9
He finds himself staring at one of the lifeless horses on the rusted carousel, his father's words echoing in his mind. One day, you'll be the best. Maybe even a better man than me.
He didn't believe them then, and he believed them less now. Part of him hoped that this mission would be the last one he'd have to go on, that this could be the one to finally save humanity and him from himself, and the other part hoped that he could live long enough to maybe see his father's words come true.
You must've been asleep for at least two hours now. He could hear your rhythmic breathing just off to his side. You had situated yourself between the black horse and the stairs that led up to the second level of the ride, at just the perfect angle where he could catch a glimpse of you incase trouble arrived again.
Bucky's eyes trailed from your backpack and to your gloved hands which were wrapped tightly around your knees. You trembled from the cold and Bucky cursed as he turned himself onto his back again, wondering when he had gone from Avenger to babysitter.
He hated this and he hated your attempt at conciliating. This wasn't a field trip, this was a walk into hell.
He closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would finally take him in.
Bucky hadn't spoken a word to you since you left the amusement park, which was about five hours ago. You had thought you had seen the worst of his attitude when he was throwing insults at you or unamused glances, but this was much worse.
When you needed to stop for some water, he only slowed down his pace. When you needed to retie your boots, he didn't slow down at all.
You tried to make small talk at one point and he had ignored you completely, tightening the straps on his backpack.
Maybe Bucky was right, maybe there was no point in trying to make a friendship out of this, especially if he had no plan even coming out of it alive.
You wanted to play therapist as later afternoon came around. Climbing over a steep hill and some thorny bushes, you looked over at his pretty face hidden under his dark hood, you considered asking him why he was so disappointed when there was still so much he could still see and do.
You were about to as you both came over the hill when he stopped, and his right arm stretched out, stopping you too.
Your heart drops. This was everything you were expecting, yet it was incomparable to what you had imagined in your head. The City stood tall in the distance. You felt like it had been centuries since you've seen something so beautiful, the feeling almost making you want to cry. Your parent's creation.
But then you looked over and saw the look of fear in Bucky's eyes, and you remembered what the people in this place actually had; what they had taken and what they stood for. While it was breathtaking, the huge cemented wall surrounding it only reminded you both that it was a life that people like you did not deserve.
At that, your eyes drift over the community that was situated in front of the wall. You could see crowds of people trying to attempt to get into The City, but being shot by one of the Hydra agents that stood on the watchtower before they could even get too close. You could hear the screams and shouting of the humans begging for their life.
Bucky swallowed thickly before he looked down at the tracker around his wrist.
"You ready for this?" He asks.
"Yes." You say.
"Give me your right hand." He says.
You reluctantly stretch it out to him. His touch is surprisingly gentle as he rolls up your sleeve, revealing your Stark Tracker. He presses a button on the side, making the LED screen turn on.
You can feel his breath on your face at his proximity and your can't help but stare up at him as he touches you. He had the longest eyelashes you had seen, and his eyes were so blue they were almost grey.
"Keep it like that." He instructs in a gruff voice. You nod, finally looking away. He dusts off his attire and helps you dust off yours, "We should be fine with this. Our ID is in the bag. If it works and if Shannon got everything right, we should have no issues." He turns and looks at his ten o'clock., "The underground entrance we want is just off the side of there. On my call, we turn on the trackers and we go. It's guarded by a few hundred Hydra agents and a heavily militarized check in system. We have seconds to get through, so you have to stay by my side and run as fast as you can. I will not be slowing down. Either you run or you stay back long enough to risk getting yourself killed. Got it?"
You clench your jaw at his words.
"Got it." You say.
"Good."
"I just have one question." You stare at him intently as you ask, "Won't they recognize you? Hydra, I mean."
"Yes, Hydra would. But we need to remember that not everyone in there is Hydra. Which is why this mission is so delicate. Over seventy percent of the ones in there are regular people who don't know the card they've been dealt. As long as most of my face is covered, I should be fine. You probably won't even have to cover yours at all, you're no one."
You clear your throat, masking the effect of his insult as much as you could.
"Gotcha."
"Make sure everything is strapped on. I can't afford a mishap."
You do as he says and then you both begin your walk down the hill and into Hell.
After a forty five minute walk around the outskirt of the community and towards the entry way Bucky had spoken about, you finally realize the gravity of how speed would play an important role.
You were still far enough to where Hydra couldn't spot you, but you were close enough to see just how thick this wall was.
You gulp, your sleeve rolling up higher as you look down at your Tracker.
Bucky does the same.
"You see those two guards and that slope? On my call, turn on the tracker and we go in. You will follow my lead, because I know where we have to go."
You nod.
"There's no door? Not even a gate? It's just open?"
"There's a coded one at the end, but there's also a trash shoot down Hallway E which is where we will go. It was initially supposed to be used for depositing spoiled foods such as vegetables and fruits. A security fault."
"What do they use it for now?" You ask.
"Could be the same reason. Ready?"
You tighten your scarf and hood. Next, you look down at your wrist.
"Ready."
"On three." He starts and you find yourself swallowing thickly, "One," you hover your finger over the tracker, "two," you feel his arm around your back, "three."
You both simultaneously press the tracker and run for the underground entrance.
The clock starts from 90.
Just the run to the entrance was farther than it looked and you already feel your lungs burning as you try to catch up to him. He wasn't lying when he said he would be fast, but part of you is also thankful because you can tell he could go even faster because of his super soldier serum. He was purposefully cutting down his speed for you.
You run past the two heavily armored guards who are speaking in Russian into their coms, completely unaware of you and Bucky's presence. Once you step fun into the musty tunnel, your ears clog up and you have to swallow to pop them. You follow Bucky down the large corridor, the only lights being the large LED ones on the ceilings. You are momentarily caught off guard, realizing you hadn't seen electricity in years. You wondered how much planning your parents went into making just this tunnel that was supposed to be used for food depositing. You have to shake the memories of them away as it starts to distract you.
Bucky is already too far ahead of you and you have to ignore your burning lungs just to catch up. At the end of the hallway, he makes a sharp right turn and you look behind you to see more Hydra agents lined in the hall way, oblivious and arrogant as they talk to each other.
Ahead of you and Bucky are the militarized personnel, behind them what appears to be some kind of check in point. You feel your nerves pick up as you catch a glimpse at Bucky's face. He doesn't look phased at all and that gives you a little bit of courage. Once you are a few feet away from the men, he slows down drastically.
One of the men in gear is staring ahead, almost like he sees you and for a second you wonder if he does. It shocks you when you feel Bucky grab your hand, pulling you straight passed the scary man. Your eyes continue to linger on him as you cross the threshold, and you're relieved when his gaze continues to stay ahead and no longer on you.
Bucky lets go of you and his speed picks up again.
Ahead of you you see the coded steel door he had been talking about. As you close in on it, he makes a left and his pace slows down.
For a second his movements falter as he looks at several doors the line the hallway. You feel inclined to look down at your tracker to see how long you have left, but you know that will only make you more afraid. Still, you can't help but feel dread.
You're ecstatic when Bucky walks a few more feet ahead, more determined this time, and he opens what appears to be a large industrialized trash shoot.
He looks up at you and behind you to make sure no one is seeing a door magically open by itself, and he pulls you ahead of him.
He wants me to go first.
The smell isn't as bad as you thought it would be and it's also larger than you through it would be. You grab onto the sides with your hands and you prop your feet up on both sides as you begin to climb up.
Darkness engulfs you when Bucky closes the shoot. You feel him behind you as you both climb. The shoot levels out and you straighten your arms and legs out as you climb horizontally. You see the exit of the shoot and you practically glee in delight, opening it as fast as you can.
The air around you already feels different, the heavy mud making you sink into the ground. Bucky jumps out right after you and you remember that you're not done yet as you look out into the city.
You feel tears in your throat as you run behind him and towards an iron gate with an opening.
You felt so close, yet so far away. You feel time ticking away as you feel the tracker vibrate against your wrist. You know time is running out and so does Bucky because he starts speeding up.
He wasn't kidding. He was going to leave you behind to die.
He's just about to step outside the gates when you suddenly feel him grab the front of your coat with what must be his metal hand. The air leaves your lungs when you both turn sharply around the corner of a building and against a wall.
You feel the movement of his chest as he controls his heavy breathing, and you push yourself away slightly to look down at your watch.
2…1.
You close your eyes tightly together, letting a long breath escape your lips.
You have no time to celebrate before Bucky snaps at you to roll down your sleeve. It's after your eyes meet and then look away when you finally take in the life around you.
You were on a tarmac for what appeared to be a monorail, and the sound of people chattering in the air warmed your soul.
You both turn the corner to see the life you had been kept from. The scenarios of what ifs fill your mind and you don't expect it to affect you as much as it does.
Bucky can tell the affect it has on you. He politely asks you to turn around and you do as told. You feel him open your backpack and then he's handing you your hologram ID. You do the same for him and with a final nod you let him know you're ready.
He leads you to the residential tower Shannon had mentioned.
On the walk, you try to not look too out of place as you watch the people pass you by. Their attire was a bit different than yours but not too much. Probably the only thing out of place was the boots and scarf. You even drag it down slightly to not call too much attention. You're shocked to see some teens and kids among the crowd, and people who look relatively kind.
It's at this moment that Bucky's words ring true to you. Some of these people have no idea what's even going on out there and it's not even their fault. This mission wasn't about killing a man that did you wrong.
Bucky halts in front of you and you know you've arrived.
ALERUS is written on the huge glass entrance.
When you step foot into the lobby, it's refreshing. The marble floors contrast harshly with your muddied shoes and the lights overhead were too bright for how you were feeling inside. There's an echo of a female voice resonating and you realize it's a recording announcing arrivals to ALERUS and scheduled events.
You follow Bucky to a check in machine. He checks into a room that was already discussed with Steve and the team that you would both check into. Next, he pulls out his ID. You both watch attentively as the AI system reads Bucky's number. You can tell he's apprehensive as it takes a bit a time, knowing that this was the part you both weren't sure would work. You feel yourself sweating through your clothes, scared that at any moment Hydra would be notified of a false identification attempt and you'd both be arrested, or worse, killed.
ACCEPTED
The screen reads back.
Bucky motions for you to go next with your ID and it is also accepted. He pays the AI the appropriate amount of cash and then the AI hands you two chips which you assume are the keys. You take the elevator to the twenty eighth floor and the ride is silent.
You want to speak to him but his emotions are unreadable. You look away, wanting to avoid another argument.
When you reach the floor your heart hammers away in your chest. You were going to be sharing a room. You were really doing this. You're not sure why this was affecting you differently now than it did back at the camp.
At the apartment door, Bucky lifts the chip to the door scanner. He presses the side of the chip which sends a hologram light into the scanner, followed by a click.
He opens the door and you both stand there for a moment, taking in the living quarters.
It's breathtaking.
Off to the right side was the living room with two full book cases. There were two couches, both silver. In front of them there was a coffee table and on the wall there was a large screen TV, underneath that a full collection of different kinds of liquor.
Across the living room there was a dining area with a holographic screen, probably an AI of some sort, next to it a hallway that led to what appeared to be a large kitchen with stainless steel appliances.
Stepping down from the foyer, you both lay your stuff down on the living room floor. The floor was a dark walnut wood.
Bucky watched as you ventured your way into the bedroom space.
It was huge. The entire wall was glass, at least twenty feet high and thirty feet wide. The bed had white pillows, white comforters, white sheets, and it was right up against the glass. In front of the bed was a gorgeous grey rug and at the corner, a round chair.
You walked up to the view, not believing anything that was happening. The tall skyscrapers and monorails were all you could see. Life was all you could see. You put your fingers up against the glass, swallowing tears.
You heard Bucky clear his throat behind you. You spun around and your breath caught in your throat. He had never looked so human, so broken.
"The AI downstairs said there should be some spare clothing for us in the closet."
You look at him for a brief moment longer before nodding. He nods back and then walks away. You turn your attention back to the window, still not believing any of this.
A few minutes later you hear the distant sound of a shower running and you feel your cheeks instantly blush.
You didn't want to think about naked Bucky when you still held that small crush for him. Especially when he hated you as much as he did. The reminder of that washed over you like a cold shower and you quickly find yourself digging through the closet and finding yourself a pair of grey sweats and a grey shirt. The normalcy of it all was strange.
When he enters the room, his hair is wet and he's already got his own sweats on. He ignores you as he walks over to the night stand, checking it for who knows what.
"I'm gonna take a shower." You tell him.
He doesn't say anything. You're not surprised.
You're grateful for the razors and diversity of shampoo this bathroom had been stocked with. The team knew what they were doing when chose this room specifically for this mission. After shaving what you needed to shave, washing every nook and cranny, and washing your hair, you felt like a completely new girl.
Stepping out of the steam and into the cool air of the loft, you realize how late it was. The sun had set and the only lights were coming from the lamp in bedroom off to the side and the blue reflection of the hologram onto the dining room table where Bucky stood. You noticed he was looking at something on the table and you want to ask him what he was doing but you were afraid he would snap at you. Instead, you find yourself walking to the bed. You sit on it as you look out into the glow of blue, pink, and yellow lights.
"Can you come over here, please?" His question has you stepping out of the bed and towards the dining area. It's when you are standing over him that you see him looking at what looks like an iPad, "Lets just get something straight," his finger continues to move over the iPad, "We're not here on vacation, and we're not here to relax. This is serious and I need you to start treating it as such."
His authoritative tone has you fuming.
"I wasn't relaxing. I didn't want to bother you. You looked busy."
"Of course, I'm busy, I'm working. And you should be, too," his eyes darted briefly towards the window, "not taking in the scenery."
"Why not? It's our battlefield for the next six months, is it not? Might as well learn the blueprint."
"Because I'm sure that's what you were doing. Learning the blueprints." He says with a scoff. You feel your cheeks burning with underlying anger. He always knew how to get on your last nerve. He turns the iPad over to you and shows you a document, "Page one of one fifty four. We need to find a job under our given occupation. We were given mediocre jobs, non essential, so it should be easy. Do you remember what yours was?"
"Bartender." You say without thought.
"Now let's go over tomorrow's tasks."
"Let's just get this shit over with." You say under your breath as you move in, without much thought.
Bucky lets out a heavy breath and places his hands on the table below him. He looks up at you with what could only be described as a glare. His gaze is dark and his lip is in a tight line.
"This shit is what I've been working on for the last three years."
"I didn't mean it like that." You say.
"Then what did you mean? That you just want to snap all of the issues away? Did you forget we actually have real work to do? Or are you still in that mindset that you need to kill the man that killed your parents and then leave because nothing else matters?"
You feel your eyes burn.
"Don't you dare talk about them like that."
"Please, you think you're the only one who had a family? We've all been there. But life goes on."
You feel tears prickle your eyes as you both stare at each other.
"Yeah, well, you should tell yourself that." You stare down at the iPad, "Let me read the tasks for tomorrow on my own, I don't need you to read anything for me. You're a dick and I'm a grown woman."
You practically hear him growl as he locks the iPad and pushes it away. You refuse to look at him as your anger continues to boil over and your eyes still burn.
"That's is what you don't understand, I am your partner. You are my partner," his voice is a husky growl that sends shivers down your spine, "I might not like it, but it's been done and now we need to do this together. We can't afford to get anything wrong. One mistake and me and you are both dead and this was all for nothing. I worked hard on this and I know that it will work if done right. Nothing will stand in my way of that. Do you understand?" You swallow hard and it hurts your throat, "Do you understand, Y/L/N?"
You take a deep breath.
"Yes." You say quietly.
"Good. Now let's go over this, together."
You go over what you will both do tomorrow. Job interview, get to know the community, make connections, get possible intel.
You're finally getting into bed to get some rest when you feel a looming body standing above it. You look over to the right to see Bucky standing there, looking hesitant.
"I'll take the couch." He says, but he doesn't move.
"Just get in." He looks at you and then at his pillow, "You hate me. What's the worst that could happen? You choke me in your sleep?"
"Don't joke about that."
You turn away from him and look out the window.
"Get in, Bucky. It's a bed. You and I both know we haven't had a real one in years."
He looks over you, his eyes flickering over your tattoo on the back of your neck as he does so.
He's afraid, but he tucks himself next to you. He lays on his side once he's under the comforter, his front to your back.
Was your tattoo a snake?
He looks over at the city and he knows why you had been captivated by it. It was breathtaking. The light from the moon was bouncing off the skin on your arm, making you glow.
You were just a kid.
"Can I ask you something?" You mumble into your pillow. You don't give him a chance to respond, "When's the last time you shared a bed with a girl?" Your question makes him stiffen and you feel him go rigid behind you. You fear that you were crossing a line that was not appropriate, but the way he had felt about sleeping next to you was startling and it wasn't a big deal, but it appeared to him that it was, "It's just a question. Was it in Wakanda? Brooklyn?"
Bucky's heart hammers away in his chest at the memory of the last time he spent the night with a girl.
You surprise him when you turn around, fully facing him. He's staring straight at you with a look you can't place.
"I never shared a bed with a boy before."
He doesn't know what to say to that and he also doesn't know how to feel at your confession. This seemed too private and too exposing and he didn't like it.
He closed his eyes, not baring to stare you at such close proximity.
"Tell me one thing about you. I need to know who you are if you expect me to work well with you. Tell me anything." Your voice quiets down to a whisper.
He doesn't want to. Not because he doesn't trust you or because he thinks you're not worthy of knowing anything about him like a normal person would, but because the things you were asking him were too hard to talk about. He was a man still very much in love. Why couldn't you ask him his favorite color or his favorite gun?
Realizing he wasn't going to answer, you sigh in defeat. You turn back around, trying to keep down the feeling of rejection.
A few minutes go by and suddenly he feels closer than he was before. You feel the heat of his strong body against your back.
"If you only knew." Your eyes flicker open at his words, confused as hell but also a bit happy that he answered you even if it wasn't really answer at all, "If you only knew, by Ella Fitzgerald." Suddenly your heart thuds away in your chest, "that's my favorite song."
