This chapter contains sensitive material.

Here I lie forever

Sorrow still remains

Will the water pull me down and wash it all away

Come and take me over

Welcome to the game

Will the current drag me down and carry me away

Suddenly the light begins to fade

…

Silent, I go under

I am not afraid

I can see the daylight shine

And slowly drift away

Safe to say it's over

Sink into the grave

There is nothing left inside

But I am wide awake

I can hear the devil call my name

….

Hopeless, I'm falling down

Filthy, I can't wake up

I cannot hold on, I will not let go

Worthless, it's over now

Guilty, there's no way out

I cannot hold on, I will not let go

Hopeless, hopeless

Breaking Benjamin - Hopeless

The new arrangement we'd found ourselves in was, needless to say, shitty. Words could not express how horrible these past few months had been with us having to run around finding and capturing creatures for Crowley. There have been plenty of times when I thought is this even worth it? But with one look into Sam's lifeless eyes, I knew it was. We had to get him back.

No matter what, it was worth it because he was worth it.

As I'd gotten farther and farther along in the pregnancy, Dean had officially put his foot down and all but banned me from going out with him and Sam to track down the monsters. I knew I had to stay away. It was the best option right now. Dean, of course, wanted me to go live with Bobby, but we compromised. And by that I mean I told him flat out that if he wanted me to stay off the field, fine. But there was no way I was leaving completely.

I'd do my part, even if it meant sitting around the motel room doing research and cleaning the weapons. Something I'd done more times than I can count. Of course, I was bored. But this was how it had to be.

Currently, Dean and Sam were out delivering another alpha to Crowley's little minions, leaving me back at the motel once again. My fingers drummed on the table as I sat there alone in the motel room, the TV's volume quickly humming in the background, nearly driving me crazy.

Suddenly, a pang of nauseousness hit me as the door swung open, violently banging against the wall, causing the line of salt I'd placed in front of it to scatter. I jumped to my feet as Meg stepped in with a smirk, two large demons flanking her.

"Hey there, honeybunch," Meg smiled. Her eyes widened slightly as they trailed down to my stomach. She placed a hand on her hip. "Well, well, well. Keeping the Winchester legacy alive, are we?" She laughed, glancing back at the demon to her left. "Like that'll last long."

"What the hell do you want, bitch?" I snapped.

"God, you're so warm and welcoming, it's almost too much for me to handle," Meg mumbled sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. "I have a question."

"Ever heard of a phone?"

"Well, I would've texted, but you and I never had the time to exchange numbers," Meg said, taking a step closer to me.

When she was close enough, I took the opportunity to pull the flask of holy water out of my pocket, tossing some in her direction. Meg screamed as her skin sizzled, smoke pouring off of the spots the holy water hit. While she was distracted by the holy water, I quickly grabbed the demon killing knife from the table and just as I turned back around, ready to plunge it into her, Meg held up a hand, pushing me back against the wall so hard that nearly all the air left my lungs, pinning me there.

"Evil bitch," I hissed.

"Keep sweet talking me, this could go a whole new direction," Meg smirked at me, taking a step closer so that her face was merely inches from mine. She still held me in against the wall with one hand, the other running down my arm until she reached the knife I held. "I'll be taking that."

"Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged," She narrowed her eyes at me, staring deeply into mine. "You want that baby of yours to make it out of this alive?"

I didn't answer, but relented and let the knife go. Meg pushed it into her back pocket, nodding over to the chair I had just been sitting on, telling the demons to tie me down. I fought the urge to struggle as they pulled me over to the chair, pushing me down onto it.

One of them held me in place while the other tied me down so tight that my wrists and ankles hurt from the ropes digging into my skin. Once they deemed I was secure enough, Meg waltzed over, crouching down in front of me.

"So, what's a little thing like you doing all alone in a place like this?" She asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "You trying to pick me up or something?"

"Just making conversation until Dumb and Dumber get here," Meg mumbled, standing upright. She walked around the motel room, looking through our stuff until the sound of a car door shutting outside got the demon's attention. Meg made her way back over to me, grabbing my face roughly, her palm over my mouth. She lightly ran the blade over my throat, staring down at me pointedly. "No squealing."

Three quick taps in succession on the door told me Dean and Sam were back and about to come inside. As the door opened, the two demons were ready, both quickly subduing Sam and Dean, who were caught off severely off guard. Seeing that they were about to begin fighting the demons to get free, Meg cleared her throat, gaining their attention.

"I'd stop if I were you, unless you want to see little miss Indiana's blood splattered all over the wall." Meg said, pressing the knife harder against my neck. I winced. Dean immediately froze, in the demon's grip, swallowing hard as he glared over at Meg. Sam looked as though he wanted to keep fighting, but stopped himself. Meg cocked her head to the side. "Good boys."

"What the fuck do you want?" Dean spat.

"A little Q and A," Meg smiled, taking her hand off of my mouth. She stepped in between the boys and I. "Where's your boss?"

"You think we work for somebody?" Sam questioned.

"I happen to know for a fact you've been juggling Crowley's orphans. Now where is he?"

"Don't know, don't care."

Meg turned to face him, exasperated. "You've been working his beat for months."

"Doesn't mean we get face time."

"Where's he take all those things you snatch up for him? I bet you an all-day sucker that's where his majesty's holed up," Meg muttered, walking over to Dean. When he didn't answer, she pressed the knife to his throat. "Okay. Officially over the foreplay. Satisfy me, or I please myself!"

Sam laughed. Dean narrowed his eyes at him. "Something funny, Sam?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "Meg. She can't do jack shit. She's totally screwed."

Dean's eyes widened as Meg pressed the knife into his throat. "Not helping!"

"Look at her, Dean. She's furious. If she could kill you, she'd've done it by now. She's running."

"Am I?" Meg asked, turning to face Sam.

"Judging by the level of flop sweat on all of you, yeah. Which means you're running from Crowley. Which makes sense. Crowley would want to hunt down all the Lucifer loyalists now that he's the big man on campus."

"How would you know?"

"It's what I'd do," Sam told her with a shrug, looking between Dean and I. "She can't kill us. She needs us to get her to Crowley so she can stick that knife in his neck. It's him or her."

"I hope you both lose," I commented, gaining a glare from her. I smiled sarcastically. "But good luck, you black-eyed bitch."

"So, you know what you gotta do now, right?" Sam questioned.

"Let me guess," Meg mumbled. "You're gonna tell me."

"Work with us."

Both mine and Dean's eyes widened at Sam's words. I scoffed. "What?"

"We'll hand you Crowley with a bow," Sam continued, ignoring me ."On one condition: we come with you and you help us wring a little something out of him before you hack him to bits."

"What?" Meg snapped.

"Doesn't matter. Question is, can you get us what we need?"

"I apprenticed under Alastair in Hell just like your brother," Meg said, looking over to Dean pointedly. "So Dean, can I make Crowley do whatever I want?"

Dean bit the inside of his cheek, not meeting my eyes as he looked away. "Yeah, she can."

Sam nodded, looking back to Meg. "Then meet us out by that abandoned house later tonight. We'll go from there."

"It's a deal. Hugs and puppies all around!" Meg exclaimed, turning to head towards the door.

"You gonna untie me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, please. Don't pretend you don't enjoy it," She winked, heading outside.

The demon holding Dean stared down at him rather intently. Dean glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised. "You gonna kiss me?"

"Come on!" Meg shouted from outside. The demons both shoved Sam and Dean out of their grips and left the room, following Meg.

Once they were gone, Dean hurried over to me to cut the ropes that held me down to the chair, helping me up to my feet as he inspected the red rings that were now around my wrists from the restraints.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Did she hurt you?"

"No," I shook my head, shooting him a small, reassuring smile. "Really. I'm okay."

"Okay," Dean muttered, letting my wrists go. He looked over to Sam. "What the hell was that?"

"What do you mean? You wanted to screw over Crowley," Sam shrugged, throwing his arms out to the side. "Merry Christmas."

"You wanna work with a demon again?"

"We're working with demons now. I'm doing this because I wanna stop."

"She killed Ellen and Jo," I reminded him sadly.

"I know, but you can't look at this emotionally, Tori. We need her."

"No we don't Sam. That bitch is gonna fuck us over in the blink of an eye."

"Of course. Which is why we'll screw her first. Meg and her little posse are dead the second we're done with them."

"Fine," I relented. I didn't have the energy to argue. "But we're not doing this alone," I pulled in a deep breath, looking up into nothing. "Cas? Can you-"

"What's the matter, Victoria?" A deep voice muttered from behind me. I turned to see Cas there, his brows furrowed in concern.

"Wow," Sam scoffed. "That's all it takes for her, huh?"

"I'm fighting a war, Sam."

"That doesn't matter when she calls you."

"Now is not the time, Sam," I told him, looking back to Cas. "Can you help us? Just for a bit?"

Castiel nodded. "Of course. What is it?"

After Cas had collected all the ingredients necessary, he began the ritual to locate Crowley. However, only a few minutes of staring into the fire-filled bowl, he became frustrated, saying that he couldn't find him. That Crowley was hidden from him. After a good amount of convincing from the boys, I finally agreed to let Cas bring us to Samuel's compound, where we began to snoop around his office for something, anything, that could lead us to Crowley.

As I moved around the back of the desk to open one of the drawers, the door opened with an audible click, revealing an annoyed looking Samuel, who was holding a gun. We all froze in place.

"Can I help you?" He asked as he scanned the room. His eyes went wide when they landed on me. I placed a protective hand on my stomach as he stared, lowering his weapon. "You're-"

"We wanna know where Crowley is," Dean, unaffected by his grandfather's presence, interrupted. Not allowing him to say the word.

Samuel took his eyes off of me, looking over to Dean. "If I even knew, why would I tell you?"

"'Cause you're our grandfather."

"Samuel, I'm gonna get my soul back," Sam insisted.

Samuel looked over to him with an eyebrow raised. "Who says you can get it back?"

"Me."

"Look, I'd like to help, but I'm sorry."

"It's your grandson's soul," Dean pressed.

Samual shook his head. "I can't."

"What is wrong with you? Do you wanna work for Crowley?" Dean questioned, looking over to Cas. "Cas, can you give us a minute?" he asked. Cas looked to me for confirmation that I would be alright. With a nod from me, he disappeared and Dean continued. "We're your blood. But if you don't wanna help us I can't make you. But I just gotta know why. What is Crowley holding over you? You owe us that."

I took a small step away from the desk as Samuel moved behind it, opening the drawer I was just about to before he came in. He pulled out a photo of a young Mary, looking just like she had when Cas brought Dean and I back in time what felt like a lifetime ago.

Samuel handed Dean the picture. He tentatively took it from him, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Mom?"

"He's gonna give her back to me," Samuel muttered, his voice thick with emotion.

"Crowley's gonna bring mom back from the dead?"

"You tell me you don't want her back," Samuel said. Dean didn't respond, his jaw clenched as he swallowed hard. "You know, the one difference between us: you know how to live without her."

"Look, I know how you feel."

"No, you don't. She's my daughter, and she's dead, and I can do something about it."

"Do you really think Crowley is gonna make good here?"

""He brought Sam back! And me!" Samuel exclaimed.

"Trust me," Dean tossed the picture down on the desk. "Don't go down that road."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, stop trying. It's gonna go nowhere good. Samuel, I know we've had our differences, but I'm your grandson and I'm telling you that this is wrong for so many reasons."

"You hypocrite!"

"I'm asking you to learn from our mistakes!" Dean exclaimed, a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice. Sam and I shared a look, neither one of us speaking, letting Dean handle it. "Doing this, this is how the bad guy gets us every time. It's our Achilles' heel. Apparently it runs in the family. We will figure something else out. Okay?"

Samuel looked down at the desk, his eyes landing on the picture of Mary. He shook his head again. "I'm sorry Dean, but I-"

"Fine," Dean nodded. "Bring her back. But what are you gonna tell her? You gonna tell her you made a deal with a demon? That you wouldn't help out her sons?"

"Alright, that's enough!" Samuel shouted angrily. He and Dean stared at each other for a moment before Samuel nodded towards the door. "Just get out."

With that, I didn't even bother to glance at Samuel as I made my way over to Dean, who was still looking at his grandfather with sad eyes, and gently pushed him towards the exit.

Eventually, Dean relented and walked out of the room with me following close behind. I stood in the doorway, holding it open for Sam, who just stared at Samuel in what appeared to be disappointment. He followed Dean and I, and three of us headed back outside where Cas came to pick us up and bring us back to the motel.

Once there, we got to work doing whatever we could to try and possibly find Crowley's location. Deep down I think none of us knew it would work. But we had to try.

"Maybe- I mean, he can't be completely hidden, can he? He had to have caused some kind of..omen or something, right?" I wondered, gripping the book in my hands tightly.

"He's not Lucifer," Cas mumbled as he moved to the sofa in front of the TV.

"So?"

Grabbing the remote on the end table, he began flipping through the channels, the volume so low I couldn't even hear it as he answered. "His mere presence wouldn't cause such disruptions. Unless he actively created them. And, in this case, he doesn't want to."

"Great," I huffed, tossing the book down onto the table as I leaned back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cas slowly put the remote down, his brow furrowed as he stared intently at the TV screen that faced away from us. I sighed. "So, we've got nothing."

"We'll figure it out," Sam insisted for the thousandth time.

"It's very complex," Cas mumbled.

"What is?" I asked.

"If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?" Cas wondered shamelessly. The boys and I shared a bewildered look as Cas continued intensely. "Perhaps she's done something wrong."

"Are you watching porn?" Dean questioned, disgust written all over his face.

"...it was there."

"What, they don't have pornos in heaven?" Sam asked sarcastically, gaining a of course not look from Cas before the angel looked back to the TV.

"You don't watch porn in a room full of people. And you don't talk about it," Dean huffed. "Just turn it off."

"Right," Cas muttered, his eyes still glued to the TV, until he randomly looked down to his lap.

Dean looked over to me. "Well, now he's got a boner."

"Okay, know what we're not gonna do?" I asked as I stood to my feet, walking over to pluck the remote off the sofa, nodding to the TV as Cas looked up to me. "This."

Just as I was about to shut the TV off, a knock sounded on the door. And considering what happened this morning, I was immediately on edge, dropping the remote to place my hand on my gun. From behind his laptop, Sam pulled out his gun while Dean did the same with his own, cocking it as he cautiously moved over to the door.

After glancing back to make sure we were prepared, Dean opened the door, finding Samuel standing on the other side.

I relaxed slightly as he walked in, an eyebrow raised when he saw the TV. "This what you kids do, sit around watching pornos with angels?"

"We're not supposed to talk about it," Cas commented, still enthralled with what was going on on-screen. Instead of going for the remote again, I turned around and pressed the button on the front of the TV, turning it off. Cas let out a disappointed huff.

Folding my arms, I rolled my eyes. "You'll make it, Cas."

"I supposed," The angel muttered, moving to stand up when I held a hand out to stop him.

"Please don't," Sam piped up with a grimace. Cas glanced back down to his lap, sighing as he sat back down again.

"Why are you here, Samuel?" Dean asked, putting his gun away.

"It's what Mary would want. Now, this is what I know. Whatever we bag ends up there," Samuel explained, showing us a map with a circled location on it in red, handing it to Sam. "That's where he tortures them, interrogates them, I don't really know. Only been outside the places, but it's a death trap. Nothing gets in that Crowley doesn't want in and nothing gets out, period."

"Well, thanks."

"I wish you wouldn't do this," Samuel said, glancing over to me.

"We don't have a choice," I mumbled.

"Come with us," Sam said out of nowhere.

Samuel laughed humorlessly. "I may be soft, but I'm not suicidal."

Not too soon after Samuel had left, we headed a few blocks over to a large clearing behind the house where we were going to meet up Meg and her goons. As Dean pulled up, the four of them were already standing there.

Who would've known, demons are surprisingly punctual.

As we got out of the car to make our way over to them, Meg watched Cas the entire time, a smirk on her lips as he approached. "Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence."

"Why are we working with these...abominations?" Castiel asked.

"Keep talking dirty. Makes my meatsuit all dewy," Meg murmured with a grin.

"Take it down a notch, will you?" I commented. "We know where Crowley is."

"Great. Do tell."

"Yeah," Sam scoffed. "Tell you, so you can just leave us for dead."

"You three have serious abandonment issues, you know that?"

"We'll show you, alright? But we're all going together."

"What, I'm just supposed to trust you?"

"No, you're not that stupid," Sam said, holding his hand out. "Give me the knife for a minute."

"No, I'm not that stupid," Meg repeated petulently.

"Do you want us to take you to Crowley or not?" Sam asked.

The thought that she would miss her opportunity to get to Crowley was enough for her to hand the knife over. Sam had it for no more than a few seconds before he grabbed the demon that was staring at Dean earlier, stabbing him in the stomach.

He lit up orange and yellow, dying in Sam's grasp. Pulling the knife out of his stomach, Sam let him drop to the ground with a thud. The other two demons to Meg's left took a step towards Sam, but he quickly held the knife up in defense, silently letting them know he had no problem killing them as well.

"You saw him," Sam nodded to the dead demon. "He was more interested in killing us than getting the job done. I just did all of us a favor."

With a clenched jaw, Meg nodded for the other two demons to back down. She watched Sam as he began to walk away with the knife, throwing her arms out to the side. "Hey! You just gonna keep that?"

"You took this from us, I'm taking it back. We leave in one hour." Sam ordered, turning on his heel to head back to the Impala.

Back at the motel, we began packing up for tomorrow. Sam had just carried a few bags outside while Dean and I kept packing inside. Cas stood in the corner of the room, just watching us.

"You gonna help?" I asked.

"I'm ambivalent about what we're attempting," Cas mumbled.

"...packing?"

"No. I'm not sure retrieving Sam's soul is wise."

I shared a confused look with Dean, turning back to Cas. "What? Why?"

Cas looked over at us. "I want him to survive."

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked.

"Sam's soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year. And they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him," Cas explained, taking a few steps over to us. "If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam's gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic."

"You mean he dies."

"I mean, he doesn't. Paralysis. Insanity. Psychic pain so profound that he's locked inside himself for the rest of his life," Cas said.

Dean and I exchanged a worried look, Cas's words sending a rush of fear surging through my body. I quickly pushed it down, breaking my eyes away from Dean to look at Cas as I spoke. "But he- I mean, you don't know for sure. He could be fine."

"He could be, yes. But I sincerely doubt it," he mumbled.

"So, what? We're supposed to not even try?" I questioned.

"I don't think you heard me. If we push his soul back into his body, Sam could be broken."

"Could," Dean started. Before Cas could speak, he continued, stepping over to him. " And if he ends up not fine, then you fix him."

Cas sighed. "Dean, I wouldn't know where to begin."

"Then you figure it out, Cas. Come on. I mean, the guy's a fucking replicant. He needs his soul," Dean insisted. "Look, we get it back. And if there are complications, then we will figure out a way to deal with those, too."

"Of course," Cas muttered. With that, Dean turned back to the bag on the table he'd been packing, but Cas continued. "Or we fail, and Sam suffers horrifically."

Instead of feeling worried, like I probably should have, I felt angry. Upset that Cas was being so negative. How were we supposed to get through this if we weren't all on board?

"I think you should go, Cas," I said, not meeting his eyes. "I'll let you know when we're ready to leave."

"Victoria-"

"Go, Cas," I snapped, my voice coming out much more harsh that I wanted it to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cas staring at me for a fraction of a second more before he left the room. I began packing a few more items, noticing that Dean was staring at me. I looked up to him with a raised eyebrow in question, silently asking him to talk.

"Stay here," Dean muttered quickly.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, turning to face him.

"You're not coming.."

"I'm not?"

"No," Dean said flatly. I shook my head, moving over to the dresser to grab my knife, silently passing him on the way. In the mirror above the dresser, I saw Dean step behind me, sadness and pleading in his eyes. "Please. Just listen to me."

I swallowed hard, biting the inside of my cheek. "So I'm supposed to let you go alone?"

"I won't be alone-"

"You might as well be. Because Sam is useless when it comes to protecting you. He doesn't care. And Cas, with everything going on, is so checked out lately. So who else do you have? Meg?" I questioned, turning around to face him.

"If shit goes down, I'll be fine," Dean shrugged it off.

"If shit goes down, you'd die," I said, looking away to fold the shirt in my hands. "But we're not gonna have to worry about that, because nothing's gonna happen."

"You can't-"

"Can't what?" I pressed, continuing after a beat of silence. "God, why were you all gung ho and positive two seconds ago with Cas and now you're mister negative?"

Dean shrugged, going back to packing his bag. "I'm just trying to err on the side of caution."

"A Winchester being cautious? That's hilarious," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Hey, don't forget you're included in that," Dean commented teasingly, very obviously trying to hide his discomfort with the situation. I smiled at him as he looked my way again, tossing one of the knives that sat in front of me over to him to put in his bag.

In the few minutes of silence that passed by, I could tell Dean was nervous so I made my way over to him, placing a hand on his arm.

"Look. We're gonna go in there, we're gonna talk to Crowley and we're gonna get Sam's soul back. Then we're gonna go home. And we're gonna do it all together. Like always. And that's it. There's nothing to worry about, okay?" I said with determination, making it clear that I wasn't about to change my mind here.

Dean sighed, looking down into my eyes. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"Because that's what you love about me," I muttered with a small smile.

"That is true," Dean said, turning to face me. He put his hands on my hips, pulling me closer so he could kiss me.

But, as always, the moment was ruined by Sam, who burst through the door. He rolled his eyes at us. "Really? You guys gotta bang right now?"

Dean shut his eyes in annoyance as he pulled back, mumbling about how he couldn't wait for Sam to get his soul back so he'd stop being such a giant dickhead.

An hour had passed and we were parked up on a hill out in front of a large, and slightly rundown, old prison. From the outside, it looked quiet. But judging by the nausea I felt, I knew it was anything but. Not to mention all the other monsters I couldn't feel that I assumed to be inside.

Meg and her demons were already here, so I called for Cas to come down, and he arrived in the blink of an eye, telling us to meet him at the side door. We made our way down to the side of the building where Cas opened the door from inside.

"This all seem a little too easy to you?" Dean asked, looking at me worriedly.

"A little," I mumbled, passing Cas as I entered the building.

Sam and Dean took the lead while Cas and I walked closely behind them, leaving the demons for last as we made our way down the dark hallway, flashlights out. I looked around at the cells as we passed them, peering in to see dead bodies of monsters in just about every one.

"Is someone there?" A female voice called out quietly from my right. Dean shined his flashlight into the cell, illuminating the woman that stood inside, chained to the wall. All of us stopped moving as she stared with helpless eyes. "Please, you gotta get me out of here."

"Come on, we gotta move," Sam muttered, calling our attention back to why we were here.

No sooner than the second we rounded the corner into a dimly lit hallway, a chill ran down my spine as a faint growl echoed in the distance. I froze, my eyes meeting both Cas and Meg's, who, judging by the looks on their faces, heard it as well.

"What is it?" Dean asked, worried.

"Damn it," Meg huffed, looking at the double doors behind us. "Here come the guards."

"Hellhounds."

"We gotta go!" I hissed, pushing Dean to start moving as the hellhounds burst through the doors behind us.

All of us ran to the next corridor and as we entered, I looked back just as Meg's two minions that were bringing up the rear, were grabbed by the multiple hellhounds chasing us. The dogs ripping them apart gave Sam and Dean enough time to shut the door. The demon's blood splattered on the windows as the boys barricaded it with a used, blood-soaked stake that was sitting on the floor.

Just as Sam laid down a line of salt, the hellhounds slammed up against the door. I breathed heavily, leaning against the wall next to Meg, trying to stop my heart from beating so hard.

"I knew this was a trap," Dean complained, shooting me an I told you so glare. I rolled my eyes at him.

"What do you want, a cupcake?" Meg commented, cocking her eyebrow.

Dean ignored her, looking to me. "How many of them are there?"

"A lot," I said, swallowing hard. "From what I could tell, anyway."

"Oh no, you're right. There are lots," Meg began, bumping her shoulder into mine with a grin. "I'll be pulling for you...from Cleveland."

"What?!"

"I didn't know this was gonna happen," She shrugged. For some crazy reason, I believed her. Almost as if she knew what I was thinking, Meg smiled at me. "Bright side, them chewing up my meatsuit ought to buy you a few seconds. Seacrest out."

We watched as Meg threw her head back, mouth open, as demons usually would when leaving the body they were possessing. A few seconds of silence passed as nothing happened. No smoke vacated her body. She lowered her head with a furrowed brow, clearly confused.

"A spell, I think, from Crowley," Cas explained. "Within these walls you're locked inside your body."

"Karma's a bitch, bitch," Dean told her. She glared at him, folding her arms in annoyance.

"Alright," Sam started, pulling out Ruby's knife.

"What are you doing, gonna slash at thin air until you hit something?" Dean asked his brother sarcastically.

Sam ignored him and looked to Meg, holding the knife out to her. "You can see them. Take this. Hold them off. It's our best shot."

"At Crowley," Meg nodded for Sam to put the knife back. "Take it and go. You kill the smarmy dick. I'll hold off the dogs."

"How are you gonna do that?" Dean asked.

Suddenly, Meg pulled Cas down by the neck and kissed him, her arm sliding up into his trenchcoat. As she moved away, Cas grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall forcefully, kissing her deeply. My eyes widened as I watched the two of them with confusion, and a little disgust. I looked over to Dean, who was shocked and frozen in place, his hand still pointing back to the door where the hellhounds sat on the other side.

"Excuse me!?" I called, causing Cas to pull away from Meg, his hand sliding down her collarbone as he backed away.

Meg looked up at the angel, completely breathless. "What was that?"

Cas glanced back at the three of us before looking to Meg again, his voice monotone, as usual. "I learned that from the pizza man."

"Well, A plus for you. I feel so...clean," Meg mumbled, looking unsure about how she should feel. She blinked a few times, shaking her head, holding up Cas's angel blade.

""Stealing from an angel?" I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Hey, a girl's gotta do that a girl's gotta do. I never claimed to have virtues," Meg shrugged, looking at Cas lustfully. "And I certainly wasn't expecting that last part." The hellhounds hit the door again, so Meg pulled in a breath. "Okay, gotta go."

"Is that gonna work on a hellhound?" Dean questioned, pointing to the blade in her hand.

"Well, we're about to find out," Meg said, gesturing towards our exit. "Run."

The boys took off, but I stayed behind for a fraction of a second, giving Meg an appreciative look and nod. She looked a little taken aback but returned the nod. Even though a lot of this was for her gain, she was still chancing death or serious harm for the general cause. And that was enough for me.

Leaving the long line of hallways, we found ourselves in a dark staircase. Sam and Dean took their flashlights out once again while Cas took the lead this time. I stayed behind a bit, trying to hide the fact that I was already feeling tired from all the walking and steps.

Just as we got onto the platform that led to the last flight of stairs and Dean commented that he couldn't see anything, a blinding light overtook us. I shut my eyes as it enveloped the room, going away as quickly as it came. A sinking feeling filled my stomach before I even reopened my eyes, knowing Cas would be gone. And he was.

At the bottom of the steps, I could see Samuel standing with his bloody hand in the middle of an angel banishing sigil drawn on the wall.

"Dean," I called. He and Sam followed my gaze to their grandfather.

"You sold us out?" Dean asked. Just then, three demons appeared, grabbing us from behind. Samuel stood there, just watching. "Fuck you, Samuel."

The demon holding me gripped my arm tightly, reaching his other one around, holding onto my stomach. I jerked away from him, only to be grasped tighter, his nails digging into my skin as he breathed into my ear.

"Yes," Crowley muttered, walking out from behind Samuel. "And I have to say, best purchase I've made since Dick Cheney."

"Hi, Crowley," Dean sneered. "How's tricks?"

"Above your paygrade. Been working, big things. Shame I have to do away with you three, or should I say...four." Crowley smiled at me. I glared at him, breathing heavily.

"You touch them and I'll-" Dean began.

"What? You'll be too dead to stop it," Crowley said, letting out a sigh. "I rather enjoyed your indentured servitude. But, alas...ta-ta."

No matter how hard the demons pushed, pulled and dragged, the three of us struggled the entire way over to another hallway of rooms, much like the ones we'd passed on the way in, only with doors instead of bars.

Samuel stood off in the corner of the dim hallway, watching us. I glowered at him. "Happy?"

He stood there, stone faced. "I just want you to understand-"

"That you're a liar?" Dean questioned, pushing against the door jam with his foot as the demon holding him tried to make him move into the room. "You talk about putting blood first, which is funny 'cause you sound just like my dad. The difference is, he actually did!"

"I am putting blood first!"

"Oh, give me a break!"

"Mary's my blood! My daughter!"

"You chose a demon over your own grandchildren!"

"See it how you want. I don't even know what Sam is. And you want me to protect him? And you? Victoria?" Samuel shook his head. "You're strangers. Tell me, what are you supposed to be to me?"

"We're supposed to be your family," I said, my voice low and resigned as the demon holding Sam was finally able to toss him into one of the cells. "Blood or not. Because Elizabeth wasn't your blood, but you cared about her. Or so you claimed."

"Excuse me?" Samuel asked, an eyebrow raised.

"If she was so important to you, then you wouldn't be letting this happen. This baby," I nodded to my stomach. Samuel looked away, not meeting my eyes as I continued. "-is part of Mary and Elizabeth! But that doesn't mean anything to you." I hissed angrily, fighting against the demon as he tried to push me into the room. I kept my eyes on Samuel. "Your daughters would be so disappointed in you."

"Don't you pretend like you know what they'd think!" Samuel snapped. "You never even knew your own mother, let alone Sam and Deans!"

I looked straight into his eyes. "I know that they were better people than you."

"This is what I had to do," Samuel said simply. "And it's the right thing."

"You're sick," I muttered, allowing the demon holding me to push me inside the cell, just so I could get away from Samuel. As I turned around, I saw the demon smiling darkly at me just before he slammed the door.

"I'll tell you something," Dean spat through gritted teeth, the anger in his voice sending a chill down my spine. "I'm the guy you never wanna see again. 'Cause I'll make it out of here, trust me. And the next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you."

A small silence fell over all of us then, followed by Samuel's audible breath. "Don't think there's gonna be a next time."

"Whatever gets you through the night."

With the sound of another heavy door being shut and locked let me know that Dean was now in his cell. And we were stuck. I placed a hand on my stomach, holding back tears as I thought about all those months ago, back when I first found out about the baby.

God, I was so stupid. I should have never let this go on so long.

"You okay, baby?" Dean called, breaking me out of my thoughts. I didn't bother to answer. Anything short of no would've been a lie. But I didn't want any of those bastards that were undoubtedly listening to know how I really felt.

"How are you?" I asked instead, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

"I'm standing in pee," Dean grumbled.

"Consider yourself lucky," Sam replied with a scoff.

I looked down to the floor in my cell, seeing the thick, dried puddles of blood there. I didn't notice until now that the entire room was splattered with it. I wrapped my arms around myself, moving over to the only clean spot in the room, sliding down to the floor.

As the minutes ticked by, I couldn't hear anything but my own ragged breathing and the toe of Dean's boot hitting the metal door every so often. Out of nowhere, the sound of a lock clicking echoed through the hallway, followed by the sound of one of the heavy doors scraping the ground as it opened.

"Let me go, you son of a bitch!" Dean shouted, clearly struggling against someone.

Rushing over to the door, I began banging on it. "Where are you taking him?!"

"Shut up, bitch!" One of the demons yelled.

The sound of Dean struggling faded as they took him away. My breath was caught in my throat as I wrapped my arms around my stomach, my eyes glued to the ground. It wasn't too long before Sam's door opened. I heard him ask what they did with his Dean, to which they replied that he was about to join him. I stayed perfectly still as I heard their footsteps.

Suddenly, they came to a hard stop followed by two annoyed growls. The demons began screaming to let them out as the cellar door slammed shut. I stood to my feet as my cell door opened, revealing Sam.

"Come on," He called, his teeth covered in blood. My eyes widened as I looked him over, seeing his arm covered in blood, trickling down his hand where it dripped onto the floor.

"What did you do?" I asked as I followed him out into the hallway.

"Made a devil's trap on the fly."

"Good idea," I breathed. "We have to find Dean."

To cover more ground faster, Sam went one direction while I went in the other. After a bit of walking, I found myself down yet another dimly hallway lined with cells. There were monsters of all kinds locked up inside, all dead.

An eerie silence fell over the building then, all I could hear was my own ragged breathing. That is, until I heard the echo of footsteps in the darkness. For a moment, I wrote it off as my own until I noticed that they were moving too fast.

I held my breath for a moment to try and pinpoint where they were coming from. Hearing clearly that they were in front of me, I began to backtrack as quietly as I possibly could. I made it about halfway down the hallway I'd just come from when the footsteps began to speed up, sounding much closer than before.

A paralyzing fear spread through me, but I pushed myself forward, beginning to move faster. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing the figure walking quickly towards me, so I broke out into a full run in hopes that I'd find a room duck into somewhere in this seemingly never ending hallway.

In the blink of an eye, the man appeared in front of me, grabbing me by the throat, stopping my stride. I grabbed his wrist as he turned, pushing me roughly up against the wall.

My nails dug into his skin, but he didn't even flinch. His turned black as he smiled at me. "Hey, there."

I gritted my teeth in anger. "What did you do with Dean?"

"Oh, he's ghoul chow by now. Sammy, too, I'd bet. Needless to say, you picked the wrong hallway to turn down, angel," He laughed sickeningly. "But it's not Dean you should be worried about."

DPOV

"Why didn't you stay together?!" I shouted at Sam as he stood in front of the two dead ghouls we'd just killed.

"We had to cover more ground to look for you! Come on, Dean. It's Tori. She's fine," Sam argued, emotionless.

"She's-" I scoffed, looking away from him. This was why, whatever the cost, he needed his soul back.

Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream echoed through the wall behind us and I took off running through the set of double doors, finding myself in a surgical prep room. Through the large window I could see Meg lying naked on a table, her chest and lower half covered by two wide leather straps. The demon possessing Christian kneeling by her legs, shoving the knife in very...unmentionable places, to say the least.

As quietly as possible, I crept into the room. Christian couldn't see, but it didn't take long for Meg to notice me. Her cries of pain quieted slightly and her eyes lit up a little when she did. While I made my way to the table, Meg watched me, starting to laugh as I stepped up behind Christian, who stopped what he was doing and looked at her in confusion.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" He spat.

She smiled wider. "Because. Dean Winchester is behind you, meatsack."

Before he could react, I grabbed the angel blade from his hand and thrust it into his back, killing him. His body fell to the ground with a thud at the end of the table.

There was a part of me, a big part, that wanted to leave Meg here, but the thought that she could still be useful stopped me, and I began undoing her restaurants.

"Like what you see?" She asked shamelessly when the straps were no longer covering her.

"Sorry, demons aren't really my thing," I mumbled dryly as I turned around to pick up her clothes that were in a pile off to the side of the room.

"Oh, that's right. You prefer angels," Meg grinned, taking the clothes as I handed them to her. I looked away as she slipped them on, clearing her throat when she was done. She looked around the room. "Speaking of which, where's yours?"

TPOV

My entire body began to shake as reality set in. If I wasn't out of options before, I certainly was now. But if there's one thing I knew for damn sure, it was that I wasn't about to go down without a fight.

"Well, I've been through a lot," I spat. "You're gonna have to up your game."

"I'll have you squealing in a second, angel," He grinned, running a finger down my cheek, as he let go of some of the pressure on my throat, lowering his voice to a whisper. "You know, I got an order from the boss. I'm supposed to keep you safe. Unharmed. Unmarked. Not a scratch on your pretty little head. You running wasn't part of the equation, of course."

"Why does me staying safe matter to Crowley?"

"It matters to his wellbeing," He said vaguely.

"So if you kill me, you're not only going against your orders, but you'd be putting him in danger? Shouldn't you treat your king with a little more respect?"

"See, that's the secret. Crowley was never really my king. And I want him dead."

"Oh, you're another Lucifer groupie? I know one of you."

"Meg?" He scoffed out a laugh. "Please. She's gone soft. She doesn't have what it takes. Me, I'm willing to go all the way."

"Lucifer is trapped in the cage," I said through gritted teeth. "There's no getting your King back now."

The demon sneered, grabbing my hair, jerking my head back violently. "Shut your mouth, bitch. He would've made this world worthwhile."

"After he killed all of you first. He hated demons. Almost more than he hated humans. You were nothing to him," I spat. The demon put enough pressure on my throat so that I couldn't breathe.

"I'm gonna enjoy killing you, you know. It's not everyday you get the opportunity to torture an archangel's bitch of a granddaughter. Not to mention the little monster in her tummy, that's just an added bonus."

I held my tears in, attempting to keep my strong facade in place, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. The demon pulled me forward by my neck, quickly pushing me back so my head cracked against the wall, all while keeping his hand firmly on my throat.

My eyes began to roll back into my head as my air supply was cut off. The sound of a shrill alarm rang through the hallway, and he sneered. "Looks like I'm gonna have to make this quick."

With a growl, he threw me to the ground. I landed face down and before I could move, he kicked me directly in my stomach, pushing all of the remaining air out of my lungs. Sharp pains rushed through my entire body. I let out a loud cry as he kicked me again, the force of his blow making me skid across the floor where my back slammed into the other side of the hallway.

Trying to regulate my breathing, the air instantly caught in my throat when I felt the warmth of what I knew deep down inside was blood, begin to pool in my jeans. The demon menacingly approached and hauled me up to my feet, shoving me against the wall once again, my head hitting it even harder than before.

His eyes trailed down my body, stopping at my blood-covered lower half with a grin. "Oops. Bye, bye, baby."

Everything in my mind came crashing down as another shot of pain spread through me. And in that instant, I knew. He was gone. My baby was gone.

An anger, that up until now I'd never felt before, flared through me, giving me the strength to grab the demon's neck, digging my nails into his skin, catching him off guard as I kneed him. I reached down to his belt, taking the knife from the holster there, stabbing him in the heart with it.

I didn't care if it would kill him or not. I just wanted to hurt him .

To my surprise, the moment the blade sunk into his flesh, he lit up bright orange and yellow, making me realize it was Ruby's knife that I was holding I fell to the ground with him. He must have gotten it from Sam somehow, but it didn't matter now.

Because I had it.

As I stabbed the demon, I heard an ear piercing, rage-filled scream echoing off the walls in the room. It took a moment before I realized that it was coming from me, but I couldn't seem to stop.

My hands cut as they slipped off the shaft and onto the blade each time I stabbed his lifeless body. Over and over again. The muscles in my stomach constricted violently, but I ignored the pain. Because none of that was as bad as the hurt that came with what I just lost.

A rush of air left my lungs as I lifted my bloody hands up to stab him once again, a huge surge of pain rushing over me suddenly. I felt myself waver before collapsing to the ground, the blood-covered blade that had once been in my hand hitting the ground with a clatter as I fell.

And everything went black.

DPOV

We each stood on either side of the entrance as Crowley walked in. With his back to us, Sam took the opportunity to shove him hard enough for him to go flying to the ground, right where we wanted him.

"Really necessary? I just had this dry-cleaned," Crowley commented as he stood, about to step forward when he found himself trapped. "So, to what do I owe the reach-around?"

"Crowley," Meg entered.

"Whore."

"Okay, you know what," she shook her hand, raising her fist. Clenching it, Crowley doubled over in pain, spitting out blood. "The best torturers never get their hands dirty. These two want a word with you."

"First of all," I started, trying to keep myself calm. "Where's Tori?"

Crowley cocked his head to the side. "Who?"

I nodded to Meg, who made another fist. Crowley groaned in pain, spitting out more blood. I pulled in a deep breath. "Let's try that again. Where is she?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"You want her to do it again!?" I nodded to Meg, who held up her hand.

Crowley quickly stood, holding out a hand. "Don't worry, my most loyal lackey was sent to track her down. She'll turn up in no time."

"I want to know where! Now!"

"Dean," Sam called loudly. It wasn't until he spoke that I realized I was right up to the devil trap's line, the angel blade in my hand. I was gripping it tightly, ready to use it. I gritted my teeth, taking a step back. Crowley rolled his eyes.

"I'll use this," I threatened, holding the blade up.

Crowley shook his head. "No, you won't."

"Oh, yeah? Why not?"

"Because you came for a reason," Crowley said, looking behind me. "Didn't you, Sam?"

"You know damn well," Sam said, taking a step forward. "I want my soul back."

Meg looked over to him. "And here I thought you just grew some balls, Sam."

"Well?" Sam asked Crowley, ignoring Meg's comment.

"No," Crowley answered.

"Meg?" I called. She rolled her eyes, clenching her fist again.

Crowley held his stomach in pain once again, blood dripping from his mouth. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Sam pressed.

"I said can't. I meant can't, you mop-headed lumberjack. I was lucky to get this much of you out. Going back in there for the sloppy bits? No way."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"You don't. But it doesn't change anything. I'm telling you. Sam, why do you want the thing back? Satan's got one juicy source of entertainment in there. I'd swallow a rag off a bathhouse floor before I took that soul. Unless you want to be a drooling mess."

"Sam, I hate to say it, but he's right," Meg chimed in. I glared at her.

"Yeah, right," Sam breathed. "I get it. Thanks. He's all yours."

"Are you crazy?" I asked as he began to walk out. "He's our only hope!"

"If I recall correctly, you almost killed him a minute ago."

"But I didn't. There was a reason for that."

Sam shook his head. "Dean, you heard him. He can't get it, he's useless."

"What about Tori?"

"We'll find her."

I looked down to the knife in my hand, about to give it over to Meg when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Crowley pull a blade from his pocket, severing the devil's trap. Meg spun and grabbed the knife from my hand, but before she could plunge it into Crowley, he took her down with a wave of his hand.

With a cynical grin and a flick of his wrist, Crowley sent Sam and I flying across the room, pinning us to the wall.

"It's pathetic how unprepared you were, really," Crowley commented, fixing his suit. "Nevertheless, your time has come."

TPOV

Almost as soon as I felt myself fall into darkness, I woke up to a pitch black room. The searing pain I'd felt moments before completely gone, replaced with a strange pulling sensation. Like something was tugging at me. There was a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it. I didn't want to acknowledge what I knew deep down to be true.

I instinctively placed a hand on my stomach. "I'm gonna get us out of here, okay?" I muttered.

Speaking to him calmed me for a moment before the panic set in again, questions emerging in my mind. Where even was I? What happened after the demon knocked me out? Did they take me somewhere?

My eyes darted around, but I couldn't see anything, not even my hand that I held directly in front of my face. A low voice mumbled behind me, echoing in the void. I felt like it was getting closer and closer. I was afraid to move, but even more afraid to stay still. So I held a hand out in front of me and began taking small steps forward.

Suddenly, the voice was right behind me, calling my name. I whipped around, coming face to face with nothing.

"Who's there?" I shouted.

"Listen," the voice said.

"What do you want?" I demanded, my head whipping around as I frantically searched for the source of the voice. "Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter who I am."

"Where am I?" I asked, getting no answer. I swallowed hard. "Am I dead?"

"No," The voice replied. "You aren't."

Dread crashed over me. Tears brimmed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around myself. I shook my head in denial. "You're lying."

"He felt no pain," They reassured. "He felt nothing at all."

My voice came out barely above a whisper as their words flooded my mind. "No…"

"It's better this way, Victoria," they said, a tinge of sadness to their voice

"No! It's not!" I cried.

"You can't bring him back."

"I'll find a way. I'll do anything-"

"You won't!"

"Why!?"

"Because you will be realistic! You've known all along that he would live a terrible life! Tonight just proved it tenfold. He'd be hunted and followed. And then one day, he'll be taken from you. Only that time, he would feel it. Everything."

"I wouldn't let that happen," I muttered through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, images of a small child being dragged away by black-eyed demons flashed before my eyes. I couldn't hear anything, it was like a silent movie being looped over and over again in front of me.

"He'll be tortured mercilessly," they added. "While you watch, unable to do anything about it. You couldn't protect him now, what makes you think you could do it then?"

Silent visions showed the little boy screaming in terror as the demons held him down, all smiling at him evilly. I dropped to my knees, shaking as the images flashed faster and faster, getting progressively worse.

"Stop!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, the tears freely flowing from my eyes, dripping onto the ground underneath me. "Please!"

As soon as the images began, they stopped. There was complete silence as I stayed still on the ground, attempting to steady my breaths. Moments passed, but I couldn't move. I didn't have the strength to. I didn't want to.

"You will let him go," the voice mumbled in commiseration. "You will."

CPOV

Being sent away wasn't part of the plan by any means. But neither was the boys and Victoria coming here in the first place. And I managed to fight hard enough to get around both obstacles, with little to no trouble. As I came back, I began to feel a disturbance. Though I wasn't sure what yet, I knew where.

Gathering the items I needed, I headed back to the prison. Making sure to keep myself undetectable from the inhabitants, I peered in to see Crowley trapped inside a devil's trap with Sam, Dean and Meg standing in front of him. A strange feeling filled me as I looked around the room, not finding Victoria.

Something that could only be described as panic began to wash over me as I searched the building for her heartbeat. It was faint, which was anything but good. But I could hear it. Somewhere.

My pace moved faster and as I got closer the beating became louder as it simultaneously slowed.

As I entered one of the many dimly lit hallways, a part of me that had been laying dormant for many years now suddenly came rushing back to the surface when I saw her lying there in a small pool of blood. I all but threw the bag I had been holding down to the ground where it landed with a thud, the continents inside clattering around. I rushed over, standing above her, unsure of what to do.

Victoria whimpered quietly and all unsureness went away as I quickly scooped her up in my arms, cradling her. Her eyes fluttered slightly as she mumbled. "C- Cas?"

"I'm here, Victoria," I told her, picking up the bag in anger. Crowley and I had a deal. He wouldn't get away with this.

DPOV

In a small flash of light Cas appeared in the middle of the room, his back to Sam and I as he faced Crowley, whose eyes widened, but it wasn't a normal expression of shock that Cas was back so soon. There was something else there. I didn't understand why until Cas turned and I saw Tori in his arms, her hair and jeans covered in blood.

"No!" I shouted through clenched teeth, fighting hopelessly against the invisible hold Crowley had on me.

"Shit," Crowley hissed quietly.

Suddenly I felt the pressure from his grip loosen and I fell to the ground, scrambling over to the floor where Cas placed Tori down. I put my hand underneath her head to support her, feeling the blood that had matted her hair running down my fingers. I looked over her body, my eyes landing on the bruises beginning to develop on her neck.

The fear of losing her and anger at whoever did this was enough to make me shake. I tried to tamper it down for her sake, but I knew I wasn't doing a good job. She could tell, I saw it on her face.

"Dean- I-" Tori began, tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked up at me. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't-"

"No, no," I shook my head, trying to stay strong. I wiped her tears away. "Don't, baby."

In the background, I heard Cas talking to Crowley, but it sounded muffled. I couldn't make out any of their words. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cas lift up and bag, setting it on fire. The moment the flames enveloped the burlap, Crowley disappeared in a cloud of embers. Meg looked at me before vanishing and I swear I saw a slight tinge of sadness in her eyes.

Cas made his way over then, crouching down on Tori's other side. I looked up to see that Sam was watching from afar. I didn't bother to worry about him, or what he was doing, my eyes immediately going back to Tori, who let out a yelp in pain, clutching her stomach.

"You gotta do something," I told Cas, raising my voice when I noticed he wasn't listening to me, keeping his eyes on Victoria. "Fix it! All of it!"

"Dean," Tori called, her voice more pained than before. I looked down to see the most excruciating look of sadness in her eyes as they brimmed with tears. "He's gone. We can't just fix it. We never could. We never will."

"What are you saying?"

"...let it go," She told me, looking to Cas. "Please, just take it all away."

My brow furrowed as I watched her in confusion. I couldn't believe what she was saying, but something about the fear in her eyes made me understand. This was all too much. If he was already gone, what would be the point in going through with labor just to have a funeral?

I nodded in response to her, gripping her hand tightly in mine. Cas stared down at Tori with sad eyes, tentatively lifting a hand to her forehead. In a flash of light, Tori's body all but returned to its usual state, the bruises and wounds vanished, the blood that matted the hair at the back of her head, gone. Everything was nearly normal, save for a small bump that replaced the growing stomach she had before.

The moment Cas retracted his hand, Tori looked down at her body, then up to my eyes with the most blank stare I'd even seen from her. The look in her eyes sent a chill down my spine. But I couldn't blame her, I wasn't sure mine held much more life.

TPOV

None of us said anything as we made our way outside of the prison walls to the Impala. Cas was quiet. Sam didn't say a word. Not that I expected him to. But Dean...he couldn't even look at me. And that killed me the most. But I didn't blame him. Because I couldn't look at myself, either.

Maybe my physical injuries were healed. But inside, I was filled with a sickening kind of pain. My head was telling me to be angry, furious. My soul was telling me that I was numb and empty. And my heart...was broken. I failed.

Outside the sky was clear except for the one cloud that covered the sun. The lack of its heat leaving room for the wind to chill you to the bone. Behind me, I heard Sam say something to Cas about getting rid of all the monsters in the prison, but I didn't care enough to really listen.

"We'll figure something else out. About your soul," Dean muttered monotonically.

"No, we won't," Sam replied. "You heard what Crowley said. And I heard what Cas said. Putting this thing back in would smash me to bits."

"We don't know that for sure."

"You know what? When angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, I pay attention."

"That didn't matter to you. Hearing Cas was enough, wasn't it?" I asked, looking up into his eyes, my voice low. "That's when you made your decision, isn't it?"

"Is she right?" Dean pressed.

"I'm not the only one who heard what could happen if my soul is shoved back in, right?" Sam avoidance of the question answering it right away.

"So what the hell are you saying?"

"After everything, I just- I don't think I want it back," Sam shrugged like it was no big deal.

"You say this now?" Dean snapped, seething.

"Do you realize what happened because of your lie?!" I exploded.

"My lie? I was just going along with what you guys wanted! If I told you I didn't want my soul, you wouldn't have listened anyway!"

"Because you need your soul, Sam!" Dean shouted angrily.

"What good is a soul going to do me if I'm a drooling mess?"

"You don't know what you're saying."

"No, I'm saying something you don't like. You obviously care, a lot. But I think maybe I'm better off without it."

"Better off without it?" I scoffed, holding my arms out. "Look at what you not having a soul has caused!"

"You didn't have to come." Sam snapped. "I heard both Cas and Dean tell you to stay back, but you were too stupid to listen! This is not my fault!"

Without a word, I pulled my gun out, aiming it at Sam. Dean mumbled a whoa, whoa, moving to push my arm down, but I shot him a look and stepped away, keeping my gun trained on Sam, who seemed unaffected.

"I started hunting again for you. I left a life I built, a good one, for you. I worked with a fucking demon for you. And I came here for you. So look me in the eyes and tell me how it isn't your fault?! Because from where I'm standing, none of this was worth it!" I cried, venom dripping from my words as my gaze turned rock hard, tears filling in my eyes. "You weren't worth it."

It felt like the next few seconds moved in slow motion as I cocked my gun, pulling the trigger just as Dean knocked the weapon out of my hand. The bullet hit the dirt by Sam's feet as the gun fell to the soil next to me with a quiet thud. Dean grabbed my wrists as tears streamed down my cheeks when I realized what I could've just done. Still, there was a part of me that didn't care at all if that bullet had hit him. And that scared me.

As Dean pulled me to him, holding me tightly, I looked up to see Cas standing a few feet away, a shocked look on his face at what he just witnessed. A look of anger flashed across his face before he disappeared from view.

...this is how I envisioned the story from the start, and I just couldn't change it. This was the way it had to be. Don't hate me.