Chapter 14
A low aching pain awoke him from slumber. Shane groaned at the dull throbbing pain coming from his jaw and skull. Parts of him wanted to roll over and fall back to sleep.
What the fuck…
He felt like he had thrown himself off a cliff
Wait, what? I'm alive? That had to be a dream.
As Shane tried to prop himself up, the adhesion of medical tape pressed against his collarbone and down his shoulder pulled at his skin. Without thinking about it he opened his eyes to a pitch black room. Mars' bedroom. He then felt the tape attached to his body. Fresh gauze stretched out covering the lower part of his neck, and as he came too, he started to acknowledge the itchiness of the area.
Damn, what happened?
Just before he could drift back off, it hit him: He should be dead.
His eyes popped open and his heart…no, there wasn't that tightness in his chest that he was so accustomed to. Shane crawled out from under the layers of covers, and even a warm electric blanket, hitting the ground as the sheer coldness of the room made his knees buckle. Clothed only in his boxers, Shane shook from the shock of frigidness. The air was no different than the dead of winter. He muttered his 'fucks' to himself while shivering from the freezing atmosphere. In a way he got used to it, enough to regain the abilities of his limbs without them failing, and made his way to the attic ladder. As Shane fiddled with the stairs all of what happened to him came flooding back.
Mars
Those fangs
All that blood
No, all of MY blood...
He tried not to think about how he was still alive or in Mars' room.
I gotta get out of here, I'm not having this sick fuck tourture me.
With a loud bang, Shane was able to get the ladder and quickly made his way down the steps. Just like upstairs, the downstairs was cold and had no form of lighting either. It was pitch black. So how was he able to see?
He tried to keep a level head as he muttered his questions to himself as he checked his surroundings. Then, from the darkness came two eyes of deep red hovering in the kitchen, watching and waiting - Deep marbles of maroon.
Mars.
In horror Shane jumped back, knocking the trinkets lining on the bookshelves against the walls. Thinking quickly, he grabbed the first thing that he could wrap his hands around - a small marble statue. Mars took cautious steps towards him.
"Shane, I'm not going to hurt you-"
"You stay the fuck over there, motherfucker!" Shane snapped back as he inched his way closer to the door.
"I know you're really scared and confused right now but-" Mars was cut off by Shane chucking the marble statue at him and missing. A thudding impact followed by a startling crack of something breaking echoed through the darkness.
"Really?" Mars dryly stated. "If you're going to throw shit at me, could you at least make it the cheap stuff?"
"Shut the fuck up!" Shane screamed back, another heirloom in hand, stepping closer and closer to the front door. Mars again moved forward.
"Shane, you have every reason not to trust me right now, but please whatever you do, don't try to go outside," Mars warned, only to have another statute thrown at him. Another heavy smash accompanied by the jangling of broken glass followed.
"Why would I listen to you?" Shane asked, the cold getting to him. "You're some kind of sick fucking monster that tried to kill me!"
"Shane-" Mars tried to cut him off, each step towards the front door adding to urgency in his voice.
"Fuck you! I'm not going to sit here and let you keep me alive just so you can keep sucking the blood out of me you sick fuck!" Shane said, one hand on the doorknob, the other holding a vase.
"Shane, you don't want to do that…" Mars again warned.
In a flurry of events, Shane had thrown the vase across the room, distracting Mars as it smashed against the hardwood floor, enough time for him to swing open the front door and escape. However, Shane didn't make it one step outside.
The sun was the flare from an atom bomb. His skin was broth on a burner - boiling and popping. Shane fell to the ground, shielding his eyes against the impossible intensity of the sunlight. He quivered in pain trying his best to cover all of his exposed flesh, too shocked from the sting to pull himself into the shadows. Mars rushed to his aid and slammed the door, pulling his robe off his body and covering the weeping man.
"What the fuck?!" Shane cried out, shaking under the fabric. Mars tried to hold him, only to have Shane push him away with his covered shoulder.
"You have to work up to going out in the sun," Mars said, trying to put his hands where they didn't belong. Shane swiped at Mars in retaliation, more scared than hurt.
"What did you do to me?!"
Like an animal, Shane pushed himself into a corner cowering, the robe his only form of comfort or way to shield himself. Mars left for only a moment to grab blankets from his bed. When he returned Shane had tears streaming down his face, the fear of not knowing why the sun hurt or why everything felt so cold. Mars gave him space, pushing the blankets towards him. Quickly Shane grabbed them up and wrapped them around his shivering body until only his eyes peeked out from under the amalgamation of comforters and bedspreads.
"You're probably a little bit hungry right?" Mars asked, seemingly knowing that he wouldn't get an answer. He walked off into the kitchen and Shane's sight. When he came back he had a glass halfway filled with a dark liquid. He sat down in front of Shane, whose eyes were like an owl's, watching, waiting.
"It's okay," Mars said before putting the glass up to his own face. "Just bring it up to your teeth and let what happens happen." He then demonstrated.
After sucking down some of the liquid himself, Mars put the glass down and pushed it towards Shane. The thick iron smell was intoxicating. Shane smelled this aroma before but couldn't quite place it. His hand emerged from the layering of fabric, shaking as he slowly picked up the glass.
Undercovering his mouth, Shane brought the substance to his face and began to drink, the taste so awful he spit it back into the glass.
"No, Shane…" Mars said, reaching towards him. Shane pushed himself against the corner. Mars backed off but was still insistent. "Just bring it up to your mouth."
This time he listened, and let the liquid skim across the ridges of his teeth. His canines felt...odd. A stream of lukewarm heat swelled from within them like they were sucking something up. The sensation had Shane pulling the glass away and setting it to the floor as a wet stream of the liquid dripped down his lips.
"What happened to me?" Shane muttered as he wiped away the sticky substance. On closer inspection, he noted its color and viscosity - thick and red. His voice turned into a roar.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"
"You were dying! I didn't know what else to do!" Mars said, beginning to lose his cool. "You drank yourself to death Shane!"
"I know what I did! But what did you do?!" Shane repeated himself, tired of the games, tired of waiting for the truth to flow from Mars. "Answer me!"
"I turned you!" Mars answered, hands to his head, losing control of the situation. "You said you didn't want to die! I didn't want to lose you," he choked out as tears swelled up in his eyes. "Why were you out there trying to kill yourself?!"
Silence fell between the two. Shane's eyes fell to the ground. Mars repeated himself, with more anger to his voice, jaw unhinging.
"Why. WHY!?"
Shane again didn't answer, too numb to say anything. Mars seemed to catch himself, and the hint of a beastial set to his features which had been steadily morphing his appearance into something more monstrous began to abate as he calmed down as his breath steadied. He asked again, but with more composure this time.
"Shane. Please. Why?"
"I lost my job…" Shane answered. He was wide eyed, clenching to the blankets wrapped around him, clearly scared of what he had just witnessed. "They caught me drinking at work too many times. It was my fault."
"Shane, I don't understand. That doesn't make any sense! I could've pulled some strings. You could've had your job back by the end of the week!" Mars seemed stunned by his reasoning. "You didn't have to kill yourself! I could've-"
"I don't need you to save me!" Shane snapped back. "I'm a grown-ass man! I don't need-" He stopped himself as the picture laid out in front of him of the man he cared for, his partner, crying over him. For a moment he forgot that underneath the beast was still Mars. He hadn't changed. He was still the same soul that had told Shane that he loved him.
"I should be able to save myself by now. I should be able to stand on my own two feet and not leeching off of Marnie or you. Working a dead end job that I couldn't even keep…" He paused, knowing his words meant something. "I didn't ever want to be this big of a fucking loser."
"You're not a loser," Mars said, swiping away his tears. "Trust me, everyone goes through this, I've seen it over and over and over again Shane. It's normal."
"You sound like my aunt," Shane cut in. "If this is so normal, why is it only me going through it, huh? Why am I the only person so sad all the time? Why is it that I'm the only one suffering? Why does it feel like the universe hates only me? Why can't I get through my day without a drink?"
"Because you have depression, and you use alcohol to deal with it," Mars retorted. "Everyone goes through these kinds of things, but that doesn't mean everyone is going to handle it the same way. And no, it doesn't make you weak or stupid or whatever degrading thing you want to call yourself. It makes you a human being."
He let Mars' words soak in. Part of him wanted to keep beating himself up, keep hurting because that's all he knew. It was safe. However, it didn't get him anywhere. He thought about the last thoughts going through his head before he-
Aunt Marnie, I'm sorry. I should've talked to you about how bad I've been feeling…
Then came all the blood leaking out of his pores, and the moment was gone. Back to Mars, teary eyed, waiting for a response.
"Well, I'm not anymore right? A human being?" Shane asked. Mars seemed like he was trying to hold back his own sadness and disappointment with himself, but was failing. He didn't answer Shane verbally, and only shook his head.
"Then what am I, Mars? What did you turn me into?"
The drink that Mars had given him was blood meal mixed with warm water, a substitute for the real thing. Along with it he warned Shane that everything he did should be done in baby steps, or the outcome could be just as painful as the night he experienced three days ago.
"I was out for that long?" Shane asked, hands around the glass as he stared down into the liquid. He was cuddled up on the old couch with all the blankets and covers now neatly wrapped around him.
"Dude, when I was turned I was out for like a week," Mars said as he sat on the opposite side of Shane. "You're a fighter, I'll give you that."
"I'm still mad at you," Shane muttered, unable to draw his attention from the cup. "I know I was dying, but I didn't ask for this."
"I understand."
"Does my aunt know where I'm at?" Shane asked.
"No, and she's really worried about you. The towns' been looking for you out in those woods."
Shane threw his head back, not sure what to do.
Dammit.
"They found all the blood. They're pretty sure you're dead." Mars said. "Except Marnie, she keeps wanting to believe you're out there. I've been hearing her at night when I gotta look for food. She's out in the forest calling for you."
"Can I let her know I'm alive?"
"No, not until you can blend back into society," Mars said.
"What's me letting her know I'm okay really going to do?"
"Look. I know you didn't ask for this, but this is the situation now. You're not a human being anymore. You're not the same as your aunt or niece or anyone else. You're like me. If you go and contact her without being able to at least be able to pretend you're not something other than human it could end really badly."
Shane searched his mind for a loophole.
"I can't even call her?" he asked again, a tang of irritation between each word. Mars matched his gaze.
"If you call her and let her know you're 'alive' she's going to ask questions," Mars said. "Where are you? What happened? How are you going to answer that?"
"I'm not," Shane lied. A tiny smirk wedged itself into Mars cheek.
"Yeah, you will. And it'll get you killed by that wizard," Mars rebutted. "I know you love your aunt, but a week or two of her worrying about you is better than you putting yourself, her, and Jas in harm's way."
Shane didn't answer. Mars glared, not sure if he was being listened to.
"Shane!"
"Fine, I won't," he said, matching Mars' gaze as his anger simmered. "So I'm guessing the fangs, drinking blood, the sun hurting me…" Shane said, bringing his attention back to the glass of red as somewhere deep inside him, he was wanting to suck it all down. The idea of what he was about to say sounded so silly that he started to chuckle at the thought.
"No. This isn't real. Monsters aren't real."
Mars reached for his hands clasped around the cup. The coldness Shane was so used to wasn't so cold anymore.
"It's a lot to take in, I know. But I'm not going to leave you to figure it out on your own like I had too. I still love you."
"What happened to you?"
Mars had explained his origin before - how his parents threw him out at ninteen for being gay - but he had failed to mention the era. It had happened seventy-two years ago. Back before T.V. existed, or organized sports were as popular as they were now. That explained his excuses of his parents not owning such technology, or how he hadn't ever really watched any gridball games. It also explained his taste in furniture and collectibles.
"It may be hard to defend, but I hope you can now understand why I don't hate my parents. It wasn't like it is now. If you were gay, the whole world was against you. They used to kill men for liking each other. Now we've moved past that, but back then…I don't blame them for following what everyone else was doing."
"So you're over a hundred?" Shane asked, astounded.
"Don't look a day over twenty-seven now do I?" Mars grinned.
"No, but I thought-"
"You still age to a point. I've met a handful of others who said you age maybe another 30 years then stop."
"I don't want to believe you, but…" Shane uttered as he looked around. "I don't know how else any of this is possible."
Mars continued, going into detail about the man he had fallen madly in love with, enough to sever ties with his family, to run away with this man who was his knight in shining armor sweeping him off his feet, perfect in every way until he wasn't.
"I didn't mean anything to him. I was just food. Once he had me all to himself, he drained me of my blood," Mars struggled to say, the events clearly hurtful to think back on. "I begged him that I didn't want to die. I was still just a kid, so he turned me and left. A week later I woke up in the alley he dumped me in. It was daylight. Shit stung like someone set me on fire. So I lived in the sewer system underneath the city. No one really cared about the rats or homeless who would shack up in the gutters with me. So at least I had food."
Mars stopped himself, in pain from memories he wished to forget. "I had to learn everything I know now by myself."
He paused.
"I don't want you to have to do the same."
Mars sat lost in thought, the same brand of emotions Shane was accustomed to. He had never seen Mars so genuine, so raw.
"But you know everything already said and done. And I'm here, and there's nothing I can do to change that."
"Were you using me?" Shane asked. "You know to get close so you could kill me?"
Mars sank back as he thought about his words, stopping himself several times before settling on what to say.
"At first I... " He stopped once more for a moment. "You were everything, I couldn't focus on anyone else. I couldn't get away from you. Your thoughts were so powerful, so negative. You were endless with despair..."
Marss' eyes reconnected to Shane's.
"At first I wanted to eat you because, god dammit, you had everything to make a perfect meal. But the more I got to know you the more I fell in love with you, the more I couldn't do it."
"So I was like what? A fucking dog to you?"
"No! I fell in love with you! I didn't want this for you!" Mars defended himself. "Your dying words were, 'I don't want to die.'"
"But you still did it."
"I panicked. I'm sorry," Mars said to a silent Shane, who simmered under the blankets feelings of betrayal and disgust that Mars could taste. "You're right, I shouldn't have. But you have to understand, I didn't know what else to do. You were literally dying in my arms. I didn't want to lose you."
"Why would you even pursue me if you weren't going to turn me into a monster? You'd outlive me."
"I didn't know I'd fall in love with you. I didn't know how long this was going to last for. When you live forever, what's the point of trying to plan for the future? I would've never done this to you without you consenting to it, I know you don't want to trust me right now, but that's the truth." Mars took his lover's hand to his lips and began to leave pecks of kisses behind.
"I'm a vampire, not perfect. I make mistakes, too. But you're not a mistake,"
He had finally said it - The thing haunting Shane. He didn't want to hear the name of the creature he had become.
"You attacked my aunt's animals, killed one of our cows and hung it up in the Yoba shrine."
"I did kill your animals. I'm sorry about that."
"Why would you then defile the shrine?" Shane pressed.
"That wasn't me. I don't know who that was. I just killed the cow, I didn't do that to your shrine. But whoever did, it wasn't any kids from the city. I know that much."
"And what about Linus? He went missing, did you kill him, too?"
"No. I have no idea what happened to him. Sometimes people go missing and a vampire has nothing to do with it, although I can see why I'd be a suspect."
"Because you're a fucking monster," Shane grimaced, wanting to throw the contents of the glass at Mars.
"No, I'm surviving the best I can. I am what I am and nothing is going to change that."
"Well, I'm not killing people. I'm not not drinking blood," Shane said, setting down the glassware.
"Shane, you're going to have to eat something or you'll starve to death," Mars explained. Shane refused to meet his gaze, and pulled his hand away.
" Fine. I'll starve."
" Fine. I guess you will," Mars rebutted, tired of Shane's stubbornness. He stood up and began making his way to the front door. "By the way, if you eat any human food without having any blood in your system, you're going to shit your brains out. Just thought I'd warn you," he snapped back before slamming the door.
As he dragged the heaviest comforter he could into the bathroom, wearing it like a makeshift cape, Shane was surprised to still see his reflection.
I thought vampires didn't have a reflection…
He had lost all of any tan his skin held. The darkness around his eyes was deeper, almost a bruised purple, and the sclera was yellowing. Mars was right - he held the appearance of a shambling corpse. Shane worked his way down, feeling around at his front teeth for the canines that felt longer and more pointed. He found them, letting the ridge of these new fangs form around his thumb until they pricked into his skin. Pulling away he found they had left a wound but no blood, nothing to give. Slowly he squeezed the long slender fang between his index and thumb. As he pulled on it, he felt the curve of the fang being forced down from his maxillary as the ligaments moved under his gums. Through trial and error, Shane managed to figure out how to move them without the help of his fingers. When he closed his mouth, they hung out over his lower lip. The sight made him nauseous.
This can't be happening…
He readjusted his jaw and brought them back into place. Hand shaking, he felt for the point again. What he had just seen seemed like a dream - a nightmare come alive.
Looking back at his reflection, he could see the glimmer of tears swelling up. He gave himself permission to let them fall. This was a cryable event. He again pushed the fangs out, but as he did he brought up the edge of his mouth, dragging the end up in a comically large way to reveal a row of shorter but just as sharp set of fangs, like a snake's, lining up to where his cheekbone ended. It was designed to hold whatever he put in his mouth in place. Shane pulled back, his hands folding over his face, before he left out a howl of horror.
No, no no no…
With tears streaming but unable to look away, Shane tore his hands away and stared at the monster in the mirror. With his newfound knowledge of these tendons and teeth, he flexed them all in the mirror, mouth wide open, ready to scare to death whatever was left inside him. The sight made his knees tremble, almost bringing himself to the floor. All four sides of his mouth were the same, this pseudo python-esque abomination of sharp razors, fangs of a killing machine, that he didn't want to be. Shane let the rest of the tears go, watching as his mouth turned back to normal in slow motion.
This is what I am now…
Mortification ran deep and in the places where his blood should be, it started with "Noes", over and over until Shane found himself on the ground, fists banging against the tiling, wanting it to be nothing but a dream - a horrible prank played on him by his mind.
Its not a fucking nightmare…
No matter how much I want it to be…
He brought himself back together and came up from the floor, the scene he had broken down to gone. His mouth was now how he had always remembered it, but now it was time for the medical tape. He needed to see what was going to scar. Shane knew the gauze, soft and comforting as he swiped his fingertips against it. He let the touch of smooth-pressed cotton be a solace for a moment, knowing the hurt of the tape ripping off fine baby hairs and thin dead skin would bring him back to a painful reality. Prying a wedged edge off, he knew the best way to remove this would be a quick tug. Get it over with quick. But hadn't Shane been through enough?
Wincing at the quick tearing, he involuntarily closed his eyes, knowing that what he would see when he opened them could be just as upsetting as what he discovered with his mouth. Shane started by staring down at his feet, still covered in the blanket he tried to keep draped over himself. It was now falling to the floor, letting the chill around him consume his flesh. He might've not been able to go slow with the bandaging but he could with his sight. His vision traveled up from the ground to the sink, just below where the mirror started.
Are you sure you want to do this? Shane asked himself. He couldn't dignify the voice in his head with a response. He mustered up the strength and looked.
It was as bad as he thought. But that had to be the best part: It couldn't shock him. They were those same divots that he remembered indented into Mars' skin from the first time they had made love, only his were fresh and not so deep. He only had two carefully placed circles just above his clavicle, unlike Mars' that gave the impression that the monster that got him was sloppy and uncaring. The veins Mars had entered and envenomated Shane with raised, black and bruised, but otherwise…for lack of a better word…tidey. If such a word could be given to such an act.
He didn't want me to have those same scars…
That was what made Shane break down. The care that Mars had taken with him, only using the necessary fangs to do what he felt he needed to do overwhelmed him. What kind of fucked up situation had he gotten himself into? To where Shane felt a sense of kindness towards a creature that cursed him with the same plague?
He didn't want to mutilate me.
His fingers ran across the open wounds, taking notice of the size of the holes, he then felt his own fangs.
The scene came back to him but in a different perspective, what would he have done if he had found Mars lying there dying, having no options? Well, almost no options.
He didn't even put them all the way in...
When coming back home, Mars was surprised to not find Shane still wrapped up on the couch. He was sure wherever he would leave him, the cranky man would be still. But as he set down his groceries from Pierre's, he noticed the empty couch and most of the blankets still laying in the spot he had wrapped Shane up in.
Eventually he checked the bathroom, finding his love on the floor against the wall, staring up at the unlit lightbulb.
"Hey. Everything alright?" Mars asked. Shane took a moment to speak.
"I know you didn't want to do this to me," he said, his voice hoarse from crying but now level-headed in what he said.
Mars fell to the floor, stopping himself before embracing.
"Can I touch you?" he asked. Shane allowed it. Mars brought up the blanket Shane had dragged with him redraping it around himself and his partner before enclosing his arms around Shane, who accepted the affection.
"I'm sorry I tried to kill myself," Shane muttered, eyes closed, head resting into Mars' chest. "I just didn't know what else to do."
"It's okay," Mars answered him, fingers moving up and down Shane's hair. The tears came again but this time Shane let Mars in, he let him hold him as he wept for the death of his humanity.
"It gets better, I promise," Mars tried to soothe him with words, but Shane had to mourn.
Soon the sobbing ceased, and Shane brought himself up from his boyfriend's chest, wiping away the tears.
"It sucks sitting on this tile floor," he joked, bringing both his and Mars' expressions to a slight grin.
"I have a living room, and even a couch…" Mars said, his grin growing. The aches Shane was accustomed to from laying on a hard floor, not so damaging to his muscles as he brought himself up on his feet, the blanket still around him and Mars.
"We can cuddle if you want."
They held each other for the rest of the day. Shane took the comfort that he would normally deprive himself of. Mars was still the same man he had fallen in love with, fangs, icy exterior and all.