Chapter Eighteen PART TWO:

Brooke POV

"Hey it's Julian sorry I can't get to my phone right now, leave a message".
Almost three weeks and no answer. Not even on Christmas. Not even a text message. Nothing. Absolute silence. It should anger me, but it doesn't. He knows I owe him more than a phone call.

"Julian, it's Brooke, again. We need to talk. I'll be in Tree Hill on Sunday from my vacation. I know you're mad at me. But you shouldn't punish me for going to see my daughter. Bye".

After dinner when Meg told everyone I found myself walking towards the beach. I didn't know what else to do except clear my mind. All I could think about was if I ever was going to get things right.

I've had a revelation. And it's all I could think about since last night.

I wanted my life back. Not just being Megan's Mom, or Haley's best friend, the one who helps out everyone, I want to be with Lucas. The man that somehow it seems my heart only beats for him.

You learn a lot when you're with your family. Karen and Haley have hinted at Lucas all week. And I knew they're all thinking the same thing. Am I still in love with him?

Of course I wasn't ready to admit it to them at first. I couldn't even admit it to myself; until now.

It's been one of those things that I've learned to push to the back of my mind. I was pretending. Pretending that being with Lucas that night in New York wasn't the greatest sex I had since we were married. Faking that moving on with Julian made me happy. I was a fucked up person. And I didn't really get it until I was around the people that knew me the most.

Why was I forcing something not to happen when it was so clearly inevitable?

I think what really did me in was my Mom, and not the woman who gave birth to me. My Mom was always going to be Karen.

Karen had stolen me away one morning to go get coffee for everybody. I was nervous to spend one on one time with my ex mother in law for more than one reason. She knew me. And she let me have it regardless of my feelings.

"Can I tell you something", Karen and I were in the middle of talking about Lily's new interest in fashion when she suddenly became more attentive. "I'm proud of you".

"Why are you proud of me"? I asked kind of harshly. I didn't think I've heard those words from anyone in a really long time. I haven't made a lot of good decisions recently and I wasn't proud of them.

"You don't get enough credit for achieving your dream. I'm proud of you for starting up Clothes over Bros and making it become a million dollar company. You can do anything you set your mind too".

I smiled at her and squeezed her shoulder. "That means a lot coming from you. But if it was all taken away tomorrow, I'd be absolutely okay with it". I think I shocked her with my words because she ends up stopping our walk to the Café and sits down on an empty bench. "If it's all taken away, what would you do"?

"I'd be home". The word home comes out raspier then I meant too.

"Where is home"?

My eyes strain away from her motherly look, the one I know she gives me when she's trying to help me understand things that I don't. But I know what home is. It isn't a place or a person. It's a feeling. It's being with my family. It's being with Lucas and Megan. "Home is where the heart is. I left my heart in the same place five years ago. I just don't think I realized that until recently. But there's time. I can find it again".

Karen nods, placing her hand in mine to clench. "Don't waste your time with anything but the things that make you the happiest. I spent a lot of time pretending to be happy. I spent a lot of time thinking that I wasn't in love with Keith. And when I finally stopped, look at what he gave me". Tears already start swelling in my eyes just at the pure innocent sound of his name. The man that affected the lives of so many, especially mine.

"Do you think that if you finally had realized it earlier, that things would have worked out differently"?

"You can't change the past. And you can't live with regrets. Maybe it would of. Lily would have had her father instead. But that's not for me to decide or to think. Everything happens for a reason. And even though I lost him, he knew how I felt. At least I have that". I nod my head to let her know that I understood what she meant. "Don't keep pretending anymore".

She always had that way of speaking right to my heart. I knew she was right. I just didn't know how I could go about fixing it. I didn't have the exact track record of doing the correct things. But I was taking the right steps towards it.

I know what I want.

I didn't for a long time. And now that I do, I'm going to do anything in my power to make sure this is the way it should be. I deserve to get everything I want. Maybe I don't deserve Lucas after everything we've been through, but I do deserve to try and make it right.

I needed to know one thing, why was Lucas so convinced I didn't love him anymore?

Was it because of New York? Was it because I didn't come back home that much within the last five years? What was it that made him so blind?

I was thankful that Haley had some answers to my questions.

"Do you think I've made a mistake"? When that question lingers in the air causing absolute dead silence, you kind of already know the answer.

"I never judged you for doing what you wanted to do. But that doesn't mean it didn't make you happy. Clothes Over Bros is a success", Haley proclaims not looking away from putting sunscreen on her legs. We've been sunbathing on the beach for the last three hours with the kids. Karen and Andy are accompanying Lydia down by the shore while the rest of our family is swimming in the ocean. It's been the first time in days Haley and I have had a minute alone. After I talked to Karen I needed help. I needed the answers. And it wasn't about Clothes over Bros.

"Haley", I utter and by the sound of my voice I think she realizes I'm being serious. She looks at me and I see the instant realization she has as her mind replays my question. "I've been pretending for many years that I've been happy". She reaches over to touch my hand. "I know Brooke".

"What do you do once you get your dream and suddenly wonder if reality would have been better"?

"It's never too late to have that reality. But you've already changed a lot. You've back home. You've been in talks with opening a store in town. What else is there to fix", Haley pries making me know I can open up to her.

"When we get home I'm going to break things off with Julian".

"Because he hasn't called you since you've been down here or because of something, or should I say someone else". I knew she knew me.

"I really thought that Lucas and I would have been like you and Nate. Married for 17 years, a couple more kids, you know; the life we used to dream about. And now, this is our life. Except I'm not married to the man I love anymore. And I don't think I can alter it". She doesn't say anything and I loved her even more in that moment.

"I want my happy ending Hales. How can I tell him I know now when I've just put him through hell"?

"You do it anyway. You don't let it stop you. You tell him and then you go from there".

"I don't think it's that easy", I whisper taking my free hand to wipe a tear that I knew would fall. "He doesn't even think I love him anymore".

"If you love him, you tell him. You fight for him. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there".

Well I told him, and he didn't believe me. He actually ran away from me.

I need to find him. I need to fight for him.

I turn around to start to walk towards the Hotel and my breath gets taken away. He found me first.

"Luke", I stutter because he hasn't talked to me since last night.

"You can't do this to me". Taking in his expression I know he's having an inner battle inside that head of his. I want to reach out and hold him. Bring him close to me to comfort. But I have to explain myself first. I have to fight.

"Do what", I let out in a shaky breath. Almost as if it's on instinct, I kink my eyebrows up at him. He steps closer to me never letting out eye contact go.

"You can't keep getting my hopes up".

I break our contact then taking my hand through my hair. "I wanted to be honest".

"Why couldn't you be honest three months ago"?

"I didn't think I'd be able to have you".

He looks utterly confused then and I know I need to explain myself more.

"I thought after everything I had lost you. And then we had that moment in New York and it was all so confusing. I thought we were over and in one instant everything I thought I knew had changed. I was scared". A deep breath comes out of Lucas's mouth then and he takes another step closer. "I probably didn't help that confusion that next morning huh".

"No you just knew what you wanted", I reply to reassure him that I am the bad guy. "I should have said yes".

"But you didn't", he answers shyly and I see he is staring at my left hand. I know what he's noticing. I don't have on my engagement ring from Julian on. I took that off before I came to Hawaii. I forgot to put it on before we left but I think that was for a reason.

"I wish I did". He takes the next step forward and our hands immediately lace together. "When did you forget what you promised me"?

FLASHBACK

"Alright I think that's everything", I said out loud looking at my side of the closet Lucas and I shared. It's empty. And the rest of my bags are probably already half way to my apartment in New York. Even though I was staying there temporarily, this permanent move makes me feel bitter. I go to sit on the edge of the bed that's now not mine and take a deep breath. Megan's at school so she isn't here to say goodbye before I leave. I wanted it that way. She doesn't understand why I'm moving to New York completely and away from her. Lucas and I made a deal she would stay here to finish growing up in Tree Hill. I would be too busy with the next phase of Clothes over Bros and Lucas made it pretty clear even if I wanted to bring Meg he wouldn't let it happen without a fight. I think we both didn't want to get anymore lawyers involved other than our divorce attorney. Something I pushed to have. Part of me did that in spite, another because I knew it was for the best. Sometimes love isn't enough to make you happy. I'm having a hard time believing that ours wasn't because my love has never altered. Life just did.

I glance behind me to check the alarm clock next to the bed and see the taxi to take me to the airport should be arriving any minute. Next to the clock there is a picture of my family. I don't hesitate standing up to grab it cradling it into my lap. It's a picture of Megan, Lucas, and I at the beach a few years ago. She's got on the cutest Little Mermaid swimsuit I forced her to wear with her beaming smile while Lucas and I are kissing each side of her cheeks. That was such a good day.

"I'll see you soon", I frowned talking to the small girl in the picture and place it down on the bed.

"Talking to yourself", for a second I think I'm transported back in time. A time long ago when I was about to head to California for the summer before senior year. Before everything changed in our lives, before Megan, before all of these hardships; the beginning. Just like before, Lucas is standing in front of me with a tight smile on his face. "Why is your summer job driving a cab", the words come out of my mouth before I can even stop. He laughs and lets out a shaky breath. It immediately reveals to me how broken he is. "I put your stuff in the car".

"So I guess this is goodbye", my voice cracks as Lucas leans down in front of me taking my hands into his. "This is nothing like it was all those years ago, is it"?

"No it's not", he whispers squeezing our hands even tighter together.

"I remember you had told me that day, if you ever got a second chance you'd never let me go again". My breathing gets heavier as I take my palm sliding out of his to touch his cheek. He leans into it baring his eyes into mine. "I don't want you to let me go".

"I know Brooke. But this dream, this is what you want". He hands me my airport ticket with the hand I let go of and stands breaking our embrace.

"Lucas", I whisper making him turn again. I throw my arms around his neck squeezing his body into mine. He reciprocates the hug, kissing the side of my head. We lean away from each other with small smiles and I do the only thing I know how to do, I kiss him. My lips boar into his making me relish in the goosebumps that flow throughout my entire body

He's the first one to let go. "Tell me that was a goodbye kiss". He says it more like he's taunting me and we both end up laughing out loud. We've became so much more than those teenagers who had no idea what loving someone meant. We taught each other how to be there for someone regardless of the situation. We learned each other, sometimes I think we knew one another better than ourselves. Lucas had become my best friend. He was my life partner, the father to my child. He is my husband but now it's never going to be the same.

"I know you're doing this because you love me. And I know saying thank you for this won't do much. But please Luke, I can stay. I don't have to choose this. If you ask me too, I'll choose you". He smiles nodding his head and I know he thinks I'm being irrational.

"You've already chose Brooke".

"Then I want to choose again. Ask me Lucas. Let me choose you think I'll choose New York I know but I can choose. I will choose right. Please just ask me". I sound desperate. I know he know this. But if he asks me to choose I will do right. I will stay and I will be his wife and we will be a family. We can do better this time. We can learn from our mistakes. We've been doing that for years, we can continue.

"Brooke", he utters and takes a step back. "I don't want you to choose me. I want you to choose yourself".

A sob escapes my lips and I want to scream again for him to listen to me. But how lucky am I to have someone who loves me so much, that wants me to choose my dream. I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have fallen in love with him.

"How am I supposed to stop loving you"?

"Promise me you won't", he whispered and for the last time his lips found mine.

And I did.

"I know I got lost. I know that I haven't been the best me. But even after all these years, I haven't stopped loving you".

"What about Julian"?

I shake my head and feel a laugh erupt coming out of no-where. "I'm sorry I got lost. I'm sorry I agreed to marry him. I just didn't think I was able to run back to you anymore. I wanted you so bad. Even after all of these years. And all I ever wished was that you know that every time I didn't come back, I almost did. It was always to you. I know I had a hard time showing it. I was just scared. Afraid you wouldn't want me anymore. Not after all the hurt I put you through".

"You can't change the past". Unconsciously I squeeze my hands in his and let go of one to touch his cheek. I nod to let him know I heard him but smile in his gaze. "No you can't. But you can choose where you go from here".

"What do you want Brooke? What is saying all these things going to do"?

I bring my hand to the back of his neck pushing it down so our foreheads are touching. "I want what's mine".

"I want to fix my mistakes. And my biggest mistake was ever thinking that I could ever not love you. You said it yourself Luke, we can't just be friends. It was about time I realized that I had given you my heart a long time ago. And I never really got it back. It's been in you". I slide my hand from his neck down his chest and cover it feeling his heart beat. "But if you don't want to do this again, if you don't want me to fight for you and tell you these things, I won't. But I have to try".

"People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end. Let's redeem the past because I know I've hurt you and we've hurt each other but I don't want to waste any more time pretending. I'm the girl for you Lucas Scott. And you are the guy for me. I know I have a hard time showing it but"…

Before I can finish my thought that sparkle in his eye glistens and I think I might have melted away when he cuts me off saying, "I love you".


Authors Note:

I wanted to give my readers what they've been asking for…and HERE IT IS! I hope you guys loved it. This is setting up for the rest of the story…be patient. REVIEW! And see what happens next!
-All my love,
Megan