It had been a month since the Battle, and it was still hard to adjust. The constant adrenaline experienced during all that time had abated, though she still found herself falling into old habits. For distraction, Hermione had joined the efforts at Hogwarts, posting up in the library and working tirelessly to fix the grand room. Once her haven, her heart sank each morning when she entered, eyes sweeping across the rubble and broken shelves.
Harry and Ron had decided to join the Auror department, leaving for training almost immediately. Hermione was less inclined for the chase and more interested in research, thus she was back where she could figure out her future. They conversed once a month or so, their owls always arriving in the middle of the night.
"Miss Granger," Headmistress McGonagall's voice broke through her thoughts as she sorted the card catalog, "I do hate to bother you, but I do need to request a favor."
Hermione set the cards to the side and stood, wiping her palms over the jean shorts she wore. McGonagall moved over slightly to reveal the last person she had expected to see: Draco Malfoy.
"Unfortunately, certain misunderstandings occurred which led to the early arrival of Mr. Malfoy. He is here as a guest of the ministry, to aid in the rebuilding efforts. I was hoping that he would be of use here in the library, if you are comfortable about it."
Hermione took a moment to look at the young man; his demeanor was almost…defeated. His hair brushed the tops of his ears and was falling into his eyes as he stared at the ground, his back stiff and hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Of course, Headmistress." She responded at last, shrugging slightly, "I don't mind. You know I could take Malfoy any day."
Grey eyes flashed at her, but he stayed silent. A smirk reminiscent of his graced her lips and she felt pleased about poking at him.
"Thank you, Miss Granger." The older woman stepped towards the door, "Tea at the usual time?"
"Yes, I'll see you then."
For a moment, silence permeated every crevice before Hermione cleared her throat, "Uh, I suppose you can get started over in the Astrology section. Thanks."
He moved quietly and she returned to the card catalog, continuing to separate the cards and make out new copies.
They worked in silence for a few hours, time noted only by the grand clock ticking away in a corner she had yet to come across. It was an irritating reminder that there was still so much work to do and that time never slowed. If she were honest, it was also one of the most annoying sounds and driving her mad.
When the clock chimed three times, she stood and grabbed her bag, lifting it over one shoulder before looking at Malfoy - across the room surrounded by stacks of books as he sorted them. "Malfoy. I'm off for about an hour or so, but I'll be back by dinner. You can go down to the great hall, or you can stay here and Tilly will bring a tray for us."
She turned without another word and walked quickly through the corridors to the Head's office. It had also been destroyed, and replaced by a Griffin, who bowed before opening it's mouth to reveal the staircase.
McGonagall was sitting in a large armchair, a tea service set out next to her. As she sat, Hermione set her bag strap over the side.
"I'm sorry for the surprise, Miss Granger." The older woman, "I had no time, and I didn't even consider you until he had been rejected by almost everyone else."
"It's alright." Hermione assured, "I don't think Malfoy would do anything to me. He may not like me, but I kind of get a sense of respect."
"Respect?"
"I don't claim to know his thoughts, but I don't know, he's never really done anything to me. He even tried not to identify us when we were brought to the manor. If h's here, that menas the ministry didn't send him to Azkaban."
McGonagall looked off towards Dumbledore's portrait before taking a sip of her she sighed and placed it back down, looking at the younger woman and told her the truth.
"Kingsly called me and asked if we would be able and willing to have Mr. Malfoy begin his…punishment, of sorts. He will be watched very closely for a very long time, but they found no evidence that he directly used the killing curse, and through memories they discovered his reluctance to be a part of this whole thing. I do believe that his upbringing had an effect on that, as well."
"Headmistress," Hermione interupted, a blush appearing over her cheeks, "I don't need any details. If Kings thought you needed to know all of this in order to make your decision, I assure you, I don't. To me, it feels intrusive and…if he wanted us to know this, he would tell us."
The older witch nodded with a hint of a smile before looking again towards the portraits. "You know, Albus- Dumbledore, always had faith in Mr. Malfoy, thought he had great potential."
Silence descended as they sat with their thoughts, each remembering the unfailing calm that the former Headmaster had brought to every situation.
"He can stay in the library with me." Hermione said, "But, uh, I won't spy on him."
She startled when the older woman laughed loudly, "Oh, my dear, oh, no. I don't expect you to spy. I wouldn't ask that of you."
Letting out a relieving breath, Hermione lifted her china cup and sipped the strong brew. She was grateful that she wouldn't have to fight or lie or spend every moment on edge.
"Headmistress, I really want to get back to the library." Hermione said, noting that she had only been there for about twenty minutes. She would typically stay longer, but was already feeling tired again; something she had been struggling with for a long time.
"Yes, of course, certainly." McGonagall stood, snapping her fingers for the house elf to remove tea service. "Will we see you at dinner tonight?"
Hermione sent her former teacher a wry smile, then shook her head slowly, "I'll probably have supper in the library at some point. I'm determined to finish before school starts."
She went down the stairs, shifting her bag as she walked slowly through the halls. Memories played through her mind, reminders of her youth all over.
It wasn't long before she reached the library, and she was unsurprisd to see Malfoy still surrounded by books in the Astrology section.
"You're back." he said, his rumbling tone traveling over the hushed room.
"I said I would be." She responded, storing her bag on the table she used as a command center, then resuming her project with the catalog.
"Did she tell you?"
Hermione paused, hearing the silent question in his words.
"Not exactly." She said softly, before continuing, "She began to tell me why the ministry decided to release you, but I asked her not to. It's not my business."
She quickly became lost in her throughts as she worked, a sense of accomplishment thrumbing through her as she noticed the piles shrinking.
A loud crack sounded in the room, and the air shifted as two house elves appeared next to her command center and placed down two trays weighed down with a number of goodies.
"Miss Hermy!" one of them chirped, giggling as she bounced in place. Hermione smiled and watched them snap away before she returned to her task.
A shuffle near the table told her that Malfoy was eating, sounding as if he was savoring each bite before swallowing. It sounded like a process.
"Aren't you going to eat?" He asked, setting his cutlery down for a moment.
"Oh, shortly, perhaps. I'm more focused on getting this done. I only have three more."
She finished her set and shifted around to begin the desk area, currently covered with inventory lists. These she used to discover which books were missing, destroyed, or still in good shape.
"Hey, you started a new task." The voice came from behind her and she jumped, grabbing her wand and spinning around before any real thought processed.
His eyes widened, hands going up and he stepped back,"I-I-I'm sorry."
Hermione lowered her wand and sobbed, the moment hitting her hard. The paranoia and anxiety of the war had yet to leave her, and she crumbled to her knees.
"No, I'm sorry. I…" Words escaped her as she hugged her knees to her chest, her forehead resting on them as she cried, waiting for the dread to pass.
The silence was deafening, the ticking of the clock echoing in her head, the suffocating feeling pressing in on her.
Suddenly, her mind was cleared, an image of warm sunlight glittering off a lake, a mountain looming in the background. She looked down, where her feet were buried in the sand and lifted them, watching the sand trickle off her feet. The splash of a fish caught her attention, and she stared out at the clear, still water of the lake.
She took a slow, deep breath. Then another. After a few minutes, she felt the stress and tightness leave her body and sank down, resting her head upon her knees.
The light dimmed, the fresh, sweet smell of the lakewater and surrounding nature disapated, and she was in the library again. Laterns dotted the room, illuminating the tables and shelves; the musky smell of old books mixed with the burned shells of others all filled her nose.
She looked up - Draco was sitting in a chair near her, sitting still and looking down at her. He was slightly shaking and his brow glistened.
"Give me a minute." He whispered, his tone strangled as his entire being was held taut. She studied him closely, recognizing that he had done something to her. Whatever it had been wasn't bad, she felt good, actually, and little time had passed. Unlike the episodes she usually experienced that lasted more than a few hours.
It was only a few minutes later that he sighed and relaxed, hands dropping to his knees. His breathing evened, and for a moment she thought he fell asleep.
"I'm sorry, Granger. For, uh, kind of barging in…"
"It's okay." She said, feeling as uncomfortable as he, "but uh, what was it?"
"A place in the mountains of Ireland." He said, "my mother used it with me…a lot this last year. It's to help when you kind of need a break from whatever is going on."
"I see…well, thank you. I appreciate it." She said, shifting to her feet, looking at him shyly, "Can I ask what it's called?"
He lifted his head, stormy, dark grey eyes peircing into her own muddled brown. they softened for a moment, "Legimentus Calimirus."
Hermione repeated it to herself before leaning against the desk next to him. After a moment, he also stood and motioned towards the command center.
"You haven't eaten." He said, hesitantly touching the small of her back with one hand to guide her forward.
She reluctantly walked over and sat at the table, glancing over her platter. The house elves of the school had started to include all sorts of tempting goodies to get her to eat. She had a creamy, smooth broccoli soup, a small tomato salad with mozzarella and balsamic dressing, some roasted chicken and potatoes, some veggies in a light sauce with rice, and a mini chocolate cake.
Draco sat across from her, staring down at his own tray. He was still quiet, though he glanced at her every time she took a bite. She wasn't very hungry, so she nibbled small bites as she ran her eyes around the room, taking a silent inventory of what still needed to be done.
"So, where are your lackeys?" He said, poking at the boiled fish on his plate. Hermione was startled by his voice, and her fork fell to her plate. She looked up.
"Draco, I'm not…I - uh -" she struggled to find the words to say to him, how much to divulge and what to hide. He had already seen her panic attack, and had helped her instead of causing her harm or taunting her. "Harry and Ron are training to be Aurors, but I don't have any desire to live that way any more. I don't mean to sound rude, and it doesn't really have anything to do with you, but I'm not okay right now and I'm just fine on my own."
Silence descended upon them for a few minutes, and Hermione took a few more small bites. Perhaps he had given up trying to talk with her and had settled for working quietly.
"So you're here by yourself?"
"I'm not here alone," she defended, "McGonagall, Sprout, Hagrid, Flitwick, there are lots of others around."
"They live here - they don't count."
"I don't see anyone with you, Malfoy."
"I don't need anyone. I don't have anyone. I'm here to serve out my time and make amends so that I can move on with my life."
Hermione recalled that his parents had been sent to Azkaban, found guilty during trial. His father had been given a life sentance, but his mother had been able to get a reduced service due to the testimony of Harry and others that demonstrated she had been unwilling to cooperate with Voldemort, but unable to extract herself safely.
"I sent in testimony on your behalf." She told him, looking down at her plate.
"I know. Thank you. You probably saved my life."
"What? Surely it wasn't just me." She looked at him now, confusion over her face. He wasn't crediting her alone with his release, was he?
"I don't think you understand, Granger. I fully expected to be sent away. They were out to capture and imprision every death eater or Voldemort sympathizer. I was sitting in my cell when the Minister came - to see me." Draco spoke steadily and matter-of-factly, staring intently at his hands atop the stayed silent, unable to truly comprehend.
"He came to my cell, sat on the bed, and said, 'Tell me about youself.' So I did; I told him about my family, my schooling. He laughed for a few minutes and asked about me. What did I enjoy doing? How did I spend my time?"
He paused, and she realized that she was holding her breath. This was a side of Draco Malfoy that she had never seen or knew, and while she felt like the world had flipped upside down, she was befuddled and honored to know that he was telling her this.
"I didn't really know what to say - I was always told what to do, when to do it. I liked things, but they weren't considered important to my future, so I was allowed to didle provided it didn't interfere with the plan. But other than reading and potions, I couldn't say much. He was almost…sad, and he sighed before he rubbed his chin."
The two young adults locked eye then, the story coming to an end and she was still unsure about the whole situation. He continued, "He says, 'We've decided that we will not be persecuting you. You will aid with the rebuilding efforts at Hogwarts, and I have been informed that all students will be welcomed back to finish their schooling.' Of course, I am expected to attend school this year, but afterward, I can make my own choices."
"So, what does that have to do with me?" Hermione asked.
"It was what the Minister said just before he left. As he stood by the door, he told me, 'I received a letter recently, from one of your classmates. From what I understand, you were quite cruel to her throughout school, but she believed that you deserve a second chance, seems to believe that you have a good heart and a misguided brain.'"
Hermione gasped, feeling suddenly vulnerable and exposed. She was also a little angry, mostly at Kingsley for revealing so much of her letter. Not that it was a secret, she told herself, and she assumed it may be read aloud to the court, but never did she think it would have been revealed to Malfoy alone.
"Granger, even if he hadn't told me it was you, and encouraged me to make amends for the person I was, I would have known it was you."
She had bowed her head when she felt her cheeks redden, but lifted it at his words. Her muddy brown eyes met his, and she was startled to see them rimmed with tears.
"You never cared about my family, my wealth, anything - you didn't let my bitter words effect you, and you went on to defeat a man who had everyone else shaking in their boots. I know the papers say it was Harry, and I know that he was the one to actually go wand-to-wand, but without you, he never would have made it." Malfoy's words were even, almost a calmness that betrayed the anguish in his eyes.
For a moment, Hermione thought that she could see something more, but shook her head to clear the thought. Quickly, she stood up, letting her hands grip the table for support.
"I-I don't know how to respond. I'm sorry. I…what - I need to go, I'm sorry." She stumbled out of the library and headed for Gryffindor tower, snippets of the previous conversation swirling in her mind.
It was only after she was safely inside the nearly empty Gryffindor girls dorm that she remembered her bag. Luckily, there was nothing in there that she needed at the moment, so she could simply get it tomorrow.
Instead, she curled up on her bed and cried, the overwhelmingness of the day getting to her. Feelings that she pushed aside for the last month spirited through her, and she sobbed, missing her friends.
The one thing she refused to think of, kept pushing from her mind, was Draco Malfoy.
