Chapter Eighteen: PART ONE

"Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered".

Lucas POV

I'd like to believe that I'm a good person, that I have never truly hurt anyone intentionally, or ruined anyone's life. You can only hope that you've left some kind of mark in this world by helping people and sharing some love along the way. That I have been a good father, and at one point a good husband. But like any average person, we all have our flaws. And my flaw, I was always going to be in love with Brooke Davis. Not many people would say that's a flaw, but there's always a catch when it comes to love; I didn't think she was going to love me back. This is what I've been trying to tell everyone for the last five days.

Hawaii has been amazing, especially because I've tried to make it unforgettable for Meg. She is smiling like her face is going to fall off. Physically impossible I know. But it's one of those weeks where everything is almost magically. We're all having fun and laughing. Being with my Mother and the rest of the family is really the only thing I wanted for Christmas. And of course it's an added bonus that Brooke is here too. We are a complete family when it's the three of us. The way it should be.

Why did I ever think I could get over her?

The worst part is I guess I'm not hiding my affection towards her that much either. When you're around our family, no one keeps their opinions to themselves.

"Lucas for someone who is supposed to be over her, you should stop staring", Nathan had said the first day we were on the beach. I mean how I was supposed to look away, I still don't know. I'm convinced she's cast a love spell on me since we were sixteen years old. It's only gets worse with age.

Haley has lectured me a few times as well. Christmas Eve she asked me if there was anything going on between Brooke and I. Then again asked me on Christmas Day, this time with Ma involved. I don't always give them a straight answer. I dodge it with questions about their life, or make Megan save me with our signal we have. It's a method we made up this week to avoid the topics we didn't want to talk about with the family. If they asked Megan about her health, because you can definitely tell there's some kind of weight difference, or that she's watching what she eats. So if I hear the phrase, "Don't you think this place is beautiful", I go and rescue her from the awkwardness. It's a phrase that isn't too obvious but also meaningful. She's my main excuse to get out of any situation.

Maybe the real reason why I've been avoiding it all is because I don't know what's really going on with Brooke and me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about loving her. We keep having these moments where were laughing about good memories, the things that are going in our lives, stories about Meg, and about the rest of the family. It is fun, it's carefree, and it's the version of Brooke that only a select few get to see. But last night might have pushed it too far.

"Luke", she had whispered when we were sitting outside on the porch of our hotel suite. Megan was sound asleep in the bed she'd been sharing with Brooke this week. We'd been talking for hours and for some weird reason we didn't have any alcohol. I turn to face Brooke since she's sitting next to me and grin to let her know I'm listening.

"I shouldn't have asked you to forget what happened in New York".

If I had a drink I would've spit it all over me at this point. There's one thing you have to appreciate from someone, and that's when they apologize for something you wouldn't expect them to apologize for.

"No you were right too. We shouldn't have done what we did", I protest knowing that in a lot of ways Brooke was the mature one in that moment. Having sex that night wasn't the right thing to do, especially because Brooke was cheating.

"But we did it. It wasn't just a mistake what I", she stumbles over her sentence and I cut her off before she can go on. "Were not going to have this talk about if that was a mistake because you clearly said it was that next morning. I've forgiven you for it. We can really let it go like you asked". I meant it too. I had forgiven her. I was ready to accept whatever kind of 'friendship' Brooke and I had established in the last couple weeks. We were going to be co-parents again. I could really live once more with her in my life.

Instead of answering she scoots over in the bench we've been sitting in and takes my face in her hands. "Luke, I haven't been able to let that moment go since it happened. The mistake wasn't the sex", her gaze is pouring into mine as she speaks "the mistake was telling you I didn't love you".

I take her hands away from my face and stand up. I can't hear this. "Brooke we can't keep doing this to each other. You're just confused and", I go to make more excuses for her but she surprises me, she kisses me. And it's not a normal kiss, nothing like the one we shared three months ago, this one I felt in my gut.

"I'll always love you", she whispered once her lips left mine. "I just wanted you to know it. I was wrong".

After she said that, I turned and basically ran to my bedroom. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know what to think because this changes everything. The moment can't escape my mind either as it constantly replays even when we're finishing dinner. Were all in the hotel restaurant banquet room enjoying one last night together. There are some other things I need to work out in my mind before I focus on what Brooke had confessed. We still haven't told Mom about Megan's heart condition. I'm beginning to wonder if it'll ever come up. I won't speak to Brooke about what happened last night and I think she's starting to become impatient with me. I'm focused on Meg right now and my family. The conversation is winding down around the dinner table and I'm thinking this is the best time for Meg to tell them. As if Haley reads my mind that I'm about to say something, she stands up with her wine glass clearing her throat.

"I just wanted to say a few words while we are all gathered around tonight. This week has been an absolute pleasure, being all together as a family. All I see is love around this table, and I'm forever grateful for it". She raises her glass and winks at Meg. My child is hanging on to every word she speaks as she continues. "This is to love, to love of my family". We all raise our glasses and I can't help but feel a set of eyes on me when Haley says that, and it isn't my best friends. I look across the table and its hazels orbs I find. Why must she tempt me? There's that sparkle castes in her stare that dares me to see what hidden under that expression of hers. Maybe I made it obvious when Brooke and I made eye contact because Haley began to talk even more.

"I'd like to say one more thing. To Jamie, Megan, and Lily, I want you guys to really look at this love around this table. I want you guys to believe in it. To believe in true love like I do, that love at first sight is real. And that love conquers all. That doesn't mean there won't be hard days or difficult things to deal with, because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you back", she stumbles over her last sentence when Nathan laces his hand through hers. She stops to beam at him, never leaving his gaze when she declares "it just makes everything so much easier".

"To love", Ma answers for the group and we all repeat after her.

"There's something I'd like to say too", Megan stands from her chair and glances around the table. That's when she looks at me and I see her nod at me letting me know this is what she wants to do. This is her moment.


Megan POV

It feels like so much has happened in a short amount of time. This week, this month, everything seems to be happening so much faster than usual. But to be here, with my family, this time means more than anything in the world.

I like to see people reunited, maybe that's a silly idea, but what can I say, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone. The vacation is coming to an end which only makes me think of what's gone down with my family. And by gone down, I mean nothing. Dad and Mom have spent a lot of time together, and it seems like they're really getting along. I want to ask, 'has Mom told him the truth', but I know she hasn't. They'd be together. I only know that because of what she confessed to me a couple days ago.

"Mom, what's been on your mind", I questioned since the last two days she's been in one of her moods. The one mood where all she does is distract herself and stare mindlessly at me or Dad. Mom shocks me by laughing and I don't know how to react.

"Oh my baby, how do you know there's something going on with me"? We were lying in the room I had claimed to be mine in our suite. It was a California king bed but somehow Mom and I ended up touching throughout each night. Sleep couldn't come to me so easily and I don't think Mom was close to sleeping either.

"I know you Ma, your upset about something". I scoot over and lay my head down on her shoulder, bringing my arm across her stomach. Her lips land on top of my forehead and I relish in her embrace.

"I don't want to get you into my problems. Being here with everyone has put a lot of things in perspective for me". I hear her release a deep breath then knowing what things must have been sorted for her, things with Dad. "I've made a lot of mistakes. And I know there has been a lot I have been able to fix. But there's this one very complicated mistake that I didn't know was a mistake until now".

"What is it", I whisper leaning up to look at her expression. She turns her face away from me, not wanting to look at me.

"I should have never said yes to Julian".

To say I was beyond stunned when she said that would be a lie. I didn't know she felt that way. I figured once we got home from Hawaii she was going to have Julian come to Tree Hill or something. She acted like she wanted to make it work with him still.

"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want too. I know I probably wouldn't be the best advice giver right now. Especially because I am only sixteen years old and all, but can I say one thing", she finally looks at me then nodding her head. "The reason you shouldn't have agreed to marrying Julian is because you're still in love with Dad".

"I will always be in love with your father Meg. There's more to it than that".

She didn't say much after her confession and I didn't need her too. She was still in love with him. That's a start. I was thankful to know the truth. I can only hope it will set her free sooner than later. All I've ever wanted was for my parents to be happy as a couple again and I really thought they'd be able to make a breakthrough here. Maybe I've missed their moments, maybe when I've been sleeping they've spent their time together and are keeping it a secret. I won't know until they tell me, so I'll let it be.

So right before we went to dinner, Grandma took me aside asking me why I think Mom stilled love him. I kind of looked at her funny when she had said that, shrugging my shoulders to take one last glimpse at my two favorite people in the world. "People that are meant to be together always find their way back in the end".

"Well why now, why is this time the time they should be back together". That's when I knew Grandma was catching on to my plan; she knew there was an ulterior motive. She just didn't know what that was yet.

Instead of giving her the right answer, I threw my arms around her and kissed her cheek. While I hugged her, I leaned in her ear and whispered the most honest reason why I wanted them together, "they'll need each other now the most".

I was saved from giving an explanation then, but now I was up front and centered. This was the time I had to use.

"First of, I wanted to say how much this week has meant to me", my words fail after that as I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. "I knew at a young age that family would be the most important thing in my life. A quote my Dad once told me is bubbling in my mind right now, 'I'm beginning to think that you don't find happiness from living your life looking ahead or back; that you find it when you look around'. I want you guys to hold on to that, to know that my happiness comes from loving you all. And what I have to say next isn't easy to announce". A tear slips out before I can blink it away, making me fully vulnerable in front of them all.

"I have HCM".

There it is again. That god awful thing I have going on.

Grandma starts to cry first and stands up to come towards me. "Why didn't you tell me sooner", the question of the hour. Why didn't I?

"I didn't want anyone to get upset. I'm going to be fine", I laugh sniffling a little to hide that tear I let fall. I don't think it will ever get easier to tell the people I love I'm not okay.

"Isn't that what you have Luke, you take your meds and your good right", Lily asks trying to make sense of it I'm assuming.

"It's a little more complicated than that". Now wasn't the time I wanted Dad to sweep down and save me. I wasn't going to tell them that.

"The medicine I had been prescribed first wasn't working. And a second one didn't either. I'm on my third option and once I'm home I'll have to go see a Vascular Heart specialist. But like I've said, I'm fine", I stretch out the word fine a little too harshly. I sit back down and take a sip of a drink trying to swallow down my anger and sadness. Glancing up I feel every set of eyes on me at the table.

"I am going to be okay. It's all going to be okay", I leer at them all and try to be convincing. It didn't work. Grandma wraps her arms around my shoulder, squeezing me into her hold. Lily reaches from across the table to clasp my hand making me silently start to weep.

"You're exactly right Meg, you're going to be okay", Grams soothing words relax me as she lets go to sit back down next to Grandpa.

"I'm going to go back to the room and check on Lydia", Aunt Haley is the first to get up from the table and then one by one we all kind of scatter. Jamie and I end up going back to my hotel room to spread out on my bed. We turn on some re runs of The Office and I figured I'm in the clear of a real talk when he suddenly turns to stare at me. It's that expression of his that's looking at me like I'm broken. I want to scream at him that I am not shattered; I am not going to be damaged because of this. That I am going to get better. But he knows me, sometimes better than I think I know myself. Who knows if I'm really going to be okay. The night of me collapsing on the River Court showed proof to how bad it could be.

I wanted to escape for the night. My dream would have been packing a bag and heading to a new place where I could be just a face in the crowd, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. The next best thing was the River Court. I could at least escape my mind there.

Things were bad lately. I haven't been okay since we've been home from New York and I know Dad hasn't been either. He's been sulking around the house for weeks and he's doing his best in pretending that I won't notice how depressed he is. I've been told by Aunt Haley he won't even answer Mom's phone calls. I'm also avoiding those too, but I don't get why Dad is. She didn't really do anything to him like she did to me.

I slam the basketball against the pavement a little bit harder thinking about the things she said to me. She had the audacity to ask me to move to New York. She wanted me to choose her or Dad. How could I possibly make that choice? And why would she want me too.

Throwing the ball the hardest I can I relish in the sound of the backboard getting slammed by the impact of the ball. It follows back to my feet and I run towards the basket to pop in a right handed lay-up. All I have is this anger towards my Mother and no matter how hard I try, I can't let it go. The worst part is I'm the stupid one. I asked her to come back home. I asked her to choose me. How senseless was I to think she actually would. This time I just throw the ball across the court, not caring where it lands. Tears start falling down and I clenched my jaw to stop the sobs from fleeing. Why did she have to do this to me?

I start to walk towards the direction the basketball went to when I have to stop. A sharp pain goes throughout my body making it difficult to move. The pain is coming from my chest and I grasp it trying to steady my breathing. I cry out in agony, never experiencing this level of pain. Before I can do anything, it all goes black and I feel my body fall back towards the asphalt.

It's not until a couple hours later that I wake up in a hospital bed that I realize what had happened. I got to hear how if it wasn't for Jamie coming to find me at the River Court within minutes I would have been dead. He told me later he cried the entire way in the ambulance, or how he called Aunt Haley before he called my Dad.

"You wouldn't wake up Meg. What would I have done if I found you dead there". That was his constant statement and I knew it changed him forever. It changed me forever too. My heart had suddenly become a defect in my body. It stopped functioning right which caused me to pass out. They didn't know the reason, until I started getting test done. A week later the results of having HCM came in.

"I'm not going to do this", Jamie finally breaks the silence bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Do what" I question trying not to sound too harsh.

"I'm not going to sit here and act like nothing is wrong". Jamie was always straightforward about things. He knew I was upset. And he knew we couldn't sit here with the impression things were okay. I stand up from the bed and walk over to my suitcase to get one of my hoodies while speaking "look I get it Jamie but right now that's what I want to do", pulling the hoodie over my head I see Jamie has stood too coming to stand in front of me.

"I know that's what you want to do, and I'll do that for you. But once were back in Tree Hill, things are going to change. You're going to have to open up to someone if it's not going to be me". He's taking a stab at Ryder now; the one who I'm thankful is waiting for me back at home.

"That's not fair. You know you're the only one I would have told about this if it wasn't for your big mouth. You're the one who told my father". Jamie takes a step back crossing his arms over his chest. I had gotten the call from the doctor that revealed my HCM results when we were hanging out at my house. We were by ourselves and Jamie had overheard my entire conversation so I couldn't hide it from him. But I wanted to hide it from my Dad at first. I didn't want anyone to know. In a way I wanted to protect my father, I didn't want to give him this burden since he lives with it already too.

"You really have to let that go. I did that to protect you. I did the right thing and you know it".

'I know you did the right thing Jamie, you always do the right thing", I take my hand through my hair and look at the situation in front of me. The worst thoughts come to my mind and I shake my head to get them to pop out. "You saved my life Jamie. But sometimes I think I'd be doing everyone a favor if you hadn't".

This time Jamie doesn't hold back from yelling, "How could you even say that".

"That's how I feel I don't want to but it's the truth. Getting HCM has ruined everything", I confess throwing my hands up in the air. The waterworks start again and I don't try to wipe them away.

"Megan it hasn't ruined everything. You're still here. You're alive. And you got back the one thing you wanted. You got your Mom". I know he's right but it still doesn't make this any easier. He knows it too. "You can't let this thing beat you down when you're not even down in the first place. Where's that optimistic cousin of mine that never cared what anyone said, who never stopped proving anyone who's ever doubted her wrong. Where is that Scott heart in you at"?

"She collapsed on the River Court. I don't think that girl got back up".

Jamie shakes his head no, coming to stand in front of me. He pulls me into his chest, squeezing me tighter than I think he's ever hugged me before. Jamie knew I was right. We both weren't the same after that night. A part of us both died. Mine was my innocence, that thinking things could only get better attitude. His, well to me, it was the fact that maybe I wouldn't be around forever. It's a scary thing to think about the person who you've grown side by side with could one day not be there at all.

"I wish it was me", he whispered so softly in my ear that if I hadn't been paying attention to his breathing I wouldn't have been able to hear it. I lean up to take his face in my hands and shake my head.

"No Jamie, don't say that. Even if I can't accept it right now, there's a reason for everything. There's a reason God gave me this. I might not know the answer but even so, I wouldn't wish it was anyone but me who's dealing with this. And I wouldn't in anyway want to wish it on my best friend in the world". He nods his head reaching back to grasp me in his embrace. We end up back into my bed, my head on his shoulder and his resting on top of mine. I don't know how long we stay in silence for until I hear him whisper again. "I love you Meg". I wanted so desperately to reply back but I was too tired and my words were failing. But then I remembered love sometimes doesn't need words. You can somehow feel it. Jamie knew I did. He knew out of anyone, I'd always love him no matter what.


To my fellow readers,
I know it's been a while since I've updated this story…But I'm back. And I wanted you guys to have a chapter that made up for some lost time. I don't know if I'll continue to update. I don't know if I'll ever finish this. But I wanted to write for myself a chapter that meant something to me. This story means a lot to me and I hope you guys appreciate this chapter. I will say there is a second part to this that I will post soon. It will be Brooke's POV, and just have some hope for me guys….It just needs to be perfect in my eyes. Thank you for the reviews and for the love and support. I hope I make you guys proud.
–All my love, Megan.