Howdy, folks. Yours The Author here. Here's another chapter that I wrote. I started writing on Friday, stopped for the rest of the weekend, and finished it today, on Monday. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy it. Also, when you're done, if you could look at the poll on my profile, that'd be nice. Just saying.


Sugar? Y-yes, Please!

"Heeeeere's Alphys!"

The PTA sighed as they turned to the door of the gymnasium, also known as Undyne's home court. The sport coach was standing next to the wide open door and holding her arms in Alphys's direction while making jazz hands. Alphys was filled with discomfort.

"Undyne, p-please don't do that." Alphys rubbed her hands together as she shuffled into the gym.

"No way, nerd! Everyone's gotta know that we're here now! And speaking of being here, I brought tea cookies! NGAAAH!"

Undyne pulled a plastic dish full of cookies from behind her back and threw it overhand at the snack table on the other side of the gym. It landed on the table and slid, but managed to stop after knocking only a single other dish to the floor and taking its place.

"My lemon squares!" Helen wailed.

Undyne laughed as she threw herself onto a plastic chair in the circle, Alphys sitting next to her and sweating apologetically at everyone.

"So!" Undyne gripped her knees and leaned forward. "What's the situation?"

Flowey, who was sitting in his PTA pot in one of the chairs, sighed dramatically. "Well, if you had actually been here on time, you'd know that we're doing another fundraiser."

"Again?" Alphys said curiously.

"Sheesh, with all the fundraisers we do, I'm starting to think that this government funded school doesn't get funded at all," said Undyne, crossing her arms.

"Shh!" Flowey shushed. "Anyway, this time, we're going to do a cooperation with a local blood drive."

"Huh?" said Undyne. "Like… a car race? With bloodshed? That sounds awesome!"

"Ugh, how vulgar…" Linda muttered.

"What can you expect?" Helen replied. "They keep hating on my lemon squares."

"You punks got something to say to me?" Undyne growled. Helen and Linda shut their mouths.

"A-actually, Undyne," Alphys piped up, "a blood drive is an organization where humans donate blood to give to people who need it."

"I thought all humans had blood?"

"They do, but some humans have illnesses that make it hard for them to make healthy blood, so healthy humans donate a little bit of their blood to them. It's a controlled process so that the blood remains safe during the transfer. It's actually an interesting concept that could change some medical procedures for monsters!"

Undyne let out another bought of laughter and slapped Alphys on the back, which sent her into a coughing fit. "Fuhuhu! Look at you, getting all passionate about your nerd stuff, you nerd!"

Alphys's face turned red, though from coughing or blushing, no one knew.

"BEEP BEEP!" Flowey said, waving his leaves around randomly. Everyone looked at him. "Wait, dang it, I don't have my wagon horn, this looks stupid. Anyway, yeah, it's like Dr. Dumb-little said: Blood donations. For humans. Yeah."

"What did you call my girlfriend?" Undyne hissed.

"ANYWAY, I think the best location for the drive would be in the gym, since there'd be plenty of room for all of the equipment that they'd need. It'd be held over the weekend, so there wouldn't be any games or practices going on, Undyne."

"Hmmph," said Undyne, leaning back in her chair. "How do we get the money?"

"Honestly, she makes it sound like a robbery," Janice muttered.

"What did you say, punk?"

"Hey, I said 'BEEP BEEP'! 'BEEP BEEP' means 'QUIET'!" Everyone looked at Flowey again. His eyes went dark and he gave everyone a fanged grin. "The next person to speak out of turn gets burned out of here. Literally. Capisce?"

No one spoke.

"Excellent." Flowey laughed darkly. "Now, there's a fee that the humans have to pay to donate blood. Seems really backwards to me, but it's not my jurisdiction. We get to split the profits with the drive after we're done, as long as we fulfill some simple requirements. One, we provide a large, relatively clean space for them to operate in. That's the gym. Any objections?"

Some parents looked around, but no one objected.

"Alright, good. Two, we pay any advertising costs for things like posters. I figured we'd just print something off in the teacher's lounge and tack them up around the school. Any questions?"

Gloria raised her hand. "If we print at the school, the school would have to pay for it anyway, which is why we're raising money."

Flowey nodded seriously. "We can set up a group of parents here who have printers, set a certain amount of posters to be printed, and split that amount amongst the group. How's that?"

Gloria nodded in agreement.

"Alrighty then. Lastly, we have to pay for concessions. After the humans donate blood, we have to give them a place to rest for a bit and some snacks to eat to regain their energy. I think it would be best if we all brought in something easy that we'd buy at a store, like small bags of chips, little granola bars, water bottles, sodas, and other things like that. Are we in agreement?"

Linda raised her hand. "I actually think that we should bring in homemade goods, like we do for bake sales. And we should also only serve sugar free and gluten free food to promote health."

Before Flowey could respond, Alphys practically fell out of her chair as she tried to get up. "Y-you can't d-do that!" She stammered.

Linda glared at her. "And why is that?"

"B-because," Alphys adjusted her glasses hurriedly, "homemade food could contain allergens that could cause dangerous reactions while donors are still recovering! Store bought goods will contain the list of ingredients so that people can immediately know if it's safe to eat! Also, most store goods will definitely contain sugars!"

Linda crossed her arms and kept glaring. "Can't you see that that's what we want to avoid? Just because people are donating blood doesn't mean they don't care about their weight." She cocked her head slightly at Gloria, who flushed angrily.

"A-a-actually, the sugar in juices and small snacks is practically a requirement, because the sugar helps with making more glucose to deliver to the brain while the juice helps increase the volume of blood. And, er, you might have actually known that, if you had ever studied in school instead of l-looking in a mirror." Alphys grinned nervously. "So, Linda, in the words of a friend of mine, um, I-I think that you, uh, just got d-dunked on."

Linda let out an unidentifiable noise as Undyne and Gloria cheered. "That's my girlfriend!" Undyne shouted as she picked Alphys up and held her in front of Linda. "You see this nerd, you punk? This is what smart looks like!" She threw Alphys across the gym, who shrieked as she slipped through the oversized basketball hoop and onto the snack table.

"My brownies!" Linda screamed.

"Woo-hoo!" Alphys called dizzily.

"BEEP BEEP! Why do I keep saying that when I don't have my horn?" The murmuring parents in the rest of the group died down a bit, but still remained. Flowey fluffed his petals irritably. "Doctor Dumb-little is right. Snacks and juices with some sugar is part of the requirements for our co-op to be a success."

Linda crossed her arms tightly and jutted her chin out.

"However," Flowey turned in Alphys' direction, "Alphys, you spoke out of turn, which I literally just said not to do. So, I'm going to have to burn you out of the meeting."

"WHAT?" Undyne shouted as Alphys made a little "eep" sound. Linda snickered.

"You too, Linda," Flowey said firmly.

"WHAT?!" Linda shouted even louder than Undyne.

"Yes, you, because you insulted one of the parents here today. Honestly, it's not the first time, but I've got a headache today. Flowers don't even get headaches. That's how bad you are." A vine sprouted from Flowey's pot with a metal hose shaped nozzle at the end. "Start running."

Linda screamed as Flowey shot little puffs of fire in her general direction. She ran out the door, quickly followed by Undyne and Alphys. Undyne laughed as they ran, "I should make the kids do this at practice!", followed by Alphys stammering, "That's not a good idea!"

Flowey put away his flamethrower. "Ah, that was fun." The parents looked at each other warily, but said nothing. "I mean, not that there was much point to that, since the meeting is practically over." Some parents began to reach for their bags. "But before you all leave, there's one last thing."

Flowey pointed with a leaf at the snack table, which had been knocked over and had snacks spilled all around it. A pale red-head was sweeping up the snacks with a broom, wearing a pale pinkish T-shirt that read, "#2 Sister". She looked up at the sudden quiet in the gym.

"Everyone say 'Happy Birthday' to The Author!" Flowey shouted, pulling out a noise maker and blowing into it. The Author shuffled sheepishly and hid behind the broom handle as the parents began singing an off-key happy birthday song.

And it was a merry mushroom that year.*

Head canon I don't actually think #13: Alphys is primarily an engineering scientist, but, being one of the only monster scientists around, studies as many forms of science as she can in case someone wants to become a professional scientist in a certain field. This includes human sciences, which is how she knew about human blood drives.

Head canon I don't actually think #14: Undyne may not be the most fantastic cook (she's improved since the Underground, having not set her new house on fire yet), but she makes some pretty sweet tea cookies to go with her golden flower tea. Nearly everyone likes them, but since she tends to be late to PTA meetings, no one has time to eat them, which makes Undyne supplex the snack table.

Head canon I don't actually think #15: The Author works part time as the school janitor. Because birthdays.

*See "The Cult of Veneziano for more information*


So, yeah! Today is my birthday! Why didn't I make that the subject of the chapter? Like I said earlier, I started on the Friday before and finished today, so the last bit was just out of the blue. I mean, more than the rest of the story was already. I'm not actually a janitor, I just figured that if I was in this AU, I'd be the janitor that doesn't actually work, I just "happen" to be in the same room as the PTA when they have their meetings to spy on everyone. Happy Birthday to me~ (Cries).

Technically, this kind of fundraiser wouldn't really be held at an elementary school, I don't think, but I suppose the kids could have helped by coloring pictures for the donators to help make them feel better. How sweet. It went off without a hitch, by the by.

Why does this special, everyone-in-the-nation-is-watching-them school have to keep doing fundraisers? Story wise, because they're the most common plot starter in the PTA AU. Literally, I think most of the funding is used for overcompensating for any "disablilities" the monsters have. Like, some of the government people (Shout out to cryptologicalMystic for coming up with nickname ideas for the Official PTA Person Whose Only Purpose Is To Progress The Plot. I think I like the idea of Otto being his nickname. It's fitting, somehow) thought some of the less humanoid monsters would leave a residue around the school wherever they went, so they gave them a lot of towels to get the "goop" off, and the monsters are just like "um, what is this?" Technically, this would be kind of offensive, but hey, free towels.

So did you like the chapter? Did Undyne seem a little too generically Undyne-ish? I kind of worry about this sort of thing, which is ironic, because I write fanfictions but I'm not that good at knowing if I'm writing in character. Such is my life. But please, leave me a review and tell me what you thought! If today is somehow also your birthday, then happy birthday! I'll see you guys later.