You tried not to pay too much mind to the set of blue eyes that were literally digging into your soul in thorough disapproval.
Up until a day ago, you thought you were able to bear his presence, you had thought:
yeah, sure, he'd come around, just give him a few days.
But it was like he chose every opportunity he could to either critique or attack you and you don't think you could stand one more day of him critiquing you for absolutely no reason at all.
He didn't have a reason to attack you as much as he did and you knew it.
It pissed you the hell off.
You were sweating profusely as you swung a left fist into the heavy bag that hung from the bark of a large tree.
Your arms were already burning, and the stings stretching from your knuckles and into your palms where your fists were tightly clenched.
Your feet were planted shoulder-length, your posture straight and your elbows at your sides.
Bucky was staring at your arms like he would rather be somewhere else, his eyes occasionally drifting back towards the camp, his sharp jaw tightening.
He was judging you without even having to say a word and it made your skin itch.
You were giving fantastic punches, you knew they were great because it wasn't the first time you've trained like this.
You had some knowledge in the area after one summer when you randomly took a kickboxing class at your gym. So you knew you weren't that bad.
At least not as bad as he was making you out to be.
"You know what a punch is?" Bucky's voice was taunting, mockingly even. It angered you.
You looked over and he stood off to the side, a bored look in his eyes.
His arms were crossed over his chest. His arms were flexed and his muscles were begging to burst through his tight grey Henley.
Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you stepped back from the bag and stood down. You dropped your arms down by your sides, sore.
Did he even have the slightest clue of how tired you were or how much your body was burning?
You tried to keep your temper controlled.
"I'm doing a pretty good job. This isn't my first time like you might think." You mumbled the last part under your breath, tightening the tape around your knuckles.
"I don't think anything, I don't even give you a second thought." He snapped at you.
Your eyes darted to his, shocked at his hostility.
He somehow always found a way to make it personal. Always.
He quirked his head to the side as if wondering what you would say next, yet his eyes were empty and lacked any real emotion.
You couldn't believe that you ever found yourself attracted to him.
It was clear he hated you and was out to get you.
It made no sense.
"Why are you here?" You ask him breathlessly. He doesn't answer, his stance wide and trying to appear domineering, "You don't have to be here, I'm sure Captain Rogers could train me without your help."
Bucky took a step towards you, the dry foliage cracking under his boot.
He looked down at you with the same expression he's been able to hold for the last half hour, not even flinching.
You tried to ignore the static you felt on your skin as the heat of his own body radiated towards you.
You tried to ignore the hitch of your breathing.
"Trust me, I would rather be doing anything else." His eyes darted all over your face - from your eyes to your cheeks and to your feet, skipping everything between - and it didn't take long for you to realize he was looking at you searching for answers, "They told me you want to kill the man who killed your mom and dad, and that he's supposedly the ring leader we've been searching for. But I just find it a bit suspicious that Hydra wanted them killed."
You narrowed your eyes, confused and thrown off by his lack of knowledge.
"They didn't tell you?" His blank expression, which is briefly broken by a brief flicker of something weak in his eyes, makes you smile slightly, "my parents are the one that built The Capitol. They built the wall; they built it all."
You were expecting a raised brow, anything that suggested surprise or any indication that he was at least intrigued by your statement: Instead, he looked furious, and his jaw twitches as he clenched his teeth.
He took a step closer to you.
"Oh really? They built that place?" His voice was a low rumble, "The place where freedom seizes to exist? They built that fucking jail cell?"
Your eyes blurred over with tears at his hurtful words. How dare he? How dare he say such vile things, things that weren't true? Your parent's wall was not a jail cell. It was anything but.
He saw your eye fill slightly with tears but he doesn't budge. Of course he wouldn't.
He was made of hard, cold stone.
You gave him a short nod, furiously removed your boxing tape, and angrily tossed it by his feet.
You walked away and didn't even bother to look back and see if he was still watching you.
"Captain Rogers, when you told me I'd be training, I really thought it'd be a little more Avengers-y."
Steve sat next to you on your cot. He had just finished going over with you some important details about the mission that you shouldn't forget.
After your comment, he raised a brow and smiled.
"Avengers-y?"
You shrugged.
"Yeah, I don't know, like cool superhero stuff. Not punching bags, espionage, and learning self-defense. Something you can teach me." Steve picked up on your emphasis and his brows furrowed together.
"Is Bucky giving you a hard time?" He asks seriously.
You look down at your hands in your lap. How would you even go about this situation? It was confusing even to you. Part of you wanted to get over it, because you've been through worst with bullies at school, but you also didn't like that this could potentially affect your plan to avenge your parent's life. This was different.
So you snitched.
"I don't want to seem stubborn or go back on our agreement, but he's so difficult to deal with," you played with the sleeve of the black Avengers thermal top that had been given to you, "And he seems to have some vendetta against me. More now that he knows my parents built The Capitol. I was able to handle the first few days, but for the rest of the week? I don't think I can handle it."
Steve took a deep breath and ran a hand down his face. He surprised you when he stood up and offered you his hand to help you up.
"We're gonna go out to the field, come on. Bring your coat. You'll show me what you know up to now."
And you did. Every damn kick, punch, word diversion, and interrogation method.
Steve shouted out scenarios and you answered with how you would react to each one, either physically or verbally.
You acted it out with him, and you were able to nail down every mediocre move that was taught to you over your training.
You were surprised you were even able to nail half of them when Bucky hadn't assisted you via physical touch at all through the whole training process.
It was almost like he didn't care about your part in the mission.
He had instead just shouted instructions at you, but thankfully because of some past knowledge, you knew what he was talking about.
You had wished Steve trained with you the last few days instead of just Bucky, but Steve had been too occupied with intel information.
Watching you now, he regrets it, because even though you knew the things you were supposed to, it was obvious you hadn't trained the self-defense part with another body.
But you didn't suck.
Sure, you weren't a pro, but you were not incompetent.
This made Steve furious as he found himself walking towards Bucky's tent later that night after he had dropped you off.
Steve once again barged into his best friend's room, talking before Bucky could even sit up straight from his own cot.
He could tell Bucky was about to retaliate as a concerned look filled his face but Steve was not having it.
He was upset; disappointed.
"Bucky, what the hell is wrong with you? What are you doing to that poor girl?" As soon as Steve said the last part, Bucky's face turned into a heavy glare.
"What, did she ask you to come here and save her precious reputation?" Bucky mumbles, running a hand up through his dark brown hair.
"Will you stop?" Steve shouts, making Bucky take a step back.
"Steve…" Bucky started surprisingly soft, "Look, I just want to make sure she knows what she's doing. What she's getting into."
Steve closed his eyes tightly together and took a deep breath, not buying his friend's excuse.
When Steve opened his eyes, Bucky could see the aggravation in them.
"I asked her to show me everything that you told her she wasn't doing correctly," Bucky looked away, his tongue poking the side of his cheek, "And she did them, Bucky. She did them and they were fine. She's doing fine." Bucky scoffed as he walked away from Steve and towards the corner of his tent where he had some spare clothing, "I don't know what you have against her, but you need to stop."
"I'm sorry, but to me, one punch at a bag and an elbow to the gut is not fine. Clearly me and you have different expectations."
"Coming from a man who won't even touch her in order to teach her." Bucky's jaw tightened again, "She's fine for someone who has little to no experience in this field. For two weeks, with an injured leg and hand, I'd say she's doing pretty dang okay." Bucky paid no ear as he continued to rummage through his clothes. Steve shook his head in disappointment at his friend, "Maybe she'd even be better if you actually cared."
Jessica.
That was the nice girl's name who tended to your injuries. The one with the pretty button nose, tan skin, and silky black hair.
You were shocked when you discovered she was older than you. By her young appearance, you had figured you were both around the same age.
Apparently, she had been a S.H.I.E.L.D agent during the heilicarrier attacks and was one of the survivors.
She never went to school for nursing, but instead, it was something she had to learn along the way since the Avengers Compound was in dire need of more help after the fall. Bruce was a great medical professional, but it wasn't enough.
Not after the war.
After Hydra had taken in any health official under their wing and into The Capitol, people were left to fend for themselves. Hydra didn't take anyone from the avenger's compound who had any medical experience, nor any of the scientists. Instead, they rigged the medical bay with bombs and explosives, not wanting to risk trusting any of them to bring them into The Capitol.
The ones like Jessica, former agents, and soldiers, had to learn from abandoned medical books and hospitals that weren't blown to pieces.
After your leg and hand had healed, you were comforted by the fact that she still stuck by your side. No longer as your nurse, but your friend.
Honestly, if it weren't for her, you wouldn't have picked up certain espionage tactics that Bucky hadn't even bothered showing/teaching you.
She had taught you them. Was nothing big, but just some pointers and helpful tips.
The closer you were to your departure date, the more anxious you were feeling, and she caught on to that fairly quickly. She had distracted you by giving you a tour of the camp, sharing little funny stories along the way about some of the agents.
Steve had been very happy to see both of you together one day when he had glanced over on his walk to the main tent.
You liked these people, you really did, and fuck how you wish you didn't like Bucky.
You couldn't help but remember the things Steve had told you, about how Bucky is actually a great guy.
You hoped it was true. Maybe that was the strand of hope you still held on to.
Jessica was showing you some area of the camp you hadn't seen yet when your heart clenched in your chest.
"I appreciate the tour, but I highly doubt I'll be back here when the mission is over. I'm no superhero, let alone, an agent."
Jessica gave you a small smile.
"I highly doubt that. If, when, you guys complete this mission, I am more than certain you'll be back here. It'd be stupid to let you go."
You sighed at the mention of you and...your partner.
"He doesn't like me very much. I'll be happy if I at least make the six months without him killing me."
You meant it to be a bit playful, but she can sense in your tone that most of it is actually true. You were being serious.
Jessica furrowed her brows at that. She was genuinely concerned.
"Bucky Barnes is an interesting guy." Jessica's footsteps halted and you stopped, too. Her eyes became solemn and her voice was gentle as she continued, "Part of me can't help but think that underneath that tough skin and assholeness, that he actually wishes he could enjoy his life now. I feel like even though he still thinks the same in regard to certain topics in the forties," your brows came together at that, you never even thought about that, "it's mostly just because he misses Daisy." She adds with a shrug.
You felt a tremble in your heart at the mention of his former lover.
It was obvious that Daisy had become semi-public knowledge.
You wondered how serious they had been. You had only been in love one time and it was when you were fifteen, but you got over it quickly.
A dark cloud enveloped you and you thought about how all his negative emotions could be pent up emotions that he just won't submit too, or admit to himself.
He had lost someone he loved, romantically.
"He's heartbroken. Wouldn't be surprised if the reason he's not afraid of losing or risking it all is that he's holding onto some kind of hope of seeing her again, wherever that might be."
Her words chilled you to the bone.
Was it possible that the reason Bucky was this hateful person was that he's being tormented by love? A love he can no longer have?
You felt instant pity, and you wondered if it was really possible that no one else had crossed his mind since then.
But he probably never really had the chance to, anyway. Life as an ex brainwashed assassin and then Avenger probably made dating a bit inconvenient.
"When do you think is the last time he had sex?" You don't mean to sound to crude.
Jessica raised a brow at your question and an amused smile traced the edges of her lips, trying not to smile.
"I don't know. Seventy years ago? With all that pent up frustration. Wouldn't surprise me." She shrugged, "Although, I did hear some rumors about him and some Wakanda girl a few years back, before the snap. But I think that was just some fling. I don't even know if they slept together. He seems to hold onto that part of himself for some reason."
It was the night before the departure.
It was the first week of February and that night the air was colder than usual. You wondered about tomorrow and how you and Bucky would confront the winds and air outside this mini safe place.
Were you prepared? Physically, yes. Mentally? No.
This had been a huge mission in the making, something everyone had been waiting for, so they decided to celebrate yours and Bucky's last night with a small gathering around a discreet fire pit in the middle of the camp.
Some people were talking among themselves, laughing. Sam and Steve were off to the side, the other avengers were scattered about and chatting.
Most were discussing last-minute details about the mission.
This was a big deal.
Your belly grew tight with nerves, feeling the pressure that was on you.
You knew you should feel ready, but you wished it was easier. You wished your relationship with Bucky was easier. This whole thing would depend on both of you in order for it to be successful.
He sat directly across from you, on the other side of the fire, and he was trying to overturn a rock that was in the pit with a very long stick.
You could tell his mind was on overdrive, and part of you almost felt bad.
Especially after what Jessica had told you.
You watched as he gave up on the rock, threw the sick on the ground, got up sharply, and started walking away.
He was deliberately ignoring your presence, again. Your teeth came together hard.
This bothered you.
You had done nothing wrong to him, ever.
You were going to be stuck together for six months. You had to at least attempt to solidify trust and diminish his distaste for you. You had to.
He was halfway towards his bunker when you finally caught up to him and called out his name.
"Bucky, wait."
He froze at your words. His back was turned towards you and you could only imagine that his face held a heavy glare.
"What?" He snapped.
You took a deep breath, trying to compose your emotions as much as possible.
You walked closer to him and he eventually turned around, giving you a look that clearly told you to make it quick.
"I didn't mean to snap at you, you're my teacher and I should have more tact. I let my emotions get the best of me."
Bucky barely blinked an eyelash at your words.
And that was it.
He turned back around to walk away again. He had walked a couple of extra feet before you just about had it and your temper broke.
Are you kidding?
You didn't want your abrasive side to show. Not for the sake of losing face. But now you were annoyed. You didn't like when people thought you were weak, or that they could step over you.
"Are you joking?" Your voice was sturdy as it called out into the night, and your face felt like it was on fire from anger.
He stopped again, silent.
You stormed your way up to him and when it was clear he wasn't going to turn around, you walked around his body until you were eye to eye.
His eyes were shooting daggers at you.
"I don't understand what your issue with women, or girls my age, but I'm not it," he tilts his head at you, "Stop taking your anger out on me. I'm not here to harm or jeopardize anything. They brought me in. And if this, spending the next half a year alone with you, is the only way I can get into the damn place and give my parents the justice they deserve, I'll take it. You won't get in my way and you won't stop me."
Bucky quirked a brow at your mini-speech and then looked away from you with an amused scoff.
"Issue with women?" He asks.
Your eyes faltered away from a second.
"Yeah, I'm starting to think you're a sexist asshole who is still stuck in nineteen forty-five."
The look Bucky gave you was almost comical. You swallowed thickly.
"I don't have anything against women," he says sharply, his voice grows stronger with each word, "My team that I had prepared, for years, years, before you even showed up here," he motioned outwards with his flesh arm, "with your little face, was filled with them. Good, strong, smart women. I had a good team. Sure, my opinions are a bit more traditional but I believe in freedom and equality," Bucky stepped up closer to you, his face was in a snarl, "What I don't believe in is girl's like you, who think that just because they have a motive or want to make a difference they can just swoop in and change years of hard work and research, for a selfish gain. Girls like you who don't realize how hard it actually is out there. All that and not realizing what they are actually getting themselves into. This is fucking war, you're a child and you know nothing of it. Maybe you're not that young in your years, but mentally you are. You know nothing, so you need to stay out of it." He watched as you swallowed thickly, "I don't want to work with you. Get that through your head."
Bucky watched as hot tears filled your eyes. He didn't even bat an eyelash as he walked around you.
You felt insulted and you felt so little.
As your throat grew tight and sore from trying to hold down tears, you thought of your family and you reminded yourself of your goal. You reminded yourself of what Will had told you.
"I'm not going anywhere." You say when Bucky's already back on his way to his destination, "and you need to respect me. Because I know what I'm doing." Your voice shook towards the end and it quickly gave away your naiveness.
You were shocked when you hear his response, expecting him to be gone by now.
"I don't need a girl like you telling me what to do," his voice is low and monotone, "I've lived through things you can't even imagine. I'm doing this because I want Hydra gone. They destroyed my life, and hopefully, after they're destroyed I can bury myself, six feet under."
His answer shocks you and you grow frigid.
You slowly turn around, stunned.
He's staring right through you in the dark night, and for the first time since you met him, he's wearing an emotion that's isn't completely unreadable.
This right here was Bucky showing you his true colors, his true emotions.
Your heart almost tore in half at the desperation in his eyes.
You half expected your voice to sound as broken as it did when you began speaking again.
"It's— it's a kamikaze scheme," you blinked quickly, not wanting to see the confession in his eyes, "Your plan."
Bucky nor denied or rejected your claim.
He simply looked away from the spot above your shoulder.
"I just want you gone."
As you watched him walk away, this time you let him.
Your emotions were all over the place as you watched the broken man, wondering what you could do to save him from himself.
But you would leave that for the next three days, as you both moved south through the torments of hell and survival.
You needed rest.
You had a feeling these next six months were going to be emotionally intense.
