Okay, so I was meant to get this out roughly 6 to 7 months ago. But then I got a job and of course it required flexibility. You gotta love how there is no such thing as a consistent time schedule for retail monkeys, ammiritie?
But of course, i've been laid off. Since, you know. Upper management can't manage its money properly and I became the unwilling recipient of the consequences.
Anyway, here's more ME for you.
(-0-)
(Tali'Zorah Vas-Neema – Migrant Fleet – Sigurd's Cradle)
"Come on you Bosh'tet!" She growled in irritation, resisting the urge to stamp her foot in response to the stubborn plasma vents. "Just open properly for one minute!"
Plasma had become her most hated element. Plasma vents however… They had climbed right to the top of her shit-list. Most of the machinery on the Neema was in a permanent state of complete dependence, usually requiring near 24/7 maintenance alongside a common system scrub whenever too much junk managed to clog the old, over-worked filters. One day these damn things would shut down for good…
Then the plasma that would most certainly reside within would have to vent anywhere it can.
These damned suits wouldn't save a single Quarian, they simply didn't have the ability to fight something so toxic to the organic form. Everyone would most likely perish within mere minutes from a combination of radioactive Eezo wastage and the exposure to the outside world…
Not even Joh-.
'Stop that… Just don't think about it. Don't think about it.'
Feelings of helplessness began to overwhelm her senses, anger filling her veins as her fists clenched painfully. She couldn't keep this engine going for much longer, hell she couldn't even keep the highest, most state-of-the-art engine in the galaxy from frying people she knew. The consequences of her failure were clear to her more than ever before, if she couldn't get this engine to function for a little while longer then more of her loved ones would pay for her stupid mistake!
Teeth grit behind the visor, Tali gave the engine an angry kick, the dull clang reverberated throughout engineering, not getting far however before finding itself swallowed up by the cacophony of other machinery chugging and clanging away in near sync.
"Why can't you just do what you're told for once you stupid pile of scrap! Why do we have to suffer with you!" She growled hatefully at the visage of her failure. The engine almost forgotten.
"Tali!"
She did not yelp when she heard the sound of someone behind her. Nor did she go red at the thought of her tantrum being advertised in the way it was. And she would forever deny any incorrect accusation of her sudden meekness when she registered the form of her captain before her, his own glowing eyes slightly creased into in an obvious tell for his concern.
"Ge.. Uuh, Sir!" Tali quickly stood to attention, her previous plight shoved to the background as Han'Gerrel gave her a once over. He clearly had more to say and she hoped he'd either ignore it or just get it over with.
"Tali… What were you doing just now?" He asked, looking at her wearily. A look she hadn't seen much of on him. Only when he was seen talking to her father or trying to fend off Koris from his stupid Pro-Geth nonsense.
Tali only shuffled on the spot awkwardly. Now that she thought about it, she didn't exactly come off as a mature adult in the short span of time. "… I was trying to get this bosh'tet of an engine to run properly again. I may have gotten a little annoyed with it. Sorry." Looking down in slight shame, Tali wondered how Gerrel would take this little outburst.
But when no response was given she looked up to see him giving the damned engine a once over, carefully scanning the thing with practised ease. Maybe he'd see that the thing needed more than what she was able to give.
"The engine is working perfectly, Tali. Better than ever even…"
That statement should have sent triumphant adrenaline coursing through her body, getting an engine as old as the Neema's to work at a better capacity was not an easy task in any sense of the word. Hell, there was more chance of a friendly Geth roaming onto the second coming of the Normandy than there was of getting that tired rust box to work at a higher cpacity.
But Tali looked over, ignoring the opening full of wires and gears and saw the console before her… The screen showing her the definition of 'all-system green'…
And began to shake slightly.
Where was the plasma? The vents?
She looked around desperately, trying to spot where Engineer Adams was through the fire and twisted metal only to find Han' Gerrel standing before her, holding her firmly as she tried to regain what little sense she had left in her empty little head.
"Tali, calm down! Breath slowly and count to 3 with each breath!" His voice rang through her ears, taking his advice she closed her eyes and did her best not to brake the slow cycle of in and out breaths she was going through.
In…
Out…
In…
Out…
In…
Out…
Eventually, Tali looked up to see the wide eyes of her Captain bearing down on her smaller form. If the worry wasn't obvious enough before, now he was practically oozing with it.
"Tali… I think you need to take a small break. You're wound up too tightly." Gerrel voiced softly, trying to not make the girl jump. "I shouldn't have put you into this duty so early. I should have known better after what you experienced… I'm so sorry, Child."
'No, please I need to do this!' She screamed in her head, though her body only allowed her to be gently pulled from the engineering decks and towards her tiny room. 'Please… I don't want to screw anything else up!'
Somehow she only came to when Gerrel had somehow managed to place her on the bunk, his gentle touch fading as he stood back up. A solemn understanding shining through his visor as her sagged a little before her, weaker than he had ever seen the man before.
"I… Heard about the Normandy shortly after you chose my ship. I had hoped you hadn't been part of that awful ordeal, or at least if you had, you'd be away from the ship. I should have known better."
His voice, broken slightly by the mechanical filters of his suit, held a self-admonishment to it. Tali hated hearing it. She just kept on hurting everyone.
"I'm going to be booking you in for some appointments with my personal therapist, Tali." He said, watching as Tali's head bolting up at the news with wide, shocked eyes. "She helped Rael and I back with our problems back in our… turbulent youth. If anyone can help you, it's her…."
He staggered away, the entire ordeal seemingly sapping him of his strength. Tali felt her self-hatred boil more and more with each thudding step he made.
He stopped before the door-frame, looking over his shoulder once before breathing in hard.
"What happened on the Normandy was a terrible thing, but I am certain that non of the surviving crew blame you for any of it." His words rang through the room, barely registering with Tali before the hissing of the closing doors finally shut her in.
She still had no strength to move, so she just laid there. Looking at the blank ceiling above.
Though she had gone numb to everything, she could still feel the tears wetting her face.
"You're wrong..." She wept silently. "You're just wrong!"
(-0-)
(John Shepard)
After Akuze John had to come to terms with a horrible fact of life, a lesson which had stuck with him and damn near laid waste to his psyche over the next chapter of his life even. Every time he'd blink flashes of old faces twisted and reshaped by acid and gouges would cause him to shake, scream or even faint, half-dead sculptors of familiar beings with expressions distorted into looks of primal horror and honest to god desperate pleading further whittling what little will he had.
It was through the torture his mind could conjure to remind him of his inherent failure that his realisation hit him. How it changed him was something he didn't care to look back on, things were different for him and they'd never not be anything other than different.
Because he knew, regardless of his training; his skill, his dedication.
Failure would always come.
All he could do was keep it at bay for a period of time.
Such was the life of a soldier, he supposed.
But as he stared into the face of his worst moment in life, the man who had orchestrated it all to begin with. John could only stand and stare.
It had taken a lot of time and convincing for Anderson to divulge the truth behind his old squads encounter with those damn thresher maw. The rage and hatred that boiled his blood was palpable to the point that even remembering that moment made his body tingle hotly. Memories of Anderson trying to calm him down after the reveal had always belayed his inner rage for a time.
The Illusive Man was… civil. To put it bluntly.
The man carried himself with an air of focus and ponderous musing, like a man who saw meaning in the picture no one else understood and sought to restructure his view of the world with that in mind. Not exactly haughty, but he clearly wasn't afraid of his own superiority.
John wished he could at least punch the prick in that smug mug.
The figure barely made a move from his seated position, merely looking into John's eyes as he took one more drag of his cigar before placing it back down, seemingly savouring the rich nicotine he could get from it.
"You went to a lot of trouble to get me," Storming an alliance vessel so close to Sol and likely causing an untold amount of confusion and delay, scaring the living daylights out of those who knew of his afflictions and possibly making the world believe him to be dead… Yeah that probably accounted for 'trouble.' "Well, here I am. Now talk."
For a second, the man said nothing and merely tilted his head with an overly plucked brow raising upwards. "I can see that your file is no longer as accurate as it used to be, Major."
"I wonder why." John sneered, glaring as the man behind the – admittedly impressive – communication device. "It's almost like something bad happened."
"Your humour largely seems unchanged… At least we can still say that."
"And who the hell is 'we.'?"
The Illusive Man leant back in his chair, uncaring of the hostility being shown. "I think you know who we are, Shepard. I was clear in expressing my desire for transparency to Operative Lawson." His reply was short and polite, candid even. "I wouldn't have brought you here if there was no benefit for Humanity, Shepard, and I know that we haven't exactly endeared ourselves to you and your old crewmembers."
John growled quietly and winced immediately after. "Then you should know that i'd never walk out of a room with you and your ilk without mailing a bullet to your cold, oily machine of a heart. What could you possibly offer me to stop me doing otherwise?"
He knew why, but he had to be sure…
He had to hear from the boss himself.
'If you were lying, then be glad you aren't on this damn station.' He almost prayed that this was all just a lie, he was dead man anyway in that regard, so what was the point of not taking out some Cerberus dogs on his way out?
Though when the man spoke, the disappointment he felt was overshadowed with just the tiniest glimmer of hope.
"I offer you plenty, Shepard." The Illusive man looked away for a second, his eyes darting left to right for a few seconds, undoubtedly scanning some information. "The knowledge that men like you and I know to be true must not be taken lightly. I'm not sure if you're aware, but since your sisters demise and your incapacitation the council have seen it necessary to cover up the Reaper threat. They have stuck their heads in the proverbial sand."
John stilled, his body slightly trembling. No, no he wasn't aware of that little tidbit of information. He could certainly see it however, the council had been against them from the start, barely offering any support and even had to be damn near forced to give Jane the deserved Spectre status. Their obstruction knew no bounds when it came to humanity and its own plights.
… But he wouldn't just take anything this man said as truth.
"It's the councils job to be fucking useless. It'll be our councillors job to be equally as useless. Just like its your job to murder humans for 'humanity'. What's your goddamn point?"
"The point," The Illusive Man sighed to himself, possibly realising that the task before would require some fine tuning. "being that humanity needs Jane Shepard alive, possibly more than ever right now. Your sister did everything right on her mission, even stopping some of our rogue cells, including the one that orchestrated Akuze..."
Oh, he was certainly filing that little crumb of info for later…
"The Lazarus project aims to bring her back from certain death. As not only has her demise brought the Alliance morale down to a new low, but this has created a ripple effect across the galaxy."
The hell did he mean by that?
"Explain. What do you mean by 'Ripple Effect?'" John's demand was almost immediately met with a blip to the left of him, and though it took some effort, the way the man before looked to be motioning him towards it meant that he may have been anticipating the question.
"Take a look at these reports, Shepard. They should answer your questions as to how important your sister was to humanity."
Limping towards the console took a moment, his body felt like it was falling apart second by second. Though The Illusive Man made no movement outside of taking a glass into his hand. His eyes bore into John's soul. He'd only noticed now, but the way he looked at him felt uncomfortably intense. It was as if the man knew how to work him into whatever position he wanted.
But as he activated the console and quickly read through the multiple reports of a Colony known as 'Galatine Prime' apparently being hit by an unknown enemy, taking the colonists and leaving nothing behind… It was like he knew that he wasn't going to leave this alone.
Another thing he hated about the man it seemed…
"This… invasion took place just a few weeks ago. We've heard nothing about the colonists since." The Illusive Man's voice rang out through the empty room, even he sounded mildly out of place from the reports. "There are only a few theories that point to a possible suspect but none are nearly concrete enough to justify spending the resources to uncover. The Alliance isn't taking action and strangely, the Batarian pirates only seem to arrive after the initial abduction..."
"This is the only example I can give you right now, but I believe this isn't the last we've heard from these abductors. Truly, I have no other evidence to prove there will be another attack, but this entire situation feels off to me, Shepard."
John tutted to himself, looking at the reports once more. He couldn't believe this. He was actually finding agreement with this terrorist. Garrus would've smacked around the back of his head for such thoughts.
But as he studied the man's face, John's gut instinct rose in a weary sense of foreboding. "Just spit it out already. What are you trying to say?"
"I believe that this abduction and the unknown ship that killed your sister may be connected somehow. Futhermore… If my hunch is correct…"
The Illusive Man sucked in a long breath.
"This may have a connection to the Reapers…"
Those words, coming from a man who was seemed to be experienced in the verbal cloak and dagger, chilled John to the bone.
He stood stock still, his body almost numbing at the thought of the sentient starships of hell. One had been enough of a nightmare as is, but if what this man said was correct… Could he ignore it? He could be lying, but…
Could he chance it?
Plus, the moment the Reapers were mentioned, something changed in The Illusive Man's tone. It lost that aura of control that he had kept throughout the entire conversation they'd had. His posture went from relaxed to tense, he too seemed to still at the thought, like he understood the gravity of the potential scenario.
For just a moment, The Illusive Man was moved to worry.
"I am not asking for your loyalty, Shepard." Said man began speaking again, and this time, John was far too out of it to even consider biting back. "I'm not even asking you to trust me. You're trauma was caused by members of my organisation, I couldn't expect full faith in my ethicality. But I am asking for you to do your part for humanity and the galaxy at large by stepping up and being the soldier your sister knew you could be. To be the soldier who does what is not just what is best, but is required of you."
"If you accept to help us, not only do you get your life back, but you will also help bring your sisters life back in turn. And through the both of you, Humanity may just be able to win against this daunting threat to our short existence."
…
…
…
'Fuck….'
How could he ignore this?
He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth partly in pain and another in frustration.
Was this really the right way to go about things? He knew this to be a deal with the devil, he knew the consequences of accepting this arrangement. But he knew a liar when he saw one, and whilst The Illusive Man was certainly a liar…
He didn't seem to be lying about this.
He said that Jane would be rebuilt… Fully. She'd be back. That he'd be saved from this worthless death. He could be lying, but Jane could come back…
But he could be lying…
John glared back at the imploring look on The Illusive Man's face.
"What does accepting this entail?" The hot bitch hadn't been all that forthcoming, though the man seemed to try and elaborate for her, it didn't give too much for him to work with.
"For you? Aside from rebuilding your sister, you'll be cured of the exposure to Element-Zero with our cutting medical technology. It Is still experimental, but it has developed far enough to certainly save your life, of that I am confident in."
"Once you've been fully treated, then next step will be to replace your failing limbs with state of the art cybernetics from our long-term Human cybernetics program, Project: Wraith. Luckily for you, you're remaining arm is still salvageable and may only need strengthening through exercise and implants to help it keep up with any upgrades your body requires."
The list of benefits sounded too good to be true. But there was one more thing he needed confirmed before he betrayed everything he stands for. After all, they could offer him all the once in a lifetime deals in the galaxy, but there was only one thing that truly mattered to him.
"And Jane…?" He shook in place, trying to keep himself composed. "What about her?"
It didn't even taken a moment of hesitation from the man as he replied.
"Brought back from the dead. It'll be like she never left to begin with."
The soft orange glow of the holographic borders illuminated his face, showing the range of expressions most human beings were incapable of making. John was a monstrous visages of a man as it stood. But the way he vulnerably hunched over and coughed up a nasty splatter of blackening blood from his throat, the look of pure pain mixed with the slight, encroaching hope began to meld together to create a picture of human-like hope of his mangled features…
The pitch-black canvass beyond the communication hub was hardly needed to highlight anything about the way John Shepard closed the distance between him and the hologram of The Illusive Man. Glaring into his odd, glowing eyes for a moment that seemed to last forever.
"You better not be lying about this, or i'll hunt you down and kill you slowly." He threatened, giving the man a once over to detect any trace amounts of deception. Even after all this he still didn't fully believe a word that came from his mouth.
"I can't say this often, Shepard. But you have my word."
But what did it say about him when he still agreed to it all?
(-0-)
So it'll be the 1st of April tomorrow. And here in the UK that means two things.
1: Our cost of living goes up by enormous amounts. Gotta love those green new policies that aren't actually green… or efficient in anyway.
2: Aprils Fools!
So I am going to quietly sit down tomorrow and wait for Boris Johnson to stand in parliament for a few minutes, and hopefully along the way he'll mention that the cost of living is going up…. Then laugh and say "Sike! April fools! LOL!"
–
But outside of that, you may have noticed a dip in writing quality…
Unfortunately due to my job at the time, I hadn't really been given much chance to write much of anything. I really spent more time sleeping and dreading tomorrow – as you do – than doing anything I actually enjoy. I just didn't have the fucking energy to function all that much.
Not sure if this'll change, life fucking sucks donkey cocks as I am sure you all know. But rest assured I am still hanging in there. I'm not quite dead yet, sadly.
Anyway, i'll see you next chapter!
-Viperhat
