Author's note: I know I always default to 'illegal dragon egg smuggling ring' when I have to write about Tonks' Auror work, so let me put my money where my mouth is now. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the canon, world, and characters portrayed below and you can tell I'm not J.K. Rowling because #transrights

Warnings: NA

Barely Even a Crime, Really

"Welcome home," Remus said, putting his book down and looking up from his spot on the couch, where he'd been bundled up and reading since putting Teddy to bed.

"Thanks," she said, hugging her bag close to her as she kicked off her shoes and closed the door behind her. "Teddy's asleep already?"

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you snuck in and kissed him goodnight, but yes, he's asleep," Remus said. "I saved you some dinner—your son decided that we should have bangers and mash."

"Thank you," she said. "Merlin, he's a wise one, our son. I'm sorry I'm home so late."

"That's okay," he said. "I knew you were undercover. How did it go?"

"It went fine," she said. She knew that strictly speaking, her spouse shouldn't be aware of when she was going undercover and shouldn't even know the blurry outlines of her work—but Remus had hidden his own lycanthrope from the world for over thirty years and had then kept the Order's secrets as close to his chest as Dumbledore himself, so really she thought that they were fine. Besides, she'd been trailing and chipping away at this exotic magical creature trading ring for so long now…

"Just fine?" Remus asked.

She hugged her bag to herself.

"Don't be mad," she said.

"Why would I be mad?" Remus asked.

"Oh, you won't be," she said. "Because I told you, well… Don't be mad but... I stole the dragon's egg."

"You did what?" Remus asked again. She reached into her bag and took out the egg, which weighed about the same as a bowling ball but had a more melon-like shape. It was covered in iridescent scales that locked together like chainmail.

"You… stole a dragon egg," Remus said matter-of-factly, his eyes on the proof.

"Not just any dragon egg," she said. "This is a French Opaleye! They were nearly hunted to extinction in the 1930s."

"Well in that case it's not even really stealing, is it?"

"Well… it is," she said. "But I had all the information and evidence I needed to bring back for us to conduct mass arrests tomorrow. I don't particularly care if they cancel tomorrow's auction."

"And now you have a dragon's egg in your purse," he recapped. "Dora, the private ownership and possession of a dragon's egg is illegal."

She clucked her tongue and waved him off.

"Please Remus, I'm an Auror. I have some wiggle room here."

"Isn't that corrupt?"

"But for a good cause," Tonks said. "Come on Remus, we met when I joined an insurgent anti-fascist organization against Ministry orders. Being an Auror requires some critical thinking skills."

"Of course it does," Remus said with a grin. "And a certain laissez-faire attitude insofar as modeling good, law-abiding behaviour to our child is concerned."

"Teddy will never know and this egg was going to be auctioned off to the highest bidder tomorrow—with absolutely no care or concern for the fact that it's got a living, breathing thing inside of it. It was being treated like an object!"

"Sometimes I forget that your childhood best friend is Charlie Weasley, and then sometimes it just smacks me in the face," Remus said.

Dora stuck out her tongue at him.

"Well, I'm about to call him if you want another reminder," she said. "I need some advice. The Department for the Care and Regulation of Magical Creatures was closed for the day and I couldn't exactly leave this egg in their dropoff box overnight, could I?"

"Oh good," Remus said. "So it lives with us now."

"Only for a little while," she said. "You're not really mad, are you?"

"Of course not," he said. "It usually works in my favour that you care so much about magical creatures and beasts being treated fairly."

"Well you can thank Charlie when we call him," she said.

WC: 642