Bitter
Chapter 10
All too soon, Mike had to leave. The deployment came up faster than planned and he literally only had forty-eight hours notice. Not nearly enough time to prepare for it. Christine was still on crutches and Katie was not feeling good but he had to go. And he was worried because he didn't trust a lot of the government that had been set up.
His last night at home, Christine had used their meager supplies to cook him a nice dinner. It was a reminder of the last dinner he had had with his kids before leaving for the Arctic, except for Lucas not being there and Christine struggling. Still, it was nice and he enjoyed the time with his daughters and even his wife. That night, as he settled into bed, Mike was reminded of their last nights before a deployment before his and Christine's separation. They would put the kids to bed, and he would spend a little extra time with them before spending time with Christine; talking and making love.
That was not going to happen this time. Christine was in no shape and their marriage was in no shape, but it did feel nice to fall asleep next to her. The night before his deployment to the Arctic had been lonely. As Christine settled, with her head on his chest and her leg slung over his; he wondered what was going to happen when she was well enough. He still wasn't sure he was ready for his marriage to go back together, because he still missed Michelle. And as much as she tried, Christine would never be Michelle.
He still appreciated that she was trying and that she understood that he was going through some sort of grieving process for Michelle. He would never want his daughters to be without their mother, but he selfishly wished Michelle had lived. He just wasn't sure he would have wished Christine dead. She was the mother of his children, and they had had a good marriage for many years. The problem was, about the time he was ready to forgive her; he remembered getting word that she had cheated. It had caused him to spiral, and in turn; endanger his career and reputation.
"Mike; there is a chance you'll find her, you know? I know who you're thinking about and who you're missing. You could still find her." Christine said.
"You don't want me to." Mike remarked and Christine looked up at him.
"Mike; you are the father of my children and a part of me will always love you; but I want you to be happy. I'm just wise enough to know it probably won't be with me. I burnt that bridge and I doubt there is any hope in rebuilding it. I just don't want to get my hopes up of being able to." Christine said.
"I seriously doubt she is alive. The intel reports from Europe…its bad, Chris. I can't go into detail, but there's no way." Mike admitted, trying to keep his emotions in check.
"For whatever it is worth, I am sorry; Mike. I really am." Christine said. He wasn't even sure what came over him, but something about the sincerity in her voice caused him to kiss her forehead. It was a lack of good judgement that caused him to hesitate for a moment and then give her a kiss on the lips. And it was a total lapse in judgement when they continued kissing, when the clothing hit the floor and when they began making love. It wasn't until Mike rolled onto his back afterwards that he realized he had given Christine false hope.
"Chris…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…with your leg and all…" Mike started.
"Its okay. I could have stopped you. Now, go on to sleep…you have a long day. Seriously. I'm okay." Christine said.
"If you're sure?" Mike said.
"I am." Christine answered. She gave him another kiss before settling back on his chest and going to sleep. It took Mike a lot longer, mostly because of regret.
