So he was here now. Damian. Was now living in the Titans Tower, with Starfire, Raven, Jaime, Gar and you. You. It's not like you didn't want him here, it was nice he was going to be staying here. Yeah. It was going to be great. Then why didn't you feel that way? Was the guilt? The way he looked at you when he came, those green eyes behind his domino mask, masking the betray and hurt festering inside him. From what you did. The question in his eyes, demanding why, why you did what you did. You wanted to tell him, but the way he shot his eyes at you coldly and indifferent, told you to leave him alone. That looked pierced like daggers.
That was just Damian, if looks could kill, his sure would. The first day with him here felt like you where walking on egg shells, like you couldn't breath at all. For a place this big you sure felt suffocated. The fact your body absorbed negative emotions, you could feels his intensely. He had to be doing this on purpose, while he was brooding about his current circumstance. So you had to do things to keep yourself and mind away from that. You distance yourself from the others, went to take a Richie for a flight, which only lasted just a few hours because Starfire called you on your com, asking you to return back to the Tower. Which you had to, when you returned you tired to find other things to do. To avoid Damian. Playing some card games with Jaime or sparing with him. You wanted to keep going, but Gar came in asking what was going to be dinner. He drags you off to make himself something. Which you didn't mind, in fact you encouraged him to tell you what more to make. Giving him all the attention he was clearly craving. And of course he basked in, but some times having more of what you want wasn't always good and you kind of over did with Gar. So you had to find something else, you managed to make your way to the library. And decided to just read, burying yourself in book after book. Time went by, but Gar managed to sniff you out and drag you again to play DDR.
Which you of course accepted the invite. You did a few rounds with him, until you called it a night. Feeling you had actually accomplished avoiding him, you could sleep peacefully in manner of speaking. Entering your room, to find lounging there on your bed so casually and calm. Yet cold like steel. Damian. You could easily leave, but you knew he was aware of your presence. Stepping into your room, shutting your door doing your best to keep yourself together and greet him. Which he returned with nothing. He was still sulking and brooding.
"Damian. That's my bed."You said."I would like to go to sleep."
No response from him, he kept his eyes closed. He was ignoring you on purpose, what a childish game. You almost forgot how infuriating he could be when he got like this. But you remained level-headed and calm.
Thinking of an alternative."Alright, you can sleep on the bed. I don't mind, I'll just go bunk with Starfi-"
"Six months and you still haven't developed a backbone."he said cruel and harsh. His words meant to cut. So much anger behind them. But you where to shock to see it, caught off guard by the tone he used towards you. Venomous. Snide."How is this team suppose to help me?"He gets up off the bed, not even bothering to look at you, walking right by but stops on your side."When it hasn't made you any better."
He leaves your room, nothing in his tone of voice told you that he sorry for what he just said to you. He meant everyone hurtful word. He knew how to pull at someone's emotions very well. Twisting them to his advantage, and with you, he hit it. You never felt this miserable before, tears of pain began to well up, but you do your best to hold them back. Standing in the middle of your room, your head hung low.
If the first day wasn't bad enough with Damian the next day sure was. Doing your best to recover from weaponized use of words, you still had training to do with the others. Which was suppose to happen, but Damian wouldn't allow it. He hogged the training room, doing his own training routine. Fighting against hologram ninjas. You along with the rest, Jaime, Gar and Raven stood on the side watching the Boy wonder train non-stop. Normally this would amaze you, but after what he said to you last night. You found annoying.
"I've had enough of this."you grumble irritated. So you take the the bold move to get him stop."Damian! We need a turn too you know. We all need to train."
Damian cuts down two more ninjas, before responding back."Why? It's not like its done you any improvement."Again with weaponized words."Now, if you'll excuse me, some of actually are utilizing their time here."
Well that just burned and you weren't the only one who felt it. The others did too, they look towards. While you remained stun and hurt by his words, doing your best to suppress your own rising anger.
"Dude!"Gar sneers back at Damian."That was sooo not cool."
Damian stops for a second and looks at the green teen."...Hm..."Coldly responds and continues to train.
"Why I-"Gar growls.
"Just leave it alone."you stop him."...I'm leaving."You walk out the room to cool off, while the others watch.
Once outside the room and the door closes you went a few feet away, stopping you rethink back to what Damian said. His words so spiteful they burned. How could he say something like that? Okay, you understand he's upset and sadden about being here, still though it gave him no right. Last night you took his backlash and again this morning. He was acting more inconsiderate than normal. If you just got your hands around his...No. No, you had to remain calm. They where just words, what can they really do? Besides, you know you've improved better. You made your choice to come. You had backbone. Still, the stinging still hurt. And his words did make some sense...
After cooling off for some time you return back inside with the others, to find Damian in dispute with Jaime. Who looked a bit ticked off, if not for Starfire who came in to prevent it. Though it didn't help. Damian shot his rude mouth and cruel words to her. Even when asserted herself as leader of the team.
"As I state you're an alien, with nowhere else to go."he said to her rudely.
Raven comes to back up Starfire and to comment upon what Damian said."Everyone needs a home, Damian. You included."
He glares her."Thank you for chiming in witch girl."
Starfire still manages to remain calm and keep the situation calm."We're only here to help you realize your potential." She tries to get him to understand.
Only to have it backfire against her."You've been here long enough, when do think you'll realize yours?" He snide.
"Damian. That's was uncalled for."you speak, he stops and looks at you. You stand firm and look back."What Starfire says is true and Raven. This is a home. A place we can all belong and understand ourselves."You said."There's no need to be so hostile and rude. What's wrong?"You genuinely ask concerned. He saw the look in your eyes to tell you.
"Why are you asking me what's wrong?"he retorts coldly."When clearly there's something wrong with you. Hmm, talking about a home."He scuffs."What you would actually know about one anyway? The many times you've hoped around, than again it's not like you had one to begin with in your life."
Hurt and shocked from his words, you knew what and where he was getting at."Damian, don't!"
He didn't stop and kept digging the knife deeper. Taking no consideration on how his words affected you, looking pass your anger and hurtful tears."And you want to speak to me about bettering myself? It's obvious who needs it, because clearly you have yet to do that. Unlike you, I wasn't found in some rat hole, I'm not some lost puppy searching for a home, then again I guess you are, considering that cousin of yours. He finally named you after what eight, nine years of your life? So you have no right to try and make a claim about a home and bettering yourself, when you haven't done neither. Wonder if they know about it? It's not like you have a purpose here anyway, besides taking up space."
It was like he cut you with his blade so fast you didn't feel the pain, only the feeling, pure shock. Then came the pain, that cut so deep the bleeding wouldn't stop. You felt so miserable and hurt. Everyone couldn't believe what he just said to you, just in disbelief. Even Raven. They didn't know what to say, or what to do. They watch your thick tears you tired so hard to hold back roll down your cheek. That feeling came over you, that cloak of nothingness. Fear. It was too much, Starfire tires to comfort and console you, but you didn't want it. Pushing her back, turning a cold shoulder to her and the others, to prevent them from seeing you cry like this.
"Vio-"Jaime tries to call to you, but you shake your head and walk out calmly, leaving a air of pain and stillness.
Your face remain like stone, all the way to your room. Once you entered and the door shut behind you, the tears began to come despite you trying to prevent them, they feel from your grey broken eyes. How could he bring up your life just like that? Use it against you so cruelly? Make you feel inferior and cutting you off. Casting you away with such anger. The part of you, of your life that was a touchy subject. Everything around you became cold. Empty. Lonely. Lost. You felt as if you where floating back into arms of the abyss as before. Into nothingness. Consumed by it.
Having fallen to your knees, you began to hear that melancholy song being sung. You would sing as a child, to yourself in those dark and fearful days. No one was around, you where all alone. Isolated. Detached. Unloved. Hollow. Even with singing the words, they never meant much to you. To be lost in the darkness. To have nothing. No light. No life. No name. No, nothing. Nothing but confinement and fear.
The sadness you felt began to turn into anger towards Damian. But quickly went away and back to grief. Where was Dick, when you needed him? A puppy, a lost puppy. Was that how he saw you? It was hard to tell if he was just venting his actual frustration or meant every word. They say when someone is angry they say what they really feel. You remained in the center of your room, crying your eyes out. Shutting them tightly, you felt that dark presence again, you paid it no mind. Even with the flattering horrified images you saw. The frightful cries of an infant in pain. You began to curl up to comfort yourself. Burrowing your head deep and shut yourself off into the darkness.
You remained in your room for hours, not coming out. The others minus Damian and Raven came to check up on you, Starfire was mostly concerned. But you didn't respond to their attempts. You just wanted to remain in solitude, in your own comfort. You had a feeling they might asks about what Damian said. They didn't need to know, know about the kind of life you had before all this. How you really felt, now that Damian exposed it to everyone. This feeling you couldn't shake off, it haunted you and would keep haunting you. Was it guilt? Fear? Absence? You didn't know. One thing was sure, you felt shattered. Incomplete.
