Guess what day it is! Guess. Guess guess guess.

Iiiiit's my birthday! (And there was much rejoicing. Yay.)

I knew I needed to do something for my birthday, so I decided to post a PTA chapter about it! Hoepfully, it won't end up like last year where someone threatened to kill me if I didn't do a story line they wanted, haha. (Don't worry, I'm kind of over it now and it doesn't bother me that much. I'm fine, don't worry.)

Anyway, for my birthday present from you, I'd like… for you to read the bottom author's note on this chapter! Don't worry, I'm not asking much. See you at the bottom of the page.


Chapter 21: Gluten and Head Stands

The first thing Sans noticed when he walked into the cafeteria was that The Author had some gift bows and ribbons in her hair and hanging off her glasses, which bounced whenever she turned her head. Truly, the most festive of looks. He knew what day it was.

"Happy birthday, Author," Sans said, nodding at The Author as she mopped the same spot on the cafeteria floor she'd been mopping for the past ten minutes.

"Thanks, Sans. I really appreciate it," she replied.

"Oh, Author, my daughter Mary made you something. Happy birthday," Gloria said as she handed The Author a tiny wrapped box. Mary stayed close to her mother's side and looked at the ground shyly. The Author opened it, revealing a handmade button with a pen crossed over a sword on it.*

"Oh, Mary, you didn't have to do this. Thank you." The Author pinned the button to her pale pink #2 Sister shirt and patted Mary on the head.

"Ah, Author. Happy birthday. You've been with us for roughly two years now?" Linda said as she ate one of her own brownies.

"Two or three, I can't quite remember. They say time flies," The Author said, dipping the mop in a bucket of soapy water.

"It certainly does. Just a few years ago, my little Sam started kindergarten, and now look at him!" Sam was busy dutifully eating his mother's brownies.
The Author smiled, but said nothing about this.* "Oh, I should mention to everyone: my Mom made cookies for my birthday, so feel free to take some. Hi Mom," The Author waved at The Mom, who was handing out cookies to the parents and teachers.

Linda eyed the cookies warily. "Are they gluten free?" she asked.

The Author looked sheepishly down at the spot she'd been mopping. "Sorry, Linda, we didn't have any gluten free flour at home. But I do have some bags of chips that might be gluten free if you're interested."

Linda shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks. Chips are too fattening." Sam looked down at his brownie. The Author paused mopping to pap him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, Sam. I'll bring some gluten free cookies from the store next time, okay?" Sam brightened a bit. "It's part of your diet, right? You can't have gluten?"

Sam nodded. "I wish I could eat gluten. Everyone always makes it seem like such a bad thing to make gluten free food."

"I hear you, Sam. I have some church friends who can't eat gluten. Think of it this way; you may not be able to eat gluten, but you can stand on your head. Not everyone can do that. I certainly can't."

Sam smiled. "Hey, wanna see me do it?"

"Sure."

Sam stood from the cafeteria table and bent over. "Be careful, Sam," Linda called. Sam positioned his hands on the floor, paused to get ready, and pushed himself up. After swaying a bit, he stood on his head just fine.

"Look at that, Sam. That takes some real upper body strength. I think. I don't know the particulars of head-standing muscles." The Author put her mop in the bucket again.

"Okay, everyone, time for the meeting to start," Flowey said. "But, before we begin, we must sing the ancient ritual melody of birth for The Author."

"Can't you just call it the happy birthday song?" Linda asked sharply.

"Nah, my way is more fun. All together now…"

Everyone joined in to sing a slightly out of tune happy birthday tune, to which The Author smiled and hid behind the handle of her mop.


Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #25: Sam, the child of Linda, can't eat gluten, which is why his mother is such an advocate for gluten free meals. The PTA has been attempting to include healthier, more dietarily friendly food for kids to buy in the cafeteria, with decent success.

*1: This image is a play on the saying: the pen is mightier than the sword.

*2: I'm writing an original story (I won't tell you what it's about, in case you try to steal my idea), but there are mentions of a Linda and her child Sam (emphasis on child).


Did I seem like a Mary-Sue? I feel like I'm a bit of a Mary-Sue in this story. Tell me if I was in a review.

Speaking of reviews, that's my birthday gift from you to me. Leave a review, telling me which chapter or which characters you like the most. Maybe I'll write the next chapter about those characters or topics! Or maybe I won't, who knows.

Anyway, tell me what you thought of this chapter, and I'll see you all next time. Until then!