Hello, everyone. I'm back again. Have you been wanting a cool dude? Now you get a cool dude. Merry Christma-Hanza-Kwanza. Here's your present.
Bonding over Brother-Bones
"The Great Papyrus has arrived! Nyeh heh heh!"
Everyone in the teacher lounge turned to the doorway and smiled politely at the tall drink of water that was Papyrus the skeleton. Behind him, Sans waved lazily at everyone and said, "Heya."
"Papyrus," Linda said, coming to shake his hand since she was closest to the door. "It's very nice to see you again." She looked down her nose at Sans. "Sans."
"Nice to see you all here," Sans said loud enough for everyone to hear. "Linda," Sans said to the mother.
Papyrus, meanwhile, was pumping Linda's outstretched hand excitedly. "Hello, Linda-human! Hello, other parents!" A small chorus of hellos came from the gathered adults.
"We were just about to start, so do have a seat." Linda led Papyrus to the circle of chairs that had been made.
"Hey, Papyrus, look at that," said Sans, "it's the circle of strife."
"SANS!" Papyrus yelled as everyone groaned. "Stop plaguing everyone's lives with your ridiculous puns!"
"Sorry, bro, I'll eventually come around."
Papyrus smacked himself in the face and looked at the other parents apologetically. "Please, do excuse my brother and his bad jokes. Shall we start the meeting now?"
"Yes, we shall," Linda replied.
"Oh, goody!" Papyrus clapped his hands. "Sans always says that these meetings are frustrating but fun! Like puzzles!"
Linda glared at Sans, who shrugged and winked. "Anyway… our main topic for today is the issue of free lunches."
"Sounds good to me," said Sans. Papyrus nodded.
"There's more to these lunches than just the fact that they're free," Linda said and crossed her arms. "The school has to pay for the lunches, and that gets very expensive. I propose we cut the free lunch program and put that money to better use, like textbooks."
Sans let out a drawn out sigh. "Linda, do you even know who the free lunches are for?"
"The students, of course."
"Which students?"
"The…" Linda thought for a moment. "The students who don't have time to make their own lunch."
Sans put his skull in his hands while some of the parents looked at each other awkwardly.
"No, Linda. That's not it at all."
Linda frowned and opened her mouth before Papyrus spoke up, "so who are the free lunches for, Sans?"
"The students who can't afford to buy their own food. In some cases, free lunches are the only meals students get during the week."
"That's terrible!" Papyrus shouted.
"It is," Sans said, looking at Linda.
"W-well," Linda stuttered. "I suppose we could install a system to identify which students need free lunch so we can cut down how many lunches we need…"
"That's a good idea!" Papyrus said as he stood up. "But I think I have an idea to feed those students who can't buy lunch and not have to pay for their free lunch!"
"How?" Sans and Linda asked simultaneously, glaring at each other afterwards.
"SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus slammed a huge drainer full of pasta into the middle of the circle. Wait, where had that come from?
The parents look at each other nervously.
"Ah," Linda said warily. "That's a lovely idea, Papyrus, but I don't think many parents will have the time or money to always make food for students. Over time, the cost of making enough food for a school full of students will hurt the parents who help out."
"Oh," Papyrus look a bit disappointed. "I do see your point. However," Papyrus regained his composure. "As the Great Papyrus, I will not allow any child to go hungry! Therefore, I will be the one to cook for the students! I always have plenty of spaghetti to make, and it would be my pleasure to be of assistance! Speaking of spaghetti, that's my meal for the meeting! I hope you all like it! I've got a good feeling this time!"
Before anyone could say otherwise, everyone had a paper plate full of noodles.
Linda examined her plate. The noodles looked to be rather soggy, which was an improvement (sort of) from the usual burned meal she would be given. She swirled her plastic fork in the noodles and took a small bite, scrunching her face up in expectancy. Wherever Papyrus had been keeping the pasta, it wasn't in a warm place. The noodles were cold and wet, the noodles tasting more like water than pasta, and she shivered as she felt the slimy cold bite slide down her throat when she swallowed. The other parents seemed to have a similar experience.
"Well?" Papyrus bounced up and down. "What do you think? With such passionate expressions, it must be good!"
"Well, it's definitely edible," Sans said.
Papyrus put a hand on his chest modestly.
"The presentation isn't too bad," Linda said slowly, watching Papyrus's reaction. She had his full attention, and Sans' as well. "But it's also cold and flavorless."
Papyrus looked crestfallen. "But I didn't set the pot on fire this time! Where did I go wrong?"
Sans was watching Linda closely. Linda shivered again, but regained her posture. She was not about to be bullied by a tiny skeleton.
"The pasta is cold because you didn't store it in a place where it would stay warm, like a crock pot. The flavor is probably because you let the noodles soak in too much water on too low of a heat. Also, it's just noodles, which is the way it's usually served to small children who are picky." Linda felt the Sans crawling on her back. "Usually, the noodles are served with sauce and meatballs, which are cooked seperatly and carefully so as to make a complete dish." Linda looked behind herself at Sans. "Get off my back, you freak."
"Okay," said Sans, and stopped crawling on her back.
Papyrus was resting his jaw in his hand and nodding thoughtfully. "I see… I think I understand now!" he struck a pose. "Next time, using this information I have learned, I shall definitely create the perfect spaghetti, a dish that will truly be worthy of the Great Papyrus! Nyeh heh heh!"
"Hey, it's seven o'clock; it's time to go home," Pete called suddenly. The parents began to grab their things and leave.
Papyrus shook Linda's hand. "Thank you for your advice, Linda-human! Perhaps I will see you at the next meeting! Goodbye!"
Linda waved as Papyrus ran out the door with the leftover spaghetti. "Heya," a voice said behind her.
"Sans." Linda turned and looked at the other skeleton. "What do you want?"
Sans held up his hands in surrender. "Easy, Linda, why so hostile?"
"You were crawling on my back… again. Why do you do that? It's so creepy, but I guess that's just the way it is with monsters."
"Don't make me regret saying what I have to say more than I already will," Sans said darkly, the lights going out of his sockets.
Linda shivered again. "Then what do you want?"
Sans sighed. "I just wanted to say thanks. For, you know, being nice to Papyrus. That's the only decent thing I've ever seen you do. And thanks for being nice about how to improve his spaghetti. He really tries, you know."
"Oh," Linda said, looking away. "Well… you're welcome, I guess."
Sans nodded. Being the last ones there, they put the chairs back in their proper places before walking out the door.
Head canon I don't actually think #11: Papyrus call other humans "NAME-human", so as to not get mixed up by just calling them human. Frisk will always be either "human" or "Frisk", whichever comes out of Papyrus's mouth first.
Head canon I don't actually think #12: Sometimes, usually if his brother is involved, Sans will crawl on peoples backs so he can hear everything they say and react accordingly. It is not appreciated by anyone.
So, that's the end! What did you think? I've been trying to write about people I haven't already written about on my list. Technically, that would be Mettaton, Alphys, Undyne, Muffet Chara, and Napstablook, but I don't really have plots in mind yet. I'll think of something, don't worry.
Why wasn't Flowey at the meeting?
…
Sssshhh…
But really, what did you think? Leave a review, check out the poll on my profile (please) and look at some of my other stories while you're at it! Not all of them are finished, but some are!
Until then!
