SATURDAY

Marnie still didn't know.

That was the only reason Shane was so relaxed, cuddling in bed with Mars with a newly installed lock on his door. They spooned, Shane's arms wrapped tight around his boyfriend's waist, face buried in his salt and pepper hair, taking in the familiar aroma. Whatever was on T.V. they had pushed over so they could cuddle didn't matter. Everyone had seemed to keep Shane and whatever was going on in his room out of their thoughts, and he wanted to enjoy that rare moment to savor it, and just hold Mars. Even though he relished in the time he had, thoughts kept popping up in Shane's mind, the most common being Why is he always so cold? But new questions were starting to form, about how shallow Mars' breathing could get, or how faint of a heart beat, if one could call what Shane thought he might've been feeling a heartbeat.

There was also the case of how Mars and Jas treated each other. "Odd" didn't cover it and "strange" seemed a bit too harsh. They would acknowledge each other's existence, but kept themselves to a path away from the other if they did happen to cross each other within the home. They shared little if any eye contact. Shane knew Jas took time to warm up to people, especially with everything she has lived through, but dear god above, he had never seen such a strong lack of response to another being from her. He had even asked Mars to confirm that maybe he was just missing something, or if maybe Mars himself just didn't like or know how to interact with children. But all Shane got was, "Yeah Jas is fine."

It was weird and strange and all the words that turn hairs on the back of one's neck upright, but it wasn't wrong. What would Mars even have to say to a child, let alone to one who was cold to people she didn't know very well? Still, it felt weird whenever the two would create this void with just the clashing of their presence. As Mars had said about Shane's secrecy of their love affair being a deal breaker, whatever was going on between him and Jas would have to be explained or dissipated if he would want this relationship to continue.

We're kind of a package deal.

Shane's thoughts shifted along with Mars' body, and he let his worries go and tried to let his imagination take control, to have it tell him how wonderful Mars' skin would feel if he would let Shane under all those layers of fabric, how he might squirm under his powerful hands holding his body, the sounds that would escape Mars and maybe even himself. He let the sexual thoughts go and traded them for what he had now - A much needed cuddle session. He was thankful and showed it by how tightly he held onto Mars, but still in the back of his mind he couldn't completely shake the urges. Mars rolled over and locked his lips with his lover's, cuddling turned into caressing, which soon turned into Shane moving on top of Mars as he let those previous thoughts come rushing back to heard his name being muttered over and over again, every breath had turned all the gloom he held to vapor. He let go of it, and he felt wanted, and even if Mars hadn't said it, Shane felt like someone loved him.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Mars asked while receiving kisses down his neck, one hand in Shane's hair as the other gripped his back.

"I gotta take Jas to the moonlight jelly thing."

"Anyway you can get out of that?" Mars asked, reciprocating the affection by dragging his teeth down Shane's neck.

"Hum, maybe. I can talk to Marnie," Shane muttered with a hot breath going down Mars' shoulder.

"Well, if you want, we can hang out at my place. I finally got it looking presentable, and we can watch the game," Mars said, making an offer Shane couldn't refuse. "That is if you want to."

Mars had left earlier than usual, promising Shane he could spend the night at his place if he manned up and asked his Aunt for the favor. Shane watched him disappear into the dusk of the evening through the dining room window, oblivious of Marnie's presence in the kitchen as she rummaged through the fridge for an evening relaxer. Albeit, that wasn't the sole reason for her occupancy within the space. She poured herself a glass of wine and waited for her nephew to notice her.

Shane didn't wear his emotions. Rather, he emitted them. He might be straight-faced, but could fill a room with how he felt, and Marnie's skin tingled with his longing for the man walking home from just spending hours with Shane. She was accustomed to the same yearning when it came to Lewis. The poor man was smitten.

"So did you and Mars have a good time hanging out?" Marnie asked, finally pulling her nephew's attention gently away from the window. He was slow to respond, eyes towards the ground.

"Yeah we had a good time," Shane said, moving to the fridge and pulling out a beer for himself. Marnie would've nagged him to lay off the alcohol, but his mood had been improving over the last month, ever since he started closing his bedroom door with just him and Mars occupying the space. When they had first started hanging out she would hear them talking loudly among each other. Now she heard barely a peep with the door locked. He stood next to her leaning on the countertop, eyes closed preparing himself.

"Aunt Marnie…"

"Yeah?" She answered him, hoping that whatever had been on his mind would finally come out. After too long of a pause, she gave him a nudge.

"You can tell me if something is bothering you, sweetie. You know I'm always here for you."

"Mars invited me over tomorrow night to hang out. Do you think you could watch Jas tomorrow night at the moonlight jellies thing for me?"

This time Marnie took a moment to think about what she was going to say. She was tired of this veil between them.

"I might be able to. But I just want to know something. You and Mars spend an awfully lot of time together. I know you Shane. You're not really into being around people that much. So what's up with the both of you?"

Because I think I'm falling in love with him…

Shane shook his head without having anything to say. The words were stuck and refused to come out. He took a long sip of his beer, and put out all the nasty 'what ifs' from his mind, like rotting vines that had squeezed their way in between cement blocks finally being weeded.

"Aunt Marnie…" he thought about what exactly to call Mars. Boyfriend? Lover? Partner?

"We're seeing each other."

Hearing his own voice rattle off those words had Shane waiting for ridicule, anger, or anything else to put him back down into the hole he again tried to crawl out of. But none of that happened, he felt his aunt's warm embrace.

"Ohh honey I'm so happy for you!" Marnie said, squeezing her nephew into almost a pancake. Shane felt weightless as he gave a sigh of relief. Marnie finally released her grip.

"I can tell he makes you really happy."

"Yeah, well, don't be going and telling the whole town," Shane retorted, trying hard to hold in the joy he felt. The worst hadn't happened. His aunt still loved him.

"So you have a date tomorrow?"

"I mean, we're hanging out and watching gridball at his place…"

A wide smile squished the apples of Marnie's cheeks red with how hard she beamed. Shane was moving on, and that's all that mattered to her.

"I'll watch Jas tomorrow, this one time. And only because you were honest with me."

Marnie wondered if her vision was deteriorating because in a clear break from reality she swore she saw the slightest grin turn up on Shane.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it," he said, tapping the head of his beer bottle against his Aunt's wine glass.

SUNDAY

The lack of light kept Shane vigilant of the noises around him, even if he didn't want to admit it. He feared what lurked in-between the darkness of the trees, and what his vision wouldn't let him see. As he walked up the road, Shane didn't feel the sense of unknown eyes watching him, but the fear still followed. Shane cursed himself.

Stop acting like a baby.

Mars wasn't a farmer, just a sorry sap that bought a house in the valley which sat on a plethora of fertile land. It was overgrown and as wild as the Cindersap forest, with the property line being the only thing separating the two entities. As Shane trekked through the dense weeds and grass, the mosquitoes awoke from the brush and turned his shins and ankles into a late dinner.

Fucking damn it…

He would have to clear out a path if he wished to keep coming over. But as he swatted at the pests, he happened to turn towards the spot he had seen the Wizard just a few days ago. The image of the white of those guts and blood returned to his eyes. Shane wondered if another animal had come by to devour the scraps of what the real monster left behind, or if Wizard had found more gore from the Thing Going Bump in The Night. Maybe he had found what was left of Linus. Shane pulled his attention away from the spot. Why burden himself with such horrid thoughts?

No, that's not my problem...I can't let it bug me.

He walked onto Mars' front lawn. It was trimmed and manicured, but one could see where he had called it quits and let the wilderness take control. There were strings of lights decorating the porch and front of his two-story cabin, and flowers resting for the night in their pots were taking over the wooden fencing around the porch.

"Hey stranger," Mars said, seemingly appearing out of the shadows as he leaned over the fence. "Miss me?"

Like the last gust of summer's winds, Mars glided in. He had the same motion as a dove - weightless, calculated, and ethereal. Shane was frozen by how divinely Mars moved, how beautiful the light made Mars glow golden in the evening darkness, Mars wrapped himself around his love, spinning Shane around as if it was Shane who was the weightless one. Surprised by the gesture, he tried to wiggle out of Mars' grip in vain before being released. With his feet back on the ground, again Mars wrapped himself around Shane, rubbing his face against his, kissing his love all over. Blushing and slightly embarrassed over all the affection Mars was showering him with, Shane pulled away slightly.

"Don't worry, no ones around!" Mars countered before sneaking in more kisses. Shane gave in, letting Mars continue with his assault of affection, letting himself accept the tenderness. It was an odd feeling to take in when normally feeling anything was painful. Before heading inside, Mars gave Shane a tight hug which, even though Mars was frigid to the touch, seemed to melt a little bit of tension from Shane's not-quite-understanding how to take affection.

Mood lighting the same golden warm glow as the lights outside dimly lit the cozy little cabin. From the front going back, Shane took note of the all the vases and heirlooms neatly displayed on the expensive half book shelves against two large windows shaded by dark curtains designed to keep light from piercing them. As he walked the length of the displays, he was mostly impressed by the marble sculptures of the female form, all without heads. One held a black bottle of unlabeled wine. Shane went to touch it.

"I don't think you'll be too fond of that," Mars said from behind him, gripping his hands onto Shane's sides.

"Why's that?" Shane asked. Mars snuck a kiss against his neck before moving his hands from Shane's sides to his stomach.

"I got it when I was visiting the Gotoro Empire. It's more of a collectors item than something to actually drink," Mars explained.

"And why do you think I wouldn't like it?"

"The person that sold it to me said that grapes they frementented were watered with human blood, and that anyone who drinks it will be consumed with the urge to kill and drink the blood of the living!"

"Really?"

"No, it's just really expensive," Mars joked before slowly spinning Shane around to take his attention away from the bottle. In the back was a minimal kitchen with monochrome shades, clean and untouched. The adjoining room to the right of the kicthen held fancy furniture, with a couch old in style of a deep maroon wine color, which worked well against the light wood paneling. As Shane sat down, he melted into the cushion as he leaned back, letting go of his aches and pains. When he came back to reality, he appreciated the large T.V. mounted to the wall, underneath it a mostly glass cabinet with a game system displayed along with all its accessories and cartridges. Against the wall was another stand, large and draped in a variety of liquors, above it glasses for any and all occasions. He didn't hear Mars exit the bathroom next to the kitchen, so it was a surprise when Mars climbed over the couch and jumped into Shane's arms.

"So what do you think of the place?"

Shane thought for a second. "Old…" he said, before looking back at the art displays. Underneath them were books laid out like they were in a library. "Expensive…I could never dream of having this much money just in...stuff."

"Do you want something to drink?" Mars asked, knowing the answer. He hopped off Shane who was trying to think of something less rude about his boyfriend's home.

"It's really clean in here too," he said. "But where do you sleep?"

Mars brought back two glasses of dark liquor for them to sip on, grabbing the T.V. remote before snuggling up to Shane.

"Well, if you're lucky, maybe I'll show you."

They had drink after drink of expensive bourbon, probably more than Shane's take home pay from the JojaMart. He tried to forget the metaphorical money he was sipping on and tried to focus on the Sunday game. Mars, who before knew nothing about gridball, now mirrored Shane's excitement during certain plays. He still didn't seem to have the same level of emotional investment, but seemed happy that Shane was happy. Towards the end of the game Mars was like a blanket over Shane as he rested his head on the arm of the couch, limbs entangled between each other, both tipsy from the liquor. Just as Mars went to rest his eyes, something happened in the game that had riled up Shane enough to perk up as he held Mars in his arms and yelled at the T.V. Before Mars could see what was going on it had already happened and Shane was uncontrollably grinning.

"What'd I miss?"

"Tunnelers won," Shane said before finishing off the rest of his drink. An elevated mood had Shane squeezing Mars, returning the love that he received when he first arrived. Shane turned the T.V. off.

"So what do you want to do now?" Mars asked, adjusting himself to snuggle against his love's chest. Shane was just drunk enough to ward off his usual misery and doubt as the winning game distracted him from the negatives of his mind. The only thoughts left he couldn't get away from were the ones that told him to rip off all of Mars' clothes, hold his love's hands behind his head and make him scream his name. He pulled Mars in for a slow kiss, each subsequent one slower but more passionate, until Shane found himself where he wanted to be, on top of Mars, his own hands where they shouldn't be.

Those eyes…

I love…

More than just those eyes…

I love the whole person… I think…

Fuck, what is wrong with me?

Shane tried to pull himself away, leaving a pause between their lips. How could Mars ever want someone like him? But then Mars continued, caressing his fingers through Shane's hair, running them down his neck, pressing his lips against Shane's and that little bit of doubt was shattered.

I think he loves me back…

He let his desire take over, hands holding that icy skin that smelled of his cologne. Their tongues were in each other's mouths, tasting the hints of hot whiskey. In the heat of the moment, Mars stopped himself and stood up, walking to the middle of the room. Shane watched as he unhatched a chain and pulled down a set of collapsible stairs that led to the attic.

His bed took up most of the living space. There were messy sheets, covers, and blankets aplenty, nothing like the neatness of the main floor. Shane wasn't sure he was even seeing all the blankets and clothing scattered around, as the lighting was even more dim than downstairs. But that wasn't important right now. What was important was how soft Mars' lips were, the way he made Shane shed his favorite jacket, and then his shirt. He felt the passion among them, and despite how embarrassed he felt about his body, it was okay because he was with Mars who liked him anyway.

He deserves so much more than me…

"You're everything I've ever wanted" Mars muttered as he kissed down Shane's chest. Had his thoughts slipped down to his mouth? His bewilderment brought Mars back up to his lips, hands pulling Shane inward. He let the thought pass and laid Mars down on the edge of the unkempt bed. Slowly he rolled up Mars' shirt, but then he was stopped.

"Hey I don't want to freak you out, but I have this really wicked scar," Mars said, before letting Shane take his shirt off.

Deep puncture wounds in a cluster made divots just above Mars' clavicle. Rosy pink skin spotted with lighter areas outlined the old injuries. Mars guided Shane's hand over them letting his fingers feel the hard tissue. Mars' expression turned to gloom.

"I was dating-"

"You don't have to tell me," Shane cut him off before putting his body on Mars' and kissing up his chest until reaching his mouth.

They moved up onto the bed as they removed the rest of each other's clothing. Shane had never felt the same with Justin as he did with Mars, who couldn't stop kissing his body, telling Shane how much he loved how he felt, and how warm and comfortable he made him feel. It was then that Shane had realized what it felt like for someone to truly want to be with him, not just sober thoughts too scared to show themselves when not soaked in booze. Justin wanted sex, Mars wanted intimacy.

Under the sheets and blankets they slowly made love, each kiss potent and their skin touching. Mars smiled at the little faces Shane would make with each stroke, as he began begging for more, trying to figure out how they could be any closer than they already were.

Was this what it feels like when someone actually wants to be with you? Was this what love feels like?

His depression couldn't enter this moment. He wasn't fucking some guy that didn't care about him. This wasn't a one night stand, or sloppy drunk experiment. This was him with his boyfriend enjoying each other's bodies. Shane would be able to hold him afterward and through the night, and he would wake up to him the next morning. He wasn't fucking simply away the pain. He was slow and thoughtful, making love to the one he loved. Everything was alright. As Shane came closer to cumming, he lost control of his inhibition and muttered something he couldn't take back as he locked eyes with those beautiful grays, the same ones that didn't give up on him, that kept talking to him, kept him company, that held him close when he was too drunk to be alive and dealt with his outbursts.

"I love you," Shane uttered before climaxing.

He hadn't meant to say what he said. And as he laid there waiting in horror for the repercussions of his actions, he thought about how bad he blew this.

Fucking damnnit, I'm such a fucking idiot!

Every second waiting for Mars to finish had Shane turning to every way he could possibly explain away what he had just said. None of his excuses were worth trying. Both of them were breathing heavily staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm so fucking sorry."

"I love you too," Mars said before nuzzling himself into Shane's chest. "I love you too."

Had he heard right? He couldn't have heard wrong twice, Mars had, in fact, reciprocated the feeling.

He loves me, he even said it.

Overwrought with emotion, Shane tried to hide it the best he could, but failed. Mars leaned up and kissed against his jawline.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm just being...stupid."

"Why do you think youre being stupid?"

"I just never thought I'd be this happy," Shane said before wrapping himself around Mars, letting himself be joyful in the moment, warm, content, and in love. "I love you. I love you so much you have no idea."

"I love you too"

They held each other until they fell asleep, the softness of the bed eclipsing all of Shane's aches and pains, and he slept the best he had in a long time. Everything was going alright, the world wasn't out for him and he was in love with a person that loved him back.

Life isn't so bad.