This is a pretty short one. I didn't want to fluff it up when short and sweet worked. Enjoy!

Word Count: 908


Haley was woken up by the sound of a loud alarm. She whimpered, trying to muffle the sound by burrowing into the bed covers. The sound suddenly disappeared, and Haley guessed that meant someone took the round white beeping thing and threw it out the window. Again. She could hear her human getting scolded by his mate.

"Seriously, Dick? Why do you keep insisting you can cook? There's a reason Alfred gave you a lifelong ban from the manor kitchen." The sound of socked feet and dog nails came from the kitchen, and Damian's voice reached her where she lay in her humans' room.

"Richard, what did you do? Pennyworth sent over some meals with me. All we needed to do was put them in the microwave. He deliberately made them as fool-proof as possible." Haley got off the bed and started heading to the kitchen. Everyone else was there, she might as well join them. Her human was talking just as Haley got to the doorway.

"Dami! You're up. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I didn't really think this through. I was trying to do something nice for everyone by making pancakes. They're not even that hard, I don't know what I did wrong!"

Damian rolled his eyes while Barbara shook her head. "You tried to cook. That's what happened. Honestly, Richard. As the oldest I'd think you'd know that the only ones in this family who can cook are Pennyworth and, for some inexplicable reason, Todd. And Gordon, though she isn't a legal part of this family yet. Even Father has no cooking skills to speak of. If someone ever needs to go undercover as a chef, we're going to have to send in Todd and hope for the best."

As the humans talked, Haley went up to Titus and sniffed him in greeting. The two sat side by side as Damian walked to the cold food box. Without looking away from his brother, the pup reached in and pulled out a plastic container. He opened the box to reveal – pancakes. The very thing Haley's human was trying to make. He stared at them.

"Oh. Well, um…"

Barbara broke out in laughter. She doubled over, and for a moment Haley was worried she might fall out of her chair. She moved her chair to the cold food box and took the container from Damian, looking at the paper taped to the lid. Pushing her chair to the counter, Barbara put it in one of the many small boxes in the kitchen. This one made food hot.

It was then that Haley's human realized she was in the kitchen. Finally! She'd been waiting forever. He scooped Haley up in his arms, laughing when she licked his face.

"Good morning to you too, baby girl. I see you finally got out of bed. I'll have your breakfast for you in a minute." Haley was set back on the floor, and she ran over to where her food dish usually was.

"Be careful there, Haley," Barbara said, "if your dad tries to heat it up, you might end up with crispy bits as food instead of kibble." Haley's human pouted at her, and Babs stuck her tongue out in response. "What? It's not like I'm wrong."

"Yeah, but you don't have to be mean about it." The hot food box dinged, and Barbara took the container out. Damian pushed Haley's human aside and grabbed Haley and Titus's bowls.

"I'll feed the dogs, Richard. I don't want you poisoning either one of them. You go put plates and silverware on the island counter. Gordon will finish preparing breakfast."

Haley's human started to do as Damian asked, but he paused. "Wait, am I being kicked out of my own kitchen by both my baby brother and my fiancé?"

"Yes." The response came from both green-eyed humans.

"And I'm not your baby anything!"

"Now do as Little D said. And go get the smoke alarm from the balcony."

Damian put the food dishes down, and Haley ate up her breakfast. By the time she was done, the humans were sitting and eating their own breakfast. As they ate, they talked about what to do that day. Damian wanted to take Haley and Titus to the park. Barbara wanted to try a new cafe for lunch. Haley's human wanted to show Damian the new arcade at the mall. Eventually they agreed to do all three, in that order.

When they'd finished, Barbara and Titus went to get ready for the day while Haley's human cleaned up. Titus and Haley went to cuddle on the couch. They were just getting settled in when there was a loud crash from the kitchen.

Everyone scrambled to see what had happened. Haley and Titus reached the kitchen first. Haley's human was standing in between the island and the sink, several broken pieces on the floor. Haley realized they were what was left of the dishes used for breakfast. Damian appeared in the other doorway, and he groaned when he saw the wreckage. As Damian went to grab the broom, Barbara rolled in. She took one look at the scene in front of her and took her small glowing box out of her pocket.

"That's it, we're buying a dishwasher. I'm texting Alfred right now to ask which one the manor has. And you're paying for it, Grayson."


My headcanon is that none of the Batfam can cook except for Alfred, Jason, and Babs. Everyone else has a lifelong kitchen ban.

I'm now taking prompts/suggestions for this fic! Comment blow with any you have!