A/N: Thank you again for all the comments! I do so enjoy reading those.
Hayate II, Mother
"Second time…? But I- Why can't I still remember…"
Hayate rubbed my shoulders, looking to the side. "It's the tune-in process," she said. "Messes with our memories. I got some of yours, you probably got some of mine, that kinda thing…"
"Why would I have yours-" I paused and clutched at my hurting head. "No, no, just tell me what happened the first time."
Suddenly I felt more exhausted than ever. With my back against the wall, I slumped down to the floor. Hayate followed, sitting next to me.
"In short, it went eerily similar to now," she chuckled without amusement. "Of course we were only figuring out what's going on."
"When did that happen?"
"Yesterday, I think… Sorry. The last three days were a blur…"
"So I was right. I can go back there."
"Yes. And I went with you the second time. Only… things didn't work out quite as planned." She hugged her knees.
The bigger picture was already starting to form in my head but I waited for her to continue.
Sighing, Hayate picked up, "You lost your memory again, and I… All I could do was follow you until you finally remembered."
"... That ghost, it was you all along."
She nodded.
"Then those visions I saw, right before waking up, they were all your memories?"
"I guess so… Things got kinda swapped around, I can't remember everything either."
Everything made sense to me now. The whispers, the dreams, the letters on the mirror. All too little too late. "So you couldn't materialize in that dream and instead you tried to help me remember."
"I couldn't do even that most of the time," Hayate shrugged. "Sometimes I managed to slip a word or two. Or interact with the surroundings. Maybe I'm not used to the constant telepathic link like you guys."
I took her hand. "You did your best."
"Thanks. For all it's worth, I could go in and out almost at will because of that. You were rooted in that world so deeply I had to ask Rein to drain your Linker Core. I didn't wanna risk you getting killed."
So that was what happened. "How did I wake up the first time?"
"Apparently you had the guts to ask the dream-me to do the same when you figured out what happened," Hayate snorted.
Sounded more like desperation to me, but I didn't argue. Another thing got me scratching my head. "What if I died?"
"Dunno. The implications are… not in our favor. We're talking permanent coma, or maybe even…" She shook her head. "The damage you suffered within that dream was very much reflected in our readings from your body."
"Is this… Will Nanoha just stay asleep if we don't manage to help her?"
"We don't really know. Shari analyzed the code, we think it's like a timebomb. Slowly bends reality without letting the victims notice. Then springs the trap on them when it's already too late."
"Yet something went different here."
"Something sure did. It's probably the differences between us and this alien species, but it seems Nanoha will keep dreaming. At least until…"
"... Until she can't take it any more," I finished, relaxing my clenched hand. "I have to go back to her."
"Yeah."
Hayate followed me toward the door.
"You should get some rest," I turned to her as we strode back to the infirmary.
"Right back at you."
We both snorted, walking the rest of the way with only the clicking of our heels echoing in the corridor.
Shamal gave us a once-over when we came back but didn't say a word. She looked even more tired than Hayate, making me wonder when the last time she got any sleep was.
I paused next to the only bed in the infirmary that now had its curtains drawn. "This is Nanoha's, right…?"
With a nod, Hayate pulled the white sheet away.
Nanoha was lying there nearly perfectly still, save for her shallow breathing, and pale like a porcelain doll. I touched her hair, carefully tracing the electrodes and cables attached to her scalp.
My hand rested on her clammy forehead, caressing the skin, as if to iron out her frown. Her eyes shot open suddenly.
"Nanoha!" I shouted, gripping her shoulders and giving her a light shake. "She's awake! Shamal, she's-!"
I froze, watching Nanoha's eyes roll back into her skull before they closed again. In a matter of seconds, she was still again, as if nothing happened.
"She does that every two hours when the cycle repeats," Shamal said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Always on time."
Only two hours for something that felt like two days back when I was trapped inside. And I could only remember the last three…
Still somewhat shocked, I withdrew my hands. "How much time do we have?"
"We don't really know," Hayate said.
Shamal interjected, "The MRC was tasked with simulating the virus code inside an artificial brain and analyzing its activity. They should be done shortly, maybe that will tell us where we stand."
Hayate nodded. "Then our best bet right now is waiting for the results."
"But-" I started protesting.
"The other option is having you go back there and risk this whole mess spiraling completely out of control if you lose your memory again. And right now we need every advantage we can get."
"You said you wouldn't stop me-"
"And I won't, but we can't be reckless."
"You can't expect me to just sit and wait?"
"No, I am giving you an order as your commander. Fate, Nanoha's also my friend, but you're the only one who can help her. You have to understand, if this fails now…"
"... Understood." Taking a few deep breaths, I started pacing around the infirmary. "How do I even know what to do once I'm back in? Will destroying the pendant be enough?"
Hayate replied, "Has to be. Due to its nature, the code needs some sort of physical form inside the victim's mind. You have to find it and get rid of it. Shari can give you all the specifics."
"I'll be fine. How do we know it's the pendant?"
"We don't. But it makes the most sense."
"Then that black… thing that tried to kill me? An Alien, I take it?"
"Frankly, I don't know what it was…" she pondered for a moment. "Shari suggested some sort of helper program. You didn't report it the previous time, and it started appearing only in the last few-"
An incoming call signal interrupted her and a face of a young female scientist appeared in front of us.
"Commander Yagami, Officer Harlaown," she greeted us from the screen. "We've finished processing the simulation results, I'm sending the interpretation to your device, Commander," she turned to Hayate.
"Thank you."
"There's one more thing, about the data gathered from Officer Harlaown and Captain Takamachi-Harlaown."
I raised my brow.
"We're done with the heuristics." She looked to the side briefly before facing us again. "It appears that the risk of memory loss could be reduced by 73% by timing the tune-in with the beginning of the next cycle."
Hayate frowned. "We've just missed the beginning. How wide is the window?"
"Ten, up to fifteen seconds before the brain activity becomes erratic again."
Hayate nodded and, after terminating the call, she opened her inbox.
I glanced over her shoulder.
Next to me, Shamal came up to Hayate's other side as Hayate started reading out loud the results' summary:
"193 simulations were run on artificial brains. Each simulation had been speed-run in order to collate as much data within the urgent deadline, pertaining to the current incident. Each round of simulation follows a similar sequence of events, whereby the subject experiences different cycles of dreams, each dream lasting 2 hours.
"The non-stop cycle of dreams thus far ends only when the subject is declared dead. Of these 193 simulations, 63% of the subject's death were due to suicide-in-dream, whereas the other 37% were due to the subject's death in a variety of other ways (i.e.: murder and accidents). Upon 98% of simulated deaths in their dreams, subjects can be declared… brain dead.
"... In the remaining 2%, another cycle of dreams will begin, in order to attain the subject's brain death. Averaging over 193 simulations, the approximate duration before a subject ends its life is 84 hours in simulation (42 cycles of dreams). This, however, varies highly based on individual characteristics, which require further studies. Furthermore, as the subjects in simulations are artificial brains, there is… questionable generalization of results… over to human brains."
Her voice faltered at the very end. "It kills them…?" She gasped. "Even after they go mad, it just kills them…?"
Shamal covered her mouth with her hand.
I licked my dried-out lips. My throat felt just as dry as I scanned the text over and over again. The numbers made my already aching head hurt even more and only one thought was on my mind: If we failed, Nanoha was going to die.
Hayate turned and looked me in the eyes. "Fate, I get how you feel-"
"I know," I cut her off. "One shot. I know. I'll wait."
She nodded. "Good. Get some rest. I'll call you when it's time."
"I'll stay here."
"No, I need you to clear your head."
"...Understood. And you?"
"I've got something to take care of. Don't worry. Where can I find you? Just in case."
"Outside."
Only when the doors to the infirmary closed behind me, and I found myself alone in the empty corridor, did I finally let myself cry.
Maybe it was my puffy eyes and overall exhaustion but I found people's stares unusually unnerving despite similar experiences in those dreams.
With all the "new" information raining down on me right after I woke up, I hadn't even had the time to process much of what had taken place. But when left to my own devices, a part of me that doubted the reality around me, the part that quickly got silenced when Hayate woke up, came back with a vengeance.
Having taken a roundabout way to avoid people, I strode through the empty corridors, wary of who, or what was behind me, tense from the dawning realization that I had just barely escaped death, and only because Hayate managed to intervene. And among all these, there was another thought: what if I am still dreaming?
The clocks worked. My memories made sense for the most part. Hayate was finally there. And Nanoha… Nanoha was in danger. I knew that this was reality. Still, the seed of doubt remained.
With these thoughts I reached the Outside.
I took my usual path, to the more Earth-like section. Past the lush rose bushes, I took a sharp left, off the path and into the greenery, emerging on the other side into a small clearing under an ever-blooming sakura tree. TSAB has outstanding gardeners.
With my shoes off, I padded through the grass and fallen petals, nested myself between the giant roots, and rested my head against the bark.
Patches of blue sky showed through the lower branches. A surreal sight, considering we were adrift between spaces. The wave of nostalgia that hits me whenever I drop by always makes me feel better. It makes me remember the times spent together with Nanoha, just watching the petals fall. It was no different back then, and taking in the sweet scent of my surroundings brought me back to the times when Nanoha and I would fall asleep under the one particular tree in Uminari City. Just recalling the peacefulness in those moments did wonders to calm my nerves.
Before I realized it, I was already twisting the ring on my finger.
"Fate-mama?" Vivio piped up softly from my left, peeking at me from behind the tree.
Her mismatched eyes looked just as surprised as I was before I gave her a somewhat forced smile. "Sorry, I didn't see you," I said, motioning for her to come closer.
She sat next to me, where Nanoha would usually sit, and hugged her knees.
"I didn't expect you here," I started.
She nodded, fixing her eyes on her shoes.
"Taking a break from the library?"
She shook her head. Right, she'd been on vacation for nearly a week now.
We sat there quietly for another moment before I asked, "Anything you want to talk about?"
"It's okay, Fate-mama."
"Hm?"
"You don't have to try to entertain me," she mumbled. "I… just wanted to sit with you for a while."
I looked at her, then nodded and just put my arm around her.
Vivio leaned in, snuggling up against me. Loose strands of her hair tickled my neck as she rested her head on my shoulder. All relaxed, with her ponytail on the same side as Nanoha's, she made for an uncanny resemblance. I couldn't help but feel the sinking weight in my chest.
"I'll definitely bring her back," I said. "Don't you worry."
"I know. If it's Fate-mama then I'm not afraid."
Maybe it was just a childish cliche, looking up to an invincible parent and all, but in that moment, Vivio's absolute confidence in me made me feel the part. I kissed her head, knowing well that I could not betray that. Especially not now.
"Fate-mama…?"
"Yes?"
"... You kinda smell."
I gaped at her, feeling my face heating up. "S- sorry."
She grabbed my hand, holding me in place before I could shift away. "It's fine."
"I… think we all could use a long bath after all this," I said, making a mental note to leave earlier and stop by the shower on my way back.
Vivio nodded. "When Nanoha-mama wakes up, all three of us should go."
"Sounds like a plan."
"The hot springs on Earth were real fun."
"Then let's go there."
"Promise?" Vivio turned to me expectantly with her pinky. Her voice echoed Nanoha's from all those years ago.
With the bravest face I could muster, I locked my pinky with hers. "Promise."
The quick shower did not make me any less anxious, but at least I felt refreshed. While Hayate had yet to call, waiting was everything but restful, so I headed back to the infirmary nearly half an hour before the next scheduled cycle.
"Fate? I was about to call you, good to see you're here earlier," Hayate said when she saw me enter the infirmary. "I wanted to talk about our plan."
I raised my eyebrow. "We have a plan?"
"Right," she ran her fingers through her hair. "So Shamal and I decided that the two of us should agree on some kind of code that would help you remember."
"In case I lose my memories again?" I asked, trying to find a spare chair.
"Yes. Just an extra safety measure. It was next to impossible to give you any hint the last time."
"I suppose a simple wake up won't cut it," I commented and settled on my bed. "Something like, remember your mission?"
Shamal spoke up, "How would you know what the mission is?"
"True… Then Nanoha is in danger?"
"We need something more precise and meaningful," Hayate said. "While keeping it short enough for me to communicate if needed."
"Is there really anything like that in our case?" I asked.
Shamal nodded before suggesting, "Why not a sequence of words? Nanoha. Pendant. Danger, that kind of thing."
Hayate seemed pleased enough.
In the end we agreed on the following sequence: Nanoha. Dream. Destroy pendant. Given the amount of time we had, it was the best we could do.
I spent the remaining ten minutes with my eyes closed while Hayate repeated the words to me over and over, drilling them into my mind. At the same time, I was trying to visualize their connotations with the current state of affairs; Unconscious Nanoha, and an alien creature with the pendant. The creature's black eyes… I shivered every time my mind wandered off to that.
"Alright, the time's nearly up," Shamal said, rousing me from the trance I lost myself in.
The beating of my heart against my chest quickened, my throat suddenly felt dry and constricted, making it difficult to breathe. My stomach sank under the gravity of the situation.
"You got this," Hayate said, placing her hand on my arm. "We can do it. Just don't die. No matter what, don't die." She went back to her own bed. "Focus on the goal, then reach out to her." She then turned to Shamal, "On your signal."
With my eyes closed, mindful of my hands trembling, I tried to keep my breathing steady.
Shamal's footsteps came closer. The silence that came after dragged on like forever.
Then she finally spoke up, "It's happening again."
I reached out to Nanoha with my mind, talking as loudly as I could telepathically, drowning out the sound of my pounding heart. I could hear her trying to reach out to me too, but the words were indistinguishable.
The moment I opened a connection, her voice turned into a soft hum in my head. Its volume grew, and grew, and grew, until the sound became painfully loud and I couldn't think any more.
Something snapped next to me and I instantly knew that everything was gone.
"-te? Fate, wake up. Fate!"
I swatted the hand that kept shaking my arm. A quiet hiss followed before the shaking stopped.
"Fate, come on! Of all days, you have to sleep in today?"
There was a feeling of emptiness in my mind, as if forgetting something important. Next to my bed, a reflection of myself stared at me, oddly younger than I remembered myself to be.
The reflection spoke with a voice that sounded like my own, "Fate? Are you okay?"
"What…" I rasped and rubbed my eyes, studying the other me kneeling next to my bed.
She tilted her head. Her golden hair, tied in high twintails, flowed down her shoulders covered by a plaid red blazer.
The emptiness inside me grew more and more pronounced.
"Fate?" she asked, touching my forehead with her palm. "You're burning up, lemme get-"
Instinctively, my hand grabbed her wrist before she managed to leave. "Wait," I said. The spacious chamber we were in was getting increasingly familiar now. "... Alicia?"
She opened her mouth to answer but must have changed her mind, watching me carefully again. Her expression relaxed quickly. "Did you have a bad dream?" She sat on the bed next to me, placing her hand on my hair.
"I don't know…If anything, this feels like a dream," I said, making a vague gesture at Alicia's former bedroom with my other hand as I sat up. What do you do anyway when you realize that you're dreaming? About your sister you only ever got to see once, 10 years ago? Of all dreams, why this?
Alicia stared at me, not speaking a word. It was as if she understood, which… she shouldn't, should she? But her lack of response made me feel less confident of that.
Maybe there was more meaning to it, maybe I was there for a reason. I didn't know, but something kept telling me to embrace it. And so I did.
Ignoring Alicia's eyes growing wider, I wrapped my arms around her. "Don't worry, it doesn't matter," I whispered.
She was bigger in my arms than I remembered, naturally, as a teenager now. But her warmth and comfort of having her in my arms was exactly the same. So real that, for just a moment, I started doubting that it was only a dream. I banished that thought, it had been 10 years since I last had this, I was not letting it go to waste.
"F- Fate, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing, Alicia, just a… deja vu, that's all."
She sat frozen for a moment, before pushing against my shoulders. Holding me at an arm's length, she studied me for a while longer before letting go. "You sure you're okay…?"
"I'm fine. You mentioned something about sleeping in?"
Still, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't right. The setting was so obviously dream-like. At the same time, it felt all too real; Alicia's warmth, the pain when I pinched my thigh… and someone… there's someone…
"Fate, are you listening?"
I wasn't. "I'm sorry…"
"Something is up after all," Alicia said, crossing her arms.
"I just… need a little…" I mumbled, feeling a rapidly growing headache.
"Fate?"
Suddenly, it was all so confusing again, and I felt lost. I was meaning to do something before waking up here but that thought felt out of reach.
Alicia's muffled voice called, "Fate? Fate?!"
I gripped her hand on my shoulder tightly and took a few deep breaths before the pain subsided. Still holding her hand, I rubbed my temple.
"That's it, I'm gonna get Mom."
"Wait, Mother… is here…?" Fear gripped me so tightly at just the thought of meeting her, bringing goosebumps and cold sweat all over my body.
"Why wouldn't she? She's probably wondering why we're still not in the dining room."
My stomach plummeted.
Before I could stop her, Alicia slipped out of my hand and out into the hallway, leaving the door open behind her, and me sitting half-wrapped in bedsheets, growing more and more confused about whatever weird scenario I had found myself in.
A/N: The Outside that Fate mentions is something I thought could happen in the TSAB Main HQ - a huge garden containing various plants from all kinds of planets. Think Lindy's Japan-themed room on a larger scale.
