Chapter 38 Audition
"How do you think the reading went?" Ema asked Natsume. They were eating lunch in the breakroom of Natsume's company, which was empty since it was late for lunch. Ema had just finished doing a reading for the heroine of the zombie game a few minutes ago.
"The VP looked pleased," Natsume said. "I think he really liked you. What did you think of it?"
Ema grinned. "The script was great. I'm really excited for this game. And I think it would be fun to voice the heroine. Amazing, actually. If I'm part of this, I really want to make it something incredible. Zombie games are fun, but it would be great to bring more of a story into the game to engage the players a little more."
Natsume smiled. "I think the VP would be very happy to hear that. I'll pass that along."
"Do you know how many other people are doing a reading for the heroine?"
Natsume shook his head. "All I know is that they asked me to bring you in. I don't know any other details, other than that they don't plan to do readings for any of the other characters until they decide who will voice the heroine. The VP wants to build the cast around her voice to make sure everyone meshes."
"It sounds like they're putting a lot of thought into this. That's nice to hear." Ema went back to her meal.
Natsume watched her in silence before saying, "I'm glad to hear you sound so excited about this project. I finished watching the anime you did and I think you'd do a great job. I feel like you'd bring a lot to the character with your passion for gaming, but…you mind telling me what has you so distracted today? You did great for the reading, but you seemed kind of out of it before that."
Ema put her spoon down, trying not to look miserable. "The night I got home from our hike with Subaru, he wanted to talk to me. He was really upset, thinking that you and I might be in a romantic relationship. I told him we weren't, but he freaked out telling me he likes me and wants to be with me." Ema was grateful for someone to confess this to, except, Natsume's next words showed her she chose the wrong person.
"This isn't the time for Subaru to be distracted," Natsume said, his voice hard. "He needs to focus on his game and on impressing the scouts."
Ema stared at Natsume, stunned. Was this why Natsume kept asking Ema if she spent a lot of time with Subaru? He wanted to make sure she wasn't distracting him from his chances of making it into the pros?
"Well, excuse me for some guy I'm not interested in deciding to confess to me," Ema said, slamming her hands on the table as she stood. Dimly, she was grateful that no one was in the room except them. Thank goodness she hadn't let them go to a real restaurant as Natsume had suggested. She hadn't wanted to make him miss any work. "Do I need to wear a sign that says 'I do not want to date'? Or do I need to seclude myself to make that clear?"
Natsume stared up at Ema in surprise, though she couldn't imagine how he thought she'd react to him basically accusing her of being responsible for Subaru not being as focused on basketball as Natsume thought he should be.
"You know, it's not like Subaru's the kind of guy I'd normally go out of my way to be friends with, but since Subaru, Fuuto, and Yusuke all resented me living in the Asahina home, I figured I would try to make things easier on them by becoming their friend. I'm the one who was hated in the place that's supposed to also be my home and wanted things to be better for all of us. Excuse me for your bother who's terrified of girls deciding he wants to date the one girl he's ever talked to." She knew her words were becoming cruel, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Azusa's confession had been one thing since he'd basically given her license to ignore his romantic feelings for her. He just wanted them to be friends again. Subaru's confession pissed her off. She hadn't realized how much until that moment.
"You know, your brother probably doesn't even know what he likes in a woman seeing as he's never talked to any before. Why don't you convince him to have a few conversations with members of the opposite sex, and then he'll realize he's confused about his feelings." With that, Ema grabbed her purse and stalked out. She could find her own way out.
"Ema, wait," Natsume called after her. He grabbed her arm and she yanked it out of his grasp. "Yusuke, Fuuto, and Subaru resented you moving in? Were they mean to you?"
Ema stared at Natsume in disbelief. "Those three always hated me." That wasn't quite true since she and Yusuke had been friends at one point, but they certainly hadn't been when Ema had left. "Why on Earth would they have changed their opinion just because a few years had passed? Subaru was angry about having a girl in the house and Fuuto decided my one desire was to take advantage of living with the wealthy Asahina family, never mind the fact that my dad is more famous than any of you and I certainly wouldn't need any of your help getting attention if I wanted it."
Ema shut herself up. She'd said enough. More than enough.
"I'm sorry," Natsume said. "I had no idea you had to deal with anything like that when you moved in with my brothers." He ran his hand through his hair and stared at the wall before looking back at Ema. "I'm sorry. You were upset that Subaru confessed to you and you wanted someone to talk to about it. Instead, I yelled at you like you did something wrong and you didn't. I'm just really worried about Subaru right now and can't get him off my mind."
Natsume looked at Ema like he expected her to say something, but nothing Ema said in that moment would be kind, so she stayed quiet.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "Why don't I take you home?"
"I can take the subway," Ema said. That had been the plan from the beginning anyway. Natsume still had a few more hours left of work.
"I know, but maybe we should talk."
"No."
Natsume looked hurt, but Ema didn't know what to do about it. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in a car with Natsume. Of course, she also didn't want to stay mad at him either. Natsume wanted to clear the air and Ema certainly didn't want things to be awkward with someone she considered to be one of her closest friends. Why did things have to turn out this way?
Natsume sighed and slowly put his hands on Ema's shoulders, waiting to see if she would jerk away again. She wanted to, but forced herself to stay still.
"I think we need to talk. Why don't we go for a walk?"
"Fine," Ema agreed, staring at the floor instead of Natsume.
They were both quiet as they went outside the building. Ema wished Natsume would say something so they could get this over with. She certainly didn't know what he wanted to talk about and had nothing to say to him.
"Why are you so upset over being asked out?" Natsume asked gently when he finally broke the silence.
Ema's surprise at the question was enough to break through her anger. She sighed. "A lot of reasons. The first one being a respect thing. I've made it clear I'm not in Japan to date. Subaru acting like I'm secretly running around with a guy makes me angry. Not respecting the fact that I don't want to date makes me angry. Having someone I live with who is related to everyone else I live with ask me out makes me angry. That situation would be so awkward on so many levels. And, call me old fashioned, but asking someone out you haven't spent much time with also makes me angry."
She was quiet for a moment before saying, "I meant what I said in your friend's apartment about believing you should date someone your good friends with. All I know about Subaru is that he loves basketball and works hard at practice. All he knows about me is that I'm a good cook and like hiking. That's not a relationship. That's not a good basis for dating someone."
"You learn about someone as you date them," Natsume said.
Ema glared at him. "That's one of way of doing this. As I just said," it took great effort not to grit her teeth as Ema said this, "my preference is to date someone I already know and trust. Not to get to know someone as I date them."
Understanding flickered in Natsume's eyes. "You said you tried the other way and it didn't turn out well. You didn't just make that up for my coworkers, did you? That's what really happened." And seemed to be the reason behind why she didn't want to date.
Ema sighed. "No, I didn't make that up."
They were quiet again and Natsume turned them around back toward his building again. "I'm sorry, if Subaru and I were closer, I would try talking to him, but you know he won't listen to a word I say. I wish I could offer you more help."
Ema shrugged. "It is what it is. I'll have to find my own way of dealing with it."
"Are we okay?" Natsume asked.
"Yes," Ema said quietly. "I overreacted. I'm sorry."
"No need for you to apologize," Natsume told her. "You were upset and wanted a friend's help. If I'd reacted as I should have from the beginning, we never would have ended up in an argument. So, I'll see you?"
"Yeah," Ema said. "I'll see you later. Thanks, Natsume."
"Let me know how the audition turns out," Natsume told Ema. "They brought me in because of you, but that's not my department. I'm sure you'll find out before me whether you got the role or not."
Ema agreed and waved goodbye as she made her way to the train station.
~.~
"Subaru, can I talk to you?" Ema asked quietly that night. It hadn't been that long since their last conversation, but clearly this was bothering her more than she had thought. She wanted to get everything cleared up before it became more of an issue.
"Sure," Subaru said, glancing at Yusuke. The two of them were watching basketball together. "I'll be right back, okay, Yusuke?"
"Okay," Yusuke said, barely looking away from the screen. Ema was grateful for that. The last thing she needed was for Yusuke to see Ema and Subaru walking off together and misunderstand. There had been enough of that going around lately.
"What's up?" Subaru asked, looking nervous. They were again in the empty recreation room. Ema was grateful that in a home with so many people, they still had somewhere to go where they were alone. Although, maybe if there wasn't a place like that, their previous conversation wouldn't have happened in the first place.
"I don't want to be rude about your confession," Ema began, "but I want you to respect the fact that I don't want to date. It's not about finding the right guy. It's about me. Dating isn't something I'm ready for and it's not something I want right now." She waited for Subaru's response. There was more Ema could say, more she could explain, but Subaru hadn't earned the right to hear those things.
"Are you asking me to take back my confession?" Subaru asked awkwardly, staring at the floor.
"Essentially, yes. If you really care about my feelings, you will."
The expression on Subaru's face was almost enough to make Ema feel bad for her request. Almost.
"Okay," Subaru said quietly. "I'll back off."
"I'm not asking you to stop being my friend," Ema said gently. "I'm just asking you to respect my feelings."
Subaru nodded and Ema left, hoping things would be okay between them. She was shocked to find Fuuto in the hall.
"Sorry, didn't mean to overhear your conversation. I just got home." Since his apology didn't sound sarcastic, Ema nodded and continued on.
"Is it because of Carlos that you don't want to date?" Fuuto asked.
"No," Ema answered, not turning around. Carlos may have been a factor, but only a small one, especially after the conversation she'd had with Kaname.
"Some other jerk, then?" Fuuto asked.
Ema smiled a little and turned enough so Fuuto could see it. "Yeah. Some other jerk." Then she left.
~.~
Natsume felt awkward standing outside Meiji's gym after Subaru's latest game, but he felt it was his duty as Subaru's older brother to do this. Their other brothers weren't paying enough attention to know what was going, and wouldn't know what to say to Subaru regardless.
Ema had told Natsume that she asked Subaru to take back his confession and Subaru's performance on the court had taken a dive. He was sure that Ema's request had been hard for Subaru to hear, but he was sure it was what was best for Ema. It was probably what was best for Subaru as well.
"What are you doing here?" Subaru demanded upon stepping out of the locker room and finding Natsume. Perhaps after Meiji had just lost a game in part due to Subaru's poor performance wasn't the best time to have this conversation, but since Natsume so rarely knew where Subaru was, it was one of the few times Natsume knew he could catch his younger brother.
"We need to talk."
"No, we really don't," Subaru said, brushing past Natsume.
"You really upset her, you know," Natsume said. That stopped Subaru. Natsume had thought it might. Bringing up Subaru's poor showing on the court was what Subaru had expected. He hadn't thought Natsume would talk about Ema. "I don't live at the house, so hearing that Ema doesn't want to date was news to me. But you do live there. You knew she didn't want to date, and you asked her out anyway. You put Ema in a difficult position and made her uncomfortable in the place that's supposed to be her home."
"That's none of your business," Subaru spat, spinning around. His face was red, though Natsume didn't know if it was from anger or embarrassment.
"Isn't it?" Natsume asked. "When my friend comes to me upset because of something my little brother did, it's not my business?"
"She went to you?" Subaru asked, looking hurt and upset. At least it seemed to drain the edge off his anger.
"What's really important to you, Subaru?" Natsume asked. "What are your goals right now?" Subaru's face closed off, becoming stony as he crossed his arms. Of course, he wouldn't answer that question for Natsume.
"You can't be entirely faulted for what happened. You have zero experience with women, so your fumbling in the dark."
Subaru's face flamed red and he opened his mouth, but Natsume pushed him against a wall and held him there before he could say anything. "Put aside your pride and listen to me for once. If your relationship with Ema means anything to you, then just shut up for a minute. I don't know what you're feeling right now. I don't know what Ema means to you, but I do know that if you care about her, if you really care about her, then you'll put aside your own feelings to respect hers. You'll be more concerned about her pain than your own. Think for a minute about why she feels the way she does. Did that ever occur to you?"
Subaru relaxed and Natsume moved back. Obviously, the answer to that question was no. Subaru hadn't wondered for a moment why Ema didn't want to date.
"I'm not telling you to give up on her. I'm not telling you to ignore your feelings. If your feelings for Ema are real, then they can stand waiting until she is ready to date. In the meantime, prove to her that you're a good man. Prove to her that you're someone she would want to be with."
"Do you care about Ema too?" Subaru asked.
Natsume hesitated before admitting, "Yes. But I won't push anything on her. I'll be her friend and wait and see if her feelings for me change. And if they don't, I'll still be her friend."
"I can do that too," Subaru said, straightening his shoulders. "And I'll prove to Ema that I'm a better man for her than you." Despite Subaru's challenging words, he didn't sound angry or upset. He only sounded determined.
Natsume smiled. "I look forward to it."
He turned to leave, but Subaru stopped him by calling his name. "Natsume? Thanks." Natsume smiled and waved to his little brother before walking away.
