AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Guys. I finally saw Frozen II. I am not okay. If you need me, I will be in my car singing 'Show Yourself' whilst spiralling further and further in to an emotional wreck.

While I'm off doing that, enjoy today's chapter!

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE | NUMB

Hayner, Pence and Olette had brought them a wide assortment of bedding, cookware, and enough food to last them for a few days at least. Vanitas had disappeared until they had left in the early evening, and when he had finally joined Kairi and Naminé in the lounge it was with an armful of thick branches and twigs for kindling. Kairi had volunteered to make the fire while Naminé and Vanitas set about rearranging the room. The two sofas were pulled closer together and angled in towards the fire, and the chair that had been set between them had been dragged against the wall behind the door. After setting it in place Vanitas had snatched a blanket from the pile and curled up beneath it, completely hidden. Kairi had wanted to say something – to invite him back to the fireside – but Naminé had motioned for her to leave it alone. It was enough that he was sleeping in the same room as them, after all.

Kairi didn't remember falling asleep, but she was vividly aware of waking up. There was a pain in her neck from where she had fallen asleep with her cheek pressed against the armrest, and when she sat up it was with a deep grimace as her spine clicked in several places. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and worked the kinks from her back as she looked around the room, surprised to find herself alone. The fire had long-since died, and strong beams of sunlight were forcing their way through the gaps in the moth-eaten curtains.

"Naminé?" she called. "Vanitas?" No answer. Slowly she lifted herself out of the deep sofa, sneezing as she disturbed several clouds of dust, and after smoothing the wrinkles from her dress as best she could she made her way back in to the foyer and glanced around, looking for any signs of life. She could hear voices – a flutter of Naminé's light laughter – and she spied two silhouettes through the dusty windows. So they were outside. Relief flooded Kairi's gut, making way for a burning question: How did she get outside? There had to be a door somewhere, but she couldn't remember seeing one last night.

Eventually she found it in the room on the other side of the foyer – tucked away in the back corner – and she passed through a small kitchenette before finding Vanitas and Naminé sitting on the back patio. There was something quite amusing about seeing Vanitas in a deck chair wearing a pair of Hayner's black cargo shorts and a long black vest with some sort of skull sketched on the front. He looked so uncomfortable, especially next to Naminé who seemed perfectly content to bask in the morning sun in her white sundress and Olette's hot pink recliner.

"Morning, Kairi!" Naminé called as she stepped out in to the sunlight.

"Morning," she answered. "What time did you guys get up?"

"Not that long ago," Naminé replied. "You were pretty fast asleep so we thought we would let you get some rest."

"I must have needed it," she said with a smile. She reached in to the cooler between the two chairs and pulled out a small pastry before sitting down on the patio beside Naminé's chair. Whatever Naminé and Vanitas had been talking about was apparently not meant for her ears, and so she ate in silence and examined the garden. There was a large swathe of unkempt grass with trees and bushes planted in the shadow of each of the three large walls, but otherwise there was very little to the rear of the house. Perfect for training.

After Kairi had finished eating, Naminé took the cooler and the chairs and made her way back inside to do some more cleaning up and to let Axel know that she and Kairi were safe. Kairi stood and dusted the pastry crumbs from her knees before turning to Vanitas who had made his way to the centre of the garden.

"So what do you want to start with?" she asked. "When I trained with Aqua and Terra we used to do magic in the mornings and then after lunch we would-"

The unversed came out of nowhere. She was barely able to scramble out of the way, summoning her keyblade and guarding against its next attack. Several more quickly joined the fray and she grit her teeth; they were diving right in to the thick of it, apparently. Well, if that was how Vanitas wanted to play it… She beat back two unversed before casting a firaga that spiralled around her, taking out the nearest unversed with ease. For every one that she defeated two more would take its place, and before long she was surrounded on all sides; the realisation made her heart pound in her ears as she lashed out with Destiny's Embrace, cutting clean through two small floods before finding herself clashing against a scrapper that was nearly as tall as she was. She danced back from its silvery claws and threw up a shield until it had finished swinging for her. When it was done she launched forwards, attacking the creature with a devastating combination that sent it flying in to an oncoming bruiser.

Vanitas remained in the centre of the garden, and whenever she could glance towards him she found him watching her carefully. She wondered perhaps if he was the target – if maybe reaching and defeating him was the point of her training – but whenever she got too close he would summon a turtletoad which would send her barrelling back towards the patio. After trying (and failing) for a third time she decided that perhaps this was nothing more than a battle of attrition, though after she'd made the conscious decision to pace herself he seemed to double the number of unversed that he created until she could barely move without standing on a flood or brushing elbows with a scrapper.

And then they were gone. They all disappeared at the same time, leaving her confused and staggering forwards as the unversed she had been battering her keyblade against suddenly melted back in to the shadows. Vanitas was staring at her with an unreadable expression.

"Well you don't seem to have any problems with crowd control," he sneered. "Wanna tell me what happened yesterday?"

"Yesterday?" It came back to her soon enough; the feeling of panic that flooded through her as she stared out over the wave of heartless. She swallowed thickly and tightened her grip on her keyblade. "I… Luxu surprised me-"

"So did I," he countered. "Try again."

"It was… I was just tired," she said. She straightened and forced her voice to remain firm. "It took a lot out of me when you left my heart-"

"And at the Graveyard?" he scoffed. She floundered for an answer.

"Th-There was a phantom-"

"And all the times in the labyrinth with Sora?" He folded his arms with a derisive sneer. "Out with it, princess." She tightened her grip on her keyblade and dropped in to defensive stance.

"It doesn't matter," she said. "Shall we go again?"

"What's the point?" he asked. "You're more than capable. It'd be a waste of time to keep doing the same thing over and over. If you want to get better, you've got to figure out what's holding you back."

"Why do you care?" she snapped. His eyes narrowed.

"Fine. Have it your way," he answered. "I don't know why I ever agreed to this stupid plan in the first place." He dropped his arms and stormed past her back towards the manor. She span on her heel to watch him go and found Naminé watching them from the back door. She shot Kairi a pleading expression and Kairi swallowed bile as her stomach churned nervously.

"It's different here," she called after him. He stopped but didn't turn to face her and she sighed, dismissing her keyblade and drawing herself up tall. "I'm fine here because I'm safe, just like I was safe in Merlin's time chamber. I know that no matter how badly I mess up, I'm going to be okay. But out there… If I mess up out in the real world then there are going to be consequences. I've messed up so many times that it terrifies me."

Vanitas turned slowly, his golden eyes gleaming dangerously as he stared at her.

"Who said you're safe with me?" he asked harshly. The question caught her off guard and she floundered for several seconds before finding her voice again.

"W-well we're… we're training," she said. "This is just practice."

"So? That doesn't mean you're not in danger."

His icy tone set her heart racing and she felt a shiver run the length of her spine. She swallowed thickly, all too aware of the unspoken threat.

"But you wouldn't-"

"I promised you that I would fight for Sora. I promised Naminé that I would train you. I never promised anyone that I would keep you safe," he said coolly. "You honestly think Luxu hasn't figured out how to shut you down? All he has to do is summon more than ten heartless and you're worse than useless; you become a liability. One less Guardian to worry about, and easy leverage to make Sora do whatever Luxu wants." The words struck a nerve and she bit back a wave of frustrated tears.

"That's not fair-"

"Isn't it?" he shot back. "Because from what I've seen, you're basically a dead weight in any fight that isn't guaranteed to be one-on-one. And even then, you'd be lucky to come out on top."

"What else do you want me to do?" she snapped. "Maybe if I'd learned how to fight through experience things would be different, but I didn't. I got stuck in a safe little pocket dimension while everyone else was out there fighting for their lives-"

"So maybe it's time to ask yourself if you're really cut out for all this," he retorted in a dangerous hiss. "Perhaps you should go back to your islands and wait it out until this is all over. You're good at that."

She charged forwards, swinging her keyblade with a guttural yell. Vanitas merely rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist to summon a horde of unversed that surged towards her in a tidal wave. Anger was replaced by panic and her stomach fell in to her boots.

"Don't count on me to keep you safe, princess," Vanitas spat. "The only person you can count on is yourself." She threw up a spherical shield and clutched her keyblade tightly, watching as the unversed piled in around her, climbing over each other to scratch at the gossamer barrier.

"Vanitas-"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Vanitas shouted. "And as for what does kill you… Well that's your problem, not mine." He turned away from her and made his way back inside, taking Naminé's elbow as he passed and dragging her with him. The last thing Kairi saw were wide, terrified blue eyes before the door slammed firmly closed behind them.

The shield collapsed. The unversed swarmed in a tsunami of claws and fangs that left scratches across her arms. She tried to throw up another shield but the onslaught was endless; she was being battered from all sides in a relentless bombardment that left her unable to catch her breath, and all too soon she felt like she was drowning. She curled in on herself, burying her face in her knees as the unversed continued their assault. Something ached in her chest and she latched on to the feeling as the shard of Sora's heart reached out to hers.

Sora… She grit her teeth and forced herself to take a deep breath. Sora was counting on her, and she couldn't help him if she couldn't help herself. She recalled Destiny's Embrace and pressed her forehead against it, feeling her magic as it pulsed along the length.

Her magic.

She released it in a shockwave that sent the unversed stumbling back and she used the opening it created to drag herself to her feet. Several unversed leapt for her at once and she swung her keyblade in a wide arc, sending them all spiralling through the air while she lashed out at the cluster of scrappers that had been trying to attack her from behind.

Once the initial panic had subsided it was all too easy to find her rhythm again, and within minutes she had easily halved the number of unversed. The others were quickly despatched with several bursts of magic, and when the garden was finally clear she used the last of her magic to cast a small healing spell over herself before she collapsed in to the grass to catch her breath.

"Kairi!" Naminé appeared by her side, dropping to her knees and handing her a handful of potions and ethers. "Are you all right?" She drank the potions and nodded stiffly, exchanging the empty phials for a bottle of cool water which she gulped greedily.

"Well you didn't die," Vanitas drawled. Kairi ignored him for favour of taking an ether and she heard him huff. "Get up. Let's go again." Naminé twisted to fix him with a scowl.

"Give her a chance, Vanitas-"

"It's all right, Naminé," she said, looking up at Vanitas for the first time. He remained hadn't really been expecting his approval, though she did see something flicker across his expression as she pulled herself back to her feet and readied her keyblade again. Naminé tried to object, but as the first unversed began to form she made a quick dash back to the safety of the patio. Kairi turned, finding the sea of unversed waiting at her back, and she bit back panic. She felt her thoughts spiralling out of control and she forced them back to the present. It didn't matter what had happened in the past. It didn't matter what could happen in the future. She knew for a fact that Sora didn't overthink things this much, so why did she?

She focused on her breathing – on the swinging of her keyblade – on the feel of her magic swelling in her chest. She focused on the pull of darkness; it was less pronounced with the unversed than it was with the heartless, but if she concentrated she could feel the pull of negative emotions. Anger, sadness, desperation… they swirled around her, drawing her attention from one shadow to the next until she felt like she could sense them with her eyes closed (not that she was brave enough to try). She felt Vanitas reaching out to her, tracing the lingering connection between their hearts, and suddenly she felt her emotions being added to the fray. The lingering anger from Vanitas' earlier jabs, the bubbling panic and fear she was working so hard to suppress, the resentment that she'd never been given a chance to learn to fight like everyone else… It felt cathartic to watch those emotions take shape and then beat them to a pulp. By the time Vanitas finally called an end to it she was feeling calmer than she could remember feeling for a very long time. Almost numb.

It felt nice.

They took a break shortly after midday, by which point Kairi almost felt like she was floating in the clouds without a care in the world. The feeling was intoxicating. It was nice not to worry about the meaning behind Vanitas' persistent smirk, and it was nice not to feel like she had to figure out why Naminé was frowning at her or how to make the frown go away. She didn't even really mind that much about the welts and bruises that were blossoming over her arms, and she studied them with a sort of detached fascination as Naminé served up a small lunch of sandwiches and fruit in the lounge.

After a while she noticed that she was alone. She was dimly aware of hushed voices from the foyer but she shrugged them off. If they needed her, they would come get her. She sat back against the musty cushions and closed her eyes, basking in the calm that had taken over her entire being. The front door creaked open and then slammed shut, and after a moment the door to the lounge squeaked. The sofa dipped as someone sat beside her, and Kairi felt someone take her hand and squeeze. Hard.

"Kairi." Naminé's voice was stern. Almost angry. Kairi cracked an eye open and glanced at her. She was frowning again.

"Hey, Naminé," she said with a smile. The blonde pursed her lips.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I feel great," Kairi answered. "I feel… quiet. It's nice. You should try it."

"Do you want to head outside and do more training?" she asked. Kairi opened her eyes the rest of the way and let her head roll forwards. Training… It had been important when she'd woken up, but now… She shrugged and let her head sag back in to the pillow again.

"Maybe later," she murmured. Naminé's expression fell and she reached for Kairi's other hand. She squeezed them both tightly with a sad sort of smile.

"Sorry about this," she murmured. Kairi frowned.

"Sorry about wh-"

Their hearts connected and Kairi found herself overwhelmed by a rush of emotions that flooded through her system and made her chest ache. She gulped in air as she felt herself slam back to reality with a painful lurch that left her head reeling. The numbing smog that had smothered her brain was quickly banished, leaving her feeling like she'd been dragged out of a deep sleep.

"What… What was that?" she wheezed. The onslaught of emotions had left her crying, and she quickly scrubbed the tears from her cheeks as Naminé sat back with a heavy sigh.

"Vanitas was using your emotions to create the unversed," she explained, "but he went too far. He's been doing it for so long that he's built up a tolerance to it. He has to do it more and more to feel the same way he felt the first time, and that's what he did to you."

"How do you know that?" Kairi asked. "Did he tell you?" If Vanitas was opening up to either of them, then they were off to a good start. Naminé fixed her with a peculiar expression.

"It's what we were talking about over lunch," she said. Kairi felt her ears burning and she rubbed at the back of her neck to stop the flush from creeping in to her cheeks.

"Oh," she murmured. She offered Naminé a bashful smile. "I really was out of it, wasn't I?" Naminé pursed her lips and folded her hands in her lap.

"Didn't it feel strange, when Vanitas was reaching in to your heart?" she asked. Kairi shrugged.

"No more than the last time." It seemed the wrong thing to say, judging by the stern glint that appeared in Naminé's eyes as her expression tightened.

"Last time?" she asked, her voice dangerously calm. Kairi swallowed thickly and knitted her fingers together. Slowly she recounted her first visit to Ansem's laboratory; how she had barely made it through his office before being haunted by an untraceable fear. Then she explained how Vanitas had helped her, and how they had ventured in to the flower fields and trained until dawn. When she was finished Naminé's face was torn by warring emotions – anger and sadness and sympathy all rolled in to one.

"You can't keep letting Vanitas do that to you," Naminé said gently. "It's not healthy. The emotions that you feel, you need to be able to deal with them." Kairi nodded and lowered her gaze to her lap.

"I know," she murmured. It had been nice, though, the feeling of not caring. She bit the inside of her cheek and reached out to the fragment of Sora's heart. She traced the connection, grateful for the first time that she still seemed unable to reach him. She hoped it went two ways, and that he wouldn't be able to feel her momentary lapse in focus.

Had she really just told Naminé that she didn't want to train any more today? It felt like someone else had been speaking with her voice, as though a stranger had taken up residence in her head. Had she really become someone so different just because Vanitas had taken away her ability to care? Naminé reached for her hands again and squeezed softly.

"Sometimes… Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I only had pieces of my heart," Naminé began, her voice soft and almost vulnerable. "Things were easier then. Less complicated. But all of the things I feel, they make me who I am. Without them, I wouldn't be me anymore." Kairi nodded, lifting her gaze from her lap to meet Naminé's gleaming eyes.

"Life would be easier if we didn't have to feel all these emotions," she said with a dry laugh, "but it would be a whole lot more boring." Naminé giggled lightly.

"So boring," she said. She leant forwards and wrapped her arms around Kairi's shoulders, squeezing her tightly. Kairi didn't hesitate to return the gesture, and for a moment they just sat together in silence, giving and taking strength in equal measures.

"You know we need to make Vanitas believe this, too," Kairi murmured in to Naminé's hair. Naminé laughed dryly.

"Now that's going to be the real challenge."

"Where is Vanitas, anyway?" Kairi asked as they pulled apart.

"I sent him out to get firewood," she answered. "He was far too proud of what he'd done to you." A small smile pulled at the corners of Kairi's lips.

"I think… I think he was trying to help, in his own way," she said softly. "It's a good thing, really. He chose to help me when he didn't have to." Naminé nodded slowly, though her brow was furrowed thoughtfully.

"I know, and I don't want to make him feel like we don't want him to help us," Naminé replied, "but we have to show him that what he didn't today isn't the right way to do it." Kairi nodded firmly, though the sound of the front door swinging open kept her from saying anything further. After a moment Vanitas shrugged his way in to the room, his arms wrapped tightly around an assortment of branches and twigs. He glanced first to Naminé and then to Kairi, and the corners of his lips twitched in to a smirk.

"Feeling better, princess?" he drawled, a note of smug satisfaction colouring his voice. He circled the sofas and dropped the pile of wood in front of the fireplace. Kairi forced herself to remain calm, and she fixed her features in to the kindest smile she could muster.

"Yes, thank you," she said. He dusted off his palms, leaving a trail of dirt across Hayner's shorts.

"Ready to go again?"

"Actually, Vanitas," Naminé began, "I think Kairi needs more time to recover from this morning, and we can't have you burning yourself out. Besides, there was something I wanted to show you." Vanitas' fixed her with a strange expression.

"O…kay…" he said hesitantly. Naminé giggled and rose to her feet.

"Don't look so nervous," she said lightly. She reached out to take his hand and Kairi was surprised when he didn't pull away, though he did stare down at their interlocked fingers as though he was scared that Naminé's hand was about to attack him. Naminé giggle again. "Come on, it's upstairs." And as she left she shot Kairi a small wave and an apologetic smile that made it clear Kairi was not invited to join them. She stood and hovered in the doorway, watching as they climbed the stairs and disappeared into the room on the left. Kairi wondered what was in there.

Well, she wouldn't be finding out any time soon, it seemed. She turned on her heel and set about sorting the wood in to two piles on either side of the fireplace – smaller twigs for kindling on the left, and larger chunks of branches and bark on the right. Next she set about straightening the blankets on her sofa, the sleeping bag on Naminé's, and the blanket on Vanitas' chair behind the door. After a moment's thought she grabbed one of the plush pillows from another armchair and punched the dust from it before setting it on the chair for Vanitas. She ran her fingers over the books in the library but she wasn't in the mood to sit and read. The emotions Naminé had poured back in to her were rattling around and filling her with an anxious sort of energy that needed to be expelled. Usually when she had 'sand to churn' (as her mum used to call it) she would tidy, but the mansion was as clean as it could be and try as she might she couldn't find anything to do.

Eventually she made her way back out in to the garden. She summoned her keyblade and made her way through a series of combinations, but they felt hollow and empty with nothing to fight against. The lack of resistance threw her off balance several times until she finally tripped over her feet and landed heavily in the dirt. She stared up at the clouds, fingers absently tangling themselves in the tufts of grass around her as she tried to think of something else she could do. Her thoughts lingered on the feeling of numbness for longer than she cared to admit. She closed her eyes, wondering if it would be possible to create her own unversed, only to stop that particular train of thought before it could gain any real momentum. Even if she could, it certainly wasn't the right way to clear her mind.

She slowly peeled her eyes open again. That was what she wanted to do, wasn't it? Clear her mind. She cast her thoughts back to the days that followed her return, to morning spent with Aqua, Axel and Ven in the arena. Slowly she pushed herself to her feet and let her keyblade fade away, searching her memories for the sequence of movements Aqua had taught them. It felt like so long ago. She took a deep breath and pressed her palms together over her heart. Then she stretched towards the sky, one leg sliding forwards in to a lunge as her arms lowered, her body twisting to keep her left elbow over her right knee. Here she froze for several seconds, trying to remember the next move. She pivoted on the balls of her feet so she was facing towards the mansion, and then she tilted backwards to open her heart towards the sky. She paused here, taking several deep breaths and closing her eyes to bask in the feeling of the sun on her skin before she circled her arms and brought her feet together to press her palms in to the dirt. Then she straightened and repeated the sequence on the other side.

She hadn't completed a hansha since before she had gone to Sleep. The memories came to her in a surge, but as she continued to move through the motions she found that they washed over her with ease. She felt them pass through her, and she let them go with a sense of acceptance and calm. She couldn't change the past, after all. She closed her eyes, moving through the sequence in an endless loop, hypnotised by the endless ebb and flow of thoughts and feelings. The longer she moved the calmer and more detached she became until she felt, of all things, peaceful. This wasn't the same numbness from earlier; she could still feel the worries and fears lapping at the edges of her mind, but in the centre – in that moment – she was calm.

It had seemed so difficult to clear her mind before, when all she could think about was how long it would take to destroy the rest of her heart. Now she could see what Aqua had been talking about; the connections really did look like threads. She followed the thread that led to a formless glimmer of light. Her keyblade. Soon she found herself pulling at others; threads that tied her to Naminé, to Axel, to Aqua… a faint strand – no thicker than a hair – tethered her to Vanitas. And then there came the strongest thread of all; a golden rope that tied her heart to Sora's. She reached out towards it, wrapping herself around the connection and following it. The further she travelled, the fainter the connection, until it seemed to disappear.

No, not disappear. She had been right; the connection was still there, but it was… hidden. Veiled behind something that she could neither see nor feel nor sense. A part of her knew that it carried on – that Sora was waiting for her at the other side – but there was something in the way; some sort of barrier that had fallen between them. The darkness, perhaps? And had Luxu put it there in his attempts to control Sora, or had Sora put it there to keep her from seeing what lay beyond? It would be so like him, after all. She pressed herself against it again and again, throwing herself against it like a wave against a cliff to no avail. The invisible barrier remained as strong as ever, and the remainder of their connection remained hidden.

Sora, she thought. I need you. I can't do this without you.

"C'mon, Kairi. You can't give up now!"

The sound of his voice made her heart sing. She fell in to the dirt, eyes wide as she clutched at her heart.

"Sora?!" She span wildly, twisting this way and that in her search. He had been right there; she'd heard him as clearly as if he'd been right next to her. She closed her eyes and took a steady breath, reaching out for the shard of Sora's heart. Had something changed? Perhaps the rest of his heart had somehow snuck in without her noticing; him taking refuge in her heart just as she had taken refuge in his so long ago. But, no… the shard of his heart was still just a shard, too small to express anything more than a basic flush of emotion. Right now it was concerned, and she worked to ease its troubles before sitting back with a resigned sigh.

Had she imagined his voice? It was possible – if not highly probable – but she closed her eyes and smiled, choosing to believe that somehow he had managed to speak to her. He'd always chosen to encourage and support her, even when he'd been in such pain. She remembered cold nights in the labyrinth with his head in her lap; their magic exhausted and their supplies empty, waiting for time to pass until they could heal themselves. Even then, when he'd been beaten black and blue with barely the strength to wipe the blood and sweat from his eyes, he'd found the strength to believe in her when she couldn't believe in herself.

"I won't give up," she whispered. The shard of Sora's heart filled her with a wash of pride and she opened her eyes, glancing up to the sky. The sun was setting, turning the perpetual golden haze of Twilight Town in to cooler blues and purples. She shivered as a gust of wind danced around her shoulders.

Being numb was easy, and if being close to Sora had taught her one thing it was that the easy way was hardly ever the right way. Doing the right thing took courage and determination and grit and no small amount of faith that even on the darkest of nights, a new dawn would rise. Slowly she rose from the dirt and dusted off her skirt and her knees before turning her eyes towards the sky. The stars had begun to shine, and Kairi found herself smiling.

Hang in there, Sora.

Because if there's one thing I wish I could have done over the last few months, it's take my emotions down a dark alley and beat them up until I couldn't feel them anymore.

But that's not healthy, and it's not right, and I've come to learn that it takes a lot of strength and courage both to admit that and to move forwards. And if there's one lesson I've learned from Frozen II, it's that when times get tough sometimes the only thing you can do is to do The Next Right Thing. (Seriously, guys, I have so many feels right now…)

Smash that review button, and I'll see you in the next chapter!