Biggest thanks for Ace-Triad helping me with SPAG edit. Also thanks to Angel Wraith for reading my rough draft and provide important feedbacks.
Special thanks this time to the guest review who spend the time and effort to give me an extremely well thought out critical review. I can't promise to address all the problems either due to my own creative priorities, or just sheer incompetence, but you definitely give me a lot good things to think about!
More author note at the end for people who are interested to see me blabber some more.
The princess takes a deep breath to force her heartbeat back to normal. It is okay, this is Uncle Aldrecht. Even if he doesn't know the full story, he'll support her and won't blow her cover as long as she gives the correct signal for him to follow.
He has to.
Now, how does an uneducated commoner greet their betters again?
The princess bends down all the way to her waist. "Master Aldrecht, you probably don't even remember me, but I still think about you all those years. You taught me some basics in magic casting that time you passed through Samphor."
The seasoned hand of uncle Aldrecht brushes into his white beard again. He hasn't immediately blurted out her real identity and tried to bring her back home yet. That has to be a good sign, isn't it? "Ah, right. About a decade ago in the forest town of Samphor. Excuse an old man for his fading memories, what was your name again... was it Mal?"
"Mein, my name is Mein, Master Aldrecht."
"Ah, right. Mein of Samphor it is." The battle mage nods his head before turning back to look at the Shield Hero. "Do you mind giving the two of us some private time, Sir Shield Hero? Not trying to sound like a typical close-minded Melromarcian, but I'd rather not share the knowledge I pass down to everyone."
Chapter 48: Overture of Days Gone
"We'll prepare to settle for the night. Anyone?" Naofumi gives a quick glance to his companions. Raphtalia quickly shakes her head.
"Go away. Not interested in listening to you droning." The werewolf snarls at the royal battle mage, his foul mood at meeting Zellus clearly hasn't dispelled. Even his former fellow inmate Kyubey slowly edges away from the beastman.
"I... still haven't thanked you properly for saving my life, Master Aldrecht." Éclair gives looks back and forth between the Shield Hero's party and Uncle Aldrecht. "But I will give you two some privacy."
"No thanks is needed, Lady Seatto. If anything, I should be thanking you for your continued devotion to protect the crown after we wronged you." The royal battle mage gives Éclair a half bow before leading Mein away from his bodyguards and Naofumi's party.
The incognito princess has a feeling that she won't enjoy the following conversation. As much as Uncle Aldrecht has been like a family to her since her youth, he has always put his loyalty first with father.
As they turn the corner of the ruined street, the patient and grandfatherly smile on Uncle Aldrecht's face is quickly replaced by one of a stern parent disappointed at their own child. "You have a lot of explaining to do, young lady. Your action has caused your father more than a little distress, and a lot of his hair."
"I tried to warn him that the Three Heroes' Church aren't our friends, he wouldn't listen. Father trusted the pope too much." The princess spits out as she whips her head around, remembering how father brushed her opinion away without a second thought.
At the time, she was quite relieved, even thrilled at Father's dismissive attitude. It allows her to plot against Father's wishes without having to feel a sense of guilt at the parent who has always treasured her. But it takes on entirely new meaning now knowing she was never the first daughter. Perhaps Father never cared for her opinion to begin with, and only had her to replace his precious Henrietta.
In the end, did either of her parents truly see her as a person? Or was she simply a replacement daughter for Father, and a possible heir for Mother from the start? How ironic that out of everyone, only the little sister she despised from the start thinks of her as family.
"Did you actually tried to convince Alducray of the church's possible wrongdoing, with actual evidence to base your assumption of?" One of Uncle Aldrecht's brows rises up, eyes peering through her knowingly. "Or did you simply give him an offhand comment out of an obligation?"
"There is only hearsay, no solid evidence for someone like me to find. Not even Mother's shadows have returned with anything. Pope Balmus is good at covering his tracks." Her instructor's words make her irrationally angry inside. The princess isn't sure if it's due to being caught red-handed, or more a sense of betrayal that uncle Aldrecht doesn't believe more in her. She tries her hardest to hold her vitriol back from her voice. "Did you convince Father of the danger of the Church and reveal your plan, before you started this plot with the last Seatto?"
The royal battle mage stays quiet for a moment, eyes downcast at her accusation. "Yes, you are right. Under the circumstances, I have no right to criticize you when I'm doing much the same. But your action still wounded your father deeply."
"Wounding him? What about myself?! All this time I thought Father loved me when Mother used me for political bargains ..." Her emotions break through her control like how a flood breaks through a dam. "Turns out he's only using me to replace his dead firstborn! "
SLAP!
Her cheek burns more than her own fire, or the fang of the Wavespawn.
Uncle Aldrecht has never been someone who believed in corporal punishment.
Unlike Father, who always pretends she's some kind of angel who can do no wrong, the royal battle mage would give her a thorough dress down when she messes up. Either in her lessons, or for his own experiments, he would explain everything she did wrong in detail and why he expected her to do better. But he would never lay a finger on her, even if she ruined months of effort of his own research.
"Never for a thousand years, dare to question your father's love for you, O foolish student!" Uncle Aldrecht's face is full of fury, like an ancient god ready to cast thunderbolts down from a dark cloud. "Alducray never saw you as a replacement for Henrietta! Losing her in the Great War has only driven him to be a more loving father to you and Melty!"
The princess didn't realize the tear was inside her eyes till it dripped down and dampened her cloth mask. She turns her head around, not wanting to show further weakness to the only man in Father's court she trusted. She's not sure that she'll ever be okay with knowing this truth, but she'll lock it away deep inside her mind. "I'm sorry, Uncle Aldrecht. I... should handle this revelation better. But did Father ever mean to tell me the truth?"
He shuts his tired eyes tightly and takes in a few labored breaths, obviously trying to control his wrath. "I'm sorry too, that you had to find out this way, my student. Perhaps, I should have lied to the Shield Hero about the graves being my wife and daughter after all. But Alducray didn't tell you about his previous marriage and child, but because it was not your burden to bear. Sorrow and regret can both lead to hatred, and hate is poison to one's soul. And this country already has enough hatred festered against demi-humans without his personal tragedy."
The very thought of trying to curb demi-human prejudice in this country is a lost cause. As the first princess of glorious Melromarc, she knows this fundamental truth well enough. There is simply too much bad blood that has existed between both people over the millennia. But she suppose she'd be in a better place, if she never learnt of Father's first marriage, a piece of knowledge she decides to spare her little sister of. Still, she can't help but feel a bit curious about the elder half-sister she never knew existed till now. "What was she like? My elder sister."
Aside from being lower on the line of succession, she has always wondered how differently she would have turned up if she had an elder sibling. Cousin Emily has always been pleasant when they meet face to face, on account of her being a decade older. If Henrietta had survived the Great War, would it be like growing up with Cousin Emily by her side? Or would she simply cease to exist, because Father would have turned down Mother's marriage proposal to take care of his firstborn daughter?
"She was younger than Melty is now, when she passed away. It's hard to predict how she would have turned out..." Uncle Aldrecht's voice sounds distant, clearly lost in his own memory for the moment. "...but I suppose she would have caused my friend a few less grey hairs than you did growing up. Henrietta has always been well behaving and helpful around the household, and less prone to mischief."
So, a well behaving and proper princess like Melty, definitely more serene Tristanian than passionate Germanian. She suppose it wouldn't be too bad to have an elder sibling like Melty, the fact Henrietta would still be placed lower than her in the line of succession doesn't hurt either. "I think I would have liked to have met, and get to know her."
"I'm sure you would, my student. But it's pointless to ponder on the past what-ifs, when there is something you can still do about the now." Mein hears the steps of Uncle Aldrecht stop a few steps short of her back. It seems her magical instructor doesn't trust himself standing right beside her after losing his own temper. "Alducray believes you are hexed by the Shield Hero and held against your will. You can at least try to rectify this misunderstanding, and mend what relationship is still left between your family and the Shield Hero."
The incognito princess grits her teeth at this. She has no doubt such schism is further divided by the Pope of the Three Heroes' Church. She was right to not place her trust in the conniving old coot after all!
"What do you expect me to do when the Three Heroes' Church has Father's ear, Uncle Aldrecht? If Father truly believes I'm enchanted by some evil magic, and the church did nothing to disprove it... any words from my mouth would be seen as further evidence of the Shield Hero's treachery!" Mein throws her hands up over her head. If she had been more honest with father from the start, perhaps she would have had a chance to convince him. Too bad she was still trying to play all sides for her own advantage, and she didn't even decide to stay with her Naofumi till the moment of his trial.
Perhaps it is divine irony, that in the end, her own treachery becomes her undoing.
There is only silence from uncle Aldrecht for a long time, Mein turns around and sees him looking at her still as a statue. "I have lived long enough of a life to be aware of unforeseen consequences, my student. There is no such thing as a do or do not in life. Anyone who honestly believes they will accomplish only what they set out to do is a fool, no matter how pure the intention, no matter how simple the action. There is only try, or not have tried at all. I ask you again, have you tried to come clean with your father, or have you not tried at all?"
Mein is well aware of the answer: she's not telling the one person in father's court she considers family. She has no problem lying through a smile even to Father. She doesn't even have any problem telling lies to her Naofumi. But she doesn't want to do it to uncle Aldrecht, she spends too much of her life seeing the elder mage as both teacher and family.
"You don't have to answer me, child. You only have to be honest with yourself. I am aware it might be too late already with my stubborn friend." Uncle Aldrecht shakes his head and looks into the distant south where the capital lies. "But at least try to do what you can to mend the relationship. It would be very awkward to have your father hate your future husband. Especially when it comes down to the time for you to walk down the aisle with the Shield Hero."
The princess can feel her cheek heats up from her teacher's comment. Trying to take her mind away from embarrassing thoughts, she unhooks the copy of the Founder's Grimoire from her waist and holds it towards the battle mage. "Lord Malfoy gave us the Grimoire of Water, I already read through most of it. Would you like to hold onto this, uncle Aldrecht?"
"Ah... The founder's grimoire of water magic. A priceless treasure to any learned man, even if they lack affinity to cast water magic." Mein can hear her teacher's breath become hitched as he brushes his aged fingers through the thick cover of the book. Notes, journals, and actual magical grimoire from ancient time being one of the few vices he craves. He pushes the copy back in the end. "No, the gift was no doubt meant only for the Shield Hero and his own party. It would not be right for me to take such a treasure from you. But I suppose I deserved to be teased by you back."
"You know me too well, uncle Aldrecht." Mein hangs the copy of the grimoire back on her waist. "I suppose we should go back before someone comes looking for us."
"Yes, I suppose you are right." Uncle Aldrecht nods back as they slowly walk back to what's left of Flute's gate.
They hear the sound of weapons clanking together, and see a small dueling ring encircled by rocks. Inside the ring, her Naofumi's Housecarl and the bearded free fighter are busy whacking at each other. Or more precisely, the axe wielding berserker is trying his best smacking through Yatsuhashi's defenses. The Shield Hero's party and the rest of the free fighters are standing or sitting around the impromptu dueling ring, watching the action and sharing drinks.
"Ten silvers on our Xepan from taking this fight." One of the fighters in plate armor tosses the coins into what seems to be a betting pool between them.
"Fifteen on the boy." Another free fighter in leather tosses his silver after taking a swig of his water skin.
"Aren't you going to join them, Master Naofumi?" Mein walks over and sits down by the Shield Hero.
Uncle Aldrecht sits down on her other side. Éclair shifts over and starts to quietly talk with her lifesaver. Mein manages to catch a few words like 'minister' and 'church'. Judging from the knight's slowly lowering head, the situation back in father's court has taken a turn for the worse.
"No, I don't want to bet on my companion." The Shield Hero's head turns to fix his eyes on the royal battle mage, his answer sounds more like an afterthought. He stares at uncle Aldrecht even as Xepan hacks at his Housecarl for another dozen times, unable to break through the young man's guard. "How did your study session go?"
"It was fruitful." Sensing her Naofumi is trying to break the ice with small talk, Mein doesn't put much thought into her own answers either. "Did you want to talk with Master Aldrecht, Master Naofumi?"
Naofumi gives another quick glance over to the royal battle mage of Melromarc. "Yeah, that would-"
He is interrupted with an almost beastly roar as Xepan pushes Yatsuhashi a step back, a sangria shaded aura surrounding him like a burning fire. It seems like the classed up veteran fighter is pressing his advantages, even going as far as activating a berserker's class ability - [Sanguine Charge], to boost his attack prowess.
Mein whips her head around to look at Naofumi's Housecarl. The young man is still holding his blade firm, waiting for the opponent to come to him at the edge. The best move he can make at the moment and with his level. Berserkers' [Sanguine Charge] allow them to ignore pain and further boost their attack rating the more damage they take.
The question remains if someone around level 30 can withstand a full assault from a prestige level fighter that focuses on attack. The princess suppose she'll find out soon.
"Let's see what ya innie looks like!" Xepan two hands his battle axe and dashes at Yatsuhashi with a fierce overhead chop. The Housecarl shifts his shoulder around, guiding the axe with the curve of his blade to his right while his leg trips Xepan.
The muscle bound man quickly crawls up the dirt with a snarl. Xepan is about to charge back at Yatsuhashi when Zellus slaps his helmet over his eyes. "Chill out, my man. You just lost with a ring out."
"Thank you for the match. You fought well." The young Housecarl returns his blade onto his back. He closes both hands in front of his chest and gives his defeated opponent a half bow, then extends his hand out to Xepan.
"Bah! I wouldn't lost ta ya ninny without da ring!" The berserker slaps the young man's hand away and slung over to his companions in shame.
Two free fighters step into the ring as Yatsuhashi steps out. Coach Zellus holds his arm in front of the young Housecarl. "Your sword. Its curve is meant to bring you momentum in offense. Why did you adopt a defensive fighting style?"
The young man's eye met the older swordsman without hesitation. "It's to defend myself against a classed up opponent's assault, and baiting him for a ring out was my best chance to win."
"No. The fact you hold yourself so well against Xepan shows your mastery at your own skill. Defense is your prime fighting style, not something you hastily adopted in a pinch." The finger of Mein's fencing coach runs through his chin. "If you want to be a defensive fighter, you should not have chosen the weapon you are wielding now."
"Fulcrum is passed down to me by my father, I will not cast it aside." Yatsuhashi stares back at Zellus, posture unwavering. "But I will not be a slave to my own weapon."
"Very well. Off you go." Zellus pulls his arm back and sends the young Housecarl away with an encouraging slap on the shoulder.
"Speaking of slaves…" Naofumi looks over Mein at Aldrecht as Yatsuhashi sits down behind him. "You mentioned that 'Bitchlord' had a lot of former slaves under her, after she freed them with raided holy water. Don't you think this slavery system is more trouble than it's worth?"
Despite her Naofumi's amateurish attempt at prodding Uncle Aldrecht's opinion, it's clear the Shield Hero is beginning to act more like a Player in The Game: Attempting to find an ally in the higher echelon of society in addition to the slum dwelling skin merchant. Shame he has no interest in becoming a Player himself, with some coaching he has the greatest potential in all four summoned heroes.
The royal battle mage stops his quiet chat with Éclair to look at the Shield Hero. "I would be lying if I say using slave labor has no consequences, even with the punishment of slave seals, Sir Shield Hero. But a system persists for a reason. Slave use has endured throughout the ages despite the attempt at abolishment from various people with power, legendary heroes included. Do you actually have a plan to replace the system you are trying to fight against, or do you simply expect it to disappear with a command?"
Uncle Aldrecht isn't thinking too highly of her Naofumi, despite his diplomatic words.
"I met a smuggler dealing with slavery in the slum. He found a new, cheaper method at creating monster seals for weaker monsters. I'm trying to see if I can work with him to replace slave trading with monster taming." As if to emphasize his words, Naofumi brings out his balloons from his cloak. The rubbery abominations hops up and down his hands while making gurgle noise. "Help the more... ethical ones to become legit merchants and turn them into my informants, then deal harshly with the worst offenders."
"You thought more than the average interloping hero." Uncle Aldrecht nods his head with approval, but his voice is still neutral when he looks back up at the Shield Hero. "But it wasn't what I was getting at. Have you thought about what system you'll have for the freed slaves? Or do you expect everything will work out if you simply remove their magical seals?"
"Freed, slaves?" The way her Naofumi pauses with uncertainty clearly shows he's in the lateral category.
"Yes. You might not be aware of this, but most human dominant nations use demi-human slaves, and demi-human nations use human slaves. There are also smaller free cities such as Dalaran, which have both human and demi-human slaves below the ruling wizards. But for the sake of argument, we won't get into detail with them." The battle mage start to give a more comprehensive explanation of how slavery works on Medea. "Take Melromarc for example. Most humans will not hire freed demi-human slaves either out of millennia of prejudice, or fear of retaliation. They'll either end up beggars, or turn into thievery and banditry like the Bitchlord."
Naofumi's mouth hangs open for a while with no sound coming out. He looks down in the end. "I, I did not think of that..."
"I am a magical researcher, not a politician. I have no need for illiterate slaves when well educated assistants help me more in my line of work. But I can see the consequence of trying to abolish slavery being bigger than letting it persist." Uncle Aldrecht reaches into his robe and pulls out a necklace with a small holy icon of The Four as its pendant. His finger rubbing over the topaz symbolizes the Bow Hero. "'Good choices aren't always wise, and evil choices aren't always foolish.' The pious preaches we should strive to be good regardless, and perhaps that's true. But I don't see the logic to let justice prevail, if it'll end up having more innocent people hurt in the process. The slave system is abusive, that I can agree. But it's still a system that worked for the most part throughout time. And if you can't suggest something that'll work better... I see no point trying to abolish it."
"We can be more than beggars, refugees, thieves or bandits. Port Harp was a bustling trade city rivaling New Albion and the largest merchant ports in the Golden Coast. And it has as many demi-human merchants as human." Kyubey's emotionless voice suddenly draws Mein's attention away. It seems like the rabbit man takes quite the pride of his destroyed hometown to speak up without being talked to. He holds his crooked arm up for inspection. "Even I, someone born with a deformity, had my own general goods store."
"True. Port Harp was the pinnacle example of what glory Melromarc could achieve with co-operation between human and demi-humans." The royal battle mage nods his head with concession. "But if I remember my history correctly, it used to be an unassuming fishing village till about six decades ago, when an influx of Q'ten Lo refugees landed on its soil. No offense to Éclair here, but House Seatto never had the mind for complex statecraft and finance. It was thanks to the wealth and mind of Q'ten Lo's Hirata family that it slowly ascended from a fishing hamlet into a trading port. And with the Hirata family gone, I don't think Éclair here can rebuild Harp back to its former glory."
Raphtalia makes a sad squeak, clearly lamenting the passing of the raccoon demi-human's pride.
"I can't. I can fight myself. I can probably lead a regiment. But I can't figure out all the numbers in a finance book." Éclair looks as downcast as Naofumi. "Even if I'm restored to my title... I doubt I can even rebuild Port Harp by myself."
"You won't have to do it yourself. You'll have m- Master Naofumi's help." In her haste to get a word in to reinforce the rapport she built with the Seatto heiress, Mein almost revealed her plot to win House Seatto's support, and all the unpleasant revelation attached. "Won't she, Master Naofumi? I know you are good with money. You can give the freed demi-human slaves a home they can thrive in, and they won't turn to lives of crime for survival."
Naofumi looks over at Mein, Éclair... and his demi-human companion's passionate stares, his body fidgeting on the ground. "I, I'll do my best."
"A good start, but realistically not enough to even liberate all the slaves in Melromarc." Uncle Aldrecht shakes his head. "Assume everything works out with the current ongoing Wave of Catastrophe, it'll take you at least a decade or two to rebuild Port Harp. And one city, no matter how prosperous, will not be able to take, let alone employ all the freed slaves of this nation. And I can't say any other noble houses will cooperate with you like Lady Éclair here."
Naofumi's eyebrow tightens into knots, clearly thinking over the elder mage's statement. "Lord Balgruuf, he had a demi-human as his bodyguard. Maybe I can convince him. And that young knight from the Three Heroes' Church, wasn't he talking about helping out demi-humans? There are people who want to help demi-humans in this country. I just have to find them."
The Shield Hero's final words sound more like self-reassurance, than an argument aimed towards Melromarc's royal battle mage.
"Then I wish you best of luck. I am an old man who is more interested in the secret of the arcane than mundane policies. I won't be much help to you in your endeavors." Uncle Aldrecht returns his talisman back into his robe while giving the Shield Hero a diplomatic refusal. "Remember to tread lightly. You will face more foes than allies in this quest. Try not to harm everyone else while you attempt to protect the weak, the ones you are trying to help included."
Her Naofumi grows quiet as his unfocused eyes are cast down once again. Mein wants to reassure him that he won't be alone in his crusade, yet she can't. Even if she manages to become the next queen, she would lose too much support from the nobility if she publicly voices her support to end slavery. There are simply too many coins in everyone's pouches involved.
"Why the long face, boy? I know what'll wake you up." The loud voice of Coach Zellus makes both Mein and Naofumi look up into the impromptu dueling ring, where the royal guard stands with an iron katana drawn. He spins his helmet over his right index finger, before tossing the piece of armor away. The helmet bounces off a piece of rock making up the ring. "How about you step in here and have a couple of rounds with me?"
"Shield Hero here, can't attack by myself." Naofumi waves his right arm over at the overzealous knight.
Mein gets the distinct feeling that her Naofumi is more than a little intimidated by her coach. And to be fair, her fencing instructor is an unnerving man. Through the man's unfixed stubble, tied up ponytail and scarred eye, there was an air of an apex predator in the his face despite being a pureblood human and not a beastman, especially with that telltale grin of his.
Despite his official title being the vice captain of the royal guards, there is a reason why Sir Zellus of Zeltoble is more commonly considered as the captain of the Melromarc free fighters. When push comes to shove, he's the only one who can scare all those unruly hooligans into line.
"We aren't duelling to the death, you don't have to actually kill me to win. Not that you could, even if you had the attack rating of your fellow heroes." Coach Zellus smiles like a predatory feline as he scratches his own ear with his free hand. "I fought side by side with them in the second Wave you know... that's the first for all of you. I have to say, I am not impressed. All three of them use their weapons more like a mage using their catalyst, not knowing how to properly wield them like weapons. So you are the last hope for all you Legendary Heroes. If you don't impress me... well, I might just kill you all and summon the next batch. Maybe the ones after you will give me a better challenge."
His teeth seem to glow under the fallen sun with the smirk.
"Please, don't make light of the situation, Vice Captain. We are on thin ice with the other nations as is." Uncle Aldrecht covers his eyes with his left hand at Coach Zellus' nonchalant threat.
"I kid, I KID! Or am I? I suppose Shield boy will find out." The Vice Captain of the royal guard points his blade towards the Shield Hero. "How about I sweeten the deal here? I will keep my strength around the common level range, so I won't outright body you with my higher level. AND I'll count you a win if you knock my weapon off my hand in addition to ring out and pin down. Should be an even match for you, considering a Shield Hero's insane DEF growth. Come on, show me what the Legendary Heroes are made of."
"Alright, I better make a good showing if all of our lives are on the line." Naofumi stands up, puts his helmet's face guard down and spins his right shoulder a couple of times. He steps into the ring, using his newly unlocked [Living Shield] from the Life Root. He bends down to keep his center of gravity low, shrinking most of body behind his shield.
"Don't worry about Master Shield Hero." Mein's eyes follow Naofumi as he walks into the ring. She doesn't even realize Éclair moved over to her side, or her own balled up fists till Éclair's hand closes around hers. "Kyubey and I have been practicing with Master Shield Hero to help his blocks and parries. He won't lose so long as he's not intimidated by Vice Captain Zellus... too much."
It's hard to tell if Éclair is trying to reassure the princess, or herself. Maybe both.
Coach Zellus' smile seems to grow even wider as he takes a step to the right, keeping his legs apart while holding his sword pointed down. A speed favoring low stance, no doubt to adapt to the supposedly lighter, and more manoeuvrable wooden shield Naofumi chose.
The two of them stare at each other for a short while, before the knight predictably makes his first move. Zellus charges forward, bringing his blade forward with a low swipe at Naofumi's feet. Naofumi brings his shield down in an attempt to shut the iron blade out of his shield.
Coach Zellus' sword digs straight into the dirt, and flips a cloud of dust and earth into Naofumi's face to blind him.
The unofficial captain of the Melromarc free fighters wasn't a conventional knight, in more ways than his weapons, attire, or speaking pattern. He's also not above using dirty tricks like a rogue during a fight.
The Shield Hero is clearly startled by such underhanded tactics, as he shrinks back with a surprised yelp. Meanwhile, Coach Zellus effortlessly floats his sword into an upward thrust, aiming directly towards Naofumi's face. Even with the chromezoid faceguard, it'll more than hurt if the attack connects. It seems like he wasn't kidding, when he threatened to kill the heroes.
Naofumi brings his left arm up in front of his head at the last moment, knocking away the low quality iron blade with his gauntlet with a loud clunk. He tosses out a ball of white light from his left hand, bouncing both Coach Zellus and himself away from the middle of the ring. It seems like his practice of the church's Miracles have finally borne fruit, if he can throw a [Force] spell to push apart a dangerous opponent from him in the blink of a second.
"Guessed I'd aim for the head, huh? Good instinct. But you are lucky I wasn't using my full strength, or you'd lose an arm already." Coach Zellus chuckled as he caught his feet again. This time he charges towards Naofumi with his sword held in the middle.
The few seconds his [Force] Miracle brought out is clearly enough for Naofumi's vision to return. This time, instead of waiting for Coach Zellus to make his move in leisure, the Shield Hero also charges forward with his shield out, trying to stop the katana wielding knight's attack with a [Shield Charge] before he can pull some trick up his sleeve.
The knight twists his waist around, meeting Naofumi's incoming shield with the bottom of his hilt instead of his blade. Coach Zellus spins his feet on the ground, using [Shield Charge]'s knockback effect to flow his sword into horizontal spinning slash to Naofumi's unguarded left. A green, ethereal shield shimmers into existence at the last second to block the blade from connecting Naofumi's shoulder.
"Good, GOOD!" Mein's fencing coach's face threatens to split open with his laughter. He backs away from Naofumi's Charge, before going up against the Shield Hero once again. This time, he gives up on trying to catch the Shield Hero with another trick, and focuses his assault with a series of quick slashes in an attempt to overwhelm Naofumi. The Shield Hero is briefly put on the back foot, as he only manages to hide behind his shield to weather through the furious assault. "I see you actually know a thing or two about real fighting! There's hope for you Legendary Heroes yet!"
Mein hears Éclair's breath become labored just like her, as their held hands dig into each other. No doubt, both of them are rooting for the Shield Hero to last through Coach Zellus' assault. The royal knight is a storm right now, but a raging storm can't last long. As long as her Naofumi isn't beaten down, he'll have an opening at the end to disarm even Coach Zellus.
Coach Zellus tries a heavy overhead slash just like Xepan did earlier, this is no doubt the strike her Naofumi was waiting for. The wooden shield on his arm changes into his heaviest rock shield, and he swings his arm out with a parry. With a loud clank, something spins away from the two figures in the dueling ring and flies at the princess. Before she has a chance to scream, or duck away a red blur flashes in front of her eyes as Fulcrum knocks the broken blade harmlessly back into the dirt.
Mein wants to thank Naofumi's Housecarl, but all she lets out is a series of heavy coughing. She's not sure how she felt to owe a life debt to her Naofumi's bodyguard. Well, better him than someone who may wish her harm.
The princess looks up... and sets her eyes upon the face of an ogre. Yatsuhashi's eyes are narrowed, brow slanted down towards his twisted nose. From the way his cheeks clinch, he is gritting his teeth together.
Mein blinks out of shock, and reopens her eyes to the soft and boyish face of the Sworn Shield again. She wonders if what she saw a moment ago was simply a trick of the light, or figment of her imagination.
"Aww, how anticlimactic. Maybe I should have taken a better quality sword with me." Zellus looks down at his broken sword, but the wide grin on his face is anything but disappointment. He tosses his broken weapon out of the ring and holds his empty hand up towards Naofumi. "Well, I suppose a weapon break counts as a disarm too. You obviously know how to use a shield... and mixing Miracles with your fighting style too. Congratulations, Shield boy. You put in a better performance than your fellow heroes combined."
"Thanks, I think." Naofumi looks down at the offered hand for a moment. He reaches out and gives an uncertain hand shake with Coach Zellus. Probably expecting the knight to pull a fast one on him again.
"That being said, there's still room for improvement. I was only limiting myself to common level range strength, after all." The knight catches his helmet, one of the free fighters tossed to him, swings it a couple times by the plumage to shake away the dirt before plopping it down on his head again. "For example, you don't have to fight as passive as your Housecarl. Especially when you are against a single opponent."
"Shield Hero here, remember? I can't attack." Naofumi raises his shield up with a frown.
"No, no, no~. You can't deal damage, that's not the same as being unable to attack." Coach Zellus shakes his finger at Naofumi's face in mock disapproval. "You have an insanely high DEF rating. That means you can easily bounce someone around when you are coming at them with a shield weapon art. When someone is being juggled in the air, or down on their arse, they are off guard. And when they are off guard, it gives the opportunity for your companions to deal more damage. You are already unconsciously doing it when you caught me with that [Force] Miracle, or when you tried to [Shield Charge] me."
Naofumi's brow slowly untangles, eyes become unfocused again. He's clearly having an epiphany moment thanks to Coach Zellus' guidance.
"In addition, there's a reason why I brought up pinning as your winning condition. With your high DEF rating, when you lock someone in a hold, there's no chance for them to break away unless they are stupidly overleveled than you." Zellus walks closer and gives Naofumi's blue chromezoid armor a few hard knocks. "And don't forget about the armor you are wearing. It wouldn't have worked on me, but with you dressed more like a castle wall, you'll intimidate most low level scrubs when you go after them. Damage or not. So don't sell yourself short just because you have a piece of armor as your legendary weapon."
"I can fight like a wrestler?" Naofumi blinks his eyes a couple of times, the spell work circle clearly connecting in his head. "With submission holds?"
"Well, I don't know about this 'wrestler' or 'submission hold' business. But as the Shield Hero, you sacrifice your ATK for DEF rating. It doesn't mean you have less options than your fellow heroes. You just have different ones, and you have to be smart about when to hold your ground, and when to go aggressive." The knight pokes his own head a couple of times before he turns around to walk away.
"WAIT!" Naofumi calls out after the knight. "I still don't know a lot about fighting. Can you train me?"
"Nah, I'm a swordsman through and through. Fast and sharp is my game, and it's the opposite of what you should do." The Knight shakes his hand without even turning back to face Naofumi. "You might learn a couple of things from old Captain Lo, that's my commanding officer in the Royal Guard. But who you should learn from is the Turtle Hermit from Siltvelt."
"...Master Roshi?"
"Who?" Coach Zellus did turn around this time to look at Naofumi with complete confusion on his face. "His name is Genbu no Okina. Or maybe that's his title, a lot of Siltvelt names are confusing. Younger brother of the Ebon Turtle clan head, and their guardian."
"I believe we wasted enough time, Vice-Captain Zellus." Uncle Aldrecht stands up from the ground. "We should leave now, if we still wish to make it to Ascart County's border outpost."
"Ah, are you sure you don't want to camp out here with the Shield Hero, old Al? Me and the boys won't mind it, but your old bones might rattle if we walk too fast." The fellow free fighters begin to quietly snigger at Zellus' jab.
"Those old bones aren't as fragile as they look ,vice-captain. I'm a [Battle Mage], not an [Arch Mage]." The royal battle mage simply smiles at his bodyguard before turning to the Shield Hero. Uncle Aldrecht gives one quick glance towards Mein. "I wish you best of luck for your quest, Sir Shield Hero."
"Thank you... You gave me a lot of things to think about." Naofumi bows back to the mage.
Night slowly but surely falls, covering the abandoned village in a blanket of darkness. They moved their cart near the ruin of the village hall and huddled close to the bonfire. Naofumi grinded up the spice herb Gaston discovered earlier, and mixes them with a variety of other spices to recreate the 'curry' he's been talking about. "I think batch thirteen is a success. Guess we'll find out with tonight's dinner. Hope I don't poison everyone..."
"If I may take a moment of your time, Master Shield Hero." Kyubey's voice breaks the quiet magic lesson Mein is trying to teach Raphtalia. Both of them turn their attention towards the rabbit demi-human who usually keeps to himself.
Kyubey has always preferred to keep to himself, despite being in Naofumi's party as early as Raphtalia, and nowhere as confrontational as Farkas. The former shop owner, later slave, and current companion of the Shield Hero has the attitude befit a noble's servant - keeps himself useful, busy, but scarce until being addressed to. Aside from his deformed arm, he'd make a great chamberlain. It's not like Melromarc Castle ever lacked demi-human servants, despite her father's prejudice against them.
This sudden break from his usual pattern is therefore more than a bit eyebrow raising.
"Of course, Kyubey. Ask away." Naofumi looks up before he pours the mix of ground spices into the pot of meat and vegetables.
"You put a lot of thoughts into actually ending slavery, didn't you?" Kyubey's word makes Naofumi lean back for a brief moment, before the Shield Hero looks down into his pot in what appears to be shame.
"Not nearly enough... if someone easily pokes a hole through my idea." Naofumi closes the lid over the pot to let the food heat up.
"When you first talked about wanting to end slavery, I thought it was a flight of fancy, or to make us feel better. But you are making a plan for action, and fixing it when someone points out the flaws. You are serious about ending slavery." Kyubey's words make the sand slowly fall through the hourglass inside Mein's head. "Those are long term future plans you can only begin to implement after you end the Wave, not short term plans to help you fight it. It's almost like you are trying to end slavery because of some personal reason."
The princess feels like she's suddenly struck by a lightning spell. Of course, how did she miss putting together such obvious clues? Naofumi scheming with the slum merchant, attempting to gain uncle Aldrecht as an ally when he showed evidence of concession towards her Naofumi's point, his attempt at fixing the flaw of his plan instead of throwing a temper tantrum when they are pointed out.
None of these suggest the usual flight of fancy, or fanaticism displaced by the usual summoned heroes who wished to end slavery. He's dead serious about wanting to stop a practice that would benefit someone like him. That suggests a personal grief, or hatred against the system itself similar to father's animosity towards demi-human.
"It's... it's stupid. Don't mind it." Naofumi shifts and fidget on his legs. Raphtalia quickly stands up and throws herself onto the young man's side in an attempt to comfort him. "Thanks, Raphtalia."
"You should still share it with everyone, Master Naofumi. You helped everyone in your party one way or another, we should have a chance to repay the favor." Mein turns around to look at Naofumi face to face, trying to figure out what's wrong with his mind so she might be able to fix it.
"Miss Mein is right, Sir Shield Hero. Keeping something to yourself isn't good." Éclair gives a glance to Mein, the princess wonders if she's thinking back to their morning talk in Balafon. "If there's some past trauma... share with us. It's better than having it attack you at the most... inopportune time."
Is the last Seatto assuming her Naofumi was enslaved himself at one point in his life?
"Alright, alright. I'll share." Naofumi tosses the lid of his cooking pot aside on the ground. The Shield Hero looks up at his traveling companions. "But if I'm sharing something about my past, I want to hear something from you guys. I have been traveling with some of you for a month, others for a week. But I barely know any of you aside from how we fight together."
"That's fair. I don't have anything to hide." Kyubey nods his head, and agrees for everyone else.
Well, speak for yourself, fur ball! Someone here has plenty to hide, thank you very much!
"Count me out of this stupidity. I don't care about whatever sad sap story you all have." Farkas turns around and shows his back towards everyone. At least he's lying by the bonfire with everyone, instead of deep in the shadow by himself now. Baby steps, but it's still progress.
"I'll go first then." Kyubey pulls his gaze back from Farkas to look at the burning fire. "I'm a demi-human born with a deformed arm, so everyone knows I won't be able to have children. I... didn't have a lot to expect in life. So I kept my head low and did what work I could, and the Hirata family loaned me enough money for me to own a small general store. Till the wave destroyed Port Harp."
"You have my condolences." Naofumi chews the inside of his mouth at Kyubey's past. "This Hirata family. That royal mage guy talked about them too. Who are they?"
"I think they were a noble house from Q'ten Lo or something, used to be close to their royal family." Éclair nods her head along, obviously trying to remember as much about her family's vassals as she can. She gives Raphtalia's hair a gentle rub when the girl starts squeaking again. "When the country was destroyed by King Mikage, what remained of its people from the island nation got scattered to the four winds. Hirata family lead a group of refugees to our land, and settled in Harp. They are much better at trading and keeping numbers than our usual vassals, so grandfather and father let them do as they pleased."
"I see, good thing they didn't turn into that Schnee family. Do you want to share something, Éclair?" Naofumi's eyes fix on the dishonored knight of their group.
"Might as well." The last Seaetto holds her back straight, her voice becomes more crisp. "House Seaetto can trace our lineage back to the royal family of the old Boletaria Kingdom. It's not one of the Seven Old Ones, but still has a proud history. King Allant the Valiant fought against the remnant of the Wavespawn from the very First Wave of Catastrophe, and his son Ariona the Wise fought alongside the heroes against the Second Wave of Catastrophe. I was sent to the royal family to train as a knight at twelve, and haven't seen my land and family since. I... didn't expect it to turn out like this."
"We'll do our best to help you end the madness... and I'll do my best to help restore your home land." Naofumi rest a hand on Éclair's shoulder. His eyes move to Raphtalia next.
The raccoon girl shifts and shakes around, eyes not meeting the Shield Hero. "I, I grew up with Father and Mother in Harp, and my good friends Rifana and Keel. And there's also big sister Sadina..."
"Sadina? As in the Battle Priestess Sadina of Kagura?" Kyubey's head whips around to look at the girl, surprise clear despite his lack of emotion. "Isn't she one of the elite bodyguards of the Hirata family? Because she's from some big priestley house of Q'ten Lo?"
Kagura? The name is familiar from her history lessons, one Mein can't quite put her fingers on. It's not like she paid much attention to an already dead and gone country, when she doesn't even bother to learn everything about the nations that are still standing.
Raphtalia nearly trips over herself with how violent she jumps. Naofumi quickly catches her before she tips over onto the burning pot. "Yah, yeah! I guess she is? She's just big sister Sadina to me."
"I guess it makes sense you know her like a next door big sister, and not the most seasoned fighter in Port Harp. I saw her a couple of times. She always has that 'easy to get along with' air with the children." Kyubey nods to himself, clearly losing in his own memory.
Mein briefly panics at what she'll say, when Naofumi's Sworn Shield speaks next. "I guess there's no point hiding it. I'm descended from the Miyamoto clan, but the clan itself is no more. When I was too young to remember, one of our clansmen lifted the forbidden wicked blade forged from our ancestor's sword fragment, and slaughtered most of the clan. Father was one of the few survivors, and he took me south to Whiterun, where he became one of the Jarl's guards. I was trained to be a Housecarl since youth, in addition to what skill Father passed to me from our lost clan."
"Is this why you took a defensive fighting style?" Naofumi is quick to connect the pieces together. "Because you want to be different from the one who slaughtered your family?"
"Partly because of that, and partly because a Housecarl's duty is to protect their Thane." The quiet giant nods his head as he slowly pulls his sword out and holds it in front of his face. "Father's Fulcrum isn't a bewitched blade that'll poison my mind. But I still want to master my own emotions... I hope to retrieve the forbidden blade one day, and seal it away for good so it can't be used to cause harm in this world."
"I see. I'll help you in what way I can. That sword sounds dangerous." Naofumi stays quiet for a few moments before making a promise to his Sworn Shield.
Privately, Mein thinks the Shield Hero is making too many different commitments in general. But she suppose helping ease the mind of someone who is tasked to watch the Shield Hero's back is reasonable.
"You have my thanks, my Thane." Yatsuhashi smiles at the Shield Hero as he returns his sword to his back. "I suppose there is a sense of poetry in me, a descendant of the Sword Hero serving a Shield Hero. Sometimes, it's more important to have the endurance to protect your loved ones, than strength to strike down your foes."
Mein supposes that leaves her with a fake, blank history she needs to fill in fast, only she has no idea how a commoner living in an out of the way forest town is like. Granted, she's been observing them since she joined her Naofumi's party, but trying to reiterate what he's also seen would surely raise suspicion.
Then she realized something. She may not know much about peasants, or lumberjacks. But she does know a bit more than the lives outside the noble circle. "Guess this leaves me. I... wasn't exactly forthcoming when I said I was a simple country girl, Master Naofumi. You see, my mother worked as a maid for House Ascart, and Father was a scribe copying documents for them."
Her Naofumi's eyes seemed to glue on her throughout the recount of her supposed history. The princess briefly wonders if the Shield Hero picked up some inconsistencies with her story.
"A scribe, huh?" Gaston suddenly interrupts Mein from across the fire, a gesture she's only too grateful for. The Lute hunter lets a huff escape his mouth as he rests his chin on his hand. "Ma did that."
"Your mother was a scribe?!" Naofumi lets out a yelp almost loud enough to be a scream. It even wakes up both birds, as they start to furiously look around for possible predators.
"What, you didn't think an illiterate peasant girl can grow up to be a scribe too, Shield Hero boy?" The hunter smirks back to the Shield Hero.
"No, it's not that. It's good for your mother, I'm sure." Naofumi quickly shakes his hand, Kyubey has to take over his role to swirl the ladle so the... stew, or gravy, or whatever is cooking in the pot doesn't get ruined. "I... kind of figured you aren't the type to have a scribe for a mother, I guess."
"Well, you aren't the first one. Ma spent most of her life learning reading and writing, she's barely there for pa and I. And when she finally became a scribe, she ended up living in the city... didn't even know Pa hurt his back in the mine and died, till' elder Lute asked her to attend Pa's funeral." The hunter narrows his one good eye at the burning fire. "Yeah, a peasant girl can be a scribe. But maybe she shouldn't be one, and should be with her family."
The Shield Hero comes with the review. Only the chirping sound of the birds, crackling fire, and cricketing bugs fill the heavy atmosphere around the ruined village. After what feels like an hour, her Naofumi finally breaks the silence. "I'm going to sounds really stupid and whiny, after hearing all of your stories."
"Don't put yourself down, before you even share your story, Master Naofumi." Mein moves closer to the Shield Hero, trying to give him a bit more encouragement. "You are one of the smartest men I met, your thoughts probably make much more sense than you think."
"Alright, here goes." The Shield Hero takes the ladle from Kyubey, he brings the gravy up to his mouth and gives a gentle taste. He takes the pot down from the fire. "Just like your world, my world also had a 'Great War' some decades ago. My country... was on the losing side."
The princess instantly felt sympathy towards her Naofumi. Technically, Melromarc was on the victor's side of the Great War. But with the Siltvelt occupation destroying most of the nation and them outright refused to pay most of their reparations, it was a victory more bitter than defeat.
"They say we got what's coming to us, because we were the vicious aggressor. But it's over half a century after the war is over. Most of the people I knew... we weren't even around when the war was over. We still aren't allowed to have our own army, and our 'ally from the pacific' makes all our decisions for us." Naofumi's voice begins to rise, clearly having trouble controlling his emotions simply by recounting the history of his own nation.
Once again, Mein can understand her hero from a personal level. He is obviously not giving any details, but the language he used to describe their oppressors... It sounds a lot like the justification the Siltvelt animals used for their occupation of Melromarc.
"'Our ally'...", Naofumi practically spat the word through his teeth, as it's clear the relationship between his nation and this mysterious ally isn't as friendly as the title implies. "They boast about being more civilized than us, because they got rid of slavery on their land. But are we not slaves working for them when we can't make any decisions for ourselves? Where is the justice they are so proud of?"
The Shield Hero shuts his eyes down and takes a few deep breaths. Doing his best to reign back his passion. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't whine so much about it. We didn't have magical kill seals on us, and we were allowed to own homes and cars... I guess it's a carriage for you guys. So we are much better off than the slaves here. But I still get angry, thinking about some entitled assholes trembling on the weak and making themselves sound like the heroes doing it."
"You aren't being stupid or whiny, Master Naofumi. You see-"
"Your very existence perpetuates slavery, Shield Hero." Mein turns to glare daggers at Farkas, as she's NOT grateful for this interruption at all. The beastman has not only turned to look at them, but he's standing at his full height, and glaring menacingly at them like a dark shadow.
"Excuse me? I'm not the King of..." Naofumi looks down at Raphtalia, he quickly catches himself. "...Mikage Mikami. I don't condone slavery, no matter what my predecessor did."
"It has nothing to do with Mikage, and everything to do with the very FIRST Shield Hero." Now, it's the werewolf's turn to spit words through his teeth. "Back during the First Wave, the human kingdom alliance, and the Legendary Heroes were going to put all of our ancestors to the sword. For they considered the Horde of Malis as much danger to the world as the Wave of Catastrophe. The First Shield Hero was the only one who spoke for us, and took us away from the kingdom's land to build our own society. That's when our battle cry changed from 'My life for the Horde', to 'My life for the Shield'."
Mein looks to the side at Naofumi, a certain light of understanding inside the young man's eyes. He clearly picked up Farkas' implication.
"You understand it, don't you, SHIELD HERO? What is our lives, but eternal enslavement for us and all our children after such a debt? Your effort to fight against slavery is self defeating, for the first of your progenitor has unwittingly taken all children of Malis as his slaves. And it's only too easy for other people to justify its usage afterwards. As long as there is still a Shield Hero, slavery will never be abolished."
"I don't know about past heroes, or abolishing slavery, but I know something here: You. And you are as selfish as you are arrogant." Mein turns around to look at the Lute hunter who dares to provoke a beastman with class-up.
End Note:
DJman248's review made me realize I done fucked up in my last chapter's note. I meant to say the backstory/mechanic of all summoned heroes in history are men is past its due date, not matriarchy in Melromarc.
Some spotlight for Pretty Lazy's original characters Aldrecht, and Zellus this chapter. As I said, I definitely based both of them in one of the earlier iterations we talked about than their current 'canon' version in Pretty Lazy's ongoing story. And everyone who played Metal Gear Rising should spot the obvious Jetstream Sam influence in my version of Zellus.
:P
As for the other OC, just like Malty and Éclair's budding, manipulation laden friendship, Aldrecht taking on the role of a surrogate (grand) parental figure to Malty in my story is something I neither talked with Pretty Lazy about, or planned by me from the start. It just spontaneously happened while I was writing my story, similar to Gaston went from an one scene easter egg extra into the much more expanded role he currently has.
On the flip side, Naofumi possibly able to fight using wrestling's submission hold (since to my limited knowledge, they are more designed to cause discomfort to someone and have them give up fighting, than directly causing damage) without any mechanic exploitation IS something I talked with Comrade Broseph. One of the last thing we talked about before his sudden and mysterious disappearance, actually. I'm kind of sad this is the thing we ended up talked about last.
The idea of Naofumi comes from a world similar to Code Geass, where Japan is essentially conquered by US after WWII is also something Comrade Broseph and I joked together, when I originally had Naofumi say that line of 'our ally from across the Pacific make all our decisions for us.' in one of the earlier chapters, so it's not exactly a retcon like what I did with Trash's backstory. I just never exclusively made this part of Naofumi's backstory canon till now. But I think it provide a good reason on why he hates seeing oppression and especially slavery.
Guest review time.
To Guest:
Definitely appreciate your well thought critical review, and you don't have to worry about sugar coating your opinions with me. I know I often compare my own story to RotSH's equivalent of The Last Jedi, but if there's one thing I want to be better than Crybaby Rian is taking other people's critical opinions. Maybe, hopefully, my talent of pissing other people off is probably as good as Crybaby Rian.
:P
I kind of wish you have an account here, so I can private message you in more detail (and avoid spoiling everyone else a lot of things I want to keep hidden). And I really don't want to have a 5k reply essay to you here at the end of my chapter. So I'll have to keep things brief.
On Naofumi's moral grandstanding in chapter 47, I would like to point out Aldrecht did give him a 'go self copulate with your moral superiority' remark at the end, he just worded his rebuke as diplomatically as he can because of Naofumi's hero status. But definitely agree with you about there should be something for his anti-slavery sentiment to bounce off with. Which is why I had Aldrecht point out the flaw of Naofumi's plan this chapter. Not sure if this is what you wanted to see, but I'm definitely thinking over your critique.
I admit, characters like Kyubey, Farkas and Yartsuhashi are the more utility B team of the cast from the inception level compared to the characters that often have more big emotional moment like Malty, Naofumi, Raphtalia and Eclair (ironically Eclair would have ended in the B team too if not for ideas inspired by reviews). So definitely a good critique here.
I'm going to combine my response to your XO characters and pacing critique together here, since they are both shortcomings that comes from the same creative priorities of mine. Both of your critique is spot on, but both are also what I considered to be intentional flaws to my story because I prioritized things I want to focus on.
Once again, I have to admit I'm not a fan of plot centered novels, at least when it comes down to multi-volume spanning long ones. Having a tightly paced story where all characters and elements tie back to the center plot is obviously a good writing advice in term of overall structure, but I always found those kind of story to be too intentionally crafted. As the author put all the conveniences and contrivances for the purpose to advance the plot. Which is why I choose to add a lot of seemingly random digressions that doesn't serve the current ongoing plot, but to simply show off the world and its different walk of people. It's definitely a good argument to say I went too far the other direction, but It's something I wanted to do and have a blast doing it. So I'm sorry about this made the story unenjoyable for you, but I'm most definitely not sorry for doing it, and I'd do the exact same thing if I go back in time to rewrite my story.
I guess the counter argument is if I wanted to do a more of an anthology style adventure like FMA 2003's earlier episodes, I shouldn't gave Naofumi's party an overarching goal from the start similar to canon RotSH's events between wave 2 and 3. I could definitely have introduced Eclair at the end of the bioplant mini-arc, although in this case I would lose all those bonding scenes between Malty and Eclair, so I guess 'you win some, you lose some'.
And I would like to point out the reason I had Naofumi go through his crossover event with other heroes, instead of showing them resolve those events by themselves like Allen Blaster did is because I specifically want Naofumi to start building trust and rapport with them before 3rd wave. I won't spoiler why that's the case for now though.
On the villains' side, once again definitely spot on for both Trash and Emon. I made Inquisitor (not Pope) Emon as an intentional foil to Itsuki, to let him see where fanatical belief in a goal even he agree would lead down to. Trash on the other hand is a case of drawing the short end of the straw because of the story I want to go through. I wanted to still walk a lot of similar plot beat as canon, but show the same beat with a different context. And I needed a dumb villain for a lot of canon plot beat to happen, so he ends up the sacrifice here, and the best I can do is to give him a backstory to explain why he did all the dumb things than him simply being an brain dead idiot.
As for the Three Heroes Church (and Weiss). I know 500K is already a lot of words, but it's still only about a month after the heroes' summoning. So don't count them all out yet until bodies start to literally hit the dirt like Emon.
;)
For the good guys, I kind of get what you want to say about Naofumi and Jaune being the virtuous good boys, but I disagree with them having no flaws. As Game of Thrones/A Song have shown, being virtuous in a crapsack world full of cutthroat is a flaw in itself. It would make the character too rigid, inflexible and unintentionally making things worse. Jaune obviously haven't caused any major consequence on his own yet, since he's only in one major scene, but I would like to point out Naofumi has already made his share of mistakes in this story:
-He constantly brings Raphtalia into dangerous situation even when he knows Raphtalia isn't suited to handle them, simply because he doesn't want Raphtalia feel abandoned. Which of course, caused her having that complete break down in the Lost Laboratory.
-He didn't swiftly punish Firo for her aggressive behaviors like canon Rising Naofumi did and tried to rely on mild parenting discipline, which made Firo into the out of control rage monster she currently is where she goes around kicking people she doesn't like.
-And let's not forget, while he didn't specifically say 'let's plan the Outsider's seed', he's one of the people who supported using it which almost give birth to an Outsider God.
Obviously, none of these mistakes directly caused an actual 'OH, SHIT!' moment like the three weapon heroes did canonically. But I do plan to have him cause his own share of major fuck ups down the line.
In conclusion, I can't say I would address all the flaws you pointed out for my story either due to my intentional creative priorities, or my own incompetence. But you definitely give me a lot of good points to think over.
To HeshGerlan:
The first time where Raphtalia mentioned she was owned by someone else other than Idol Rabier actually happened long before the hot spring scene. It was in that chapter where she got trapped in the bottom of Lute mine with Malty.
Hope everything will work out for you in your personal life. Glad you enjoyed talking with me with your time spend in this story. And thank you for the words of encouragement!
On the point of changing my stories... I definitely take a lot of inspirations from reviews. And as I mentioned a lot of things wouldn't have happened (like all the Malty Eclair bonding) if I never read my story's reviews, but I'm definitely a stubborn writer who write for myself first. I wouldn't change the core of what I want to write, even if I know it's objectively a bad idea, like my priority of fleshing out the world over a well paced plot.
And you don't have to worry about your own ideology/philosophy sounds too weird. I actually agree with you on it, so we'd at least be weird together if that's the case.
XDDD
Well, everything need its critic, and I'm obviously not exception. Although to clarify, I never considered my story to be a 'fix' fic to begin with. It's obviously my own interpretation than a hard, firm, or other erotic definition from a dictionary. I always consider to 'fix' something, or be better than something I have to start with the intention of recreate the exact same thing in mind to begin with. And despite my priority of going through a lot of the same plot beats as canon, I definitely don't want to recreate Rising of the Shield Hero.
Honestly, I think my story got as much notice as it did because this story is the first major attempt in the fandom (at least on this site) to write a large scale revisionist fan fiction of RotSH than my story's actual quality. So in spite all my mouth off, trash talk, and putting my foot in my own mouth, I am very grateful for all the reviews, favorites, and follows I got.
