I don't think I've ever been so close to a love like this


1 1/2 months later

(4 Months and 2 Weeks Into Mission)

They were moments like these.

You waved the spoon around in front of Bucky's face.

"Come on, taste it!"

He gave you a playful smile, the edges of his eyes crinkling up into two narrow slits.

"No! How will I know you didn't poison it?" He asks.

You give him a glare, your hand still in the air hovering the spoon near his lips.

"Seriously?"

He squints one eye at you. You see the twitch in his lips the moment he decides to finally give in.

"Fine."

You watch as he leans in, and the heat that unravels in you core shocks you as you watch him wrap his lips delicately around the silver object. A soft moan leaves his throat as he pulls back and his eyes close together.

You swallow thickly, eyes flickering up to try to meet his.

There's a long pause from him before he opens his eyes and they meet yours.

He smiles wide. His smile is genuine and full of heart.

"And?" You ask hesitantly. He lets out a heartfelt laughter that fills you heart with joy, catching you completely off guard as he takes you unexpectedly in his arms for a half turn. He tickles you on your side making you laugh, "Bucky, what the hell?"

He continues to hold you to him until his breathing evens out. You feel the brush of his fingers on your back.

His hold doesn't falter for even a second.

"It's amazing." He says softly.

You're amazing. He thinks.

You let out another chuckle when he gives you one more tickle for added effect.

You finally push him away by his shoulders.

"Stop," you say with a smile. He's still chuckling and grinning when he lets you go and turns back to the pot with the spoon still in his hand that he had snatched from you earlier. He dunks it back into the pot and you quickly reach to stop him, "Hey! I said just one!"

"Just one more."

"Not yet. We're going to eat together." You tell him quietly, taking the spoon from him.

Precious moments.

You were both facing each other criss cross on the floor, giggling.

Each of you sat with your back against each of the sofas, in between you a bowl of dry cereal.

Bucky made fun of you at first for it, but then he started to get used to your unusual cravings. He didn't mind it if it made you happy.

Bucky throws his head back against the seat of the couch, a few cereals in his flesh hand.

"I don't know what I even would've done as a carreer. It's weird never even having a chance to think about something like that." He says.

You squint your eyes at him.

"Strangely, I don't know what you would've been either."

He lifts his head back up and gives you a fake and mocking smile, which makes you shoot him a real one.

"Thanks." He says sarcastically and with a chuckle.

You push the bowl a little farther away from you, making room for you to bend your legs, hugging them against your chest.

Bucky stretches forward to grab more cereals.

"What options were you going to apply for?" He asks.

"Brown or NYU." You answer, "You know, there was a college by my friend's house that they used to call Slutgers."

Bucky raises a brow at this.

"What the fuck?" He can't help the laugh that escapes him as he asks.

"Yeah, long story. That wasn't the real name, though."

"Imagine if we had gone to college together." His voice is lower, a little more serious.

Your eyes meet intensely across the floor. You watch as his eyes dart over your face, lingering over the tip of your nose and to your lips.

"You would've been my professor, and that would have been awkward." You say quietly.

"Nah, I mean if I was born the same year as you and not when I had been born."

You swallow thickly and your eyes meet.

Then there were those moments.

You were happy, you told yourself. You were. It wasn't that you need the reassurance, so much as the reminder.

At times, especially during the nights, you often felt empty or like there was something missing. You felt like something had been left open ended but you just weren't sure.

Those moments came when you were washing a cup in the sink and you looked over to see Bucky ranting about something cute Ashens did the day before, giving you a huge smile.

It came when Bucky would give you that look he's been giving you the last few months. The ones the made you want to kiss him or hit him, because it wasn't platonic or innocent at all. You hated that he still made you doubt how he really felt about you and you hated that you had a feeling that you think he had feelings for you, but he wouldn't say anything.

It was moments like those that you found yourself thinking about Bucky again when you both knew you had moved on.

Right?

You were happy. You were happy with Pietro. But why couldn't you still stop thinking about Bucky?

You think about him on your walk to Pietro's place. You always do.

You're thinking about him now. Right now you're having those thoughts: What if he did have feelings for me?

You and Pietro are on the couch talking about each other's days when he leans down and gives you a slow kiss. It's soft.

"I really like you, Y/N." You blinked up at him, "And no, I still won't ask why you use two names. I know there's more to you than meets the eye, but I'm willing to dive in and discover it all." You could feel the brush of thus thumb against your jaw and it makes you swallow hard, "if you let me."

You reach up to touch his hand, letting it rest over his on your face.

What if he did have feelings for me?

Even if he did, he was doing nothing about it. He didn't care enough.

And so the cycle continued.

Maybe this was the moment.

The one.

Bucky brought you along this time to meet Ashens, and the little boy is everything Bucky made him out to be.

Their interaction leaves you feeling warm inside. There's also this undeniable feeling to want to nurture him. To take him into your arms and protect him.

Both of you.

You introduce yourself by telling him your Bucky's friend. He asks if you're an Avenger and you say no.

There's a solum silence between the three of you and your heart squeezes tightly as you watch Bucky ruffle the boys head, bringing him into his chest for a tight hug.

"It's different this time, isn't it?" The little boy asks, his hands going to Bucky's shirt, grasping the cotton there desperately.

You watch as Bucky swallows hard, his eyes holding a kind of sadness you've never seen before.

You didn't even know, but that was the moment that did it for him.

Bucky closed his eyes and hugged the boy tighter.

"We are going to talk to you about something important, is that okay?" He whispers.

The boy nods.

You both talk to him. You tell him what is appropriate for him to know, without scaring him. Bucky does most of the talking as you both now kneel down next to Ashens, you holding his hand.

"Do you know the kind of man your father is?" You ask slowly, meeting Bucky's eyes,

"I know he's a bad guy." Ashens says quietly, "I know."

"You said you trust us." Bucky's statement is not formed into a question.

"Yes."

"He's part of Hydra." Bucky tells him and Ashens nods.

You continue to watch Bucky, knowing that this needs to be this direct. No sugar coating.

You can't tell little Ashens' fear, you can sense it as his hold on your hand tightens and you feel your throat closing up.

You bring him into you, placing your chin on top his little head. Bucky watches you, enthralled, and he wonders if you feel this, too.

This connection, this undeniable moment of pure connection.

He wants to kiss you so much. God, he wants to.

He leans his own chin on Ashens' head until yours and Bucky's faces are only inches apart.

Ashens cries softly in fear and Bucky leans down, kissing the top of his head. Bucky raises his head back up and you feel it too.

The connection. This moment.

This was the moment that Bucky realized that what he felt for you was true love.

This wasn't infatuation and this wasn't anything small.

He was in love with you.

You didn't know but you could see the moment something happens inside of him and that's when you knew he had feelings for you.

It wasn't your imagination.

And it made you sad and angry all at the same time.

"In about a month, we're going to ask you to do something and you're going to have to trust us," Bucky continues to tell the little boy, not looking away from you, "We are here to save you."

If you have feelings for me, why aren't you doing anything about it? Why are you being this way? Was I right the entire time?

Your thoughts run around in your head.

Bucky's eyes goes to your lips and he wants to cry.

Instead, he just closes his eyes, brings his hand to your head and leans his forehead on yours.

For just a few minutes you let him. The three of you are in this tight embrace, a symbol of trust and love.

You could feel Bucky's thumb rub against your scalp tenderly and you swallowed the tears that laid in your throat, begging to escape.

You had been right.

He's had feelings for you all this time.

And you were angry.