WHAT YOUR BONES LEFT ME Chapter 15, a stardew valley fanfic

MIDNIGHT

Swaying in the midnight air were branches to trees like hands reaching out to the stars above. The dark atmosphere was somber and so far away from where Shane called home, and his thoughts crept up on what might be out here in these unnamed woods, damp and gloom stricken, and what monsters hid between the silhouettes.

It's me. I'm the monster…

He thought about all the times he would stare out into the nothingness between the leaves of the Cindersap Forest, letting his mind make up the monster hidden within the brush. But now as he stared down his own reflection in the rear view mirror, slowly fading from existence, he had a face to put to it. Mars gave him a half-smile before getting out of his truck, the slamming of the door leaving Shane wincing, Mars was right - he needed to get used to these heightened senses.

The forest was an unwavering mess of chaotic hums and haws from animal to insect to the earth itself in the reverberation of wind and running water. Shane could hear it all. He didn't want to leave the comforts of the warm, dry truck for the slippery mud and cold dampness of the overgrown woods. What was Mars' problem insisting on this anyways? The body of the truck slapped once and hard - Mars' way of saying, Come on, get out we have shit to do.

Reluctantly, Shane complied, but a hit of chilling fall air metaphorically knocked the wind out of him. A fit of erratic breathing followed, like his body was trying to remember how to do it again. Going from deep to shallow to deep again, with no rhythm to it, Mars rushed to Shane's aid, trying to get him to stop.

"Stop trying to breathe-"

"I can't!" Shane wheezed, making himself dizzy with his anxiety.

"Hey, hey, hey, deep breath in!" Mars said, following his own instructions. Luckily, Shane was listening. Minutes passed.

"Deep breath out."

Once he unwrapped his thoughts around the need to breathe, Shane felt the entangling of his fingers into Mars' as he led Shane out away from the truck.

"Feeling better?"

"Why do I gotta be out here?" Shane said. The clamoring of crickets that wouldn't shut up and the wind that was so loud and mind numbing was overwhelming. He never equated being a vampire to the massive amount of headaches he was developing from the sensory overload.

"I told you baby," Mars said, turning around now and walking backwards to face Shane, "You need to adjust to how loud everything is going to be from now on. And you need to know how to eat on your own."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Shane, stop," Mars said sternly. They had been over this. Shane knew he couldn't just wither away even if that's what he wanted. "I know this is rough, but I'm going to help you through it. Being a vampire isn't all that bad."

"Really? It's not all that bad?" Shane said, sarcasm oozing from every word. Just as he finished his retort, he felt Mars trip and begin to tumble down taking Shane with him, only for Mars to float up before hitting the ground.

"No, I don't think so."

"So that's how you didn't fall into the lake that night," Shane said, remembering back on when they first really met. "So what? Can you fly?"

"No, just float. Makes it easier when you're hunting if no one can hear you coming," Mars answered before planting his feet back to the ground, letting Shane bump into him. Quickly, Mars embraced his love and began to float again, only this time with Shane in his arms.

"Shit! Put me down!" Shane said, trying to squirm out of Mars grip.

"What, are you scared?"

"No, I just don't want you to drop me!" Shane protested.

"Stop wiggling and I won't," Mars said. "Now shh…"

Shane let it happen, letting himself melt into Mars body, his love's grip kept him snug as they floated in between the trees. The caressing of Mars' fingers through his hair almost felt romantic.

"Let all the sounds go," Mars whispered to Shane, who had his face snuggled up against his love's chest. He closed his eyes, going deep within his own mind to try and find the off switch to all the whispers of the night blaring through his ears.

"I'm having a hard time doing that…" Shane admitted, desperate for guidance. Mars' fingers ran through his hair again.

"Pick a sound and just let it guide you. Let it take over everything else you're hearing."

A rhythm off in the distance soothing, like drum with no drummer calm like the waves of the ocean:

Lub dub

Lub…..

Dub

"I hear something," Shane muttered. "It's a heartbeat. It's slow."

"It doesn't know we're here."

Like veins being pulled, Shane could feel those new teeth trying to work their way out of their residence inside his gums. He fought back, and found himself winning. Mars floated them closer to the resting rhythm the lub dubs becoming clearer to Shane who in a trance couldn't foretell what Mars was doing.

Lub

Dub

Lub dub

Lub dub Lub dub

Lub dub lub dub lub dub

In a mutter without words, Shane stopped Mars from floating forward.

"It knows, stop."

Lub dub lub dub lub dub

Lub dub lub dub

Shane had never told anyone, but he had always been disgusted by the idea of how much blood could move through a body. Even while in highschool learning mandatory anatomy and physiology the idea of all that red fluid being ejected from the heart had him feeling sick. He could hear his teacher's voice.

Every minute your heart can pump out

anywhere from five to six liters of blood a minute.

He couldn't remember a moment in which that fact didn't make him woozy. He knew how much five to six liters was, he could visualize it in the buckets he used to milk the cows or the half gallons of liquor he would consume. The idea would always bring him to the brink of vomiting if he let the thought settle for too long. Now his mouth watered, his teeth tingled, and for the love of Yoba, had his guts ever felt so empty? He tried to hear the heart again.

Nothing.

"I can't hear it anymore," Shane said. He felt Mars' touch stroking up and down his back before they went back to the ground.

"You did a good job, and it gets better the more you practice," Mars said. His arms unwrapped around Shane, soon it was just his fingers tangled around him. "And once you've had human blood-"

"That's not going to hap-"

"Stop," Mars cut him off. "Once you have the ability to turn, hunting becomes a lot easier."

"What do you mean?" Shane questioned. "I thought I was already a vampire."

"Well, what's a vampire that hasn't had human blood?" Mars joked. But the pun failed to deliver. "So the thing is, that once you have human blood, you can turn your body into something more helpful when hunting."

"What do you mean by that?" Shane said. "So you're some sort of shape-shifting monster too?" He could tell after saying it, that Mars didn't particularly care for the name monster.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Mars said, then paused. "Shane I'm just trying to live. This is the deck I was dealt and there's nothing I can do about it."

"But how do you live with yourself being like this? Eating people, drinking fucking blood?"

"It gets better with time. I gotta eat you know?" Mars answered before pulling Shane in for a hug. Even if Shane didn't want to accept it, Mars was right. Did the snake really enjoy getting the chicks? Or did they have no choice? Mars pressed his lips against Shane's cheek before running off into the darkness between the trees and into the void.

Then he was alone again in the wet dreary unknown. How did it always come to this? Shane in the forest with something in the background in the trees that could rip him to bits? However this time he knew that he could finally put a face to that feeling of being watched, the overwhelming foulness he was so accustomed to when he was walking home at night or staring off in the woods from the pseudo-safety of the main road. A name to the beast.

It was Mars.

It was always Mars.

Has it been deceitful for him to not tell Shane about his monstrous double life? After all, what would have Shane done if he had? He didn't want to think about the answer, because he knew he would react how anyone would react. Mars had every right to keep a part of him hidden. And after all, hadn't Shane done the same thing? Pretended he was someone he wasn't? No, it wasn't. Being in the closet wasn't the same as being a beast that stalks the local wildlife and the homeless. But hadn't he had the same fear of being perceived as such? Hadn't he demonized Mars' parents for their lack of support? Why couldn't he show himself the same love?

As he wandered the forest floor, his sight was more than adjusting - It was thriving. He could see things that even bright daylight would've obscured: Animal tracks so light in the soil that the rain should have wiped them away, ruined spiderwebs like ghost towns, the dead buried and gone, their headstones of husks the only remaining remnants. The scent of dried blood had Shane turning his head towards the creek. He narrowed his hearing on its hum of running water to keep his mind focused. A rabbit's carcass had floated up to the stream's edge, the death not fresh, but also not picked to the bone either. Insects were still claiming their share of the meal. The urge to feast on what was left of its gore had Shane unable to control his fangs. In a tranced state he yawned his jaw out of place, letting the primal evil within him take over. It wanted what was left of that viscera. His hands were cracking, and if Shane could feel or see his fingers he would be a shrieking mess. A dark ring began to develop around the peripherals of his vision until he could only see the rabbit.

What am I doing?

His own inner voice cut through the predatorial vision as the freezing fall rain was dripping onto his soaked jacket, snapping his senses back. When Shane gained control of his state of being and reoriented back to reality, he was shocked to find his body in the shape it was in. His normally stubby and fat fingers were long and distended, reminding him of Eveyln's arthritic and swollen digits. painful just to look at. As he tried to understand what had just happened, he noticed how slack his jaw felt. It was hanging open, the rows of pointed fangs exposed. He couldn't retract them, he couldn't get his jaw in place, hell even his fingers and hands were uselessly trying to push half his face back together. He couldn't speak, but he could scream and shiver in the eternal darkness. He thought back on the dreams Marnie had told him about so many months ago.

"You have claws and fangs and it's horrible and you want to hurt her. At least I think you do."

What had he said to Marnie?

"Well I'm not some sort of monster, and you and I both know I would never hurt Jas. So it's nothing more than a bad dream."

So what was he now if not a horrible monster with fangs and claws? So consumed by bloodlust he just dislocated his jaw going for a rancid animal carcass? In half-shrieks, Shane had more realization of the curse brought unto him. If that something now within him wanted bad enough to make him feast on the remains of that unlucky rabbit, what kept it from making him go after Jas?

Marnie was right. He was a monster.

Was this what the world wanted from him? To become the awful beast he always was? Shane let the thought consume him. He had already died and came back. Why not be the monster Mars had turned him into?

No noise. The woods stood still, crickets laid quiet, the wind without warning seeming to dissipate, and the shadows overcame. and as Mars crept in from the shadows in a form so gruesome, it was a blessing for the curse taking his reflection, as what it had done to his anatomy was more than frightful - it was horror scaring the horrid. In this form he floated above the twigs, roughage, and the muddy ground. Then in a more suitable, but still hungry form, he called to Shane.

Wandering where he left his love, he sulked in the thought that maybe all this was too much for his lover - too much stimulation. Maybe he had forgotten what it was like. How long had it been now since he had first been turned? While he reflected he low growling off in the distance, similar ones that he used to make before he decided he couldn't be a beast forever, sucking on rats and societies forsaken.

Obscured from sight, tucked away by perspective was a creek that Mars almost missed. On the ground a silhouette of a figure crouching trying its best to mimic a rhythm of breathing, butg failing miserably. Mars approached.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Mars asked, trying to get a glimpse of Shane, whose elongated fingers covered his face. No response.

"Not too good, huh?"

He nodded. Mars tried to pry Shane's fingers from his face, only to have his love shutter away. "I have to see what's wrong," Mars said. "And you need to stop trying to breathe."

Shane took a deep breath then emptied his lungs before letting himself collapse, curled up on the ground, hands slowly pulling away. He knew he couldn't speak. His jaw wasn't designed for that anymore, and he couldn't bear to hear the low guttural screeches that were a sad attempt to communicate. He thought loud and hard.

I'm not a person anymore. I'm an…I'm an animal. No, I'm worse. I'm a predator. I'm just as bad as everyone said I was…

The thought that kept repeated over and over again,

I'm not a human being anymore. I'm a monster…

Cold fingers fanned up and down his back.

"I know how this is going to sound, but you need to get your emotions in check," Mars muttered, trying his best to comfort Shane. A low growl escaped between sharp teeth.

"I know...I know," Mars repeated.

Shane let the feeling of Mars fingers stroking over his jacket calm him, letting only his tactile senses register. His mind had had enough. The beginnings of a headache started to fade and all the negativity trying to ensnare him further into a mental breakdown ceased. With the tension of his muscles giving way. His fingers plagued with arthritic curling caused by the swift change in their physical structure unfurled. Shane watched as his long fingers returned to somewhat normal - swollen but still pudgy, nails lengthy and mimicking his fangs. The sight was so engulfing that when he felt Mars reach at the lower end of his jaw he didn't bother to react, letting Mars feel for damage.

"Your jaw's fine, you just need to bring your teeth back in," Mars said, his words lost to the haze surrounding Shane's thoughts. He could only process touch through the fog.

It didn't take long for Mars to figure out that Shane wasn't hearing what he was saying. His love was mentally shutting down, too much for one night. He laid next to his partner and rubbed the back of his neck trying to relax the reflexes enough so Shane would allow for the teeth to slither back into his skull. It had worked and the rows of pointy incisors hid back into the surrounding soft tissue. His body was returning to normal.

Shane wasn't sure of the time when his swollen jaw and fingers snapped back into place. Had it been minutes? Hours? Did it matter? The cold touch of his love dripped down from his back and sides to his hands. Mars's own fingers entwined with his inflamed ones, his chilly touch doing wonders for his pained joints.

"I'm sorry," Shane muttered, his headache worse.

"Don't be, I'm not mad," Mars said. "This is new to you."

"I'm so hungry. I'm starving. There was this dead rabbit I-"

"Shh-" Mars answered, stroking Shane's hair. "I'm trying to get us something to eat. I thought it would be a good idea to have you out here so you could understand why you can't go home to your aunt yet. Do you understand now?"

"It was just there…I don't know what happened-"

"It's okay, sometimes you just get too hungry and…I've blacked out before too," Mars said. "Don't beat yourself up over it, it hasn't even been a whole week."

"I didn't eat it, I stopped myself before that happened. But you're right, I can't go home. I don't trust myself… what if I hurt Jas or Marnie or-"

"Stop," Mars cut him off. "Once you get something in you you'll feel better."

"What if I don't? What if I can't control myself?" Shane sputtered, "I really am a monster, I'm not a human being, I really am-" he cut off the last word, not ready to say it.

"Fuck…"

Mars tried to drag Shane back up to his feet, promising he could sleep off his aches and pain in the truck, that before they left he would have something to quail Shane's hunger.

I need more than that fucking blood meal. I'm starving. I want, no, I need something more…

But what would qualify as more to Shane? His thoughts led him to the answer he didn't want to know.

I'm a fucking monster.