Chapter 35: Confession
"Why does Kaname get to hog Ema?" Tsubaki complained as they hung around the opposite side of the room. "We were all supposed to spend the time together." Of course, what Tsubaki really wanted was to spend time with Ema, but he wasn't selfish enough to say that out loud.
He had really been missing spending time with Ema since the anime had ended. They still saw each other and spent time together, but it wasn't near as much time as when they'd been working together. If Tsubaki had known he would be stuck in a corner away from Ema, he wouldn't have bothered coming. He couldn't even get a good luck at Kaname because Louis kept blocking his view.
"How do we know that Kaname isn't making a move on Ema right now?" Tsubaki asked. "Is it really a good idea to leave them alone for so long?"
"They're not alone, they're in public," Louis said mildly, clearly not sharing Tsubaki's concern. "And I didn't get the sense that that was what Kaname wanted to talk about. If he wanted to make a move on Ema, he would probably take her somewhere nice."
Tsubaki pouted, unable to deny the logic of Louis' words. But, then, why did Kaname want to talk to Ema alone? Tsubaki couldn't think of any reason other than that Kaname was interested in Ema as a woman, which Tsubaki did not like the idea of at all.
"What do you think, Azusa? Why does Kaname want to be alone with Ema?"
Azusa shrugged. "Like Louis said, they're not alone, though I have no idea why he would want to talk with her without us there."
Azusa seemed like he didn't want to talk about it and Tsubaki wondered at Azusa's attitude. He'd been weird about Ema lately.
"Well, then, I need to talk to Azusa by myself," Tsubaki declared.
Louis blinked. "Okay. I'll wait over by the stairs, then."
"Why do you want to talk to me alone?" Azusa asked, looking confused.
"Because I want to know what's up with you and Ema," Tsubaki said, folding his arms.
Surprise and something that looked like panic flickered through Azusa's eyes. "I don't know what you mean. There isn't anything up between me and Ema."
"I mean how you keep acting weird around her. I see you sneaking glances at her, but not talking to her. What's up with that? Did you fall for her and don't know how to talk to her anymore?"
Azusa flinched and muttered something that sounded like Tsubaki was half right.
"I'm not—It's not—the problem isn't that I don't know how to talk to her. Well, maybe that is part of the problem, but not in the way you mean. It's Ema who doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know how to fix it."
Tsubaki frowned, not expecting that answer. He glanced toward Ema and Kaname, but other customers blocked his view. "Why wouldn't Ema want to talk to you?" Tsubaki couldn't remember Ema ever being upset with anyone, and couldn't imagine her angry with Azusa of all people.
"It's my own fault," Azusa sighed, staring at the cement floor under the water.
"Dude, what are you talking about?" Tsubaki said. Tsubaki, Azusa, and Ema spent a great deal of time together, and Azusa was rarely with Ema without Tsubaki around. How could something have happened between the two of them without Tsubaki being aware of it?
"I…treated Ema poorly." He shook his head and lowered his voice. "It was all because of that stupid kissing scene in the anime. I started to think of Ema differently and I was jealous at the studio when I saw you and Ema kissing for your scene. I know it was only for work, but it still upset me, and that scared me. You're the most important person in the world to me, Tsubaki. My growing feelings for Ema made me upset with you, so I didn't want them. That led to me being rude to her."
Tsubaki felt his stomach drop. Azusa had feelings for Ema too. How could he not have realized that his twin, his best friend, was falling for the same girl?
"Then when everything happened with the robot anime reboot, with me getting the lead role and you getting the rival, I realized how important our relationship is to Ema and how stupid I was being. It was too late at that point, though. The damage had already been done and I don't know how to fix it."
Tsubaki didn't know what to say. It upset him to hear that Azusa had been dumb enough to hurt Ema because of his own feelings, but it also hurt his heart that Azusa and Ema were at odds and that Azusa was in pain over it.
"Have you apologized?" Tsubaki asked.
"Of course, I have. Ema, being who she is, apologized to me, thinking she had done something to upset me. I told her she hadn't done anything wrong and that everything was my fault, but she hasn't wanted to talk to me since then. I don't know what to do."
"I'll think on this, bro," Tsubaki promised. He didn't know what to do either, not without knowing how Ema was feeling, or why she was still upset at Azusa. Was she still hurt by the way Azusa had treated her? Did she feel Azusa's apology hadn't been enough? He wished he knew, but was pretty sure Ema wouldn't tell him. She would probably act like she wasn't upset and then try harder to hide the hurt she felt toward Azusa. Ema had never been honest about when people hurt her. He wished she would open up to him.
"You're not mad?" Azusa asked. "I mean that I—" His gaze jumped in Ema's direction. "That we both—"
"That we both have feelings for the same woman?" Tsubaki guessed, smiling sadly. "I can't say that I'm happy about it and, honestly, I don't know what that will mean or what we should do about it, but I can't say it's terribly surprising either. She means a lot to both of us and we've spent a lot of time together. That episode…after that was when my feelings started changing to. I've wondered if I'd felt something for her before that and it just brought it out."
"Yeah," Azusa agreed, going back to staring at his feet. "I think this happening was inevitable, what happened with that episode just acted like a catalyst for our feelings."
"Hey, don't worry," Tsubaki said, putting a hand on Azusa's shoulder. "We'll figure this out, all right?"
"Right," Azusa said, though he didn't look optimistic.
Tsubaki couldn't blame him. He didn't feel very optimistic either.
~.~
Ema and Kaname didn't end up joining the rest of them. Kaname had told Louis that he and Ema still had some things to discuss and were going to dinner alone together, though he had apologized for stealing Ema for pretty much the whole trip since they we're going home in the morning. Both Louis and Kaname had work Sunday afternoon.
Unlike Tsubaki, Azusa wasn't worried about Kaname and Ema spending the time together. He'd known his older brother long enough to know when Kaname was flirting and when he was being serious. Right now, Kaname was definitely being serious. Azusa was a little curious about why, but had zero concern that anything romantic was going on.
He, Tsubaki, and Louis had had dinner together. Azusa was standing in a common area of the onsen, staring out a large window at the foliage outside. Plants were beginning to bloom and Azusa was debating going outside, but it was still chilly in the evenings when the sun went down.
Azusa felt bad that he'd dragged down the mood at dinner. Tsubaki had tried to be his normal cheerful self, but Azusa couldn't bring himself to play along. The longer Ema was offish with him, the worse he felt. He couldn't remember ever feeling so low for so long in his life. He was relieved that Tsubaki had reacted so well to learning that Azusa also had feelings for Ema, but it did nothing to bring Azusa any closer to reconciling with Ema.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't know someone else was in here."
Azusa's head jerked up see Ema about to leave the room. He wondered if she and Kaname had just returned.
"Wait," he said. He had nothing planned to say to her, the word came out before he could help it. He just couldn't stand the way she left any room with him in it as soon as she could. He missed her.
Ema paused, half-turning toward him.
The thought hadn't crossed Azusa's mind before now, but, suddenly, all he could think of was giving Ema the truth. They were alone in the room, so it seemed the perfect opportunity.
"I love you." Ema's eyes widened. "You are the kindest woman I know, and I have never seen anyone work as hard for other people as you do. The other hard-working women I know mostly do it for themselves. They're looking to advance their careers, or to impress those around them. You do it because you want to. Because you want the people around you to be happy and comfortable. You're even nice to Fuuto when he's a jerk to you."
He took a step toward Ema. "It scared me when I realized my feelings for you were changing. I felt resentful when Tsubaki got close to you, like he's always done." He had to be careful not to reveal that Tsubaki cared for Ema as well. That was Tsubaki's responsibility and privilege to decide when and how he wanted to tell her.
"I didn't want to feel that way about my brother, my best friend, so it made me angry with you. Like I told you before, all my orneriness toward you was one hundred percent my fault and me being stupid. I had no right to blame you for my feelings for you, or for the way it made me jealous of Tsubaki. When I saw how important mine and Tsubaki's relationship is to you, I realized how stupid I was being and it made me love you even more. Both because you understand how important that relationship is to Tsubaki and I and because it's important to you as well. You were even willing to put up with my yelling to try to get me to see reason. Ema, I know I was terrible to you, but will you please forgive me for being so stupid?"
Ema looked stunned. "I—I don't plan to date anyone, Azusa."
"I know," Azusa rushed to say before Ema could say anything more. "I'm not asking you out and I'm not expecting you to reciprocate my feelings, that's not what this is about. I wasn't even planning on telling you this, but…my earlier apology when I only told you part of the story didn't seem to be enough, so I decided I would tell you the full truth this time."
Ema looked a little embarrassed. "To be honest, I'm a little relieved. I feel bad saying this, but from the way you described what happened before, I thought you were mad about something else in your life and were taking it out on my because you didn't want to take it out on any of your brothers."
"I would definitely take something like that out on my brothers before I would you," Azusa said, and was pleased and relieved when Ema smiled a little.
The smile disappeared into a stern look. "Like you said, that wasn't an appropriate way to treat me, Azusa, but I do appreciate you explaining the whole story to me. That is different from what I was imagining."
"So, am I forgiven?" Azusa asked, taking another step forward. "I'm not trying to make anything change between us, like I said, I just miss you. You're one of my closest friends, Ema. I don't want to lose that."
"I don't either," Ema said. "Yes, you're forgiven. Thank you, Azusa."
Azusa shook his head. "I'm the one who needs to thank you, Ema. Thank you for forgiving me for being so stupid. I promise I'll never do anything like that to you again. I know it's not an excuse, but I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you and I didn't know how to handle it. I swear that my head is on straight now that I have all my feelings sorted out."
"Okay, Azusa. Goodnight."
Unlike the last time Ema had said that after Azusa's apology, this time she met his eyes and smiled before leaving.
~.~
In love with her. One of the Asahina brothers was in love with her. This wasn't something Ema had ever imagined would happen. Wasn't she supposed to be like family to them? Of course, only a handful of the brothers had said something along those lines to her. That didn't mean that all of them felt that way.
Ema found herself unable to sleep that night as her mind ran in circles around her and Azusa's conversation.
She was grateful Azusa had said he didn't expect anything in their relationship to change, but she wasn't sure she could treat Azusa the same as she had with what she now knew. It seemed like that was what he wanted, but would that be rude? It felt like she would be ignoring his feelings, which didn't seem right. But, on the other hand, if she didn't treat him the same as always, how would she treat him?
At least her hurt feelings toward Azusa had mostly gone away. She still wasn't thrilled with what he had done, but she tried to imagine how she would feel if she had feelings for a guy who Arisa liked and was close to. It could make her resent Arisa, and rather than feeling like that, she would want to expunge her feelings for the guy.
Since that was how she would feel, she couldn't blame Azusa for panicking for his feelings for her.
~.~
"You told Ema you love her?" Tsubaki asked, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. Not that he knew what emotion would be in his voice if he let any leak in. This was the last thing he'd expected Azusa to do and he didn't know how he felt about it. Confused? Angry? Resentful?
There was definitely some resentment. Azusa knew how Tsubaki felt about Ema, but without any apparent thought for that, he'd told Ema his feelings without saying a word about it to Tsubaki. Part of Tsubaki felt that it had been his right to tell Ema about his feelings first. He was the older of the two of them and had always been closer to Ema. And he wasn't the one who had hurt her. Didn't all those things give him the right to be the first one to confess?
"How did she react?" A heavy weight seemed to have lifted from Azusa's shoulders and he couldn't seem to stop smiling. It pissed Tsubaki off.
"Well, I hadn't been planning on telling her. She came into the same room as me and then turned to leave, as she always does these days. The truth just came out. I'm glad she's not mad anymore. At least, she seemed like she really forgave me this time."
Tsubaki nodded, trying to hold onto his patience. "Mmhm, and how did she react when you told her you loved her?"
Azusa shrugged. "She told me she had no intention of dating, so I told her I wasn't telling her my feelings so she would reciprocate them, but to explain my behavior. I told her I didn't expect anything from her."
Tsubaki stilled. He and Azusa hadn't discussed their feelings for Ema or what it meant. "So, you don't plan to pursue her?" Tsubaki said carefully.
Azusa blinked, looking surprised. "Of course I do."
Tsubaki was on his feet before he knew it and Azusa looked even more surprised. "I have no intention of handing her over," Tsubaki declared.
"I wasn't expecting you to back down," Azusa said, his voice the one that was careful this time. "But handing her over isn't your choice. It's hers."
"Fine," Tsubaki said, a bite to his voice. "May the best man win then."
~.~
Azusa couldn't help being happy when he went to bed that night. He felt bad about the argument he and Tsubaki had had, but he was too relieved over how his conversation with Ema had gone to be too upset. He and Tsubaki would work things out. Things might be difficult between them for a while, but they would be okay.
In the meantime, Azusa needed to think of how he would prove to Ema that he was the type of guy she would want to date.
