Hey there! So slight trigger warning for this chapter, with mentions of self harm, and lots of self directed hatred, as well as some anxiety triggers. Please be safe!


Fifty-Five Hours until the Sports Festival

I can't sleep. My stomach's a ball of knots and I'm tossing and turning in bed. Every inch of my skin itches and feels like spiders were crawling over all of me. Not even hugging Mr. Spokes, my raggedy stuffed purple porcupine with scratched up glass beads for eyes, helped me. He always helps me.

So, here I am, at midnight going on one in the morning, doing my sister's laundry and reading whatever latest news there was on my phone. The coffee maker was going, gurgling and dripping as I worked on what I think is my fifth cup. I cringed at the taste, wishing she had more sugar in the house but guessing she glossed over it in her rush to get out of the grocery store before she was recognized by what little fans she has.

Elementia: the Supporting Star. That's her gimmick, Starlite is her agency. "All these top name agencies have their stars, I want one where we're all the shining stars, where we can boost each other and support everyone." She makes a point to hire people with quirks deemed "villainous", as if to say "hey, look, you'll fit in here when you graduate!" And all of her sidekicks adore her, or at least that's what she tells me. Reina and Elementia are two different personalities, one my scatterbrain sister, the other the calm collected Pro with a pretty handy quirk.

My phone dinged, making me set down my coffee mug with red feathers painted across the sides on the table in front of me as I opened the push notification. News Report: Number Two Hero Endeavor and Number Forty Six Hero Elementia subdue a gang of drug dealers. And there's my sister, smiling with a peace sign held up as Endeavor stares off to the side with his usual disapproving frown. Seeing him made my stomach turn; I remembered the yelling and the foul moods, hearing Shochan crying from the other room during their training. The angry tears Touya would shed over him.

How could she still work with him, after knowing what he is? After knowing what he's done to Shochan…

I sigh and exit out of the report, not wanting to read anymore on my sister's heroics with him. She should be home by now, but who knows what she's doing. She can do whatever she pleases; I'm the one with the damn leash. I'm the one who can't go out with her new friends after school to that new food stand that just opened up down the street, that has to report every class she attends with teacher names and contact information. I have to word everything carefully, so no one knows what I did, or where I come from. Every move I make is so heavily monitored, it feels like I have a collar on that's constantly being yanked from behind, that my limbs are attached to marionette strings and jerked each and every way.

I'm a puppet in everyone else's life. When do I get to live my own, in my own world, saying my truth? Do I even deserve that? I don't deserve that; they should have locked me away and swallowed the key. Why does a murderer like me get to walk free when parents trying to feed their families get locked away for at least six months? What do I have that's so special, what am I if not a fucking parasite that shouldn't exist outside of a padded room with a blindfold so no one else gets hurt?

A pile of folded clothes falls, a whimper leaving my throat as I curled into a ball and stared at the clothes across the floor. Tears were burning my eyes, the aftertaste of the caramel vanilla creamer from my coffee sitting on my tongue and suddenly becoming much stronger. My chest was tight, my heart suddenly too big for my ribcage. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire, and iced at the same time. I want to scream, I want to sob, I want to punch something, and yet here I am quiet as a ghost and curled into the fetal position on a couch too old to even be considered a viable seat.

I'm a failure. I'm broken. I am a mess, I don't deserve what I have. I should have been locked up a long time ago, after the accident. I wish I was quirkless, at least then I'd have a reason to be useless. But no, I have a broken quirk. I just have to be this useless mass of flesh with so much wrong with me-

"I'm home!" Reina says, opening the door and taking her shoes off before closing the door behind her and locking it. She looks around the living room as I sit up, wringing my hands to hide the shaking. "You're still up? And you did the laundry? What did I do to deserve the best wittle sister in the whole wide world?" she asks, stepping over the spilt laundry and hugging me. I say nothing, just patting her arm as she pulls away. "Why are you still up?" she asks, moving my coffee mug and sitting on the table. Her purse was in her lap, a file underneath it. "You look like you haven't slept."

"M'fine," I mumble, not looking at her as I pick up my mug and finish the last bit of cold coffee in it now before standing up. "Just couldn't sleep."

"You didn't sleep last night either," she replies, leaving her purse and file on the table as she follows me into the kitchen. "How many cups of coffee have you had?" she continues, watching me pour another cup before going to the fridge to get the creamer out. "Lei, talk to me."

"This is my second one," I lied. It's my sixth. I think. "I'm fine. I did sleep last night. Just nervous about school and the festival. I'll be fine. Besides, the laundry is almost done."

"And I'm grateful for that, truly," she tells me, stopping me by grabbing my arms as I go to put the creamer back. "You can talk to me. Do I need to schedule a meeting with Dr. Gorlov?"

"No!" I say, my voice breaking as it comes out louder than I expected. "No, you don't need to call him. I'm fine, it's just nerves. That's all."

I pull my arms away and put the creamer back in the fridge, closing the door a little too hard and hearing stuff rattle. Reina watches me, her brow furrowed. I pick my mug up and lean my back against the counter's edge as I drink the coffee. She looks at my arms, seeing my hands shaking. She grabs my wrist and pulls the mug from my hands, some of the lukewarm coffee spilling over us.

"Are you cutting again?" she demands, having finally gotten the cup from my hands and dumping it in the sink across the kitchen before setting it down. She isn't looking at me, her hands spaced away from her body as she grips the edge of the sink. I rub my arms as her anger and frustration waft off her, sinking into my skin. It feels like my gums are starting to swell, rubbing against the inside of my cheeks with my teeth grinding together.

Why does everyone assume the worst?

Because I am.

"I haven't cut since before I was admitted," I say softly, my voice trembling as it takes all I have not to yell again. "You know this."

"I just have to make sure," she says, her voice hoarse as she turns her head to look at me over her shoulder. I could see strands of soot in her fiery hair, a brush of dust against her cheek. The dark circles under her green eyes. A cut on the corner of her lip that looks barely scabbed over.

"So you could report it to them?" I reply, hugging myself as I look down at my feet. "Yeah. You should shower and get some sleep."

"You should get some sleep yourself," she retorts, her words sharp. "Or I will have to report it to them. And who knows what they'll do after that. I just-" She takes a breath before looking back down at the sink. "I just...got you back."

I say nothing, still staring at the floor and tracing the lines in the tile with my eyes. I hear the floor shift and a shadow darkens the tiles I was tracing. Reina hugs me, pressing her lips to my head before resting her chin on top of it. She's shaking, the frustration replaced with heartbreak.

"I just got you back and they'll take you away from me again," she whispers, her voice trembling as I stare blankly over her shoulder. I pull away after a few seconds as she wipes her eyes, shaking her head.

"Good night, Reina," I mumble as I shuffle out of the kitchen. I hear her say a sad good night back before I head up the stairs and back to my room. I lay on my side in my bed, hugging Mr. Spokes to my chest as I stare at the wall, tears blurring my vision as I shiver.

I just...want to fall asleep...and stay asleep...Is that too much to ask..?

"Touyaaa, wait for me, I have smaller legs than you!"

"Well, run faster then, little mousey! Come on, I have a surprise for you!"

I run and run, a smile on my face as I watch the white haired boy in front of me get further and further away. I called for him again, stopping once I couldn't see him. I looked around, feeling scared, feeling small. I called again, my legs starting to tremble as I took a few steps forward.

"Touya?" I called again, my small voice breaking as it echoed around me. The place was dark, no light except for what I could see. It was cold, scary. I was scared because I was alone. "Touya, we should go back! Fuyumi and Natsuo will be upset if they can't find us!"

He didn't answer me. Why didn't he answer me? Why does it smell funny here? Where's Touya? I'm scared; I want to go home. I want momma.

"Touya, I don't want the surprise anymore, let's just go home," I pleaded, walking further forward. I rubbed my arms as I walked, looking either way before peeking over my shoulder. I couldn't tell which direction I came from, and which way I was going. Where were we? I just want to go home…

"Leinei."

I stopped and turned around, seeing my mom there. Or what my mom looked like. Her face was darkened, only her lips visible. I could feel my chest grow tighter as tears ran down her shadowed cheeks. Something was wrong. Why was she crying?

"There was an accident," she tells me. "Touya didn't make it."

A scream echoed around me, the sound of screeching tires and the shrill horn of another car making my ears ring. There was a sudden movement, knocking me to the ground and the breath from my lungs. I could smell that sick smell again, on top of what smelled like gasoline and burnt rubber. There was a wet dripping noise. I heard footsteps behind me as I got myself onto my knees.

"Little Mouse…"

"Touya-" My eyes went wide as I looked over my shoulder at the blackened flesh of what used to be Touya, smoke still rising from his body as his legs crumbled away to ash and dust. Another scream echoed out-

I bolted up, my alarm blaring as I looked around me frantically. I was in my room, in my bed, safe. My face felt sticky and I wiped the snot and tears from it with my sleeve, shuddering as I did so. Shifting Mr. Spokes out of my lap and onto my pillow, I grabbed my phone, turning the alarm off and laying back down so I could wake up, trying to process the dream I just had witnessed. I couldn't recall the nightmare already, just a distant feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

"Leiiii, it's time to get upp!" I hear Reina call from downstairs, and swear that we just said good night to each other. Oh well…

Forty Eight Hours until the Sports Festival...