Fakeshipping (Marik Ishtar/Jonouchi Katsuya/Yami no Marik)
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((warnings for references to depressive episodes, panic attacks, and relapse))
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His fingers were shaking so badly that he could barely text. Autocorrect was the only thing that got the message sent the way it was supposed to by some miracle.
I relapsed again.
It was three in the morning, there was no way Ishizu would be awake, no way she would respond, oh god he shouldn't even be bothering her he should be better at this he should be able to handle this he thought he had healed from this—
The phone in his hand buzzed and he almost screaming, dropping it with a clatter to the floor. He hadn't expected a response so quickly.
He fumbled for the phone again, the carpet feeling thick and scratchy against his hands—god he was really panicking, every movement in every shadow felt like it was going to be him, looming up with a laugh and shoving him into his glass prison with a malicious sneer—
He managed to pick up the phone and flip it over to see—
That was not Ishizu's name on the screen.
His heart plummeted as he realized—oh gods he had texted the wrong person, in his panic he had messaged—Jonouchi, he had messaged Jonouchi and now his name was on the screen with the words are you all right do I need to call and oh fuck no, he can't bother Jonouchi with this, especially not him, he had more reason than Marik to fear Marik's shadow self and he had absolutely no reason to pity or care about Marik's breakdown when Marik had done just as many shitty things to Jonouchi as his other self had—
Oh fuck the phone was buzzing Jonouchi was calling him.
Marik wanted to hang up and deny the call but even in his panic he thought that would only worry Jonouchi more and he had already fucked up enough, ignoring him would just hurt him and he didn't want to hurt anyone—
His hands shook as he brought the phone to his ear.
"H-hello?" he whispered, his tight voice scaring even him.
"Marik? Marik are you okay? It's Jonouchi."
"I-I know…I'm sorry, I was trying to text Ishizu, I didn't want to bother you or wake you up it's okay—"
"Marik, it's fine, it's ten in the morning over here, I was already up and I don't have work today. Are you okay?"
Marik choked on his own air and had to press his hand to his mouth.
"I-I'm sorry, you shouldn't be dealing with me right now, I'll be fine I promise, I don't want to hurt you more than I already have, I'll just call Ishizu it's—"
"Marik, please, stay on the phone with me," Jonouchi said, his voice suddenly low and soothing. "Please…please I wanna help. Can ya breathe with me? Come on, in and out, okay? I'll help you count."
Marik felt actual tears rolling down his face—gods he hated himself so much right now, how could have been so stupid to text the wrong number, he was going to make Jonouchi worried, the last person on earth that should be worried about him.
"Are you still with me?" Jonouchi said.
"Y-yes," Marik mumbled. "I-I'm sorry…"
"It's okay," Jonouchi said again. "Really, it's okay. I'm here for you right now. What happened?"
Marik shook his head. He felt so dizzy…his chest felt all thick and light at once.
"I—I just…panic attack…I thought about…him again—I woke up and I couldn't move for a second and I thought he was back, I thought he was taking over again—gods I'm so sorry you don't want to remember him either—"
"Marik, it's okay," Jonouchi said. "Hey. It's okay. I'm here, and he can't touch you. He's gone."
"He was me, he was me, I was him, what if I become him again, what if I have been him all this time—"
He could almost see him, leering there with his tongue hanging out, whispering things to him again, telling him that he was worthless, that he should just give in, that they were one and the same and anything that they did was what the other did too.
"You're not him," Jonouchi said firmly. "You're not him. You decided you wanted to get better and you did; you're better than he ever was. You've grown past him."
"What if I didn't? What if he's still here?"
"He's not, and he can't touch you anymore, okay?" Jonouchi said, his voice still soft and soothing, like he was trying to calm a child—which, Marik supposed, he was acting like one right now. Gods why was he so stupid…he hated himself, but more than anything, he hated that other him that was tormenting him even now. "I'm right here and I'm gonna stay here on the phone with you until you're feeling okay. Okay?"
Marik swallowed.
"Why?" he mumbled. "I'm not worth this…"
"You're my friend now," Jonouchi said. "And friends take care of each other."
Marik was crying so hard that he couldn't see anymore. He curled up on the floor, the phone pressed to his ear.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm so sorry, Jonouchi."
"It's okay," Jonouchi said again. "I'm here for ya. I'm right here. You're gonna be okay."
He kept talking, low, soft, soothing, as Marik continued to cry it out, an anchor in the darkness.
I don't deserve this, he thought more than once.
But Jonouchi never disappeared.
And eventually…the vision in the shadows did.
. . .
A/N: That was a sweet one I guess? Yami Marik wasn't really there lol, but that seems to be a running theme with ships involving him. Next is Fairyshipping (Mokuba x Leon).
