Takes place in Levi's past and chapters 14-16 of OMWF.

Chapter 3: Of Her

For the first time, the shithole he lived in was as clean as he liked it. Not a speck of dirt left anywhere. The windows were as immaculate as they could be in the Underground. The dishes spotless. Even the old, rusty shower was polished.

Living alone had its perks.

Kenny had been a pig; just like the rest of the scum down here. Since he'd left, turning and walking away, not bothering with an explanation, Levi could do what he wanted and whenever he wanted, without having to fight him for every little shit.

Cleaning up? Waste of time. Go out make some money instead. Buying tea? Waste of money he supposedly wasn't working hard enough for. Why not buy beer instead?

No Kenny meant no more dirty footprints all over the floor. And it came as no surprise that the number of knife fights Levi had to engage in these days had gone down drastically.

Sometimes, though, they were inevitable. Other times, he just couldn't resist cleaning up the worst dirt from the streets, those disgusting pieces of shit that still made him see red, even after years of living like this. People like the very first he had killed, courtesy of Kenny. That was blood he didn't regret spilling.

Levi sat down in the armchair, sipping his tea and listening to the silence, only interrupted by the occasional shouting or brute laughter out there in the streets, sometimes distant and faint, sometimes right in front of his door, muffled by the thin walls. There was good reason he always slept with a knife right next to his hand.

He glanced at the newspaper he had picked up earlier and thrown on the side table. The date confirmed what he had suspected: he'd turned fifteen today.

Every day down here was more or less the same, so it didn't matter. But his birthdays always made Levi think of his mother, made it harder to block out the memories. He hated that.

Even thinking of Kenny and all his lessons was better than this. Levi wondered why he hadn't left, first. He had often asked himself why he'd stayed with Kenny, but found no clear answer.

It wasn't out of fear. There wasn't a single thing Levi was afraid of losing, which was the one advantage of having nothing to lose. Except for his life, maybe, but he'd survived so far, and he was only getting stronger as he grew older.

As much as he had despised him, Kenny had been the only person who'd given enough of a shit to teach him things. Why, Levi couldn't say—the asshole had never bothered to tell him.

Maybe, that was a good enough reason to stay.

#

You're kinder than me, Nora had said, after they'd lost four dear friends and witnessed the death of many more of their comrades, sounding like a mere shell of herself. Levi had wanted to contradict her, wanted to destroy the ridiculous notion she had of him once and for all, but when he had looked at her face, her hollow eyes, he couldn't say anything.

It was like she wasn't in there, anymore. He had seen that empty, defeated look countless times before, on soldiers who had seen too much, lost too much. Some of them remained broken for the rest of their lives, and everything they'd once wanted, worked towards, taken pride and joy in had lost their meaning for them. Those soldiers never lasted long. In this world, you couldn't stay alive if you lost your will to fight.

Upon seeing Nora in such a state, the pain threatening to destroy her very essence, blind terror twisted his stomach, overshadowing his own grief. She had never been like this before; always so strong to the point she seemed callous, cracking bitter jokes in the face of blood and death that had others recoil from her.

"I'm sorry you lost so many of your squad, Levi." Erwin's voice rang with sincerity. They were in the commander's makeshift office for the night, and Levi had just finished his recount of the fight with the Female Titan, detailing how he'd retrieved Eren from her disgusting mouth.

"Yeah, I am, too." He gave his commander a hard look. "Doesn't make them any less dead, though."

Erwin nodded, understanding. There was nothing left to be said on this. Shifting his feet, eyes already on the door, Levi said, "If there's nothing else, I'll retreat for the day. I need a shower."

"You are dismissed."

#

It took him no more than five minutes to shower and get dressed into fresh clothes, his body performing the familiar movements automatically. Levi's mind was racing. There was a hollow pit in his stomach. Images of the squad members he'd lost flashed before his eyes, then Eren's face, filled with despair, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Then Nora's empty eyes, the dark brown dull, its spark lost. If she couldn't recover from this…

He couldn't lose her. Not so soon, and not like this. Not with all the fight and passion gone from her. Levi knew too well the pain she must be in. The only difference between them was all the practice he had with bottling it up and shoving it away, as far into a back corner of his head as possible, separating it from the present, his goals, his dream, from what needed to be done. Even if it meant shutting away a part of himself, too. Even if it meant keeping a certain amount of distance from most people. It was essential for survival, for being able to keep pushing forward.

And still, he'd carry the memories of all his fallen comrades with him, always, an aching reminder of his purpose and the duties he needed to fulfil on their behalf.

In a way, he was used to constant loss and death and pain, had even grown a bit numb to it. After all, he hadn't known anything else for most of his life. It was fucked up, he was fucked up, but it was what it was, and his strategy worked.

For the most part. It didn't work too well regarding Nora, however, if his current restlessness was any indicator.

Shit.

Levi's feet were already carrying him through the corridor she'd gone down earlier, his gait irregular and too slow, the sharp pain that shot through his left leg with every step nothing more than a negligible annoyance. He had to know how she was, how bad it was, and he had to do something. No matter how useless it would be. Nothing could turn back time.

He found her room easily; most of the others around weren't occupied, doors ajar. Hers was closed, but he could hear her voice faintly between strange, heavy thumps, though the sounds she made were foreign, for her.

He went in without hesitation, finding her collapsed on the floor, beating the shit out of it with her fists. Sobs were racking her entire, small frame. This was the first time he had seen her cry, and somehow, he'd bet it was indeed the first time she'd cried since joining the Scout Regiment.

Levi had no idea what to do about tears, but preventing her from further injuring her body was an obvious first action. Nora's face was puffy from crying, wet with tears, eyes big and bloodshot, lips swollen. She obviously hated being seen like this, and he couldn't care less.

Even in this state, the brat managed to ask him the same annoying questions as always. Was it really necessary to explain why he was here? The reason was obvious. It pissed him off enough as it was.

He had no idea how normal people would act in a situation like this. People who could show warmth and compassion, like Hange, for example. He should probably have her handle this. He could still get her, in fact. But that would mean leaving Nora like this, and sitting around in his room, antsy and useless. With nothing but his own thoughts weighing on him and no way of knowing how she was doing.

It was probably selfish of him, but he didn't leave.

So, Levi started with the necessities, the things he could do. Get her out of this hole, get her clean—she was a hot mess, right now— and stuff food into her.

It was a start, at least.

Maybe the rest would find itself.

#

During dinner the next day, he didn't look at Nora once. Even a cursory glance would have given something away, Levi was sure. Erwin might have noticed. Hange would have noticed more, and the woman already was a pain in the ass on that subject.

The way the two behaved, avoiding each other's eyes and glaring at their plates, the others probably thought they'd had a fight. And they weren't wrong.

Fighting with Nora had always been dangerous, a slippery slope. Before he knew it, he would be in too deep; his mouth running its course, revealing truths better left untold, with no other option than to push forward and see it through.

Kissing her was the same, but far, far worse.

His brain did a similar thing to him as it did when he was fighting; his focus narrowed, time slowed, and everything went sharp, all his senses heightened. The only difference was that it didn't feel like he was in control. Not at all.

Levi had never been a big fan of kissing. It was wet and messy. Trading saliva with someone just for the hell of it didn't do anything for him—he was more focused on the ultimate goal: a mutually beneficial encounter for both involved parties, to take off the edge. Bodily fluids and messes couldn't be circumvented later on, but kissing mouth-to-mouth beforehand seemed so unnecessary. At least, he had never gotten the appeal.

Until he'd met her, and found himself obsessing over those soft, pink lips, staring at them while they mouthed snarky remarks, fantasising over how they would feel on his, how she would taste.

Being horny was one thing, wanting to kiss someone another. Somehow, these two seemed interlinked where she was concerned, together with a plethora of other things he didn't want to inspect more closely. Maybe, Levi had thought, he'd get it out of his head if they kissed just once: his brain would remember that it was disgusting and useless, just not his thing, and he'd be done with these particular fantasies.

That wouldn't solve the problem of wanting her, though.

"I won't lose you in a useless attempt at vengeance," he had said to Nora in his own anger, speaking the words before he could think on it, and he had seen the expression of blind fury in her face transform. It hadn't abated, rather seemed to shift its focus and evolve into something else. Her glare had been deadly, her eyes flashing at him.

Then she had cursed at him, more vicious than ever before—because she'd probably never been quite so angry at him—and Levi's body had tensed, expecting an assault, ready to subdue her. Instead, she'd pressed her mouth on his and given him whiplash.

He hadn't found it repulsive, not even a little bit. Her kiss was infused with her temper. Her lips were as soft as he'd thought. Yet, they had also been aggressive and unyielding, and she hadn't held back anything. He'd given her as good as he took it. They both had.

Burying his hands in her hair was a recurring theme in his fantasies, so he had done it, and it had only served to intensify his pleasure, the strands just as soft and lush as he remembered.

Fuck, but the woman could do things with her lips, her tongue, her teeth. The sensations had spread from his mouth over his body, sending all his blood rushing south, heat radiating from every spot where they touched. By the time she'd retreated, he had been so turned on it had bordered on torture. The amount of time he had needed before being able to leave the room was ridiculous.

The unlikely turn their heated fight had taken didn't only leave him with blue balls, though. He had learned two things from it, as well; one unsettling but ultimately unsurprising, the other a sliver of hope in this fucking mess their world had descended to.

First, Levi wanted to kiss her again—though that didn't mean that he should. He'd probably only make it worse for himself in the long run. Maybe Nora wouldn't even want to, once she was in a better state of mind; not stricken with grief, her reason clouded with reckless rage, and him the only outlet left.

The second thing he was now sure of, after last night and after this: She was still there. Nora hadn't given up, hadn't lost her will to fight, no matter the cost. She'd live to see another day. She was strong, and he should have assumed she wouldn't break.

After all, she was the most stubborn brat he had ever known.

#

A loud, obnoxious knock on the door to his office made him almost jump.

It was the same every damn time, without fail, for years.

"Come in, Hange," Levi sighed.

"Heya," she said, sauntering over to his desk and plopping into the free chair.

He was already irritated with her. "How often have I told you that there's no need to nearly break down my door every time you knock?"

Hange smiled at him, open and friendly. "Ah, always so testy. How else would you know it's me?"

"Probably by your stink."

"Ouch. That was uncalled for." Judging by the amused twinkle behind her glasses, she wasn't bothered in the least. "And it's not even true—you make sure of that. Always nagging and threatening me till I go take a damn shower." Hange rolled her eyes. "We're probably on the brink of a war. Who except you would care about trivial crap like this?"

Levi scrunched up his nose. "Everyone who isn't a complete pig, I'd say."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways…" Clearly bored of that subject, she looked around in her seat, taking in every corner of his room. "I didn't expect to find you alone. A rare sight, these days." Hange raised her eyebrows at him, smirking, the suggestion obvious.

Indignance flared, and Levi's expression closed off. "Did you just come here to annoy me?"

Hange gave him a grin. "No, actually, I've been meaning to tell you something—though now I'll have to go find Nora, as well, unless she's hiding in your bedroom—"

"Fuck's sake, Shitty Glasses," he snapped, "She. isn't. here. Why the hell would she be? This is my office, and it's late—just go to her room." He crossed his arms, glaring at her.

That only seemed to encourage the nosy woman. Hange leaned forward in her chair with a shrewd look. "Well, she spent the night after the expedition with you, did she not? Besides, since we got back here, she's never been in her bedroom when I went there. Even this late."

Levi froze, trying to keep the surprise from showing on his face.

"She didn't say anything, if that's what you're thinking. It was obvious enough," Hange said, observing his reaction.

Denying would be pointless. Explanations would be like digging his own grave. So, he kept his mouth shut, scowling at his desk, contemplating what else Hange had said. Even before all hell had broken loose on them, Nora'd had her own issues with sleeping and confined spaces. And now, she must feel like complete crap every time she went into her room and saw the second, empty bed.

After a few seconds, Levi spoke. "Try the roof. The brat has always liked it better up there in the cold rather than in her bed."

"Thank you." Hange smiled, giving him a knowing look. "What a lucky coincidence that you happen to know this."

"Tsk." He then remembered there was a reason he had to suffer through this unpleasant conversation. "So, what is it you wanted to tell me? I suppose you wouldn't have spent so much time annoying the shit out of me if it was news about Erwin?"

Hange's smile fell. "No, his state is unchanged. He's stable, though, and should wake up soon." She took off her glasses and polished them with her blouse. "I'm off to Ragako Village come tomorrow. Investigating where the titans inside the Wall could have come from. I want to take Connie Springer with me, since he's from there, and he has… some interesting insights."

One look at the familiar glint in her eyes was enough for Levi to know there was more to it than she let on. "Alright, then. Guess you'll spit it out soon enough, once you've got something concrete."

Hange nodded. "So, seeing as he's one of your squad now—do I have your permission to borrow Connie for this trip?"

"Permission granted."

She jumped up from her chair, her usual, obnoxious mood fully restored. "Great. That was everything. We're leaving early tomorrow, so I'm gonna say bye to Nora now." She was at the door in three large strides. "See ya." It fell shut behind her with a loud bang.

Once he was enveloped in blissful silence again, Levi leaned back in his chair with a heavy exhale. He drained his teacup in one gulp, its contents tepid by now. It was one of the cups he exclusively kept in his rooms. They had no handle.

He opened a drawer of his desk and fished out a small piece of paper, reading through the few words that were written on it—not for the first time, and probably not the last.

They seemed suited for you, stood there in a jagged, impatient scrawl. Signed with nothing but her name. No explanation. Not that Levi needed one, considering the day Nora had chosen for her gift. They had never lost a word about it. He should have thanked her, but he hadn't—it had felt out of place, somehow. But it hadn't seemed to bother her, which maybe was to be expected of someone who decided to dump a present in his office without confronting him.

Instead of mentioning the whole ordeal, Levi had cleaned both the stall of his horse as well as Nora's the next time the task was due. After all, the brat was always bitching about how much she hated that particular duty. She must have known why he had done it, because she didn't say thank you, either. She'd only dropped a comment on how her horse's stall was now cleaner than her own room, and something about drinking tea from the trough. He had called her disgusting and flicked her forehead.

A lot had changed, since then.

Some things, though, were still the same.

AN: Phew. I feel the need to say something.

Somehow, this was such a pain to get out of my head that one of Levi's constipation jokes would be appropriate.

I won't say this for the last time, and I'll probably say it again over in the main story, but writing this character in a romance such as this is fucking hard. I think I don't need to explain why, even though I could definitely write an essay on this.

Anyways, I decided what the hell, out with it, or how else am I supposed to improve?

Thank you for reading, and I hope some of you happened to like it! If you want to give feedback, I'd really appreciate it, as always.