ZW 2011 Day 4: Secret

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Disclaimer: This borrows lyrics from and was heavily inspired by Reba McEntire's Only in my Mind.

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Love Bears All Things

Katara has always been faithful, Zuko has always been honorable. If those were the only virtues required of them, they'd have done no wrong.

She knows she's going to have to tell Zuko about this. Aang must suspect something, or he wouldn't be so silent (but then, he's been silent like this before and nothing's ever come of it). It's the height of summer, and the sun beats down on their heads oppressively, heat unbroken by clouds or breeze. They're watching Bumi and Tenzin pretend to airbend at targets-the rules are that Tenzin can't really bend because that's unfair, Kya had explained, rolling her eyes-when Aang looks at her, dark gray eyes unusually cloudy. The laugh lines around his eyes have smoothed, and his brows are slightly furrowed. Katara pretends not to notice he's watching her for a moment, taking the time to breathe deeply, carefully.

Aang reaches for her hand and runs his thumb along her knuckles.

He said, "Have you ever cheated on me? Has there been someone else?"

She's never cheated, never touched another man. Aang is her first and last everything; she'd never dishonor him that way. And yet the way his eyes look through her stops the protests in her throat. His soft hold on her hand tightens as she hesitates, and she can see the fear and dread in the lines around his mouth.

"Katara. Is there someone you love more than me?"

He said, "Have you ever cheated on me?" I said, "Only in my mind."

She doesn't know why she says it; his face crumples and he turns away from her, squinting into the sun. "How could this happen?"

How can I tell him that time we spent together was time between friends?

"Nothing happened, Aang. Nothing's ever happened."

He turns back toward her, face stormy. "Do you love him more than me?"

There's just some things I can talk about with you that I just can't with him.

"I-Aang, you're my husband." She feels the heat in her face, but she's not sure whether she's blushing or angry or sunsick.

He deflates suddenly, as if his bones have turned to sand and the wind has been turned out of him. His shoulders slump as he rests his elbows on his knees, and he dips his head down, refusing to look at her again. "Forget him, sweetie. Please."

She scoots closer to him and puts her hand on his thigh. "I will. I love you."

And when she's alone that night, after Aang has taken Appa and Tenzin and disappeared into the horizon (a field trip, he always says), she writes a letter to Zuko. She always does.

Answering his last letter doesn't take as long as she hopes. She goes on about the children a while, and rambles about a new waterbending form she's inventing, and then sits, twirling the brush, far longer than she should. The moon is high in the sky and the lamp nearly burning out when she puts the brush back to paper again.

And one last thing. Aang asked me a question today. He said, "Have you ever cheated on me? Is there someone you love more than me?" and I said, "Only in my mind." I don't know why I said it. We've always been so careful not to cross that line, but how can I tell him the time we spent together was time between friends? There's just some things I can talk about with you that I just can't with him. Always been something between us.

It's wrong, Zuko.

It's wrong, and we have to be better.

Love,

Katara

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One of the most interesting things LOK made me think about was the dynamic of Aang and Katara's marriage. Why would she let him take Tenzin alone on field trips? What would she have done while they were gone? Who would she turn to when her husband, the Avatar, is away? And while I wouldn't support her cheating on him (despite how much I love her with Zuko), I think it's an interesting idea to play with.

If you like this take on it, I wrote Screaming into the Wind about two years ago; it's floating around my profile somewhere, and it digs a little more into this. I wouldn't say this is a companion to it (although I'm working on one kind of passively), but they fit together somewhat.

Thank you to all who reviewed (and will review?)! I very much appreciate your support.