Trigger Warning: implied thoughts of self harm, thoughts of suicide, depression, anxiety


"Great job, Katsu!" Leinei says, holding her gloved hand up with a high five as Group Three returns to the platform at Ground Gamma. He rolls his eyes, ignoring her high five. She pouts her lips, but laughs as Kirishima and Kaminari slap her hand as hard as they could. She shakes it out, her uncovered fingers throbbing and stinging. "You all did amazing. You guys really learned a lot from your internships!"

"Interning for Fourth Kind was so manly!" Kirishima says, leaning forward with his fists held in front of his chest and stars in his eyes. "I learned so much about being a man!"

"And the ladies loved me," Kaminari says, winking at Leinei with a hand on his hip and the other running through his hair with an added flourish. "I can't wait to go back."

"How was your internship?" Kirishima adds, tilting his head. "We heard about the run in with the Hero Killer. We're glad you all came out okay."

"Yeah, me too," she admits, wishing she could say more about it as she tilts her head with a strained smile. "But my internship went well. Elementia let me work on my quirk more and the last two days were spent on agility after the Hosu Incident."

"Really?"

"We get to see it here right?" Kaminari asks, getting excited. "And see how you use your quirk now?"

"Well, if I get the chance, sure," she says sheepishly. "I'm still not very good at what she and Toda taught me, but it's getting easier."

"Just don't eat shit," Bakugo tells her, getting glares from Kirishima and Kaminari but a bright smile from Leinei. His face flushes and he looks away. After their moment earlier that morning, he had a hard time looking her in the eyes without feeling his heart flutter. After they had each gone home, he just laid in bed, replaying their entire conversation in his head like a lovesick dog, like he was Deku or something. That thought made him shudder.

"Leinei," Shoto calls, getting her attention as she turns and smiles at him. He walks over, a passive smile on his face as he looks at her. "Midoriya and I hadn't heard from you, we were worried you had been admitted to a different hospital."

"Oh, I just...I just focused on my internship after what happened, Shochan," she replies. He nods his head. "Sorry if I worried you guys."

"Okay, well, Fuyumi said you're welcome to come over if you ever wanted to catch up," he says. "She was worried when she heard you got caught up with what happened."

"I'll ask Reina," she tells him, nodding. "Oh, you did great out there! I meant to tell you that. How you use your ice and your flames now is awesome, I'm so glad you got so good with them in such a short time."

He nods again, adding, "Good luck out there," as All Might calls for the fourth and final team to head down to begin the final race of the class. Kirishima and Kaminari follow suit, hyping her up as she waves and heads down with Aoyama, Hagakure, Asui, Jirou, and Mineta. She takes a breath, looking at the others readying themselves. Her heart is beating so hard and fast in her chest, her anxiety starting to build as she waits for the buzzer to sound to set them off.

The moment it does, Asui takes an early lead, followed by a twinkling Aoyama. Leinei races after, her eyes turning purple as she activates her quirk. She can sense the excitement and anxiety from the others, Asui exuding a sort of calmness in this chaos she only wished she could compete with. But that wasn't what she was looking for right now; she was using her quirk to search for All Might, to pick up his emotional wavelength.

"You can use your quirk to pick out emotions for others to relive right?" Toda asks her as she applies some eye drops to her dry eyes. "And you can pick up on the emotions of others too?"

"Yeah, it's kinda annoying," she admits, shrugging and rubbing her arms. "Why?"

"Have you ever thought about using the fact you can pick up on emotions to your advantage? Like tuning into a radio station."

"So like...retuning myself to only pick up on certain people's emotional wavelengths?"

"Exactly. It's not as specific as picking up on certain emotions and reversing them onto the person, so you may have to work on it more than the other skills you have, but I think you could do it. So let's play hide and seek around the agency. Pick up on my emotional wavelength and use it to find me."

"Okay…"

She vaults over a low sitting pipe, landing on the tip of her toes before launching into a sprint again. The others had branched off, using various paths to find the teacher as she found her own. It still wasn't down to an exact science, but she could feel where All Might was, picking up on his excitement and pride in his students, as well as his concern. She jumps onto another pipe, launching herself upwards to grab one of the higher ones and swinging back and forth twice before getting herself up onto it. She could see the bright flashes of Aoyama's navel laser a few meters from where she was, noting how far they'd come as well.

"Holy crap," Kaminari says, having sat down to watch them on the screen displaying the grounds. "She wasn't kidding."

"It's like she's tracing the path All Might took when he switched spots," Izuku speaks up, his eyes shining. "I didn't think she could do that with her quirk. She could be up there with Jirou and Shoji for search and rescue missions."

"She did say she trained more with it at Elementia's agency," Kirishima adds, gesturing with his hand. "Maybe one of the people there has a quirk similar to hers."

"Hmpf," Bakugo grumbles, feeling a strange sense of pride watching her run through the course. "That means nothing if she can't keep up with everyone else."

"Why do you gotta be a buzzkill, man?" Kaminari whines. "Be happy for our friend."

"No, he does have a point," Shoto adds. "If she isn't fast enough that can mean the difference between life and death in the field. And right now she's still lagging behind the others."

"You say that like you know something," Ochaco says, sitting next to Izuku and leaning back on her hands. "Did something else happen in Hosu?"

"Something she probably wouldn't like me talking about," he dismisses. Bakugo nods in agreement, but no one notices. "The others have gotten better too. Can hardly see Hagakure in the mess of pipes and everything."

"Even Mineta found ways to use his quirk differently," Izuku adds, watching as the purple boy uses one of his balls to bounce up and another to stick to the pipes. "And Asui has managed to get further jumps in!"

Leinei pants as she gets closer to where she can feel All Might is standing. Aoyama's navel lasers had stopped flashing a few minutes ago, she notes as she jumps down to the ground and rolls twice before getting up to her feet. She can hear footsteps behind her, hoping she wasn't the last one there. She could hear All Might's signature laugh, her stomach wrenching at the damn noise. Why couldn't Aizawa hold this exercise?

By the time she had gotten to where All Might was hiding out, Aoyama, Mineta, Asui, and Hagakure had already arrived, making her the fifth there. And following her up was Jirou. She pants softly, holding her chest as she catches her breath.

"Great job all of you!" All Might booms, holding a thumb up at them. Smiles broke on everyone's face except for Leinei's, who just stared blankly at the man. "It's impressive how you all have grown so much in the past week! However, Aoyama wins this exercise! Now, let's get changed and ready for the next class."

"Choke on your tongue and die," Leinei mutters nearly inaudibly as he dismisses them to the locker rooms. She's playing the race over in her head, playing the chase after the petty thief in her head. She still isn't fast enough, she still can't keep up.

"I have to get faster," she says to herself as she strips out of her hero suit and pulls her undershirt back on, pulling the sleeves down to the heels of her hands. How do I do that? She tries to find ways to do so as she pulls her uniform shirt on and buttons it up. Maybe I can see if Reina has time to train-no, I can leave her out of this. Keigo is faster anyway. I can call him and see what I can do. Maybe if I get my agility up, work on that parkour Toda helped me to get down, I can possibly get it better. I have to do something.

"Earth to Salinsa," Mina sings, waving her hand in front of Leinei's face and spooking her out of her thoughts. The pink girl smiles, sticking her tongue out a bit as Leinei ties the tie around her neck and sits down to pull her leggings and skirt on. "What are you doing after school today?"

"Um, I dunno yet," she replies, shifting a bit to get the waistbands over her butt and leaning over to pull her sneakers on. "Maybe go home and study. Clean up a bit."

"Well, do you want to come out with us and go to that karaoke place?"

"Um, no, not today," she says, smiling and tilting her head as she stands up and fixes her skirt accordingly. "I need to focus on the exams coming up."

"If you do nothing but study, you're going to fry your brain," Mina whines, pumping her fists up and down with her cheeks puffed out. "And you'll go hang out with Kirishima and them, but not me? Not fair!"

"Technically, I study with them," she corrects, closing the briefcase keeping her suit safe and then the locker, twisting the knob to lock it. "Which, if you'd like, I'm more than happy to ask Katsu if you could join the study group."

"With the exams coming up so soon? Ughhh, I don't think I can keep up," she sighs dramatically. Yaoyorozu perks up, smiling and clapping her hands together once, getting their attention.

"Perhaps I could host a study group of my own!" she says. "Any who wish to come are welcome!"

"I'll stick to Katsu and them," Leinei admits sheepishly, starting towards the door. "Thank you though, Yaoyorozu."

"Of course! And you did wonderfully out there today!"

I wish I could believe that.

After school that day, Leinei stares down at her phone, having shot a text to Keigo asking for him to call her when he had a chance. She sighs after a few minutes, locking her phone and placing it in her bag. He was most likely busy, flying around Kyushu and doing number three things.

She shakes her head, scratching the side of it. There's hurried footsteps behind her and she stops, seeing Iida bowing there. Bandages peek out from under his sleeves, shame filling her as she looks away. Why is he bowing to me?

"I never got to thank you and apologize for what happened in Hosu," he says, standing up and looking at her. He seems so ashamed, not making eye contact with her. "You never were admitted to the hospital, so you weren't there to hear the little speech I made to Midoriya and Todoroki. But thank you, for what you did. Your quirk saved my life, and created that opening for us. And I'm sorry, you had to be dragged into my personal issues. I-I'm working on them, and I promise it won't ever happen again. I'm glad you weren't hurt more severely."

"I-I really didn't do much," she replies sheepishly, rubbing her neck and up her chin. She sees Bakugo stopping by the gate, his crimson eyes glued on the two of them. Her face flushes and he turns, walking the opposite way. Her heart sinks a bit and she looks back to Iida. "Really, I didn't."

"Salinsa, you got me out of harm's way and you rushed into a fight you didn't have a clue why you were participating in," he tells her softly, his shoulders slumping. "We all could have died that day, and thanks to your quirk, we didn't. We could have come out much worse if you weren't there. So I'm thanking you, and I'm promising you, like I promised Todoroki and Midoriya, that I won't let something like that cloud my judgement again. I won't put my friends and precious classmates in a situation like that ever again."

She doesn't know what to say, stunned into silence by his praise, by the sincerity of his words. He was so different from the boy that scared her that first day of school. His growth made her smile and she held her hand out to him. He flinches and looks at it, before smiling and placing his against hers.

"You can call me Leinei, if you'd like," she tells him. "Since we almost died together, it makes sense we are on a first name basis."

"If it's alright with you, I'd still prefer to call you Salinsa," he replies, tilting his head as they shake once and let their hands fall. She nods and feels her phone starting to buzz in her bag pocket.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow, Class Rep. Have a nice night!"

"You too, Salinsa. Thank you again!"

She nods and turns, fishing her phone out and answering it as she walks away from Iida. His words of praise and thanks echoed in her head, the vow he had made, making her heart squeeze. I need to get faster. I need to get better.

"Hey Lei Bay," Keigo greets, sounded a bit winded and the wind rushing past the speaker almost making it hard to hear. "You said you needed tips for something?"

"Ah yeah, um, there was an incident during my internship and I need to learn how to get faster, so something like that doesn't happen again."

"Well, maybe not wearing weighted gear?" he offers, a chuckle lilting his voice as the rushing wind stops. The sound of honking cars could be heard faintly. "But seriously, why aren't you asking Reina?"

"Well, she taught me some tricks, and Toda taught me some parkour moves I've been using," she replies, stopping at a crosswalk and waiting for the light to turn to cross. "I just, I need to be faster."

"Take it from me, being fast isn't the only thing that makes you a good hero, kiddo," he tells her. "And I heard all about the incident in Hosu. I'm just glad you're okay. That Hero Killer dude was no joke. And are you sure your issue isn't that you aren't fast enough, and that it's actually that despite our upbringing, you don't have that same experience the others do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, because I love you, and you're my favorite sister, but those kids have been through a large-scale villain attack, and the anxiety of performing for the entire world. You just recently had your first run-ins with villains and you froze. At least, that's what Reina told me."

"I didn't freeze," she snaps, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk as she clenches her eyes shut. "I didn't freeze. I didn't get there fast enough on the first one, and I managed to get a hit on the other guy," she corrects him, seeing a few people staring at her before she continues walking. "I just-"

"If you had used your quirk, you could have stopped that first guy from dying."

"I didn't have permission to do-"

"Reina gave you the order to catch him. She would have taken the flack for you using your quirk, but from what I hear, you don't have as many issues with it anymore. Which, once again, I am proud of you for. I'm very impressed with how far you've come since starting at UA. Look, I've gotta get back to patrol. I'll talk to you later."

"Don't bother," she snaps, pulling her phone from her ear and hanging up before he could say anything else. Her hands are shaking, her fingers digging into the screen of her phone as she resists every urge to throw it. It immediately starts to vibrate with texts from Keigo, but she turns her phone off, shoving it back in her bag and heading home.

Use your quirk. Be careful with your quirk. Don't be afraid of it. Your quirk kills people.

The contradictions play on loop in her head, the happy feeling she had gotten from Iida's praise disappearing as she slams the door behind her to the apartment. Kicking her shoes off, she looks around, seeing no sign of her sister being home yet. Of course she wasn't. Why would she? Not like her only fucking blood related sibling just went face to face with not one, but two villains and almost died twice in a single day. But no, everything else matters more.

I just cause issues...Why shouldn't I be surprised it's my fault..? Maybe I should have let the Blue Flame Villain kill me. Then I wouldn't be such a burden. No one would miss me.

She leans against the front door, closing her eyes as she lets a shaky breath out and slides down to the floor. Her bag drops to the ground, her hands going to her face as she comes to sit on the floor. Every ounce of self hatred she had gotten so good at repressing these past few weeks starts to bubble up, a pot of boiling water starting to spill over the sides and onto the searing burner below.

Every what if scenario plays in her head, each one getting worse than the last. Each one leaves her heart hurting, leaves her gasping for breath she can't get enough of. She threads her fingers into her hair, holding the strands at the root and feeling her nails scrape her scalp. The pinching pain brings her back to reality just for the barest of moments, a breath above the superheated water before the claws of the deep drag her back down.

What if her and Shoto hadn't gotten there quicker?

What if she hadn't gotten Iida out of the way?

What if the Hero Killer breaks out?

What if her and Shoto had chosen to ignore the message?

What if Izuku had died?

What if Iida had died?

What if she had gotten everyone killed?

Her hands fall away from her hair, some of the purple strands clinging to her fingers as she gets to her feet and starts to autopilot herself up the stairs. Her toes catch on the lip of one of the steps, her hand shooting out to catch the banister as she falls to her knee on the step and almost falls down the other steps. The thud reverberates through her body, her teeth having bitten through her tongue and the taste of iron flooding her mouth. She gets back to her feet, finishing the trek up the stairs and stops just outside the bathroom door.

"Leinei, I'm home," she hears from downstairs, hearing the front door open as she turns her gaze from the bathroom door and walking back to the top of the stairs. Reina's struggling to open the door, her bag creating a buffer between the door and the wall, a pizza box in her hand. "Hey!" she pants, smiling wide and holding up a paper bag. "I thought we could have a pizza, ice cream, and movie night! Y'know, sisterly bonding and all that."

She finally gets in, using her foot to close the door. Leinei could feel the shame, the guilt, the feeling she could only really guess is lust wafting off her chatterbox of a sister as she comes down the stairs and picks her bag up. She follows Reina into the kitchen, watching as she sets the pizza box on the counter with the paper bag. She's apologizing for leaving the night before, for not being here this morning, etcetera, etcetera.

"Are you sleeping with someone?" Leinei asks bluntly, watching her sister stiffen as she tilts her head. Reina feigns a smile, her eyes closed as her ears turn red. Her stomach creates a pit, knowing the answer wasn't going to be nice.

"I-I don't know why you're asking," Reina replies, unpacking the paper bag with a random DVD that never even showed in theaters, the small quarts of ice cream. Leinei could see the sea salt caramel truffle ice cream, feeling sick to her stomach. "I-I'm not. Why would I be sleeping with anyone? I got my hands full with you and the agency. Not to mention Keigo. I don't have the time for that stuff. Besides, I'd rather spend time with you!"

She's lying. Why is she lying? Why? Does she think I can't handle it? Is she ashamed of who she's sleeping with? Did she tell them she didn't have a failure like me for a sister and she's trying to backtrack? Why do I exist again..?

"I'm not hungry," Leinei tells her, her voice empty as she turns and walks out of the kitchen. Reina calls after her, but she ignores her as she walks up to her room. She closes and locks the door behind her, setting her bag on the desk and turning before falling backwards on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

Bakugo stares at his phone as he leans over his textbook and notebook. He's waiting for it to light up with any message from Leinei saying she had made it home okay. He is still trying to figure out why Iida had to talk to her and why she seemed so unnerved. His stomach is twisting this way and that, trying to figure out if he should text her first. Why the hell do I care? If she wants to talk she'll text me.

He returns to his studying, cheek in hand as he flicks his pen back and forth between his fingers. The tip-tap of the tip and end hitting the desk only serves to drive his irritation further up the wall, and he drops the pen, leaning back in his chair. He grabs his phone and swipes up to unlock it. All he had were messages from Kirishima and Kaminari, one from Izuku asking if he had heard from Leinei(immediate ignore), one from Sero about the classwork in chemistry, and one from Mina about the book they were reading in English. Nothing from Leinei yet.

Why am I freaking out so much about this? She probably got caught up with her stupid coursework. Or she's with her sister. Maybe her brother came over? Maybe she's at Deku's place. Either way, why the fuck do I care so much?

He growls to himself, using his free hand to scratch the back of his head. He toyed with the idea of texting her first. He wanted to, so bad. He just wants to know if she's okay.

Katsuki: {Hey. You good?}

The act of sending the message out made himself feel a little better. He stares at the screen, waiting for the dots to appear to say she's responding. But they don't come. It feels like forever he's staring at his phone, waiting for those three little dots to pop up, but they still don't come. A reply doesn't come until he's had his shower for the night and is getting into bed.

Short Stack: {Yeah.}

Katsuki: {You wanna rethink that answer?}

Short Stack: {...}

Short Stack: {No, I'm not okay.}