(inspired by a scene during Esme's transformation in "The Face of All the World" by staringatthesky: Edward gets sent emergency-shopping for women's clothing)

I'm still laughing at the image of Edward standing in the women's lingerie department!

Salesclerk (giving him a weird look, and no doubt some very judgmental thoughts): so, what size is this "sister" of yours? I'll need her measurements, if I'm to put together anything useful.

Edward: Um…. small?

Salesclerk: I mean, what's her cup size? underwear size?

Edward: what's a cup?

Salesclerk: You know, brassiere? (thinking: he ought to know, he's obviously sleeping with her! sister, indeed!)

Edward (blushing to his toes, had he any blood): oh, ah, um… regular, I suppose…

Salesclerk (now joined by two other salesclerks, giggling): how big around is her chest, young man! And her waist, and hips?

Edward (now wishing he could just die): uh… (draws a silhouette in the air) yea big?

Salesclerk (thoroughly enjoying herself now): And does she prefer lace or satin? Knee-length slip or full length slip? Nude stockings or black?

Edward (snapping his teeth shut): did I mention I'm in a hurry? I'm. in. a. hurry. Just. Put. Something. In. The. God. Forsaken. Bag.