Chapter 37 Hiking Dilemma
"Since it's finally warmed up, I'm going to start hiking again!" Ema told Wataru cheerfully. "So I won't be able to play with you Saturday morning since that's when I like to go, but can I play with you in the afternoon?"
"Okay," Wataru agreed. "One day, we should go hiking as a family! That would be fun."
"It would be," Ema agreed, smiling. "Maybe we'll have to plan something this summer."
Finishing her conversation with Wataru, Ema turned the corner and almost ran into Subaru. "Oh, sorry!" She apologized.
"No, it's my fault. I'm the one in the way. I overheard you talking with Wataru. It's been a while since we've gone hiking. Mind if I join you on Saturday?"
Ema opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her hiking plans were with Natsume and she didn't know what to say to Subaru. She remembered that months ago she'd hoped that she could maybe help Subaru and Natsume reconcile through hiking, but she'd figured it would be best to work up to that point rather than throwing the two of them together unexpectedly.
"Um…yes, you are welcome to come, but I am going hiking with Natsume." She watched Subaru's face carefully, waiting for his reaction.
A dark look came over his face. "Why are you going with Natsume? That quitter probably isn't at your level."
"Yes, he is," Ema shot back before she could help herself. She took a breath as she told herself to calm down. She didn't like any speaking poorly of her friends, even if it was another friend doing it. Or, perhaps, especially if it was another friend doing it and that friend happened to be related to the other friend. She cut her thought off there, feeling she was going around in circles in her mind. Still, she didn't like seeing conflict within a family. Didn't they realize how blessed they were to have siblings?
"Natsume has gotten back into running," Ema explained. "He ran his first race last week and took third. He already knows what he needs to improve on to do better next time. He and I have been hiking together almost since I got back."
Subaru looked stunned. "I didn't know Natsume had started running again." He paused a minute before a determined look came over his face. "I want to come with you guys."
"Are you sure?" Ema asked. "I know you two have had your differences." Hiking was supposed to be fun. She didn't want to end up in the middle of a sibling squabble halfway up a trail.
"It's fine," Subaru said. "But…why do you go hiking with Natsume? And play video games? And why did you go to that party with him? Are you two dating?"
Ema withheld her sigh. How many times was she going to have to say this? Apparently, she should have made a grand announcement upon moving back to Japan. "No, we're not dating. I'm not dating anyone, nor do I plan to date anyone. I'm here to go to school, not to meet guys. I spend time with Natsume because he's my friend and we enjoy some of the same things. I'll let him know you're joining us."
~.~
"I'm nervous," Natsume told Ema over the phone Friday night. "I mean, I'd love to have Subaru join us, but I'm afraid it won't turn out well. I've tried talking to him several times since our fight years ago, but he won't have it. He won't listen to a word I say."
"Maybe I'll be able to act as a buffer," Ema said, though she had little hope of that. For some reason, she had a bad feeling about their hike the next day. Something told her it wasn't going to go well.
"That's not fair to you," Natsume protested. "You shouldn't be thrown into the middle of Asahina family squabbles. It's not your responsibility to make sure we're all getting along, though I know how much you hate conflict."
"I know it's not my responsibility. I just like to help out when I can. And I think it might be important to Subaru that you've started running again. He was really stunned when I told him."
"Really?" Natsume asked, sounding hopeful. "That's good. I hope, anyway."
Ema bit her lip. "Maybe…maybe you could tell Subaru why you quit running in the first place? If he knew why, maybe it would be easier for him to forgive you."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Natsume said immediately. "Maybe after he's become a pro I can. It would be safe to tell him then, but at this point, the original reason why I lied to him still stands. I don't want his confidence about his chances of making it into the pros to be hurt by my decision to leave running."
Ema sighed quietly, not wanting it to carry over the phone. "Okay. I guess we'll just try to focus on the present during our hike then."
~.~
"Hey Subaru," Natsume called as they were hiking Saturday morning. "Maybe you want to slow down a little?"
"Why?" Subaru demanded, glancing behind. "Is my pace too fast for you?"
"I thought the point was for the three of us to hike together," Natsume said. "You might want to think about the pace of everyone in the group if that's the case." He jerked a thumb at Ema who had stopped to catch her breath. "If you'd rather hike at your own pace, go on ahead."
Guilt flashed through Subaru's eyes. He was being stupid and trying to make this a competition between he and Natsume. He wanted to prove that he was better now since Natsume had quit and just come back to sports. He'd forgotten about Ema.
"Sorry, Ema," he said, hating himself. Could he ever manage to not be a jerk to her? Since Ema had said she wasn't interested in dating, it meant he had a chance. If he was really good friends with her and they were close, it meant he would be right there when she did decide she wanted to date. But if he kept pulling crap like this, he certainly wouldn't be first on her list of people to date. And he hoped to be the only one on that list when the time came.
"It's okay," Ema said, starting forward again. "It's probably a little maddening for you to have to go at my pace."
"No, not at all," Subaru said. "I just got a little carried away, that's all. Coach is pushing us really hard right now since scouts are starting to come to our games. I guess it's sitting in the back of my mind to push myself even when I don't really need to."
"Scouts?" Ema and Natsume said at the same time.
"That's fantastic, Subaru!" Ema said, her eyes lighting up. It warmed Subaru's heart to see it. That was a good sign, right? That she was excited for him? "I'm so excited for you! I'm sure you'll do great. You can go on ahead if you want. We don't want to hold you back if you should be training."
"Should you be here at all if you have scouts coming?" Natsume asked, frowning. "It's your dream to go pro, Subaru. That means you need to give it your all. It sounds like you should be practicing right now. Not going hiking for fun."
Ema winced. She knew Natsume was only concerned for Subaru and wanted him to do his best, but that probably wasn't how Subaru would take it.
"What right does a quitter have to tell me how to practice?" Subaru demanded, rounding on Natsume. "What would you know about it?"
"I know that if you want to impress the scouts you have to be better than everyone on your team and the opposing team," Natsume said, his voice also rising. "Why did you decide to come hiking when it's such an important time for you?" His eyes slid to Ema and he frowned.
"It's none of your business what I do," Subaru said, shoving Natsume. Ema gasped. "You're just a stupid quitter. Though it sounds like maybe you regret it now. Do you really think you can be as good as you were before when you haven't done anything for years? You'll probably just quit again as soon as things get hard. Unlike you, I know how to work hard and stay with things." Jerking away from Natsume, Subaru stomped back down the trail.
Ema closed her eyes. She'd been right that the morning wouldn't go well, though she hadn't expected things to turn out this badly.
"Do you and Subaru spend much time together?" Natsume asked.
Ema blinked, confused at the change in topic. What did that have to do with anything? Maybe Natsume hoped Ema would know how much time Subaru spent practicing and if he was as serious about it as he should be. "Not a lot. He occasionally plays video games with Wataru, Yusuke, and me and I've been to a few of his games. And we went hiking together once before. Louis and I like to do small weekend trips around Japan and he joined us once. That's the one time we went hiking together. He spends most of his time at practice."
"So, he doesn't spend much time with you?"
Ema frowned. Hadn't she just answered that? "No. He's one of the brothers I talk to the least. Why? If you're hoping to get more information about he's doing at practice and in games, Yusuke would be the one to talk to."
Natsume shook his head. "No, it's nothing. It was just a thought I had." He sighed and shook his head again. "You know, he's got a point. What right does a quitter have to tell him how to get scouted?"
"You're not a quitter!" Ema argued. "You would have continued running, even just on the side, if you hadn't been worried about Subaru being discouraged about his chances of becoming pro at basketball. You're one of the most hard-working people I know. Quitters don't work hard, Natsume. And I think it's brave and wonderful that you're getting back into running even though you are behind people who have continued to run since high school."
"Thanks," Natsume said, smiling. "Though I don't think it's as amazing as you're making it out to be." He looked the way Subaru had gone, though Subaru was far out of sight at this point. "Should we head back?"
"Yes," Ema agreed. The mood would only be somber and depressed if they continued on the trail.
~.~
"Ema, can I talk to you?" Subaru asked that night after dinner.
"Sure," Ema agreed, following him to the empty recreation room.
"I wanted to apologize for earlier," Subaru said. "I shouldn't have just left you with Natsume." His face turned bitter. "A quitter like that would probably abandon you halfway up the mountain if it got too hard."
"Natsume's not like that!" Ema said, frustrated at Subaru's complete unwillingness to see Natsume for who he truly was. Natsume missed his relationship with Subaru so much. Ema knew that Subaru had been hurt by Natsume's decision and his subsequent explanation, but how could Subaru not miss Natsume as well? How could he not want the man who was once his favorite brother back in his life?
"Natsume works really hard and he's the one who told me to never go hiking alone because it could be dangerous. He would never leave someone in a situation like that."
"Why are you defending him?" Subaru demanded. "You know what he did."
"Yes, and I also know what he's doing now," Ema shot back. "You should be proud of your brother and support him rather than shoot him down. Maybe this time you are the example for him instead of him being the example for you like when you were younger."
Subaru looked stunned, and then guilty. "I—" He shook his head. "I can't think about that right now. There's too much going on with the scouts coming and other stuff on my mind." He put one hand on the wall behind Ema and stared down at her, pain in his eyes. "Do you care about Natsume? Romantically, I mean?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Ema asked, exasperated and confused.
"You spend all this time with him and I didn't even know it, and you keep defending him. You won't even see my side at all."
"Because you're wrong," Ema said, taking a step toward Subaru. "And what does it matter that I spent time with Natsume without you knowing it? He's my friend. He's always been my friend, and I'm free to choose my own friends. What makes you think you have the right to decide who I'm friends with?" Especially since he'd had no interest in being her friend until recently.
"Because I like you!" Subaru exclaimed, removing his hand from the wall to throw his hands up in the air. "Because I care about you and I don't another guy to be with you. I—I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else, especially not a quitter like him. I won't be able to focus without knowing the truth."
Stunned, Ema took a step back. How could she be receiving a second confession within the same month as the first? And from another Asahina brother, no less. "I—I already told you the truth, Subaru. I'm not going to date anyone." She barely managed to stop herself from saying that included him. "Natsume is my friend and you're the one causing problems, not him. That's why I'm taking his side, not because I'm secretly in love with him or because we're secretly dating."
Subaru looked miserable. Part of Ema wanted to comfort him, but a bigger part of her wanted to leave. How did this happen? How did Subaru go from wanting nothing to do with Ema to wanting to date her? All she'd wanted was to be his friend. She was quite sure she hadn't done anything to encourage him feeling this way.
"I'm sorry," Subaru said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring at the floor. "I'm not good at stuff like this and I have no idea what I'm doing. I hope you're not mad." He glanced at Ema before looking down again.
"I hadn't planned to tell you all that, I just panicked thinking that you and Natsume were closer than you really are." Ema had to bite back a sarcastic comment about the Asahinas apparently having a habit for spontaneous confessions they hadn't planned to make. He shrugged awkwardly. "Now that my feelings are out there, I want you to consider them seriously. I know you said you don't plan to date right now, and I don't need an immediate answer. I just…want you to know that I'm here if you change your mind."
He left after that and Ema sank to the ground. What on Earth was she supposed to do with this information?
