(A/N: We all know that I'm a sick puppy. So the next few chapters are going to build up and there will be hints of mental abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse that might be triggering. Because remember! This is a dark fic of my own making. This is not a happy fic, there's no Mary Sue here. There's no happiness. But some slight redemption and Stockholm syndrome. Do I have daddy issues? Yes, yes I do.)
Chapter 3:
"These rules are insane! Are you working for the crypt keeper?" Bella gawked at the little black book flipping through the pages. "You could be working for an OCD condition type of boss and that's never a good thing! Remember Rebecca from 6th grade? She worked at the grocery store register and she had a boss who always had an OCD thing and she said he was crazy! He went to prison because one of his employees faced the jar labels the wrong way and he beat their ass. They caught everything on the CCTV camera. You could be working for a crazy person."
Bella and I sat on my bed fitted with white sheets fresh from the dryer. Mom and dad were having a screaming match out in the garage over bills and money so it was up to us to get laundry done. All of our clothes were folded on the beds and our whole room smelled like laundry soap and crisp linen. We sat and looked at the man's little black book and all the rules and strict employee policies it entailed. Tonight is self-care night and we both wearing face masks with toe separators around our fresh pedicures. Bella lays on her back on the bed with her leg propped against the wall with a fresh foamy coat of shaving cream. We flipped to page 10 and I glanced at it from top to bottom.
"I mean it does make sense. He's living all alone out in the most abandoned part of town and he was just robbed. I would be worried it would happen again, too."
"Holy shit he was robbed?" she glides her pink razor up her leg creating a smooth finish.
"He told me that he was attacked by two delinquents."
"Well, fuck, that does make sense. Poor guy."
"Look at this. His breakfast must be on the table at 8:15 am. One plate of spam, bread, oats, and 5 slices of apples with a glass of water and black coffee. Apples must be peeled and sliced into 5 slices. Spam medium cooked with no burnt edges," I smiled at her almost laughing then flipped through the pages. "And at 12:00 noon he wants me to vacuum the living room after I dust and then I'm offered a lunch break until 1:30. He needs trash taken out, recycle taken out, floors swept and polished. Floor polish is located in the kitchen cabinet. Then he needs his plants watered in his greenhouse. There will be no harvesting at this time. I can't take anything home since that's his food and I can't take any flowers too. His home is not a charity. Then to do laundry and fold them. Walk and feed his dog, Shadow."
"He has a dog?"
"He has a purebred Rottweiler. But that's about it. It's pretty easy and I start next week. There are rooms that I am not allowed to enter. There's even a restricted basement, closet, and attic. There's a strict policy about locking the doors every time I arrive and leave."
Bella laughed, "Are you sure he doesn't want you to wear a uniform too? The nice little skirt with a feather duster and white stockings? "
"I highly doubt it."
"Are you sure this will all be worth it?"
"I'm absolutely positive. There's nothing stopping me from walking back into that house. Especially for 30 dollars an hour."
Bella flipped through each page and stopped," Why the hell do you need to duct tape the carpets…?"
"I guess he might be afraid to trip over them," I shrugged, remembering the scars on his face. How deep they were and how far they spread down his jaw and to his neck. "He's blind."
She gawked," Blind? Wow. Well, aren't you an angel! Ok. Then that changes everything."
"His house is super old and it's the most secluded part of town. It's kinda creepy. I could feel it when I was in that room." I swept my hair behind my back, remembering there were other things I felt when I was in the room alone with him.
"Well, hopefully, he doesn't lower you into a hole under his basement and demand you put lotion on your skin or something," Bella shoved my shoulder. "You'd be dead meat! He'd be making suits out of your skin and wear them around the house dancing to Goodbye Horses."
"Where the fuck do you come up with these things?"
"And look at this," Bella pointed in the middle of the page. "You are not allowed to have earphones in or play loud music. No sandals, only shoes. No perfume. No visitors at any time and you must bring your own lunch. Clean the bathrooms, organize fridge and pantry, and by 7:00 you have to make him dinner. A slice of spam, bread, oats, and 5 slices of apples with a cup of water. Well, thank god he's not asking for a chef."
I laugh, "I know right?"
"By precisely 7:30 you need to help him up the stairs. Why does he need help to get up the stairs?"
"He has a cane and he limps when he walks," I laid in bed pressing comfortably into my blankets sliding the book onto the bedside table. "He just needs someone to help with the chores since he obviously can't do them by himself. Which is weird because this guy is…big. Like, he's huge. I think it'll be fine. Just as long as mom doesn't know about all of this."
"I won't say a word. What's his name?"
"I know his first name is Norman but I can't remember his last name."
"Norman, hmm? For some reason that rings a bell," Bella sat thoughtfully. "His story sounds familiar. Oh well, I'll think about it later."
"I'll tell Mom in a week that I got a new job as a caregiver. She doesn't care what I do, just as long as I make money."
Bella sat in her chair fixing her bangs in the mirror holding a hairclip in her mouth. She looked at me in reflection.
"When does he pay you?"
"Every two weeks. Everything I need to know about his house and my chores are all written in the book. And there's no surprise why, too. He's… not a very vocal guy."
"Well send me a smiley face when you're off the job then I can come pick you up. Randy and I want to go to the dance club, the new one that opened, and we need a driver for tomorrow. We're going to be drunk."
"I can't believe you two haven't been carded yet."
"Maybe it'll catch up to us eventually. But in the meantime, it's a damn good time to be alive."
She sprayed perfume on her wrists and rubbed the sweet strawberry scent on her neck. Her legs were freshly shaven, hair clipped back and she slipped into her summer dress. She attached her favorite butterfly necklace around her neck lifting her blonde hair around her shoulders. At that moment Bella hopped into the closet rummaging through her dresses and tops and taking out her leather jacket. She was a pretty girl. Mom always said she could've been a model if only she hadn't run away when she was 13 years old and came back at 15 addicted to drugs. But she still had her shine, even after she went through recovery. Slipping on her shoes she opened the window and folded herself through the small window frame.
"Which reminds me! Randy and I are going to the old bar across town. There's a band playing with $2 Jello shots until 2 am and then we're going to an After Hours place. They don't card us out there. He's bringing his brother Nathan with him. Wanna come?" Bella winked at me. She knew how I felt about Nathan.
I shook my head," Nah. I need to get up early. I can't be hungover, I need to go to the library and work on some stuff."
She unfolded herself out the window standing on the balcony," Suit yourself, pancake."
In moments she jumped to her escape running to the awaiting vehicle parked on the curb with a young chiseled handsome football player named Randy sitting in his black Camaro. Nathan was with them. I crawled to the open window and waved. Nathan is the kind of person that can be easily spotted in a big crowd with his short cropped black hair and leather jacket with his faded blue jeans on. I could smell him from here. Nathan looked out the window and saw me too and flashed me a smile. My cheeks burned as he waved back at me. Bella blew me a kiss and Randy honked the horn. They kissed and sped off into the night leaving me alone in bed thinking about the little black book sitting on my bedside table. I dipped my brush into the red polish and began to paint my toenails one by one. I placed two coats of crimson 'Red Mistress' on each toe meticulously until one foot was completed. The sweet and pungent smell of toluene fills the room and I take a glance at the book again. Norman.
He's a very lonesome man.
I allow my toes to dry and I reach for the book again. Even from the little pages and leather bind of the book, I could still smell tiny remnants of the old man's smoky musty scent with each page turn. My thumb bends the pages and flips through from beginning to end. Something falls out of the book and floats on my pillow. My fingers feel a glossy paper. It's a picture. I reach for my cellphone, push the screen button, click flashlight, and look at a simple yet gorgeous picture of a young girl with long brunette hair falling on her shoulders smiling at the camera. She's wearing a white blouse that complimented the pink daisy resting in her hair tucked behind her ear. The lighting looked blurry and unfocused but she was still a beautiful girl. It looks like she's in front of a university campus because she's wearing a blue and white sports jacket with the mascot on her shoulder and holding college course books. Flipping the picture over there was something written on the back.
To Dad, Merry Christmas.
And Happy New Year, I'll see you after the semester is over.
Love Emma
How sweet. At least he wasn't totally alone.
I heard a knock at the door.
"Yea?"
My mom entered," It's me. I just wanted to talk to you about your senior year and college."
"I told you I'm going to the library."
"I'm not talking about the library. I'm talking about money, honey. Your dad just got laid off today. The company went on strike today and there's just no work. His fucking boss let everyone know today. And I know what you're going to say. It's not fair and you're fucking right it's not fair. I know you've been working hard at your job, but right now you're the only one in the family that's employed right now. My job is taking a break too and—"
"What about grandpa? Can't he help us?"
"You know he's not talking to me… he's just as stubborn as a mule. He still won't forgive me about your father and your sister. He's a fat stern old man and he still won't give us a loan. He's completely disowned himself from the family, Evey. It's hopeless."
"Grandpa… isn't a bad man, ma. He just has his reasons."
"Well, I'm happy you two have such a great relationship. I really love it when he sends you a Christmas card in the mail and not the rest of the family. Or when he sent you flowers and money on your 16th birthday and nothing to your sister. Or me. Or that time when he just visited you in the hospital after I gave birth to you and he didn't visit me once. You're getting me off track! That's not the point. I just need you to understand that I'm completely out of food stamps and your sister is about to go back to New York soon. Times are tough for everybody right now. You know how hard it's been."
"Yea…"
"Your dad is downstairs in the garage and he's not in a good mood. He's become a hopeless man and it's up to you and me, ok?"
"I know, ma…"
"You and I are going to be a team. That means we have to take care of each other."
"So, what are you asking me?" I cocked my eyebrow. Please don't ask me what I think you're about to ask me.
"Our mortgage is due soon and you and I have to come up with a plan. Can you give your father and me a small loan? We need at least $1,500 to cover this month, Evey. You would be helping your family."
"$1,500? Last month you only asked for $900."
"This time it's different, honey. We're on the edge here and if we don't do something now, I don't know what we're going to do. This month it's for groceries, the car, and our phone bill. There's so much at stake that you don't understand."
"You told me that was the last time you'd ask me for money… You promised, ma…"
"I'm sorry, honey. I don't know what to say. I can't control what life throws at us. We can only roll with the punches. You'll understand when you have a family to take care of one day. I wish I could tell you that there was a magic genie lamp that could wish all of our troubles away, but that's not how it works."
This wasn't new. I had heard of her sales pitch before with grandpa and he had loaned her enough money to purchase a new car. But that was it and he had never helped her after that. My mother had never understood that grandpa was always on her side and he just wanted to teach her some lessons along the way. It was his way of showing tough love. But she was difficult sometimes. So was he. After he had disowned her after marrying his best friend's son, my dad, he had never once shown up for dinner. A holiday, birthday, or called once. But as soon as I was born then he finally reached out. In some way, I was jealous of his isolation from this family. Sometimes I wish I could be like him and just…leave.
The Next Morning:
"Did you tell her to go to hell?"
"I couldn't… you know how she gets," I spoke into the payphone downtown wiping the anxiety from my forehead.
I had to leave the house before Bella served breakfast for everyone back at the house. The sun was barely seeping over the dark blue horizon of the city. It's nearly 5:15 am. I couldn't tell Bella I was too chicken to say no to mom again. Then she and mom would fight about money and it would be all my fault for causing family drama and she'd never let me live it down. I could hear grandpa groaning through the phone.
"She could never grow up and find her own way just like her mother. She's still a goddamn child trying to find her way through a shit storm and now she's got her hooks in ya'. I'm sorry she did that to you, honey. How much did she take?"
"Almost all of it, grandpa."
"How much do you have left?"
I looked at my banking app, pained to see such a low number," I have $500 and $500 in my savings. But I was going to use that money for a new car this summer. I got fired from my job at Burger Shack and she doesn't know about it. But I recently went to a job interview yesterday and I start next week."
"That's my girl! Landing on ya' feet. I'm glad you called me, Evey, sweetie, I miss our talks. Things have not been so good here either. These damn gas prices got me stuck in Flagstaff, Arizona until I can find another odd job. This goddamn place is poverty with a view."
"Are you coming back to Detroit?"
"You know I can't pumpkin. I'm headed to the West coast. California and then Hawaii. One day you and I will go there together. But listen I sent you a little something in the mail, ok? It should arrive sometime this week."
"Ok, grandpa."
"Keep your head up. Things will get better, I promise."
The payphone beeped: To continue your call please add more quarters.
"All right, pumpkin. Don't tell your mother we spoke on the phone, mmk? She'll have a cow sideways. You know how she gets. I'll call you again same time next week?"
"Ok, grandpa. Same time. Same phone booth. I love you."
"Love you, too, pumpkin."
I hung up the phone and exited the glass booth. The cold air of a Detroit morning hit my skin and I shivered, it didn't feel like summer so far. The streets were beginning to wake up and begin their daily commute as time flew by. My phone buzzed and it was Mom. A phone call I did not want to pick up right now. She probably noticed I was gone and needed to talk to me about…whatever she needed to be taken care of. I stepped off the curb and headed toward downtown. I enjoyed blending into the crowd as a faceless nobody. The day was spent slowly, more slowly than I could have dreamed. I just walked. To nowhere in particular. The city began to buzz and ring louder and louder as it approached noon. People, traffic, and arguments could be heard in every direction. I just needed to clear my head. At the end of the day, I traveled on the city bus across the whole map of downtown Detroit. The driver, a balding middle-aged man named Al, would stop and blink the next destination stop for his passengers. One would get off, maybe two, but I never moved from my seat. I had paid a full $5 for the 24-hour pass so I was well in my right to ride this bus as far and as long as I could. By the time I stepped off the bus, around 9:00 pm, near my neighborhood I finally checked my phone.
21 Missed Calls
43 Unread Messages
18 Voicemails.
"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit," I covered my mouth and pressed redial.
In two seconds, mom answers the phone and she doesn't start by screaming. She's quiet, so quiet that I can hear her breathing through the phone. I wait for her to say something. Anything. But she's been sobbing and I can hear her voice croak.
"Evey… your sister got arrested last night."
At The Police Station:
This place smells like feet and ass. It's depressing too. The three of us waited underneath the fluorescent lights of the station, in the waiting room next to other groups of families. One family looks like they've been waiting on the bench for days, maybe weeks. There's a mother with four of her children and the look on her face tells me a story. She's sitting in between three little boys and one little girl and they have the same look on their faces as the mother does. I wonder who she's here for. A father? Brother? Sister? The way she's rolling a wedding band on her finger gives me the answer. The only thing that doesn't make me want to cry is the fact that I'll be able to hug my sister again, soon. No matter what she's done.
"I told you… military school was always an option. Or boarding school. You never take my advice. Bella is back on drugs and this is all your fault. You were never there to whip her backside when she was young. You coddled her ever since she was born and you never made her into a respectful child. Now we're here. Are you happy?"
"Let's not talk about this, please? I didn't make her on my own. You were there too when she got suspended from school. You were there when we found her in the garage doped out of her goddamn mind. You weren't there when she ran off to New York and she didn't come back," mom whisper-yelled. "Do not pin this all on me!"
"When this is over I am done. You can fuck off. Your dad can go fuck himself and the rest of your goddamn psycho family. Bella, she can go back to New York. I'm going to my goddamn garage and I am never coming out."
"Oh, and what? Drink till you pass out? You're a real hero! Yea, you're obviously the man I married and wanted to have kids with. You're definitely not a fucking coward or an alcoholic bastard. Bravo!"
This went on and on for god knows how long and I still haven't said a word. I sat there thinking how nice it would be to be that family of 5 sitting in the lobby with us. To wait there patiently for my husband, thinking about the kids, and waiting for him to walk down that hallway and exchange despair for joy. But as soon as Bella walked down the hallway with a plastic bag and a handful of paperwork mom and dad erupted in disappointment and anger. Disappointment and anger turned into a screaming match in the whole lobby, to the car, and back to the house. I hug her and we hold hands all the way to the car. The evening fast-forwarded like a movie and my sister and I are the only ones standing still. Mom won't stop screaming, dad won't stop blaming mom, and Bella can't stop threatening to leave and never come back again. I enjoyed my invisibility until mom revealed to me that she used the money I gave her as bail.
As bail.
It didn't faze me until I walked to my bedroom and I had the privilege to cry alone in private. Bella stomped into our room and slammed the door shut. I could hear mom starting a fight with dad downstairs. For a moment she stands in the middle of our room wiping her nose with her sleeve trying to clear her throat before she could speak. It takes her a moment longer to get a hold of herself when she turns and sees my face.
"E-Evey, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… The fucking cop… I didn't know mom asked you for money or else I…"
"It's ok, Bells."
She could've exhaled a ball of fire as soon as I said those words.
"No, i-it's not fucking ok! It's not fucking ok, E! Stop saying that every time someone fucks up and asks you to pay the price! She thinks this is all my fucking fault but she wasn't there when the cop came and pulled us over. Randy was fucking drunk and I didn't know what to do. I tried to help!"
"Listen Bells… mom is always going to freak out about something. It's mom. At least she had the money to bail you out so you wouldn't be stuck there."
"I'm so sorry, E…I'm so sorry… I am so, so, so, so sorry… I'm a big fuck up, Evey… I can't do anything right," she collapsed next to me, holding my hand. She weaves her fingers with mine and gives an assuring squeeze and locks me in.
Bella, my sister, was probably the strongest woman I know. Why? Because she escaped this place. She escaped mom's claws and broke the 'Guilt Trip' spell that she was under since the day she was born. But, unfortunately, some traditions don't break. Now it was my turn. But, thankfully, Bella was nothing like mom. My big sister was still my hero.
"I will get your money back, ok? I will pay you back every penny as soon as I get back to New York. No matter what it takes. I can send you something every week. I'm not like mom. I can pawn my engagement ring and that will help us for a little while. I just… can't believe mom borrowed money from you again. You should have told me, E."
"It's –"
She squeezed my hand, "If you tell me… it's fucking ok, again, I swear I'll slap you, E! It's ok for you to be upset at mom. It's ok to hate her, E. She did you dirty. She fucking did you so dirty! We… we, actually we both did. We both fucked up and she should be here apologizing to you, too."
"I get it, ok? We all had a rough week. Dad lost his fucking job. Mom still won't find an application and prays to the lottery gods every day. And of course, mom is wrong for asking me for money… I just can't catch a break with her."
"It's fucked up, E. Everything is so fucked up. I'm sorry, E. I'm so sorry for everything. I didn't mean to come here and make things harder for you. I'm sorry you lost your money. I'm sorry mom is a fucking cold heinous vicious bitch to you about money and school. I'm sorry you have to deal with these fucked up people."
It's not your fault, I think remembering our childhood spent together dealing with our mother together. Not alone. But together. Always, together. I squeezed her hand in return, offering her a forgiving smile. I remember everything that happened when mom kicked Bella out so many years ago and dad was the root cause of it all. Not even when she's home, safe, and alive he'll never apologize for what happened. Dad will go to the grave not apologizing to anybody for anything, no matter how bad it gets. Bella wraps her arms around me and it's comforting for both of us. I miss our late-night talks in the closet when our school year began. She crosses her legs on the bed and I do the same. I look towards the door listening to our family fight and argue about everything downstairs and it makes me absolutely sick. Grandpa was right.
"I'm sorry, E… Truly I am. I'm a fuck up and you can hate me, too."
"I will never hate you, Bells. Ever. Because I understand what you went through. I totally get why you left…"
She offered a weak smile, "You talk to grandpa, again?"
"Earlier. He's stuck in Arizona but he'll be waiting for me in California just like we planned."
"Does mom know?"
"Obviously not…" I rolled my eyes.
Bella nods her head, "That's good. I can give you some money today and that will help you until you start your job next week, ok? I can cash you on your phone right now. Randy can go to hell for all I care. He'll get over it."
"Thank you Bells. I can start work again, soon, and I'll make enough money to get out of here again. Don't worry about me. Grandpa tells me I always land on my feet and he's right. I know you feel guilty, Bells, and I get it. But I'm stable for now. My money isn't all gone. I can always buy a car in the Fall."
My cellphone buzzed.
My screen blinked on.
It's from Nathan.
"It's Nathan…"
She gave another smile, a real smile. "You get that. I talked to him last night and I kinda gave him a hint that you want to suck on his gorgeous lips this summer before your Senior year. I gotta take a shower. When I was in jail I think I accidentally sat on blood," Bella tapped my leg hopping up and leaving the room with renewed enthusiasm. "Don't give up on me, E. I love you."
"Love you, too, sis."
I look at my text messages from Nathan and I'm suddenly standing in the middle of my room clutching my phone thinking of what to say. Tell him I'm glad he's ok that he didn't go to jail with my sister and her fiancé. That I'm sorry I couldn't say hi to him last night when he was on my street? That I'm excited to hang with him and our friends in our upcoming senior year.
Hey
Hey, you ok?
Never better
So sorry about Bells. I should've taken care of her and R man. I was there when it happened.
It's not your fault
I'm still sorry, E. It shouldn't have happened. I wish there was more I could say
It means a lot you're checking up on us. That's sweet
I just worry about you. And Bells
Me too. I'm just happy she's alive and safe.
I'm glad you're ok too
Thx
He placed a beating heart emoji at the end of his sentence and my world began tearing away at the negative and being replaced with positive feelings. I've loved him ever since I laid eyes on him in gym class. He was short back then, in Drama club, and had braces. A few moments go by and our back-and-forth conversation suddenly slowed down to a stop and I was worried he had ended the conversation. Then my screen blinks again.
So… hells bells told me that you liked to get together?
Hot panic and anxiety begin to burn and prickle at the back of my neck. What the hell did she tell him!? I think of something to say and my feet carry me in a circle around the room before sitting at my desk. I rest my head against my palm and I want to scream.
What did she tell you?
Why don't I just tell you? I'm outside by the mailbox.
I stand and peer out the window and sure enough… Nathan is standing outside my house with his hand on his cellphone and the other waving at me. My hot breath fogs up the window as my legs become weak like jelly and I hang up the phone and wave back. Quickly I go through my closet and find my cleanest pair of blue jeans and a white floral V-neck shirt and tie up my hair with my headband. One quick once-over in the mirror and I sprinted out of the room, down the stairs, and to the front door. Mom won't know I'll be gone and god fucking forbid my dad knows I'm going out to see a boy outside. Nathan is still waiting by the mailbox but soon I tug him into the bushes and away from the house. We go to his car, a black Camaro, underneath the shade of an oak tree. The neighborhood is quiet with rows of shaded trees along the sidewalk with boxed flowers in front of every yard. Nathan doesn't start the car, we sit instead and we don't leave because we both know that this is going to be quick and sweet. I look at him and keep looking at him. He's young and lean and strong wearing black jeans with a blue polo shirt and Jordans. His physique is built from years of playing basketball, baseball, and football. This year he's joining cross country.
"Hi."
"Hi…" I smile shyly.
His car is polished, clean, and immaculate with leather interior and decorated with a tiny disco ball on the rearview mirror. Just for a little flash. Nathan enjoyed a little flash here and there. It was his personality. He glides a hand through his thick black hair and he seems too anxious to talk. He turns his keys and switches the radio on.
"Fresh wax?"
"What? Oh, yea, my old man and I just got this done last weekend. You like it?"
"Yes, I do."
"You meant the car, right?"
I laughed," No, no, no I meant your bikini area."
"Well, shit, that too. You know me. I'm ready for summer."
We laugh and I look at his face. He's handsome when he laughs and his whole body moves when he does. His eyes are a beautiful burnt hazel color and I suddenly become anxious when he turns toward me. We look at each other and I notice he's trying to keep it together.
"So… Bella told me that you wanted to talk? I mean not talk, but hang out. Again, I'm sorry about what happened last night. I should've been more aware of what was happening. I'm just glad you weren't there. I-I mean not that I wouldn't want to see you. I like to see you. All the time. It's just that I wouldn't want you to go to jail. You know what I mean?"
I bite my lip," Yea. I do. Thank you for being there anyway, Nathan. You've been really good to my sister and me"
"Of course. If there's anything that I can do for your family you let me know." He places his hand over mine and suddenly I'm in heaven
"Thank you," I smile weakly, wondering what he must see in me.
My skin is so fair-skinned that I could see blue veins in my hands and my newly braided hair was so pale, unlike Bella's, it looked white and silver in the sun. I was so skinny that I was often mistaken for a youth instead of a teenager on the cusp of 18 and so short in stature that my head just came to his shoulder. Even sitting in the car with him I could feel his body take up so much space.
"So… d-did Bella tell you that I like you?"
"No."
He shook his head, his hands moving over his knees. "Oh, well, that's cool. I mean I do. And it's cool if you don't. I mean I can handle it."
"No, no, no, I do like you, Nathan. I've had a crush on you for a while…"
"Really?" he raised his brows and scooted closer. "Because, I totally feel the same, Evey. I liked you ever since you told Angie Harney Dinkleman in History AP she was a frigid cunt in front of the whole class for bullying Morgan about her gap tooth. And that time you called out Sara Sienna Silverman for cheating on her boyfriend with his brother in the cafeteria a day before the school dance. Or that time you broke into Mathew Mathius Callaway Jr's locker room in gym class and stole all the girl's bikinis back and got him suspended for sexual harassment."
"He was a misogynistic asshole who deserved it! I'm so glad enough girls came and petitioned with me and got his ass expelled."
"Me, too. He was a douchebag. None of the guys on the baseball team liked him very much. But I want you to know that I liked you before then. You're the smartest one in the class and you don't even have to try. You're nice, too, not a lot of pretty girls are nice."
"Yea?"
"Yea. You're a pretty chill girl."
"Thanks. You're really sweet…" I leaned toward him and placed a kiss on his cheek.
We both blush to realize it's our first kiss and he still sits there waiting for me to give him more. His eyes are burning into mine and the song on the radio changes. But I can't give him more. I'm not as experienced as him but I make it clearly evident I want him.
"Wow. So that's what it's like…"
"What?" he counters, never taking his eyes off my lips. Still leaning toward me and I stop him placing my hand on his chest and, my god, he's so impressively lean that it takes my breath away. He's an inch away and I close my eyes still holding him at bay no matter how much I want him to continue.
"My first kiss…" I whisper.
He laughed tossing his head back," That's why I like you, Evey. You got guts and you're not afraid of anything. Or anyone."
"Thanks… I like you, too, Nathan… and I'm so glad to hear—"
The beams of a flashlight suddenly blinded both of us and I squinted my eyes to my window. I raised my hands to block the light and panicked. Oh my god, it's the cops! The man's finger taps on the window and I roll it down. He moves the flashlight over my face and to Nathan and suddenly we're both too shocked for words.
"Evey!"
"Dad!?"
He swung open the car door and grabbed my wrist," Get out of the goddamn car!"
Nathan panics and gets out of the car.
"Dad, it's not what it looks like. We were just talking!"
"Evey's dad, sir, um, we weren't doing anything."
My dad roars at him," You better get the fuck out of here before I call the goddamn cops! She is a minor and I'll have your ass arrested so fast you'll be digging cocks out of your ass before you even bend over in the shower! Not in jail but in prison! You hear me!?"
"Dad, stop it!"
"Get the fuck inside the house!"
My dad's face is so red I swear he's about to burst into flames and I can see the veins across his forehead. Our neighbors are suddenly on their porches in their bathrobes listening to my dad yell threats at Nathan and my face is burning red with embarrassment. All I can do is cover my face with my hair and let my dad yank me back to the house. Nathan tries to follow us but my mother comes out of the house barefoot and my sister comes running out of the house in her bathrobe and my world crumbles before my eyes. I watch Nathan disappear from my view and tears form in the corner of my eyes.
"What the hell is going on!?" my mom growls.
"Get the fuck back inside the house! That boy was selling our daughter drugs! They were sitting in the car and he was pushing drugs!"
I try to escape his grip," He's not a drug dealer, dad! He's just a boy from school!"
My dad drags me into the house and sits me down on the couch in the living room prepared to have a family meeting. Bella sits down with me and holds my hand.
"Dad, chill the fuck out. It's not that bad. You caught me in bed upstairs with Craig back when I was 15! You even knocked up mom when you both were 15. What's the difference!?" Bella barked at him."
He pointed a stern finger at her," That. Is. Fucking. Different. And not another goddamn word, do you hear me? Another word out of you and I will take a belt to your ass."
Bella is so tempted to bite back at him that she stares him down. They both stare like this for an eternity. I squeeze her hand extra hard and try to help her stay in our own little safe zone. Mom is done talking to the neighbors trying to cover up our shame and came back inside and stood next to her husband. She looks embarrassed and doesn't say anything. This isn't her problem and goes upstairs.
"I'm sorry, daddy…" is all I can say.
Bella looks at me, almost shocked I could surrender so easily.
"You two…" he pinches his nose, shuts his eyes, and drops his head. "You two are so… goddamn disappointing. Do you want to give me a heart attack before I turn 40? Because you're taking me there! I got one foot in the grave!"
I'm too scared to say anything that I shrink into the couch. I want to feel as small as possible. Tears fall down my cheeks and my leg shakes. My dad's face is sweating he's trying to muster all his strength just to breathe again. But he just yells and yells and yells and my ears suddenly go deaf. All I can hear is a high-pitched ringing like a bell inside my head. He's waving his arms up and down and he slaps his baseball hat against the wall. I let my head fall and I just close my eyes. I'm picturing Nathan's face as I kiss him on the cheek and how sweet he tasted. I'm trying to picture me and Grandpa driving his red Buick Roadmaster 1975 on Route 66 all the way to sunny California. Just me and him wearing sunscreen and sunglasses with the windows rolled down driving wherever we want. It's the freedom I'm imagining. It's the freedom to do what I want when I want, how I want, and with whomever I want. I'm imagining me and Bella in Hawaii laying on the beach in our bikinis enjoying a fruity cocktail with tiny umbrellas. I imagine we're running through the white foam and splashing into the ocean laughing. The sun is so hot it gives us tan lines and the ocean is so cold we see sea turtles.
"EVEY!" my dad shouts throwing a vase against the wall.
The crash pulls me out of my daydream and I'm back in my living room holding hands with Bella. She never left.
"What?" I respond, blinking back to reality.
By now my whole body is shaking as I watch my dad walk over the broken shards and stand against the wall supported by his hand looking at the family photo. He was younger with more hair and no sign of a beer belly. Our mother looked so much happier and sunnier back then and hadn't drank so much vodka. Bella and I were in matching tweed dresses with bows in our hair. It was a memory that seemed so long ago. It was hard to believe we were the same family in the photo. He looks at our family photo deep and hard and then looks at the picture of himself wearing his football jersey in high school. He was younger, stronger, and more confident back then. He just stares and doesn't say anything. Like looking at the picture long enough can make him time travel back to fix his mistake.
"You are fucking killing me! You are literally murdering your old man! I can't believe that God would give me these two fucktards instead of boys! I always told ya' motha that I wanted boys. But life had to kick me in the nuts! You think I wanted to be a dad!? You think I want a pregnant daughter!? DO you really think I want two pregnant daughters!? Do you think I know how to do this!? You think it's fucking easy for me!? I never wanted ta' both of ya's! You were the biggest mistake of my life!"
He points his finger at me.
"You talk to that fucking drug-dealing friend of yours or get pregnant before you're 18…and I am kicking your ass to the curb and you are never allowed under my roof again! You two's were the biggest mistake of my life! After having Bella I told ya' motha' to take the goddamn pill but she just had to fucking keep ya!"
Bella shot up from the couch," Dad!"
His eyes are puffy and so red I can see his veins. He's been drinking. Maybe he'll remember what he says or maybe he'll forget tomorrow but I still can't move. The ringing in my ears comes back and I go deaf. It's like I'm underwater and I can't hear the upper world beneath the surface. I'm trying to go back into my daydream again but I see dad slip his belt out from his waistline and he snaps it. Bella is screaming at my dad until he slaps her across the face with his hand and she falls against the wall. I stand up and scream.
(Told you so...)
