"Beg To Stay" Based on Kitty's thoughts during the "Badge" (Season 15)

Matt, each night that you stay with me is pure bliss. I can't even begin to describe the feelings that go through me when your hands are all over my body, lovingly caressing it. Your big, strong hands are calloused from years of hard work, yet they seem so soft and gentle when they touch me. Your kisses give me the same feeling as your hands. You don't limit your kisses to my mouth. Your mouth and kisses, like your hands, travel up and down my body. If your hands and kisses do amazing things to my body, you can only imagine what happens when we make love. Our bodies mold together into one. It's hard to tell where one body begins and the other ends. I don't think you have to imagine. You're there when it happens. No other man has ever or will ever make me feel the way I do, only you. I hate it when dawn comes because I know you have to leave. We untangle our bodies and you kiss me goodbye. All I want to do is beg you to stay.

Matt, a little piece of me dies each time you are shot. I have seen Doc take bullets out of you eleven times in the fifteen years I have known you, and I know there are times he's taken bullets out of you without my presence. Some wounds are more critical than others. It's the critical ones that kill me more. The sound of the bullet dropping into the pan is bittersweet. I know Doc was able to remove the bullet, so I am relieved. But it's also the sound that tells me I could have lost you again. You were shot in the chest tonight, a very serious wound. I walk out of the Long Branch in my nightgown and robe and see you lying in the street. You're not moving. Are you dead? Doc uses his stethoscope to listen for sounds of life. He found the sounds he was looking for. Doc has men take you to his office. I pick up your damaged, bloody badge. I am now in the office too. I silently watch Doc work on you. I am praying, praying so hard. I beg God to let you stay.

Matt, you survived. My begging and Doc's surgical talents worked. Doc reassures me you will be alright. The thing is I am not alright. I am so tired of dying each time you are shot. I am so tired of watching you lie in the street with a bullet in you. I am so tired of assisting Doc, not knowing if you will survive. A person that loves another person should not have to go through what I go through. I am human. I have limits. I love you so much, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I've decided to sell the Long Branch and leave Dodge with a one-way ticket. Yes, it's a one way ticket. I know you love me, but I need to know how much you truly do. I am in Doc's room saying goodbye to you. I try to explain myself, but you say we've never needed explanations. Maybe we don't need explanations. Right now I need you to beg me to stay.

Matt, you showed up in Ballard. I was so angry when I saw you. How dare you show up like that? You said you had business to deal with down south. I am not sure I believe that. In fact, I don't believe that. I am trying to burn bridges between us. These are bridges that won't burn because they are made of steel. You know there's trouble in Ballard, but I won't admit I need your help. I'm too stubborn for that. You have been tricked into an ambush. I stand outside in front of the Nugget saloon, not realizing the plan of ambush, until I see movement from across the street on a balcony. It's a man with a gun aimed at you. Not again. I can't witness you getting shot again. I yell a warning to you. It works. You are able to shoot the man before he shoots you. I'm sure he's dead. Steiffer is taken to jail. You turn and look at me. Our eyes meet. No words are said. Will you beg me to come with you? No, I can see that you won't as you turn and walk away. I know you're going back to Dodge City. Dodge City is your home. I know I can't beg you to stay.

Matt, what have you done to me? What is this pull you have on my heart? There's this force between us that has to be stronger than any other force on Earth. My plan was to move on without you in my life. Who was I fooling? That's easy. I was fooling myself. How can I move on with my life without you, when you are my life? A few weeks ago I bought a one way ticket to Ballard, thinking what I was doing was the right thing. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. Not being with you is not going to make me wonder about you. I'll always wonder about you. I don't want to just wonder about you, not knowing exactly how you're doing. I need to be with you. I have purchased a one-way ticket back to Dodge City, Kansas. I arrive on the late stage and walk straight to the jail. I know you'll be there. The look on your face when you turn and see me is priceless. You knew I would be back. You say the others missed me. You don't admit that you did, but we both know you did. You can't fool me, Cowboy. Lord knows I missed you. I know that after fifteen years you are a man of few words. You are more actions than words. Actions speak louder than words has not been more true for a person than it has been for you. As I hang on your arm as we walk over to the Long Branch, I realize I don't need words. Your love that you have given me for the last fifteen years begs me to stay.

The End