Trigger warning: mentions of self harm, paranoia, teenage hormonal thoughts, mentions of attempted suicide, and pizza slander. Stay tuned for a special note at the end of the chapter!
"Are you sure I'm not imposing..?"
Leinei stands in the guest room of the Bakugo house, wearing a pair of running shorts and a loose t-shirt with an older version of Hawks' logo on it. Mitsuki is standing in the doorway, smiling as she pulls her sweater tighter around her and folds her arms over it to keep it in place.
"I am very sure," she assures her, nodding. "Your brother explained the situation to me, and we owe you a very large debt for keeping our son alive. Housing you for a few days before you have to move into the dorms is nothing. You're welcome here any time. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to demand it from Katsuki."
"I HEARD THAT YOU OLD HAG!"
"I know you did not just raise your voice at me in front of your guest, Katsuki Bakugo!"
"So what if I did?!"
"Excuse me just one moment while I go remind my dear son who's house he lives in," Mitsuki tells her with a big smile, stepping out of the room. Leinei sits on the bed, staring awkwardly at the floor while Mitsuki and Katsuki argue a few feet down the hall. She hears a small explosion and a heavy slap that ends with Katsuki groaning and a thud that sounds like someone punched a wall.
"I told you not to use your quirk in the house, Katsuki!"
"Whatever!"
Mitsuki comes back in the doorway of the room, residue from Katsuki's explosion on the front of her shirt. She smiles at Leinei, who smiles back faintly. She doesn't really know what to say after what happened just then, but smiling usually works.
"As I said, just tell Katsuki if you need anything. Masaru and I have a small date night planned down the road, all the emergency numbers are on the fridge, you seem like the more responsible one of the two, so if anyone breaks in, you're allowed to kill them."
"Ye-yes ma'am."
"Wonderful! We're so glad to have you here, Leinei. Oh and don't be afraid to slap Suki if he's misbehaving."
"She won't!"
"Ignore him, he's never had a girl sleep over before so he's trying to be extra macho for you."
"Will you shut up and go out with Dad already! Oh my god you're annoying!"
"And that's exactly what I said about you when you were a toddler!"
"Fuck you!"
"Those words are what got you conceived!" Mitsuki clears her throat and waves her hand at the wide eyed Leinei, who doesn't know what exactly to say to that exchange. They've never acted like this in front of her before, beyond the occasional old hag comment and the following slap. "And if you need us for anything, don't hesitate at all to call. We will come home right away, we'll be just five minutes up the road. Two if we drive."
"Yes ma'am."
"Oh and tell your brother he really has a television personality voice. I love it. He sounds just like that hero Hawks."
"Hah, yeah he gets that a lot. I'll let him know!"
"Thank you. Katsuki, we're leaving! Don't be rude!"
"Whatever! Be safe!"
"We will! Love you!"
"Love you too!"
Leinei laughs at that, shaking her head as she hears the front door open and close. She stands up off the bed, walking to the door and poking her head out. The hall is empty, Katsuki seemingly gone back to his room. She hadn't eaten much for dinner, and her stomach was growling now that Mitsuki and Masaru had left. I wonder if there's any pizza left…Katsu did eat a lot…
She closes the door to the room behind her and walks down the stairs. She stops in the main hall leading to the door, a bit of anxiety taking over as she walks over to the door and checks the locks. She undoes the top bolt, only to slide it back into place and relax as she hears the thunk of the metal hitting wood. She does it two more times, before testing the door and making sure it wouldn't open. The knob barely turned with the lock turned.
"The first night I was home, I watched the door all night," Katsuki says behind her, nearly scaring her out of her skin and turning to face him. He's rubbing the back of his neck, his face a little flushed. His other hand has several familiar DVD cases pressed against his side. "I sat right where you're standing because my room was too vulnerable and it made me feel better watching the door. Until I passed out and woke up to Mom screaming because she thought I was dead the way I was slumped over."
"Katsu.."
"Shit I shouldn't have said that," he groans, tilting his head back with his eyes closed. "Your inception style nightmare. I-fuck. I keep messing this crap up."
"You're fine. You don't have to walk around on eggshells. I'm in your home."
"Because your sister is a psycho." He holds the DVDs out to her, showing the familiar covers of Lilo and Stitch surfing with Nani. "Did you still wanna watch them? I mean, if you're tired, that's fine. I don't know if you brought your meds with you, so if you wanted, we could sit out here and watch them until you fell asleep or something."
His sincerity makes her smile, the worries of what was happening at her home melting away for a moment. Her smile makes his blush deepen and he looks away from her, clearing his throat. Comfortable silence forms between them, until Leinei's stomach growls softly. Katsuki snorts, trying hard not to laugh as Leinei looks at her feet, embarrassed.
"Yeah, we can watch them, Katsu. Would it be okay-"
"If you actually ate something? Yes. Oh my god yes. I didn't even know your stomach could growl like that!"
"It's not funny! I just wasn't hungry earlier!"
"I'm not laughing!"
"Yes you are, you're just hiding it!"
"Okay, maybe a little. But it was kinda funny."
"Oh bite me."
His eyes widen at the seemingly innocent remark as she walks past him, brushing her arm against his. His heart flutters at the contact as he watches her walk into the kitchen, leaning back a bit before catching himself. Stop it, idiot. She just went through some shit, the last thing you need to do is tell her she has a nice ass and you may possibly be in love with her. That's the last thing she fucking needs right now.
But I want to so badly. Maybe the compliment will help!
When did you become a horny teenager? What's wrong with you? Breathe, dumbass.
Since we almost died? Cut me some slack!
Okay why don't you wait for her to make the first move then? She can probably sense you having this issue right now away. Just be nice and watch the damn movie with her. It will help.
Her making the first move would be kinda hot…And we are alone…together. No one would know…
Oh my god. You're disgusting.
Not like that! Okay, maybe a little, but no! No, god no, not after what we just went through. I..just maybe want to hold her and cuddle. Cuddling would be nice. It's innocent. It's sweet. Maybe it'll help with the nightmares.
"Katsu?"
He flinches, looking over and seeing Leinei with two plates. His heart melts seeing her there, the shy smile, her eyes down towards the floor. It's the first time he's really seen her without long sleeves, besides her hero costume and the first time she came over wearing that shirt and vest. Her scars are on display, and his heart pangs, remembering their conversation the night before.
'Maybe if I had actually killed myself, this wouldn't have happened.'
'I care for you.'
"Did you still wanna watch the movies?" she asks. "We have a few days, we can watch them whenever.."
"Yeah, sorry, I spaced out for a minute," he tells her, shaking his head as he walks over to the TV in the living room and starts it up before turning the disc player on. "Did you want a blanket or anything?" he adds, looking over his shoulder after feeding the first disc into the machine and standing up with the other cases left on the TV stand.
"No, I figured…we would cuddle or something. I don't know, it's stu-"
"If cuddling makes you feel better, sure," he replies, a little too fast while trying to keep the excitement and relief out of his voice as he comes back to sit next to her. She hands him his plate as he lifts his arm closest to her. It takes a second for her to realize the invitation and slide under it, him settling his hand on her side. Immediately a sense of relief washes over him, the same peace from last night coming back as he holds her against his side, watching the previews and eating partially warmed up pizza.
It almost feels..perfect. I could sit here forever and be content.
She laughs at one of the old previews on the disc, a soft whisper of breath as she covers her mouth. Her wall is back down now, her head against his shoulder as she gets about three quarters of the way through her pizza.
"Y'know something," she says after swallowing a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese. "I have never liked the crust of the pizza."
"Are you serious?" he asks, horrified. She nods. "It's the best part! It's like a massive breadstick, how can you not like it?"
"It just always tastes bland to me."
"That's why you leave about three centimeters of the toppings," he tells her, demonstrating with his own pizza. She laughs, but watches away as he starts to eat the thick crust by itself. "That way, it doesn't taste bland. Usually Dad gets sauce or something but I guess he forgot."
"Speaking of your parents," she says, handing the crust off to him as he finishes his own. He raises an eyebrow as he starts to eat hers as well. "Um…do you guys not actually get along or..?"
"Oh no, we get along really well," he assures her, smiling a bit at her worry. "I'm the spitting image of my mom, so we butt heads at times, and sometimes that turns violent, but we always apologize and make up in the end. I was a bit of a dick growing up, and didn't really answer to anything but someone stronger to me-"
"Like a dog."
"I guess," he forces out, his eye twitching at her simple analogy. Please for the love of god don't call me a pomeranian. "But the only way I respond really is if I know the person is stronger than me."
"Like a wolf."
"Oh thank god that's so much better," he groans, tilting his head back as she laughs. "But seriously, I was really bad as a kid. I'm still bad, but um, I like to think I've calmed down a bit…since…"
Since meeting you, he wants to say, but doesn't. He glances down and she's listening with her head tilted and gentle eyes. Her hand is sitting on his stomach, her legs tucked to the side of her so she can face him comfortably. He feels his mouth go dry, remembering once again he's alone with her, a female in his home, talking about how stupid and cruel he was just a year ago. He could be revisiting the conversation they had in the forest, finding more out about her, but no he's gotta talk about how stupid and dickish he was.
"But yeah. Mom yells because I yell, and I yell because Mom yells. It's a stupid loop, but it works for us."
"I'm glad," she says softly, smiling that same soft smile from before that makes his heart flutter. "I was a little worried with how you two were talking and the thud-"
"Oh I punched the wall after Mom smacked my head for using my quirk inside," he assures her, shrugging his free shoulder. He leans forward to grab the remote off the table and press play on the movie, the screen going black before the opening theme plays. "I don't like being hit and I didn't want to be smacked again."
"That's very fair," she replies as he sits back and rests one foot on the coffee table in front of them. "I don't like it either."
"Or yelled at."
"That too. That just feels horrible."
"I really wanted to hit your sister today though. And I don't even know the full story."
Leinei looks away from him, instead focusing on the TV. She goes to scratch one of her wrists, stopping herself and rubbing the scars instead. He watches her out of the corner of his eyes, watching the way a flicker of pain comes over her face, the way her fingers flinch ever so slightly touching them. He growls under his breath and pauses the movie. She goes to protest until he pulls away.
"Okay, I want an explanation for the scars. Now. And don't try to change the subject. I ain't Kaminari."
"It..Katsu-"
"Please. I won't judge you."
She sits up, rubbing her wrists until folding them under her chest with her hands under her arms. She bounces her knee as she takes a breath, trying to find the courage to tell him. After a few minutes of silence, he stands up.
"I know, I'm being demanding. I just-after some of the crap you said last night, I feel really out of the loop, and I don't like feeling that way. So. I'm going to make us something to drink."
She grabs his shirt, looking up at him. Her eyes are bright with fear, and it makes his heart hurt. Instead of saying that, he groans and scratches the back of his head as he looks away. He doesn't know what to say, or do. Mom is better at this than I am. So is dumb Deku. Why did I have to open this can of worms? Fuck. I fucked up.
"Please don't go.."
"I'm just going to the kitchen-"
"Please. Stay. I just…I'm trying to find the words to say this. And if you leave now, I'll lose my nerve."
"Alright..but only because you said so," he grumbles, sitting down. She keeps her fingers curled in the hem of his shirt, her eyes closed now as she takes deep breath after deep breath. He thinks of what he should say in this situation, lifting his hand and gently placing it between her shoulder blades. "Take your time…I'm not going anywhere."
"It just…my family doesn't talk about it. My brother changes the subject every time it's brought up and Reina just…she just shuts down and leaves. I just learned to shut up and shove it down, because at least then they would stay. And I wouldn't be alone…"
That's why she didn't want me to leave…her thing yesterday makes more sense. She has abandonment issues.
"Remember when we first started hanging out, and I told you that I used to have really bad ways of coping with my quirk?"
"Vaguely."
"You know I can still tell when you lie, right?"
"Sometimes I hate your quirk."
"You and me both," she scoffs, finally letting go of his shirt and clasping her hands between her thighs. "But…that glass from my analogy? It used to fill up really fast. To the point I was more of an amalgam of people, rather than myself. And I had a lot of panic attacks from it, and I just…I didn't feel right. I still don't feel right, but it's a lot better than it used to be. That combined with feeling everything from everyone all the time, it was too much. All of it was too much, and I was trying to make it stop. One day during training, I got punched a little too hard, and I was numb for about a minute. That minute…" She shivers a bit, biting her lip as she takes a breath.
"It was the best minute of my life. I couldn't feel anything, and that glass was just a little less full. Eventually it filled back up, and I started searching for ways to make that numb feeling come back. I figured if hurting me that bad was the answer, maybe doing it on the regular would help. But it was weird for the others we lived with that a twelve year old me was going around asking people to beat the hell out of her, so I had to find a way that..well, I could do it on my own without them giving me weird looks. And I discovered cutting worked the same way being punched did.
"The first time I did it, my hands shook so badly. I almost messed up and ended up in the hospital, because it bled so much." She lifts one hand up, pointing at an almost gone scar by the inside of her elbow. She runs her thumb over it absentmindedly before lowering it back to her lap. "I was numb for about four hours after that. And..I didn't feel like anything. I didn't feel like Reina or Kei, or anyone else we lived with. I didn't even feel like me. But I was numb, I didn't have to feel. I realized that pain actually does dull emotions, and everytime I felt that glass getting full from then on, I'd do it again, and again, eventually that was my cure all to anything remotely emotional."
"What happened with the Shiketsu crap?" he asks, watching her take a moment to breathe and shake herself out. She rubs her arms again, sniffling and lifting on hand to wipe nonexistent tears away. "Lei..?"
"My sister..she basically told me I should die. That her and our brother's lives would be less stressful if I just stopped existing, because of what happened at Shiketsu. And I just..I sat with those words echoing in my head and I couldn't take it anymore. So I found my handy cure all, and I…I tried to kill myself, long story short. I was found by one of the people we lived with, basically sitting in a pool of my own blood and supposedly apologizing to the victims. I was admitted to the hospital after that, and Reina and Kei didn't come see me for a few months."
And despite the story she just told him, she smiles at him. As if to reassure him, like he was the one who had to live through that. His eyes are wide, his stomach twisting as every single time he tells someone to kill themselves plays on a loop in his head. He feels sick, guilty. He's the one that wanted to know, that prodded her to tell him, and she..she's acting like this conversation is his fault. Like he's the one that needs comfort.
"Katsu? You look sick? Did..did I use too much detail? Did..I say something wrong?" She touches his arm and he flinches, not looking at her. He was scared to, not wanting her to see the guilt in his eyes. Her hand slips away, falling to her lap as she sniffles again. "I'm..I'm sorry. You probably didn't..need to hear-"
"No, I did," he replies weakly, rubbing his face with one hand. "I…I just needed a minute to breathe. Not because of you, but..fuck I'm a horrible person." He says this with a laugh, standing up off the couch and stepping away from her. He exhales through his teeth, closing his eyes. "I'm not really much better than your sister."
"What..do you mean?"
"My go to insult, it was to tell people to kill themselves. I used to say it to Deku all the damn time, back when I thought he was quirkless. I was stupid, and I didn't think anyone would actually do it. Thankfully no one I know of did. I just-fuck."
"Have you apologized?"
"Huh?"
He turns to her, seeing her smiling at him. Her bottom lip trembles but she reaches for his hand, pulling him back to her. He sits next to her and she hugs him as he buries his face in her neck. He hugs her back, feeling so guilty and stupid for making this about him. But she smells nice…I'm glad she lived…
"Have you apologized yet?" she repeats herself, resting her chin on his shoulder. He shakes his head, squeezing her once before letting her go. He swallows and rubs his neck.
"You should..apologize to him. Because Reina…she never apologized to me. Or even tried to show she was genuinely sorry. But I know, it would mean a lot. At least, I know it would mean a lot to me, if she did. I don't blame her, but it's just..a thing, I guess."
"I will," he murmurs, lifting one hand to brush a stray strand of hair from her face. After a moment of stupid hesitation, he smiles a bit. "I'm glad you were stubborn enough to survive. That day, and the other day with the villains."
"Me too, Katsu," she laughs, shaking her head. "Me too. Can we please watch the movie now?"
"Oh shit that's what we were doing, wasn't it?"
She laughs again as he gets the movie going, the past forgotten for just a moment as she settles back against his side. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, letting her rest her head against his shoulder. She tangles her fingers in the hem of his shirt again, feeling comfortable and happy next to him.
I'm..glad I survived too..truly. Because if I hadn't, then I wouldn't be here with you right now, Katsu…I think..I love you…
We reached chapter 30 everyone! And with it, according to my google doc I write this in, we have broken 300 pages and 100k words. Holy shitballs. I have written more for this story in four months than I have for anything original in a year and a half. Between my beta reader/one of my best friends, and the reviews, and the followers and people who favorite, you guys are amazing. I probably wouldn't have kept this up if I didn't have you guys enjoying the story so much. I write for an audience, and I love when the audience enjoys it so much. You guys are amazing. Thank you all so much.
Current page count as of this posting: 308
Current word count as of this posting: 102,879
Once again, thank you all so much. You are amazing, and anyone who tells you otherwise, I hope Keigo beats them up for you. I hope you're all having a wonderful day with no holes, and keep smiling.
Sincerely, Luna
