Hi everyone. I'm so sorry this has taken me so long. I don't really have a good excuse other than a lack of inspiration but suffice it to say, this weeks episode is giving me all the inspiration I needed to come back to this fic.
As always, I own nothing other than my mistakes :)
Please feel free to review, I really appreciate any feedback and they really give me a fantastic boost of serotonin, lol
Anyway, I hope you enjoy! One more chapter to go after this.
It's Monday again.
As a detective, she never really experienced the pain of a Monday morning, the official end of the weekend and beginning of the week. The shift work meant weekends and night and being on call meant very little consistency. As she rose through the ranks, it got better and when Noah came along, she made sure that her schedule was better. Being Captain now she has a little bit more control. She now has the luxury of sending Fin or Velasco to a 4am crime scene and occasionally manages to secure a full weekend off.
The weekend had been surprisingly refreshing. Although she would've preferred to spend it with Noah, she still managed to face time him every day and his utter excitement about dance camp shone through his delightful smile and she always felt a little better.
Elliot had also called a couple of times. The first was the Saturday afternoon. She had been driving back from the grocery store and was stuck in an unusual amount of traffic. They hadn't talked about anything of substance, mainly just jokes about the domestic side of Olivia Benson and how there is now more than take-out containers in her fridge.
They had laughed and she could almost hear his smile through the car speaker. It was nice to feel this way again, to regain a little bit of what they once were. The jokes. The laughter. The comfort. She had missed this and she had missed him.
The previous night had been healing for them. They had talked and she had felt heard. More would need to be done, more needed to be shared but for now, it was enough.
The second time he calls in Sunday morning. She really shouldn't have been awake yet and neither should have he but they both were. They were both watching the sun rise. He was standing on his patio surrounded by dead plants and sipping coffee somewhere in Long Island City and she was standing in her kitchen sipping tea staring out over Manhattan.
She had him on speaker and was just listening to him. He was telling her about the Saturday night Stabler family dinner and how Bernie had made her famous Lasagne and Kieran and Seamus had broken one of the smaller windows in the living room while wrestling with Eli.
Olivia could picture it in her head. Eli, with his brown head of hair and pale skin scrambling on the floor underneath the force of two identical 4-year-olds. It brought a smile to her face, thinking that maybe one day maybe Noah could be apart of that chaos.
The rest of the conversation centred around the kids. She told Elliot about Noah and his dancing and how he had begged her for weeks to go to this dance camp and how he is really hoping to get the lead role in his upcoming performance.
There was a moment during their conversation where Liv had almost invited Elliot along, but she stopped herself. It was one thing letting Elliot slowly back into her life but Noah, that was a different story all together.
After Peter had left, Noah really did start acting out. He had given up on baseball and developed a little bit too much of an attitude. Noah didn't need to be disappointed because, yet another man had left him. Olivia needed to be sure, and she wasn't quite there yet. She didn't know if this whole two-way street thing was going to last or if it's only because Elliot feels guilty.
Time will tell and she is willing to be patient.
It's Monday once again.
Work. Cases. Trials. Victims. Lawyers. Paperwork.
Some days it is overwhelming. The thought of everything she has to do makes her want to turn around and walk right back out of the precinct.
Today wasn't one of those days. She felt ready to face the filth of Manhattan and hopefully help some people along their journey. Over the weekend, they had caught a case and had actually managed to arrest the guy within 19 hours, and he was getting arraigned this morning. She had received a call from the survivor of an old case, the woman was getting married, and she had simply wanted to call to say thank you.
Olivia was feeling more herself.
That was until she had notice Carisi hovering over Amanda's desk. Somewhere in her brain, she remembered why Carisi was here, but she was just trying to ignore it. Trial prep. Not for one of their cases but for her. For her case.
Carisi was still talking to Amanda, so Olivia can take a few minutes to erect the walls necessary to get through the next two hours. She walked over to the window and looked down upon the street again, not unlike what she had done before Burton had stormed into her office last week. The sun isn't out today though. The weathers actually quite dreary, grey skies and the whole street is masked by a slight shadow. The street bellow isn't too busy. Most people are already at work and its not quite lunchtime.
To others the scene before her might come across as depressing, but today it had a certain calm quality which actually comforted Olivia. It made her feel like the world wasn't getting ready to end just yet.
She heard a soft knock at the door and turns her head to face the young ADA now entering her office. Her body is still facing the window, but she nods in his direction, welcoming him into her office.
A few seconds go by before she snaps back to reality and gracefully returns to her desk as Carisi sets up opposite her.
This shouldn't be too hard she thinks. It's not like she hasn't been here before. The witness. The victim. And this pales in comparison to Lewis. But there is something about her life now that makes the vulnerability seem worse.
She doesn't have too many equal friendships. Most of the people in her life are her subordinates and whilst some she would call her closest friends, there is still a line of professionalism there. A line that she doesn't like crossing. It had been bad enough when everyone knew she was dating Tucker. People had talked and others had stared.
Her and Tucker were the talk of the 1-6. People wondered how they ever could have gotten together. How long had they really been dating? How long had they been fucking?
It was the thought of other people contemplating her sex life which really got under her skin. It was truly none of their business and to be honest it made her feel genuinely uncomfortable, almost a violation of sorts.
And now, with Burton… it was ten times worse. Not only was word getting around that she had slept with the man, but after the rape allegations she was the one ridiculed. Recusing herself from the case was bad enough, especially when she had to tell McGrath (the man got some kind of sordid pleasure out of it that made her stomach churn), but now after he attacked her it was going to trial.
Burton was going to expose her private life to the world. He was going to re-hash her previous assaults and give a play by play of her sex life, of their sex life and her whole squad was going to bare witness.
Carisi starts off with a basic overview of the court proceedings as if this isn't her millionth time on the stand. He explains the tactics that Burtons lawyer has been playing in their attempts at negotiation and finally ends with a brief warning that Burton has made it clear his goal is to humiliate her.
Nothing new.
Liv nods and pretends she's listening for a while before he flips the page on his legal pad and settles into his chair. A switch flicking inside of him activating his "prosecutor" tone.
"You ready?" he asks as more of a friend than an ADA.
She nods and takes a deep breath, awaiting the first of many questions.
The questions seem to be a bit of a blur.
He started off with his own questions, gathering the facts to present the case. Then Carisi tried his hand as a defence attorney. Those questions were slightly more uncomfortable.
"What was the nature of your relationship with the defendant?"
"Had you ever been involved in a sexual relationship with the defendant?"
"Did your past and present sexual relationship with the defendant hinder your ability to do your job?"
The questions kept coming and Olivia just resigned herself to the humiliation of it. Carisi did his best to keep things professional and make sure she didn't feel judged, but Olivia had to admit, she'd rather not have Carisi be on her case.
Although he was an ADA, a part of her would always see him as one of her detectives, not quite an equal as an ADA should be.
With Lewis, she had felt more comfortable with Rafael. He their relationship was always equal, and she felt more comfortable discussing her vulnerabilities with him even if they were in a public courtroom.
Carisi is doing the best he can given the circumstances. She isn't supposed the be comfortable anyway.
They've been at it for an hour and a half now and a break is definitely overdue.
Carisi steps out of her office to take a call and Olivia just slumps down into her chair and tosses her glasses onto the desk in front of her. She is exhausted.
It's not even lunchtime on Monday and she is ready to curl up on the couch for Friday night movies with Noah.
Noah should be back from dance camp on Wednesday, and she has made sure to clear her Wednesday night so she can spend some quality time with her son, she desperately wants to hear him rant about everything he did at camp and then they can talk about his new moves for his upcoming performance. Maybe they'll play a board game or watch a movie (even though it's a school night).
It's at times like these, when she is all caught up in the life of a 9-year-old, that she often finds her mind drifting back to her own childhood, or lack thereof.
It hadn't been too bad, she reasons. Working this job, she has had the unfortunate opportunity to meet children who have had their very soul ripped out of them and compared to that she thinks she did okay.
Most of the time her mother was out cold anyway, and she learnt how to deal with her drunken rages pretty quickly. Olivia had always been angry at her mother and yet she would often find herself defending her. Olivia knew what her mother had endured and knew that she didn't get the help that she needed but sometimes it was hard to care for a woman who had neglected her as a child.
Olivia was an independent child from a very young age out of necessity and so when it came to the rare occasions where Serena would try and actually be a parent, Olivia just resented the woman even more. What gave her the right to randomly decide to be a parent when she rarely ever gave a shit?
When Serena had found out about Burton, she had gotten so mad. Came at Olivia with a glass shard, threatening the both of them. It just pushed Olivia further away. She wanted to get out of the chaos and insecurity that was her childhood and Burton was the way to do it. The man whom she had thought was the love of her life.
Her mother had been right though. Burton had left her back then, breaking her heart and now he had come back only to hurt her again. The man was a predator and she had been his prey. Her mother had seen this and she had tried to protect her daughter. One of the very rare occasions
She is quickly snapped out of her daze when Carisi barges back into her office. No knock this time and it has definitely been less than the fifteen minutes they agreed to take.
The man looked a bit flustered, but in a good way. His right hand gripped his phone and he held it up to his chin, pacing the room for a few moments.
"Everything alright?", Liv finally asked as Carisi clearly wasn't going to spit it out.
Carisi finally stopped pacing and looked Liv directly in the eye.
"Ah, I just got off the phone with Lowes's lawyer, who is at Rikers now, visiting his client how has apparently decided to plead guilty."
Olivia was stunned. There were no other words to describe it.
Burton had made it clear that he wasn't going to take any opportunity he got to drag Olivia down and he also doesn't seem like someone who believes they did something wrong. Even when Burton attacked her, he had been coming to plead his case that he was simply a victim of the extremes of 'cancel culture'.
"What happened?", this turn of events simply wasn't computing in Olivia's mind. Something didn't make sense.
"Why?", she asked again.
"The man wasn't built for prison apparently, was sent to the infirmary yesterday after being shived in the prison yard. They're reviewing security cameras, but they still don't know what completely went down."
Olivia stood up now and walked around her desk to lean on the opposite side.
"So, that's it. This is all over?" she asked, failing to hide the relief in her voice.
"Yep, I'll sort out the formal plea deal with his lawyer and he'll spend the next three months in jail and then two years of probation; I'll also throw in an Order of Protection for you." Carisi replied, almost gleefully.
Liv brought he hand up to her mouth and traced her lips with her right thumb, closely her eyes just for a second, making sure she wasn't daydreaming or something.
"Well then… that's a relief, I guess. Let's get back to work." She said, standing up from her place leaning on the desk. She flattened out her shirt and moved to return to her chair.
Carisi nodded, "Yes, Cap". He picked up his briefcase and went back out into the bullpen.
Once again, Olivia was left alone in her office.
After Carisi had left her office, she didn't really have the brain space to fully process what had happened. So, she did what she always did in overwhelming personal situations, she went back to work.
It wasn't until her phone start vibrating beside her that she decided to take a break from paperwork for a few minutes.
Elliot's name lit up the screen.
"Hi", he said with a flirtatious tone to his voice.
"Hi", was all she could think of to respond.
With anyone else, this short interaction might come across as awkward but with Elliot, they both knew each other well enough to know that a little meant a lot when it came to communication between them.
"He's going to plead guilty", a beat, "there's not going to be a trial".
She sighs now. Somehow saying it out load actually felt somewhat cathartic. It was just starting to hit her. A weight had been lifted, one she hadn't quite registered in the first place.
She knew she would be able to do it. To fight back. But, if she was honest with herself, she just didn't want to have to… and know she didn't need to.
"That's fantastic Liv. He get jail time?"
"Three months then probation. Probably deserves more but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved"
Elliot was silent for a moment, likely talking himself out of saying stupid about Lowe's lighter sentence.
He opts for progressive optimism instead, "He's not your problem anymore Liv. You can move on with your life."
"yea" she sarcastically chuckles, "my life, I don't even know what that looks like anymore."
Elliot could hear the exhaustion in her voice and wanted nothing more than to rush over to the 1-6, lights and sirens blaring, just to give her a hug, take her home and take care of her. Knowing that would likely get him a punch in the arm, he decided to stick with his words… for now.
"It looks you and your beautiful child, it looks like your passion for the job, it looks like the people around you who care about you. You're exhausted and you need to just take a minute to prioritise yourself for once. Let someone take care of you Liv."
Hearing his words did, momentarily make her feel better but she was too tired to process her response much past that.
"Thanks El… look, I should probably get back to work now but thanks for…"
"Wait", he interjects, "before you go, I was actually calling to see if you wanted to come to dinner tonight? I know Noah doesn't get home until Wednesday and Eli is staying with Dickie tonight. Ma is making Lasagne and would love to see you."
She thought about it for a moment, not quite sure if she really wanted to spend an entire evening with Elliot Stabler and his mother when the alternative was a hot bath, wine and an early night. But she figured that spending some time with people, where work wasn't a factor might not be a bad idea. Plus, she liked Bernie and Elliot was comfortable.
"That sounds great El… seven okay?"
