl stands apart, observing everything with her cold eyes and holding just enough of a smile to seem polite but leagues away from friendly. She's probably bored, naturally, and Katara can't help but think there wasn't much point in her coming at all.
Stone cold, stone cold
It doesn't matter. Katara returns her attention to finding Zuko, and to her surprise he's talking to people. His hair is just a little too long and she thinks he needs to shave his chin.
God knows I tried to feel happy for you
He makes his way across the room, and Katara wonders (hopes) if he's looking for her. He's not. There's a soft smile on his face he's never given her, and Mai seems to be regarding him with an almost fondness as he slips through the restless crowd to find her. When he reaches her, he stands there with all the awkwardness of a young man not quite sure where he stands. Katara can't hear what Mai says to him, but Zuko fights a smile and extends a hand. Mai rolls her eyes, and they melt into the shadows.
Know that I am, even if I can't understand
She follows them, because somebody has to make sure Mai doesn't kill him. They almost disappear into a dark corner, and they certainly don't dance but they aren't exactly standing still either. He's holding her loosely, and she seems to be tolerating it (nobody dances in the Fire Nation. Certainly not Mai). Katara can't understand a relationship with so little affection; it baffles her, but Zuko seems lighter somehow. And for that she can be happy.
I'll take the pain
But it still slaps her harder than she thought it would, seeing him with someone. Seeing him with Mai.
Give me the truth
She approaches him late that night, after the palace is asleep and the party, if she can call it that, has dissolved into a low buzz in the streets. He's in his office bent over the latest version of the treaty with the Earth Kingdom, and he jumps when her shadow falls across his desk.
"I thought we had something, Zuko."
"What do you mean?" His brow furrows and he looks at her as though she's started firebending.
It takes her aback a bit. Why else would he save her life? "You took lightning for me." She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin, as if bracing for some invisible impact.
Zuko's forehead smooths and he looks almost relieved. "We're friends." His face softens. "And I didn't want anyone else to get hurt."
"What about after?" She's louder than she meant to be, but when he answers his voice is almost a whisper.
"Katara, I'm sorry."
She turns on her heel abruptly, slams his office door behind her and runs to her room. He shouts her name, and she can hear him pursuing, but she ignores him.
Me and my heart, we'll make it through
Katara cries herself to sleep, but it's more for the humiliation than for a broken heart. Just the same, it burns. Zuko has slowly become one of the best friends she's ever had, and she loves him with everything in her heart. Like a fool, she ruined it. She gave him something she can never get back, and it brought her closer to him than she's ever been to anyone. Somehow it's also driven them apart.
If happy is hurt, I'm happy for you
It doesn't ruin their friendship, in the end, but that's almost worse because he doesn't care. So she kisses Aang on the balcony of the tea shop and drinks him in to fill the hole in her heart. He tries to fill it for her (oh how he tries), but it's not enough. Katara wants what she can't have, and though she wishes she could break the chain between her heart and Zuko's, there's nothing she can do.
Stone cold, stone cold
Fire Nation weddings are beautiful. Mai's hair is pinned up elaborately and the red silk she wears cascades around her like a river of flame. Mai is beautiful, though it pains Katara to admit it. Zuko looks regal in his robe and crown, but Katara can't see them. When she looks at him, she sees a smoking lightning scar and a scorched robe that blows away in the wind. In her memory he looks at her with a wild relief in his eyes, as though he never expected to come out of the fight alive.
You're dancing with her while I'm staring at my phone
Zuko is saying his vows, but Katara doesn't hear them. She hears his breath in her ear and the sharp gasp in her hair when he strains the new skin. She hears him ask her if she wants this and he isn't saying he loves her but she swears she hears it anyway and suddenly it's over and he's lying next to her whispering that he's alive. But he looks feverish, and his wound is angry, his heart stutters in his chest. It's a relief when she's healed him again and he's asleep. His breathing is deep, slow, rhythmic. He's peaceful. And Katara is awake to pick up the shattered pieces of everything she knows and everything she thinks she wants.
I was your amber
When he wakes, he remembers very little, and they don't talk about it. He doesn't tell her he loves her and she wonders if she heard it at all.
But now she's your shade of gold
"I love you."
She's jolted out of her own mind and dragged back to reality. Mai smiles, a true smile, and everyone claps around her, warm and happy and wonderful. But she is cold.
Stone cold.
A/N: I'm on a roll this month, guys. Woohoo. And I knowwwww, nobody likes songfics, but I liked the way the lyrics punctuated this. Let me know what you think. I'm planning on doing a follow up to this from Zuko's perspective in a couple of chapters, which should be the Rhythm prompt. So we have Cactus Juice next, then Fireflies (which is going to be interesting, I think), and then Zuko's going to come in here and clear things up, because Katara is a very unreliable and emotional narrator at this point.
But please do review because I'm very curious about what y'all think. I know Zuko doesn't come off as his usual honorable self here, which is why I want to do the follow up. But I'll take ideas for that because it's not fully formulated (if anybody wants to give ideas).
