Disclaimer, in case it wasn't obvious. I don't own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, or really any other property. Thank you.

The Cataylst

Act IV

Chapter 61: Let Down

Bardock:

"I miss you."

There she was, standing there in front of him, as if she was still pregnant with Kakarot and Turles. That was the last time he'd seen her alive. She had the same disappointed look on her face she'd worn every time she saw him for years. It was the only way he could see her now. He'd lost her smile, just as he'd lost her smile while she was still alive. The worst part of it all was how much he missed her. Every second of Hell was made all the worse by the fact she wasn't here. She'd been too good to come here. Reincarnation, was her fate. Whatever made up her soul had long since moved on, perhaps to two lives by now, what did he know? She wasn't her anymore.

And that was even more damning. Whatever she was now, she'd not even know him.

She didn't respond to his words, she just stood there holding her extended abdomen, looking at it instead of him, just like the last time.

"I don't want you coming near them," she told him, just like when she'd been alive. It could never say anything different, it was always the same thing. There was no intelligence behind his vision of his wife, it was just… there. It was him, it was his memories brought back to torment him.

Maybe, beyond torment, it was apart of himself that just wanted to not forget her. Throughout the firestorms, the pain, and the agony of being down here every moment of every day for an eternity… maybe this was the closest thing to an escape he'd ever experience.

When she'd gotten pregnant, they'd been talking about, or screaming about, separating. After he'd cleansed three planets taking three cycles each, they'd not seen one another in almost a Vegetan Year. Then after she got pregnant, she still didn't want anything to do with him. All because Raditz had been a disappointment. Everything had let him down, and that was how this all happened. The only one who never let him down was Kakarot.

No matter how much he'd escaped Hell with his powers, trying to look into the past or the future, he could never see anything relating to his wife. It was a torture to find that out as he'd spent years looking across time and space. He saw his son Kakarot save the universe itself. He'd seen him become a God. He'd seen his grandchildren achieve so much as well. He'd seen the legacy of the Saiyans carried forward from his son. But the future, no matter how alluring, always took second place.

He lived with his crew, in the past. He relived the comradery and the slaughter whenever he'd had the chance. Those were the things that'd made him happy. Those were the moments he was most happy, beyond the day he'd met Yasa after getting back from a particular brutal mission.

"All I ever wanted to be was a good mom."

The words stung as Bardock felt his nostrils expand. The pain came from his memories, rather than his visions. They reminded him more than the visions that he'd been alive. The last things he'd ever wanted to think about were Raditz and Turles. Even when he reached out into the world of the living, or looked through Turles's eyes to try and correct the events of the future… it was always painful. To be reminded that they should have been dead, and that they deserved to be dead.

The worst part about this, was that he was reminded that Yasa had been a good mom. When he saw her with Raditz, she was always watching his every move as a child. She'd insisted on the best for him, the best they could afford. That was why he'd pushed to get the position for him on Planet Siren. He wanted the same things for the kid as she had. How much she loved him, their son made him want that. What could have been better than having an Elite in the family? Families didn't just go from third class, to Elite. Raditz was going to be that for their family, because Yasa deserved to have a son like that.

She deserved to have someone she was proud of.

Something stung across his eyes as he sat in his own darkness, in his own misery. And for the first time, he peered into the past he'd not been there for.

Two doctors, one Saiyan and one Makan. The fictional heartbeat he believed he still had stopped as he saw them moving rapidly around the healing chamber on the maternity ward.

"The first one's out, the second one's not coming out right. Something's wrong."

"Readings are erratic. Scans are showing a tear. He's coming out."

She didn't look lucid. Sweat covered her as she tried to reach for Kakarot. In the same instance, he found himself reaching out for her instead. His chest hurt seeing her. When the other one came out, he saw the doctors panic. Yasa screamed in pain and he didn't understand why, but he understood fear. They were operating with fear.

"Get her in the healing tank, now. We've not got much time. This is bad."

The attendant didn't give the second one that came out of her more than a glance before he almost discarded the child before rushing to held the doctors with Yasa. Kakarot and Turles started screaming in the background as he saw his wife reaching for them, her arms weakening.

Why can I see this? Why am I going through this? Why now?

And that was how his youngest son had murdered his wife. She never made it alive to the tank. That much was exactly like the doctor's report said. Before they'd placed the body in the tank as it started to fill with healing fluid, he could hear her mumbling weakly, none of the words made sense, but he could see the pain in her eyes as she looked ahead, and she stared right through him where he was. It was the look of a woman who knew she'd not see any of her children again.

"No… please… I don't want to go."

When she was gone, he turned around in a fury, trying to grab for anything around him as his hands passed right through. He grabbed for Turles next, only to find his fingers could wrap around the infant as he started to choke it, halting its cries as the world seemed to go still. He could feel her heartbeat dying behind him… and he could feel Turles's dying at the same time.

It took a second for him to realize what he was doing as the child hung dead from his hands.

"I told the doctors that I named them Kakarot and Turles," her voice carried through his head as Bardock felt himself freeze in place. "I always knew that Kakarot was going to be a kind soul. I never wanted him to be a warrior. I wanted to find a way to get him out of it. But I knew Turles was going to be just like his father. I knew it the second I saw him, while they were trying to save me. I just wanted him to have a better life. I always thought my husband was my heart, even when he made mistakes. I knew he only wanted what was best for Raditz. As long their father looked after them, I knew that they'd be okay."

Staring at the body in his hand, Bardock felt something choke through him as his legs started to get weak.

What is this?

When he turned around, Yasa was gone. In the tank, he could see Turles staring back at him, his hand on the glass. It was the moment he'd been placed in the healing chamber on Namek. It was just after the first time they'd connected. Cautiously, Bardock walked towards the glass, seeing his son, the one he resented more than anything staring back at him. The one who Yasa thought… according to her voice… saying something he'd never heard her say before… had thought was the most like him.

It almost made him hate him more. He could see it now. He could see the son who was the most like him. The one who was strong headed, violent, and destructive. The one who took shortcuts whenever he could to get ahead. The one who Yasa thought was like him. The one she thought was her heart.

The irony being that no one was as cold, or calculating as Turles. And he hated him for it. Even more ruthless than Raditz or himself, Turles would do anything for his own gain, and would sacrifice anyone he cared about to get there. Even his death on Namek, at first glance seeming selfless, was encouraged by him in the hopes he'd betray everyone else. He'd seen his son attack his brother's friends, and try to kill Kakarot. He'd been behind his eyes as he thought transforming to the great ape form would give him the victory, he wanted so desperately over Kakarot. All so he could have more control.

When he turned around again, this time to walk out in disgust of himself and Turles, he saw Yasa staring at him. Her dead body seemingly reanimated, holding her chest as she stared at him intensely. Kakarot stopped crying seeing her, and Bardock felt himself lower his head in shame, trying to keep himself at odds with her. Why was this happening? What did they want from him?

"Bardock," her voice carried through him as she spoke. "What do you want?"

"I want to go back," Bardock admitted. "I want to go back before this all happened. I want to go back to where we were before I sent Raditz away. I want to go back out with my crew. I… I want to make it better."

She seemed to understand, but just pointed to the infant Turles, but implied beyond that.

"Give him his heart back, Bardock."

The remark left him standing still.

"Who?" Bardock managed. "Turles? What heart? Have you seen him? I think Frieza has about the same pulse as Turles does."

Emboldened, Bardock stepped forward, preparing to rekindle the arguments of their last lives.

"He's a damn butcher, he even puts our species to shame. He's without any kind of honour, and doesn't care about even his own brothers, even after they've saved his life and given him multiple chances. Have you seen his thoughts? I've seen his thoughts. Power hungry in the extreme and willing to do anything to get ahead."

The stare she gave him was long enough that she just looked down in defeat. It was the same look that she always gave him when their arguments spilled over. Yasa had always just gotten quiet when he yelled.

"Yasa," he said after a moment. "I know that… I know that its all my fault."

She looked up at him as he took a cautious step towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders while he stared at her. This was his chance to try and explain things. It was his chance to try and make things right… or… or it was his chance to apologize.

"It doesn't matter Bardock. You can still fix things."

"I've been trying to save Kakarot, Yasa. I've done everything I can, but my visions… they don't-"

"Kakarot doesn't need saving, Bardock," she said to him, placing her hand on his armoured chestplate, just like she always used to. "Your son is going to die up there unless you do something."

Anger boiled up his chest as soon as she said that Turles was his son, or even if she was implying that Raditz, that failure, deserved his help.

"Why do I care?" he asked her. "The only one of them who deserves anything is Kakarot."

"Raditz will find a way. He's going to make us proud one day."

Somehow, Bardock doubted that. But when she said it, he wanted to believe it.

"Give him his heart back."

"I don't know what you mean," Bardock almost snarled. "I can't give him something he doesn't have."

The sentence rang through his own ears as he said it.

"Why would he even need a heart? What good is it going to do him?"

There was a sad smile on her face as she blinked several tears away. Something heavy pushed against his chest when she turned her eyes back up to him. It wasn't a gift, he could tell. There was so much pain in those eyes, and he didn't understand why, but he could feel it.

"A heart will bring him pain."

Her words were left standing along with them. For the first time in his afterlife, perhaps even his life, he felt… bad… for Turles. She took hold of his hand, pulling it from her shoulder and placing something in his hand, closing his fist around it. It felt like it was beating. Beneath his fingers he felt something far warmer than he'd imagined, even as it pulsed.

"How?" he asked quietly. "This isn't even real."

"I wasn't wrong about you, Bardock," she told him. "You were always my heart. Be his father and you'll find a way."

Shame. It was a familiar sensation, but usually it was taking shame in the fact that he'd failed to stop Frieza, or that his sons ended up being failures, save Kakarot. But he was more afraid of accepting Turles, and even attempting to offer him any real support, let alone show him any kind of emotion that would make him his father. If anything, he was going to be mocked for it.

"You'll know when the time is right," she told him. "You'll know when he needs you."

The world started to grow fuzzier as Bardock was left, the pounding sensation in his hand no fading.

"… Don't leave," he said after several sections, seeing the world beginning to drip away from his view. "Please."

"You know I can't stay," she responded to him, her own eyes welling with tears. "I wouldn't leave you like this. You know if I had a choice I wouldn't."

"Then stay," Bardock pleaded.

Stepping forward, he felt his own heart beating in his chest for the first time since he'd died. The pain was too much, it was more than he could take. He could see her pain, he could see his own reflected in it. What was lost in the past felt like it shouldn't be. There was so much he still wanted to say.

"Please, Yasa. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I let you down, I know I did. I… I'll make it right, please," Bardock reached out for her, but she seemed to get increasingly distant from him.

In his head he could see a thousand things he'd done wrong. He could see all his failures, all of the arguments and fights. He could see Raditz disappearing from their family because of him. Yasa was alone with almost no one. He could see Kakarot and Turles crying alone without anyone there. He could see Raditz laying face first on a hangar floor trying not to cry, only to sob painfully after he'd discarded him. He could see Kakarot, alone in his incubation pod before his departure, and just walking past when he saw his power level was only 2, as if he'd been the failure for not being special when he was born. He should have been special to him… and he knew that now.

There were words he could hear in the back of his head.

…You know you can't make this right…

"But you can try to make things better, if not for Turles, then maybe for yourself, Bardock… I can't stay," her words trailed off a second later, her eyes drifting from him for a moment. "I'm not here. I never was… But you know I loved you."

The world slowly bled away from his view until he was left in his own darkness. For the first time in longer than he could remember, Bardock felt himself break. His body convulsed as he caught a sob in his own throat. Sinking to the ground, he couldn't find the will or power to stand.

His world still hadn't returned to being in Hell. He was here… here in his own mind, here in the place he'd made for himself. But he could still feel his right hand beating as if there was a heart in his hands.

When he looked up from where he sat, he saw Turles staring back at him. The only son he had that he knew. The only son he had that he truly despised. All of the pain he'd just experienced was all for him… and that was the point. But he still couldn't see past the worst crime. Turles had taken away his only chance to reconcile with Yasa while he was alive. But he knew she'd want him to help him… it wasn't just voices and images in his head. The heartbeat… its rhythm, he couldn't let go of it in his head.

…

Rising up to his own feet, Bardock looked in the image of his son's eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to say anything.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Author's Notes:

Catch you on Chapter 62.

Don't know if I'll be back in time to morrow to throw this chapter up, so it's coming out a day early.

I'm tempted to go back and reedit chapter 20 and a few others, including this one, to rename Yasa to "Gine", just to make it more consistent for people. I just really hate to go back and edit things, it feels like revisionism. But at the same time, I don't want people to get confused. It's quite the conundrum, lol

Also, this chapter was originally supposed to be part of Chapter 62, as like a 2-page blurb, but I really, really felt it needed its own expansion. I thought it was good to finally give Bardock his own chapter. I also think it works to honestly break up the fight a bit, and not just have another fight chapter without a break in it.

I am going to slow down the release schedule after the Lord Slug Saga for a couple of reasons, including drawing out the content over a longer period for people so there isn't a massive wasteland with no content, which my stories sometimes get. Up to Chapter 73 have been written in some form, so there will be content even after Slug's Saga's over for at least some time.

Reviewers:

Super Mystic Gohan: Raditz didn't do that from the start because he didn't have enough of an opportunity to do it. Goku also had a rough chapter, lol.

Luke: I don't think that's in the cards at the moment :P

Perfect Carnage: Spirit Bomb? BAH! Real men beat Namekians with their bare hands, Carnage! Their bare hands!

Guest1: I wanted to give a sense that these were real characters, and not just furniture. Shell, Staff, Colchico, and Achatin all have their own backstories, personalities, gripes, ect. It's just this isn't their story. Goku and Turles will be fine those. 5 bucks says Goku just one punches Slug cuz he's got a weak jaw. I swear it to be true :P

Michael Stone: Late? I thought they were on time. :P

Guest2: Team playing and Turles going together like Son Goku and Repugnant. :P

DarkFalconZ: Team Raditz is always the best team :P

AquarianKing: Vegeta? And you mean give him justice in this story? Or give him justice compared to the original Dragon Ball? Vegeta's got an arc, and it's definitely going to be different than the Canon. Things have changed, events have changed, and Vegeta grew in a bit of a different direction. It doesn't mean he's not Vegeta… he's just Vegeta under different circumstances. Honestly, he's one of my favourites to write at the moment.

Thomas-The-TMC: Piccolo is totally the King of that battlefield :P. Yea, writing Piccolo's a joy.

Team Soda: It's always meant to be that way! It could happen! At any moment! Lol

AC: Turles vs. Shell was a lot of fun to write. Shell's such a piece of garbage, he deserved what he got from Turles. Turles is way more fun when he's killing people worse than he is, lol

OuterSpaceHooker: Raditz should have betrayed everyone. New setting, Raditz, Lord Slug, Staff, and Achatin conquer the galaxy! :P

Guest3: Turles held off participating because he doesn't like being told what to do by people he's stronger than, or people he thinks are douchebags (Son Goku) lol