Bitter

Chapter 17

Mike knew he was in the wrong. He knew by treating Christine the way he was, he was alienating himself from his daughters. Liam and Parker were young and accepted things easily. Christine was hurting and he knew it but she was right. She could never be Michelle but there was a time that they had loved each other deeply. He just didn't want to admit that he was scared to love like he had loved Michelle…or even Christine again.

It hurt him to see how frail Katie was. Christine had told him that the doctors were talking about dialysis and maybe even a kidney transplant if nothing else crept up. Mike made a point to spend a little time with Katie, but she had no energy to do anything. He had bought a few things that Christine voiced needing but not wanting to ask for Katie. Some sort of heated mattress cover and an electric blanket. He knew he was losing his oldest daughter but he wasn't sure he could watch the dying process with her. It was easier to just walk away.

He attended Liam's first birthday party and even witnessed his first steps, between him and Christine. Hannah took a couple pictures and the day he left, she handed him a framed picture that he tucked into his rucksack. He hugged and kissed both of the girls and loved on both Parker and Liam. Thankfully, Parker had adjusted easily and was getting attached to Christine. As he headed out the door, Christine handed him a package.

"What's this?" Mike asked. She was following him out and they stopped at the truck. One of his purchases that week had been a new SUV for her.

"A package of your favorite cookies, candies and notes from the girls and I. Of course, the boys are too young to do anything but they'll get there." Christine explained.

"You didn't have to do this. This sort of thing is not part of our arrangement." Mike pointed out.

"No, but it makes the girls feel better about you being gone. They don't understand this." Christine said as she gestured between him and her.

"They can call or text anytime. I don't know where I'll be so I can't guarantee when or if I will answer and I will try and get emails and letters out. If you need something immediate for them or the boys, you have Sasha Cooper's information. She'll know how to get me. And I cannot guarantee the six times a year, but I will try to get home as much as possible and specifically around Lucas' birthday and the holidays. I'll want to be near them on those days. And as I said, feel free to date, but please be discreet." Mike said.

"I won't. I know I made a mistake once, but…Mike; I still love you and will be committed to you for the rest of my life. The only reason I am agreeing to this is so you are still in the kids' lives and mine. I will take care of Parker, the same as I do our kids. Just take care of yourself. We can't lose you." Christine answered before kissing his cheek. "When you get tired of this…and you will, come home. Where you always will belong." Christine said. She backed away and Mike got in the truck.

"If something starts to happen with Katie…as much as I can't watch this…please let me know. Despite everything, she is still my baby girl. I couldn't be there when Lucas died. That wasn't your fault but I…I will need to be there for Katie." Mike said. He had to swallow the tears away, but Christine seemed to understand.

"I will." Christine promised.

"Goodbye." Mike said simply. He started to shut the truck door but Christine stopped him and gave him another kiss, this time on his temple.

"Just remember what I said. Take care of yourself and come home." Christine said. She shut the door for him and walked into the house. As Mike backed out, he focused on Katie standing in the front window with Parker in front of her, waving at him. He waved back and then headed towards the New White House to discuss plans for rebuilding the Armed Services, recruiting and all the many things he would be doing in the near future.

First, it was Hawaii, then Alaska. In less than three months, he flew back and forth across the country several times, and was only in St. Louis overnight. He didn't get in until eleven and had to be gone by five am, so instead of disturbing his family; he stayed in a hotel. It was just easier to not have another sad goodbye, even though he would almost kill for a home-cooked meal and a hug from one of his kids.

He did keep up with his kids and got regular emails from Christine updating him on the boys and Katie's health, which was steadily declining. If he knew where he was headed, he let her know and there were times there was packages waiting on him, with his favorite candy and gum, updated photos, and the hygiene supplies that he liked better. When he didn't make it home for Christmas, as he had planned; there was a package outside his door filled with little presents from the kids. It made his day and it made things easier on a very bleak day. He would never admit it to Christine, but he was beginning to regret his decision. He missed having someone and he just couldn't bring himself to find someone to date. Christine was not Michelle, but she was the only other woman he had ever loved. There was just no road home.