Something was coming, you felt it slowly creeping closer, unsure what it was only that it clutched your attention minorly. Sort of like an irriation you tried to ignore but coiuldn't no matter how many times you tried to scratch at it or in keep your mind on the jovial presence you enjoyed it loomed over you. Nights had become restless, filled with strange dreams of loved ones...before your feet. You screaming out their names, each and everyone...running over to them instantlly dropping to your knees, scooping motionless body in your arms. They became stained with red or worse...crumbled like dust. It wretched your heart, you produced a shattering scream in such dreams...no nightmares at the sight.
The wrost among them all...produced hot flash flood of tears, burned rolling down...John.
Everytime he was presented...some sort of...of shadow force swallowed him up, right before your eyes before his name screamed from your lips. Each time, even though you knew what going to happen, would stand there in shock. Shock upon seeing him, a swelling rose in your chest leaping with joy, to shatter like glass. You were unsure what this force or thing was, only that...you felt its presence and saw those...same red eyes from before back in Metorplosis. That cemented themselves in a prolonged stay in your mind. Followed by a voice of power and fear, that took hold and dropped you to your knees. Forcefully, like this unforeseen heavy hand slammed you down with such strength your knees let out a loud crack you thought for a moment they had become splinted wood. The pain erupted terribly, you woke up all time with either a pillow soaked or violent jerk that left you with a soreness in your neck for a few hours.
You often times could barely keep your eyes open and would fall asleep taking naps throughout the days or you tried to push it down if you weren't alone. Doing anything you could to keep your mind focused, mediation didn't seem to work. Not even what Raven taught you, a part of you wanted to reach out to her, but refused. You tried singing the nursery rhyme Dick use to sing to help you or go for a jog to leave it all behind. It didn't work. Not even making lavander and mandrake soup John and Black Orchid would give you, or digging deep and holding onto the 'innocence' John taught you to do. For a moment you wished for Terra to be present, repeating her words 'What's the can happen?' over and over in your mind. But nothing worked.
Flying, as Superman told you worked with him, go above the clouds and everything would become clear. It didn't work. Talking a walk through the cornfield, something he told he did. Didn't work.
Nothing, no sort of coping way worked.
Soon, the nightmares started to emerge through out the day. Mainly the red eyes, you'd fine in mirror or any reflect surface directly staring at you and that pressure came over you. Your knees nearly strained and buckled, if a few times Pa hadn't caught you. Or Conner, if they ask what was wrong, you just brushed it off that you were just winded and left it at that.
If only that was the case, bags settled themselves under your eyes almost like a racoon on a warm afternoon. You sat outside on the roof of the barn gazed somberly over the cornfield before you. Watched the corn gently wave back and forth from the gentle it looked like a small ocean of yellow and green. A sight like this would be calming, it should on the outside, but inside everything spiked. Each one you felt, dug your nails into the roof tile. Your knuckles turned white, afraid to blink...not wanting to see the bodies of everyone.
But your eyes couldn't remain open like this and blinked. Though it was merely a second it was enough to see the floor of bodies, Raven was closest to your this time. You cringed.
Blinked again.
Dick.
Blinked once more.
Damian.
This time your head swiped looking away, cringed further. Your nails punctured through the tile, the sound of it snapped you back for a moment. Your heart raced like a horse's, you weren't sure if it was going to pop out your chest. Resting a hand over it, feel it.
It was out of control. It hurt.
Clenching over the spot lightly but tightly, need to figure out how this wouldn't happen. What you saw wouldn't come to true, to loose...to loose anyone else...you'd be alone again. John was already...gone and you where...you would be...
Tears rushed to the corner of yours, they chocked in your throat. It was good thing no one was around right now, otherwise you'd have to explain to Pa why some of his tiles suddenly had burnt marks. You made a mental note to fix that, you also made another note...no goal. Pushing up, stand despite wobbly knees hold yourself, John...he taught you a variety of spells. Incantations. Potions, Black Orchid too. Heck, even Zatanna came to teach you, even sent you a few books. From recollection of your memory and knowledge you manage to retain search through, find and take bits and pieces of what you learned, ignoring the unsettling feeling, formed something new.
You weren't sure if it might work, blink again see Lois, Starfire, and Zatanna's bodies, resolve you would do it. Casting your eyes to your trembling hands, your markings spread themselves further nearly covering them. A burning feeling came to your forehead, blinking once again...seeing more, two extra eyes appear over your regular two. All four glow red, ignite a blaze of black hell flames around you, hold your hands to the sky. A large grey dark fiery double-layered pentagram, twice the size of the house appears above you.
The skies slowly darken and winds whip upward in sharp circle motions. The pull was great that you felt, but you kept it up. Ignoring the strain and...the whispering voice telling you stop. For some reason it..it sounded like, Raven. But you paid it no mind. Pushed more, not speaking a single word. A dangerous thing to do, John told you that you weren't good in that area and you needed to speak your spells. Because mental spells...the mind was full ruffling shit that could cause the spell to fire back. You didn't have time to speak, not when...when the price of lost was so high. Everything you where doing would be...it would worth.
Even if you lost a part of yourself, it would be.
"Forgive me," you plead quietly into the wailing winds. Shed a single tear.
A tear that filled another with pleasing twisted joy, "Good, girl. Good girl."
