Thank you guys so much for your reviews on the previous chapter! I completely understand why it is the most reviewed chapter of the sequel so far. Here's hoping you all will like this one just as much. As a heads up, though it might be obvious, we're continuing right where we left off, except for this first scene. Here we go!
Cindy's POV
"So what do you want to watch next?" Libby spoke hesitantly as she muted the volume while the end credits of one of our favorite movies ran up her TV screen.
"I don't care," I was laying on my stomach, hands crossed with my chin propped on it on the end side of her bed.
"Umm, do you want more pizza? I can go downstairs and get you another Purple Flurp?"
"No, I don't want anything," I spoke as I sat back up. "Let's just go to sleep."
"Cindy!" She pleaded and I knew she was no longer okay with my careless attitude. "I don't like seeing you like this. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
The shorter and false answer was no, but everything about our current setting, and my current state, said otherwise.
After rushing to my side after I delivered the news and briefly explained what happened in the park minutes prior, Libby suggested a good, old-fashioned sleepover. Having it at her house was more than ideal for a few reasons, a big one being that I didn't want it to happen while Jimmy was right across the street.
"What's there to talk about?" I shrugged. "Jimmy broke up with me and that's that and now I need some indulgent, stereotypical girl time to try to get over it. We've done movies and junk food... maybe in the morning we can go to the Candy Bar for breakfast."
"Cindy," she repeated, but softer this time. She reached for my hand and put it in both of hers before she spoke again. "You know you can talk to me. I'm here for you and I shouldn't have to say that. You can yell and scream and say whatever you want about him. It's not good for you to keep it all bottled up."
Of course, as she always is when it comes to relationships, Libby's right.
With a sigh, that came out more shakily than I wanted, I started. "I just, I didn't see it coming, you know? I didn't realize what was happening until he turned to me and was like, 'we need to talk'. I mean, God, could he be anymore cliché?" Just as it did then, a thousand thoughts came to me and tears threatened to pour out with each one. "I don't know what I did wrong... I don't know why he did this... I-I thought he was happy." Naturally, that was the trigger word for all our past memories together to flood into my mind. I tried to wipe my tears away as they came, not wanting to look as pathetic as I felt.
"Did- did Sheen say anything to you?" I let out. The thought hadn't occurred to me until seconds before I said it.
With the amount that Sheen and Libby seem to know about my and Jimmy's relationship, sometimes even more than I do, it wasn't too crazy of a theory.
"No," she answered and I could tell she thought it was a weird question to ask. "I don't think he knew anything."
"It's fine," I mumbled. "I just figured Jimmy would have talked to him about breaking up with me."
"And Sheen would have knocked some sense into him. I hope you know that."
I do. I nodded in response.
"It didn't work out with Jimmy," Libby continued. "So what? He's your childhood, your high school relationship. You're a smart, strong, badass and you do not need a guy to make you happy. You're Cindy Fucking Vortex, for Christ's sake."
I produced a half-smile and half-laugh, not really feeling confident but thankful that she was trying.
"It just hurts so much."
She scooted closer to me before she spoke again.
"I know. I know it does. You don't deserve this and I'm so sorry it happened. But you are going to get over it." She nodded to enforce what she was saying. "Jimmy might have a genius IQ, but you know what? He's also just a guy. He's going to wake up in the morning and every day after that and realize what a mistake he made. What an idiot he is. Don't waste any more tears on him, because, I'm telling you Cindy, he's not worth it."
Libby's the greatest friend I have and I'm aware that she means well. But I would not say that she knows what I'm going through. Her and Sheen have barely ever had a rough patch, let alone a break up. I'm not around for a lot of it, especially these last couple of years, but I have no doubt that their relationship has only been getting stronger with time.
"I know it'll be hard because you're both here for the rest of the summer, but you have to stay positive. Everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay. And do you know why?"
"Why?" I spoke softly.
"Because you can't have a boyfriend who is such a complete bonehead," I couldn't help but smile then, loving how she easily referenced the movie we were just watching.
He said my name.
I was surprised that he didn't sound surprised. I was confident that the only person who suspected I was coming wasn't going to tell him, so Jimmy had no way of knowing to expect me.
He made a statement out of my name, like it was an announcement he was proud of. He said my name with such certainty that I knew I didn't make a mistake in coming all the way over here.
"Hey," because even after everything I went through to get here, after rehearsing over and over what I was going to say while on the train, finally facing Jimmy now, that's all that came out.
"Hi." He, at least, had an excuse for being speechless. He blinked rapidly, in a way that wasn't natural, and I knew he was getting used to the image of seeing me in his doorway. My lip trembled and I could hear the water dripping from my clothes and hair onto the floor beneath me.
"Aren't you going to let me in?" I replied, probably a tad too impatiently.
"Uhh, yeah, yeah sorry," with him stepping to the side, I was able to walk into the apartment. "Wh- how... what are you doing here?" Turning on the spot slowly to face him, I tried to remember what I had planned to say, since I knew that was the first thing he would ask me.
"I-" I started. "I umm... I was just in the neighborhood-."
No.
No more messing around.
"I came to see you," I blurted out. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to say until just before I said it.
"Oh."
As I thought of how to continue, I looked at him again and realized he was wearing a coat and shoes. Based on how quickly he answered the door, it pretty much confirmed my suspicion.
"I'm sorry, were you on your way out?"
"Yeah. I mean, no. I mean-. Yes. I- I was on my way to see you."
WHAT?
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Like, in New York?"
"That's where you are, right?" It wasn't snarky. It was playful and casual. It was Jimmy.
"Well," my lip twitched towards a smirk, "not right now." He smiled, one of those that I could never get enough of.
"Cindy," he spoke, his voice quickly getting serious. "What's going on?"
I knew I would regret putting this class off.
There's little excuse for me to be a senior and have to take a lecture course of this level. If the professor didn't take attendance, I wouldn't be showing up for all the classes. So I decided that sitting in the back, close to the exit, was the best way to get through this semester. It also didn't help that class was incredibly boring.
Deciding to make better use of my time, I pulled my backpack, which was lying on the desk as opposed to behind my chair like everyone else, closer to me. It was safe to assume no one would pay attention to what I was doing, but I still wanted to be discreet.
Starting with the smaller pockets, I cleaned them out, creating a small pile I would throw in the trash can in the hallway as soon as class ended. Soon I moved on to the main and largest pocket where I didn't think I would find much as it's so frequently used. Reaching to the bottom, I pulled out a pink envelope which, based on its stiffness, had a card inside. There were clearly wrinkles on it from being at the bottom of my bag for however long it's been and only slight tears. As a whole, the envelope was still in decent shape. It was sealed properly, the flap not just simply tucked in. Flipping it to the front, I saw my name written in quick, sharp handwriting in blue pen.
Suddenly, I realized that this is Jimmy's card. The one he gave me on my birthday almost a year ago.
I remembered why I had this one on me and not any others.
A few days after the party, Meg and Tess dropped off my presents that had been left at their apartment. When I returned from dinner, I finally went through them. Despite being with Jimmy the rest of the night of the party, I had completely forgotten he had given me a card until his was the one I held in my hands.
Not wanting Jimmy to be a distraction from the rest of the semester and while on my vacation, I put his card at the bottom of the pile, deciding not to open it until I felt ready to deal with whatever I would find. It wound up in the same luggage I took home after spending Christmas and New Year's with Sonia and her family in Seattle.
It stayed in my bedroom at home during the spring semester. Then towards the end of summer, as I was getting ready to come back here for senior year, I found it again. This time, not wanting to cower away from the Jimmy situation anymore, I made sure to bring it along. I shoved it into my backpack where it stayed and remained forgotten. That is, until today.
Surrounded by this lecture hall full of overly eager freshmen, this may have been the first time all semester I actually wanted to pay attention and participate. But now, holding this in my hand, after putting it off for as long as I did, I knew that now is as good a time as any to open it. I don't know what I was waiting for.
Breaking the seal, I tore open the envelope and removed the card, trying to make as little noise as possible. I felt something weighing down the envelope, but decided to focus on the card first. It could not have been simpler: all white with the words "Happy Birthday" in perfect calligraphy written in gold. A cupcake with a single candle was printed just below the letters.
Opening it, I noticed there was no prewritten greeting. On the right side, in Jimmy's handwriting and the same color ink as on the envelope, was his message:
Cindy,
Happy 21st birthday! I have no doubt it's a day you've been anticipating for a while. Thanks for inviting me to what I'm sure will be an unforgettable party, though I'm really curious as to why.
You left this in the lab a long time ago. I know you don't think you'll need or use it. But I want to have it. There's no one I'd rather share it, plus the memories from it, with. And after all, you're the only person I trust enough to keep it.
I hope all your wishes come true - no one deserves it more than you.
From my heart to yours, Jimmy
I wasn't sure how long I had been holding my breath. But moving my hand over to the envelope and fishing out what was inside almost made me lose it.
There, as light and silver and seemingly simple as can be, was a key.
I lifted the lid of the box slowly; curious and cautiously. With Neutron, you can never be too sure.
Not knowing what to expect, I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I waited a few seconds for him to explain before I carefully picked the small object out of the box and held it up.
"Please don't say anything cheesy like this is the key to your heart or something like that."
He laughed and shook his head. "Well, it's something similar," he admitted. "That's a key to" he held his hands out, "the lab."
Stunned enough to nearly drop the key, I spoke again.
"The- what? You're- you're giving me a key to here?" He nodded casually, like he didn't understand how big of a deal this was. "Why? You don't just let anybody in here."
"Well," and as he delved into his explanation, I couldn't help but agree. By the end, it didn't seem that he gave it to me out of convenience, or so that we could get up to whatever we wanted down here as quickly as possible. He genuinely wanted me to have it: my own access to his most sacred place.
The conversation easily shifted to the other material object he's given me. The one he put a lot of effort into finding and wanted me to have.
"I-um still have the pearl you gave me. On the island?" Even after I said it, I wasn't sure if I should have.
He paused before responding.
"You do?"
"Yeah." As I described the pearl's whereabouts and why, I went through the whole routine in my head as well, thinking of every step as if I were actually in my bedroom doing it. That may have been why I wasn't ready when he asked why I was telling him all that.
But after managing to answer that question, it was like every word in my vocabulary left my brain when he asked why I kept it.
Him stepping closer to me didn't help the slightest.
"Umm, well. I-." I couldn't focus on what to say because all I could think about was the look on Jimmy's face as he approached me. Knowing him for as long as I have, I've seen all types of expressions on him. But the one he gave me now, with the subtlest glance at my lips, was one I would probably never be able to figure out.
Just when I thought he couldn't get closer, he brought his hand up, his palm gently grazing my cheek and he pushed his fingers into my hair. It took a lot of effort not to cave into his touch.
There's no way he couldn't tell how fast my heart was beating. On top of that, I don't even know at what point I stopped breathing. Not knowing what else to do, I bit my lip but Jimmy still continued to lean in.
"I have to go meet Libby," I suddenly regained the ability to think and speak. "I'm meeting her to eat. We're- we're getting lunch and then I'm going to dinner with my parents later, but I'm meeting her shortly." I was talking more than I should, I know. I actually didn't have to meet Libby for another hour but everything else I said was the truth and with each word, Jimmy took a step back.
"Okay." He spoke, not facing me. "I'm sure you do have other plans."
I missed him already.
"Yeah. Thanks for the key." I walked a few steps to the table where I left the box and picked it up.
"Sure. Have a good rest of your birthday."
"Thanks. I'll...see you later." If I didn't already tell him about my plans with Libby, I would have stayed. With the way I lingered a few seconds after I said goodbye, I almost did. If I had, I would have let him kiss me and touch my hair as much as he wanted. But most importantly, I would have answered why I still keep the pearl after all these years.
At a speed I couldn't believe, I put the key and the card back into the envelope and shoved everything else into my backpack. Holding Jimmy's gift in one hand, I swung my zipped up backpack over my shoulder. Not noticing or caring if anyone saw me, I grabbed my jacket and ran out of the classroom.
There was only one place I had to be. Only one person I had to see.
I have no idea how much time passed since I bolted out of class, hopped into the first cab I saw to bring me to Grand Central, and got onto the next available train to Boston. It wasn't until about an hour and a half into the train ride that I realized I didn't have an exact location on Jimmy. I didn't really make any sort of plan for what I would do once I arrived in Boston. From there, I hoped I would be able to figure it out. But seeing as I didn't have Jimmy's address and that a simple glance out the window said the weather wasn't going to be good for wandering around a big city, that wasn't a smart idea.
However, there was someone who could help me.
So, pulling my phone out of my jacket, I searched for the number of the person who, because I knew they were recently with Jimmy, would be my best bet at finding him.
After what felt like forever, the ringing ended and the call was finally picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey Carl," I spoke carefully, realizing that I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I've called him in all our time knowing each other.
"Cindy, hey," he answered and luckily didn't sound like he too could count the amount of times I've ever called him. "What's up?"
"Umm," I looked out at the unmistakable thick and gray clouds through the wide train window. "This might sound like a weird question but do you have Jimmy's address? In Boston? I know Libby and Sheen have it but I don't want to ask them. It's just easier if I don't. And-and I know you were there recently so I figured you might have it. It's okay if you don't or-."
"Yes, yeah, I have it." I only realized I was rambling when he interrupted me. "I can text it to you. If that's better?"
I smiled, more thankful than he could tell.
"Yeah, please. That would be great."
"Okay, I'll do it now."
"Thanks."
"Of course. Oh, and Cindy?"
"Yeah?"
"Go get him."
The speed at which my face turned red would have concerned anyone sitting near me.
"Thanks Carl." Without another word, I hung up. A few seconds later, the familiar quick beeps from my phone notified me of a message. As Carl promised, he had sent me Jimmy's address. With that problem solved, I reached for my backpack and pulled out a pen and notebook. This trip would be almost pointless if I didn't know what was going to say when I arrived.
But whatever I wrote down, would I even be able to say it when the time came?
How could I ever begin to express how his present and note made me feel? How he makes me feel? All the time.
I decided that the best way to approach it would be to jot down everything, even if it doesn't make any sense. Within a couple of minutes, I had an entire page filled out. This was a lot easier than I thought it would be because, if I'm being honest, a lot of things about Jimmy and I don't make any sense, starting with our breakup.
Before I knew it, the conductor's voice over the train speakers announced the next stop would be where I needed to get off. Waking me from my writing and thought trance, it dawned on me that I was getting tired and hungry. What was most concerning though is that even though I have an address, I still didn't know how to get there. My declining cell phone battery made things even worse.
As soon as the train doors opened, I hurried out. Following the signs, I walked up a flight of stairs to reach the hub of the station. On my way there, I considered the options for how to get where I needed to be.
A few seconds later, I spotted a sign alerting me of the designated cab waiting area just by the exit to the station. A cab did seem like the best choice for getting to Jimmy's apartment from here. At least it assured me I would end up exactly where I needed to be, something that likely wouldn't happen if I took any other method of transport.
Luckily, once I left the station, it didn't take very long to find the cab waiting area or to step into one. Shutting the car door behind me, I spoke to the driver.
"Hi, I need to go to-" a clap of thunder roared through the sky and interrupted me. I nearly jumped out of my seat in response.
"Yeah?" The driver's gruff voice called out. I finished my instructions and he nodded, reaching for the gear shift.
"Is it close?"
"About six minutes."
"Really?" I smiled, not believing my luck that it wasn't insanely far.
"Yeah," he confirmed and drove off. Knowing that I was this close to seeing Jimmy increased my adrenaline to the highest point all day and I exhaled a breath that was long overdue.
For the next couple of minutes, I looked out the window, hoping the sights of the historic city could distract me for a bit. The loud blare of a car horn drew my attention back to my immediate surroundings. Looking through the windshield, the red brake lights of the car in front of us were bright against the quickly darkening sky.
"What is it?"
"Traffic. Probably that construction up ahead."
"Is there a way around?" My voice pleaded.
"This is the most direct way. It's a left turn at the next street and then a few blocks. About a half mile."
"That's okay." I was not about to let a traffic jam delay me from seeing Jimmy any longer. "I'll walk from here." Reaching out between our seats, I handed him a ten dollar bill, which if cab fare in Boston is anything like in New York, would be enough for the short trip. "Thanks."
As I got out of the car, a rush of wind hit me and it didn't let up once I stepped onto the sidewalk. Just then, another clap of thunder came from above. I was foolishly confident that I would make it to the apartment before the weather got any worse so I kept moving forward.
No sooner than I made the left turn the driver indicated did the rain come crashing down. The good thing, if there was anything good in this situation, was that the street sign post told me I was officially on Jimmy's street.
With a few blocks to go, I tried to keep my head down as much as possible, looking up only to read the numbers off every few buildings I passed. As I reached another corner, the red brick apartment building in front of me turned out to be the one I was looking for.
Rushing up the front steps and pushing my way through the door, here I was at the final stage of this trip. Carl's text message said Jimmy's apartment was on the second floor and as soon as I spotted the staircase, that's where I headed. I reached the top of the stairs, looked at the address one more time, and walked down the hallway to find his apartment number.
Finally, standing in front of the door, I paused, unable to believe I actually made it. A mixture of nervousness and excitement ran through me as I lifted my hand and knocked. At hearing footsteps on the other side of the door and seeing it being opened, I let out a sigh of relief.
With my jacket drying off on a chair in the kitchen and the one Jimmy was just wearing over my shoulders while I sat on his couch, I waited for the hot beverage he insisted on making me. A few seconds later, he stood in front of me and carefully handed me a mug with the MIT emblem.
"Sorry, we don't have anything hot. I just put coke in the microwave for a few seconds."
"Thanks." He could probably tell by my expression that I wasn't going to drink that.
"So you, uhh, opened the card?" He asked once he sat at the other end of the couch.
"Yeah," Setting the mug down on the coffee table, I reached for my backpack at my feet, opening the pocket where I placed the envelope. The rain and my lack of umbrella now caused some water damage to it. I pulled it out and held it in both hands, showing it to him, as if he forgot what his own present to me was.
"That was almost a year ago." He referenced when he gave it to me.
"Yeah, I know," I answered, knowing I really had no good excuse for not opening it any sooner. Turning to sit cross-legged, I faced him. "I missed you." He looked at me but didn't say anything. Though the statement was complete on its own, I felt that I should elaborate. "You-you asked me at my birthday party why I invited you. And that's it. I just- I missed you and wanted to see you again. That's the truth." He blinked, probably feeling the same disbelief as me at what I just said.
"Cindy, I-."
"Look, Jimmy-." We spoke at the same time. Trying to get a word in with each other, as always. "You go."
He shook his head before he spoke. "I'm just still surprised to see you here. I- I'm not sure what to say."
"You said you were going to see me. You must have had a reason."
"Of course I had a reason. But I didn't know what I was going to say. I thought I would just-"
"Figure it out," I finished for him.
"Yeah," He nodded along with a small smile.
"Well," I looked at him with hope in my eyes. "Can you figure it out now?"
I had a lot, too much, I wanted to say. I thought back to everything I wrote on the train and while I knew I would struggle with it, I was still anxious to let it all out. Finding out Jimmy was on his way to see me, however, was something I was not anticipating. So as much as I wanted to talk, after going through such a journey to get here, I just couldn't wait to hear what he had to say.
He sat up straight, the way I've seen him do before class presentations or when he's about to say something important. With a deep breath, he spoke.
"I love you."
Now it was my turn to look at him and blink.
"I-I don't think I ever really stopped." He paused, and it seemed that he really didn't know what he was going to say next. "I want you to know that ending our relationship was the biggest mistake of my life. And I'm sorry for breaking your heart."
Oh. Right to the point.
"There's some more," he continued. "But to be honest, I didn't think you'd want to hear it. I know I probably hurt you too much. I at least wanted to tell you that."
"Jimmy," I began, deciding that if this was going to be the mature, serious conversation it was appearing to be, both of us had to be honest and open with each other. "I love you too."
He looked at me intently, like he still couldn't believe I was sitting in front of him and saying what I was saying.
"I love you too much to let you go as easily as I pretended to. You... hurt me so much." The break in my voice was obvious. "I know that we had our lows in our relationship but I sincerely never thought you'd break up with me. I gave you my trust and damn near everything I have to offer. You were my first love and I thought for sure you were going to be my last."
"Cindy-."
"Let me finish." I held up my hand while blinking back tears. "I've... tried to move on. But I can't. And then when I opened your present... Well, I felt like it said that you weren't able to let go either. I mean, the key to the lab. It-it's as big a deal now as it was then. You get that right?"
"Yes," he nodded. "You're right. You're always right."
"It's not about me being right Jimmy!" I let out in frustration. "I don't- I don't always make the best decisions either, okay? You're sorry you broke up with me? Well, I'm sorry we didn't get together sooner!"
"What are you saying, Cin?"
"God, I..." taking another breath, because I've now reached the main reason, the push, for coming all this way. "I've loved you for longer than I was willing to admit. And you, giving me the key, the second time, reminded me of that. Because when you gave it to me the first time, that- that must have been when I knew." I paused, getting ready to put it into words that he'd be an idiot not to understand. "You giving me the key to the lab, when we were eighteen, is, I'm sure, the moment I fell in love with you. And you know what? I haven't stopped since then."
I wasn't sure how it happened but we were now sitting closer together, meeting almost halfway on the couch.
"You knew it back then?" And I knew his next question would naturally be why I never said anything.
"I-I was just so confused. Before that day, I really thought all you saw me as was an academic rival and a good fuck. I didn't think you'd feel the same. Even if I did understand, or thought I understood what I was feeling, I don't think I would have said anything." I spoke my regrets. "Besides," I let out a humorless laugh. "We had already broken one of those stupid rules."
"Goddamn," he laughed along, "that was really fucking stupid, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," I genuinely smiled, glad to see we came to a mutual agreement on that.
"Listen to me," his voice got serious again. I lifted my head to look right into his eyes, "you are, and always were, even when I didn't know how I felt about you, so much more than just somebody to sleep with. Don't ever say that again." I nodded, even though as I was saying it I knew it was silly. "Now," he continued, "we can sit here all night and talk about our past mistakes, or we can take the steps in moving forward."
"I agree." I bit my lip. "I didn't come all the way over here just to tell you how I feel. I came to do something about it." He nodded only once, catching onto what I was saying.
"I want us to try this again." He reached for my hand and I didn't hesitate in letting him take it. "Only I-I don't like that word. Try - it implies there's a chance of failure. I refuse to let this fail. Not again." I don't think I've ever seen him look so sure about anything.
"There's nothing in this world - in any world," I corrected myself, remembering who I was talking to, "that would make me happier."
"Cindy?" He leaned in slightly and I just couldn't ignore the way he whispered my name.
"Yeah?"
"Can I kiss you now?"
Exhaling, because he, as always, with the simplest of words, took my breath away, I smiled and closed the space between us.
This was the perfect mix of strange and familiar, new and old. I've never been in the physical location where I am, but with him, it felt like I'd been here forever. With him, I felt that I belonged.
We were seventeen again, in his underground lab and in his bedroom when his parents weren't home. We were eighteen again, on a beach resort vacation and enjoying our last hours together in his mom's car.
I somehow made it onto his lap.
He moved his lips to my jawline, kissing along it lightly and my head tilted back in pleasure, unable to believe just how lucky I am. Capturing his lips with mine again, my hand went into his hair while his arm went around my waist, and we brought each other closer.
I pulled away barely enough so I could speak.
"Jimmy?" I spoke in the similar tone of which he said my name moments ago.
"Yeah?" He responded just as I did.
"Take me."
And breathe. Congrats on getting through that and thank you all so much.
If there was any confusion towards the middle, I apologize. I've never done a flashback-within-a-flashback, so I wasn't sure how to format it. Hopefully it all made sense in the long run.
I have SO much I want to share regarding the writing of this chapter. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll be hearing about it in the behind the scenes facts. As always, THANK YOU for reading and please review!
You all know what's coming up next. Stay tuned!
