AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Soooo… I gave up on Re:Mind. Kind of. I have accepted that it's going to take me a very, very long time to make my way through the Data Fights so I caved in and watched what came after. I'm now almost up to date (I'll be fully caught up once my favourite streamers defeat the Secret Secret Boss Fight – you can do it, guys!).
I hope you enjoy today's chapter!
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX | THE INVERSED
Over the next few days they fell in to a routine. All three of them were early risers, and after eating a small breakfast Vanitas would waste no time in continuing Kairi's training. It wasn't long before her supply of potions and ethers ran out leaving her with nothing but her magic as they had all agreed it wasn't worth the risk of being seen buying supplies in Twilight Town (or anywhere else for that matter). It was exhausting, but also somewhat satisfying to go to bed each night a little less exhausted than the last. Hayner, Pence and Olette continued to drop by most evenings; Pence would disappear to work on the computer most of the time and Vanitas would often make himself scarce, leaving Naminé and Kairi relaxing in the lounge with Hayner and Olette who often brought their homework along with them.
"Did you have homework like this at your school?" Hayner groaned one evening, thrusting a sheet of complex equations under Kairi's nose. She studied it carefully, but if she was truly honest she could barely tell were one sum ended and the next began, let alone trying to solve them. She handed the sheet back Hayner with a bashful shake of her head. Olette quickly threw a pencil at him.
"Quit stalling! If we don't hand this in tomorrow, we are toast," she moaned. Hayner groaned and rubbed at his cheek where the pencil had struck him.
"Don't remind me," he groaned before turning back to the assignment. Kairi had tried her best to smother her smile; it was moments like this that almost reminded her of what it was like to be normal. They were often accompanied by a wash of guilt when her thoughts would wander back to late night study sessions with Selphie. It was strange to realise that Selphie would have left school by now. Kairi should have, too. She wondered if Selphie had managed to pull off the graduation party she'd always talked about.
On the third day, Vanitas had regained enough of his strength to challenge Kairi to a duel. Kairi had been all too happy to accept – hoping to get at least one win against him before his full strength returned – but even in his weakened state he was able to easily outmatch her. It hadn't helped when he had disappeared in the middle of the fight only to reappear behind her and grab her wrist, twisting it painfully over her head.
"This is a weakness of yours, isn't it?" he'd hissed in to her ear. His gloating had given her the moment she had needed to swallow her panic and remember Axel's training, and she'd quickly twisted into his grip in order to throw him over her shoulder. The look of surprise that flashed over his face had filled her with a sense of pride. It had felt good to get the upper hand – a feeling that lasted less than a second as he quickly retaliated by surging towards her and batting her in to the air like a ragdoll. Naminé had forced them to take a timeout after that.
By the fifth day Vanitas was strong enough to mix a wide range of torments together and was constantly catching her off-guard. His favourite trick was to summon a wall of unversed and then surge through them unexpectedly, and just when she'd figured out the pattern he changed it and charged her from behind instead. By the time they broke for lunch Vanitas was proud as a peacock, and he strutted back inside with his head held high while Kairi allowed herself to wallow in the dirt, exhausted.
"You okay?" Naminé asked. Kairi cracked an eye open to find Naminé standing over her with a small tray. Kairi propped herself up on to her elbows with a grimace.
"'m fine," she sighed. "Just waiting for my magic to come back." Naminé knelt beside her and placed the tray at her side.
"Here, this will help." It was a small sandwich and a large glass of water; Kairi wolfed them both down eagerly, and by the time she was done she had the strength to cast a small healing spell that took away the worst of the aches.
"I noticed Vanitas was using the unversed again," Naminé said. Her tone was conversational but her smile was strained and she was studying Kairi carefully. "He hasn't… he hasn't tried to use your emotions again, has he?" Kairi gulped at the last of the water and set the glass back on the tray.
"No, he hasn't," she answered, wiping a trail of water from her chin with her sleeve. She pursed her lips and caught Naminé's eye. "The other day, after our first session, what did you show him?" Naminé's smile fell and she lowered her gaze to where her fingers were intertwined in her lap.
"I… I still haven't shown you that room, have I?" she asked softly. Kairi shook her head and Naminé took a deep breath before slowly rising to her feet and pulling Kairi with her. They dropped the tray back in to the kitchen before Naminé led Kairi through the foyer and up the stairs.
Everything inside the room was white; the floors, the ceiling, the walls. The table and chairs were white too, as was the lacy curtain that danced gently in the breeze. The only splashes of colour came from drawings pinned to the walls and scattered across the floor.
"I spent a lot of time in here when I was reconstructing Sora's memories," Naminé said quietly. "I had to undo all the links in the chain in order to rearrange them and put them all back together again. It took a whole year."
"That was when everyone forgot him, right?" Kairi asked. Naminé nodded.
"When I was rearranging his memories, I found a lot of sadness there, and pain, and fear. I could have removed them and taken them away so he wouldn't remember being hurt or afraid, but that wouldn't have helped him. Not really. If I'd done that, then I would have become even more of a monster than the Organisation. Emotions are tough, but we shouldn't take away anyone's ability to feel them, even our own."
She fixed Kairi with a meaningful glance and Kairi nodded silently. She'd thought back to that feeling of numbness several times in the last few days – often at night, when the feeling of walking atop clouds felt far more appealing than tossing and turning on a musty, lumpy couch – but she'd quelled the urge each time, focusing instead on training or on stretching or on working through the hansha sequence until her mind was at peace. She slowly wandered around the room, glancing at each of the drawings in turn. There were sketches of Sora, Donald and Goofy, and of Roxas and Sora standing side by side. There were detailed drawings of places, too; the library and the foyer in the castle when it had been Hollow Bastion, the rotten door in the Secret Place back on the islands, and several other locations Kairi couldn't name. Eventually Kairi came to a stop by a drawing that had been pinned up near the window. It was a drawing of her – with her short red hair and her white tank top and purple arm band. She absently lifted her fingers to her throat where she used to wear her black choker.
"You were Sora's strongest memory," said Naminé as Kairi plucked the drawing from the wall. She ran her fingers over the paopu fruit that had been draw in the bottom left corner of the page.
"Xion looks like me because of Sora's memories, right?" Kairi asked. Naminé nodded.
"She was supposed to be a copy of Roxas, but she accidentally absorbed some of Sora's leaked memories," Naminé answered. Kairi smiled, pressing her lips together and clenching her jaw to keep from crying. She pressed the picture back on to the wall again.
"Naminé," Kairi began, "do you ever wonder if you still have those powers?" Naminé fell silent then, and when Kairi turned to face her she found Naminé staring down at the floor. Kairi frowned. "Naminé?"
"I know that I do," she answered timidly. She lifted her eyes to Kairi who didn't miss the pain buried in her gaze. "But I promised myself I would never use them again, not even if-" She seemed to catch herself and she quickly pressed her lips together as her face paled by several shades. Kairi felt her stomach drop.
"Even if what?" she pressed. Naminé's gaze fell again and she seemed to take a deep steeling breath before answering.
"When we were all in the graveyard, fighting against Luxu and the other apprentices, Sora reached out to me." She bit her lip and tangled her fingers in the hem of her skirt. "He asked me… He asked me to make everyone forget him."
She remembered seeing Naminé kneeling in the dust, her eyes wide and spilling tears while her hands were clamped over her mouth in horror. Naminé hadn't seen anything; it had been what she'd heard that had terrified her.
C'mon, Kairi. You can't give up now! Sora's voice echoed in her head and she clenched her fists at her sides.
"Hypocrite," she muttered under her breath. Naminé glanced up at her, her expression tight.
"I would never do it," she said firmly.
"I know," Kairi said, "and Sora should have known that too. He never should have asked." She made a mental note to have a serious conversation with him once they got him back.
The rejoined Vanitas in the foyer, and after Naminé gave him a stern lecture on the dangers of burning himself out she left them to head back in to the garden again. Kairi was surprised when Vanitas seemed to actually listen to Naminé, and he sat heavily in Olette's pink beach recliner before summoning unversed of all shapes and sizes and throwing them at her from all sides. As the afternoon progressed it quickly turned in to a battle of wills, and Kairi was determined to outlast Vanitas. She paced herself, keeping her magic in reserve for healing and the odd moment of panic where an unversed came too close for her to block. The strategy left her with more than her fair share of scrapes and bruises, but with every hit she found herself taking more than a little pride in how far her endurance had come. She turned to check on Vanitas, and as her keyblade cut through another unversed she saw him grimace and rub at his chest.
"Are you okay?" she asked. His answer was a scowl and another wave of unversed. She took them out with ease, wondering if she really was as strong as she felt or whether Vanitas was finally reaching his limit. She pushed several unversed back with a wide aeroga spell and threw up a barrier to prevent any of them from attacking her as she turned her attention back to Vanitas.
"Y'know, maybe we should call it a day," she suggested. He scowled at her again and sat forwards in the recliner.
"Giving up already?" he sneered. She didn't miss the way his hand lingered over his chest and she folded her arms.
"There's a difference between giving up and taking a break," she retorted. He scowled and stood.
"You can take a break when I say you can," he said curtly, and with a flippant flick of his wrist he summoned another wave of unversed. Kairi rolled her eyes and tightened her grip on her keyblade.
"Fine!" she huffed. She lowered her shield and dove back in to the fray, but it was half-hearted. It was impossible to miss how easily she could cut through the unversed – like a warm knife through butter. It was hardly a challenge anymore, and much as she would have loved to believe that she'd suddenly gained an enormous amount of strength in a handful of minutes, it was clear that Vanitas was suffering. His olive skin had paled considerably, she could see the film of sweat that covered his brow, and she couldn't ignore how he flinched with every unversed that she defeated-
The notion made her pause long enough for an unversed to catch her by surprise. It sent her stumbling forwards and she twisted to drive her keyblade through its chest. She watched Vanitas carefully, noting how his sneer faltered as the unversed disappeared. She cut through another and another, each time glancing back to him to confirm her theory.
Hadn't she felt a pain in her chest in the flower fields? And in her bedroom at Merlin's house? She'd put it down to a part of the process, assuming that Vanitas would have commented on it if it hadn't been, but it hadn't even occurred to her that she hadn't felt it since they'd separated – even when Vanitas had been using her emotions. She stood firm, placing a wall of ice between her and the remaining handful of unversed before turning to face him.
"Vanitas, enough," she said firmly. "It's time to stop." He bared his teeth and glowered at her like a cornered wolf.
"I'll tell you when we stop!" he hissed.
"You're in pain!"
"What does it matter?" he spat. "Pain is pain. It's what makes you stronger."
"Not like this," she argued, lowering her keyblade. "Vanitas, just take a break, please-"
"You think Sora didn't get stronger because of pain? Pain is what makes us better, princess. Even you can't deny it."
"Well I'm not going to be the one to hurt you," she answered firmly. She banished her keyblade and folded her arms. He glowered at her.
"This is a part of your training-"
"Then I won't train with you anymore," she said. "Not like this." He bared his teeth in a wordless snarl and clenched his fists. She felt the ice crumble behind her and she turned on her heel to see the unversed advancing. Four scrappers, all reaching for her in a blind fury. An idea quickly took root and Kairi dismissed her keyblade and closed her eyes, reaching out towards the oncoming creatures. They were angry and frustrated and more than a little bit scared. Fear of… what? Of weakness. Fear that the strength that had been lost would never be reclaimed.
Well, Kairi knew what that felt like.
The unversed were upon her now. She latched on to each of them, feeling them drawing closer until they were within reach. She didn't have enough hands to touch them all so instead she reached out with her heart, taking their anger and frustration and fear and replacing it with calm confidence. The strength would come back, it would just take time, and that was okay. He was still a formidable opponent without it.
When she opened her eyes the scrappers had changed, just as expected. Purple and black had shifted to pink and white, and they blinked their large purple eyes up at her. She smiled at them, reaching out to the nearest unversed and running her fingers across its cheek. No, not unversed. They needed a new name. She would call them the inversed. The inverted scrapper leant in to her touch and almost seemed to sigh.
"Go back to him," she whispered. They shifted their gaze from her to Vanitas, and after a moment they darted towards him. Kairi turned to watch them as they approached, catching Vanitas by surprise. He stared at them in horror as they leapt for him, diving towards his chest and disappearing in bursts of sparkling smoke. He staggered backwards, tripping over Olette's recliner and falling heavily on to the stone slabs.
"Vanitas!" Kairi cried. She quickly closed the gap between them only to stop suddenly as she found herself staring down the length of his keyblade.
"Stay… away… from me," he growled. Kairi swallowed thickly.
"Vanitas, I'm sorry, I only wanted to help-"
"I don't need your help!" he roared, leaping to his feet. The action caught her off guard and she stumbled backwards, giving him the room he needed to summon a corridor of darkness which he fled through without a word.
Naminé had stayed surprisingly calm when Kairi had explained what had happened, and had seemed relatively unfazed at the thought of Vanitas wandering the worlds alone.
"He'll be fine, Kairi," she had soothed with an honest smile. "He can take care of himself."
"But what if someone finds him?" Kairi had argued. "Luxu or Roxas or-"
"Don't worry about them," Naminé said firmly. "Vanitas won't put himself in danger, and he's smart enough to run if he has to. We just need to wait here and see if he comes back."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then he doesn't need our help anymore, and we can regroup with the others." She glanced down at her phone, the half-written text to Axel sitting unfinished on the couch beside Naminé. "Maybe this is for the best. I don't know how much longer we can hide out here without everyone getting suspicious." Kairi sighed and collapsed on to the other couch heavily, dragging Olette's blanket across her legs and burying her fists in it. It was soft and oddly comforting to stroke it like a cat.
"This is all my fault," she murmured.
"You were just trying to help him" Naminé countered, "the same way that he tried to help you. You both just have certain… differences when it comes to what you think is helpful. And if he's ready for change then he'll realise that." Kairi curled her knees up towards her chest and buried her hands in the soft blanket while Naminé finished the message to Axel. She'd taken charge of staying in contact so him so that he wouldn't worry, and whatever she'd been telling him about their 'break' had kept him – or anyone else – from getting in touch to find out where they were or what they were doing. Kairi reached in to her pocket and checked her own phone. Nothing. She pushed the phone back in to her pocket and let her head loll back against the couch, closing her eyes with a heavy sigh as her thoughts drifted back to Vanitas.
I don't need your help!
She'd said a similar thing to Riku when she'd first returned. She'd been wrong; she had needed Riku, but she'd been too stubborn to admit it. Vanitas was stubborn too – undoubtedly so – but there had been something else buried behind his rage that had spoken of… of… She couldn't put her finger on it. Fear, maybe? But of what? He most definitely wasn't afraid of her; even with half his strength he could easily overpower her. The more she thought about it, the more certain she was that fear was definitely the right word, but she couldn't quite figure out why.
"Naminé?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think Vanitas is afraid of me?"
It took a moment for Naminé to answer. Kairi heard her finish up the message and then she sat in pensive silence before finally answering.
"Not of you," she said at last, "but… I think he's afraid of what you can do. Of what you are." Kairi opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at Naminé who was staring at the empty hearth.
"What do you mean?" she asked. Naminé took a moment to carefully consider her answer before speaking again.
"Vanitas was made from the darkness in Ven's heart," she began softly. "Ven's anger, despair, and rage… If Ven doesn't remember anything that happened before they were separated, then it's safe to assume that Vanitas doesn't either. His earliest memories are of darkness, and he's been surrounded by darkness his entire life."
"But he shouldn't have to be afraid of the light," Kairi sighed. "It's not fair."
"No, it isn't," Naminé agreed, "but it makes sense. The darkness has kept him safe and protected him, while the light has only ever hurt him."
"The darkness used him-"
"Xehanort used him," Naminé corrected. Kairi tilted her head, unsure of what Naminé was getting at, and the blonde sighed. "It's… a subtle difference, I know, but it's an important one. The darkness was never the real threat; it was always Xehanort."
"But what does that have to do with me?" Kairi asked. Naminé grimaced slightly and her pale hands trembled in her lap.
"I… It's not easy to explain without… I might upset you…" Kairi swallowed thickly and forced a smile.
"Whatever it is, I'd rather hear it from you," she said. Naminé considered her words thoughtfully before nodding.
"The Unversed are something that Vanitas can control," she continued. "They've always been his, but now… You've proven that you can manipulate them and use them against him. You've taken the one thing he was in control of and you've turned it in to a threat."
The realisation left Kairi reeling. She bit the inside of her cheek and curled up tight until she could rest her chin on her knees. She hadn't thought about it like that before, but Naminé was right. (Of course she was.) And there was no mistaking the fact that she had deliberately used the inversed against him. She wanted to argue that it had been for his own good, but who was she to make that judgement? To decide what was best for him? She sighed heavily and buried her face behind her arms. Naminé's hand squeezed her shoulder gently.
"It's okay, Kairi," she soothed. "You didn't mean it, and I'm sure Vanitas knows that too. He's just... fragile right now. He's never been allowed to feel vulnerable like this before, and I'm sure that must scare him a lot." Kairi lifted her head and rested her cheek on the back of her hand so she could look at Naminé.
"I just want to help him," she said. Naminé smiled and nodded.
"You are helping him, Kairi," she replied. "It was never going to be easy. We just have to be patient, and show Vanitas that it's okay for him to be vulnerable with us. That we're not going to take advantage of him."
"Like Xehanort did." Naminé nodded.
"Exactly."
Kairi spent the rest of the afternoon in the garden working her way through the hansha to keep from worrying too much about Vanitas. It worked for the most part, but what little calm she finally found was shattered by the arrival of Hayner, Pence and Olette who arrived with a small hand-cart piled high with a mountain of stuff that had been strapped securely to the cart beneath a thick woollen blanket.
"It's finally the weekend!" Hayner rejoiced as the door closed behind him.
"What's that?" Naminé asked, pointing to the cart that Pence had been pulling.
"We figured you guys might be getting bored hiding out here, so we thought we'd bring something to do!" he announced brightly.
"Mr McDuck is renovating the outdoor cinema," said Olette. "He's installing a new projector, so he said we could have the old one along with some of his old films."
"Pence says he knows how to get it all set up so we can have our own private movie night," Hayner added. Pence beamed.
"Shouldn't take too long," he said. "I helped Mr McDuck with a wiring issue a few months back, so I know how it all goes together."
"Why don't we set it up in the lounge? It'll be nice and cozy in there," Olette suggested. Pence nodded.
"On it! Hayner, can you give me a hand?" Hayner rolled his eyes and groaned.
"C'mon, man! School was exhausting this week – I came here to take a break from work."
"Stop whining," Olette teased. "Don't worry, Pence, we'll all help. Right?" Kairi and Naminé nodded.
The projector was set up on an empty shelf opposite the fireplace. Whilst Hayner and Pence set about wiring it up and fixing it in place, Kairi, Naminé and Olette took a large white sheet and draped it over the broken mirror above the fireplace.
"We brought snacks, too," Olette said as Kairi finished tying the last knot. "And Little Chef heard that we were going to have a movie night, so he made us a pie."
"I'll go get us some plates," Pence offered as Hayner dragged over a small coffee table to act as a snack station. Olette laid out bags of chocolates and assorted candies, followed by several brightly coloured drinks. Kairi, Naminé and Olette took one sofa – Naminé sat in the middle and Olette draped the thick comforter over their laps – while Hayner and Pence took the other, leaning against each armrest with a large bucket of popcorn between them.
For a while Kairi forgot all about Vanitas and what Naminé had said earlier, and she simply sat back and enjoyed the films. Pence put the shorter films on first, no more than half an hour each, before finally digging what he called a "feature-length" film out of the crate and fixing it in to the machine. By then, Olette and Naminé were sound asleep, leaning heavily against each other, and Hayner didn't look like he was too far behind them. Kairi wondered what time it was.
The film was fairly sweet, if a little predictable. A handsome young man on a quest to rescue a fair damsel, only to be troubled by the witch in the woods. A small snore signalled that Hayner had finally fallen asleep somewhere around the arrival of the witch's army of minions – small, bean-like creatures with glowing eyes, hidden behind a familiar silhouette-
Kairi sat up taller. The shadow wasn't part of the film; that much was clear. She twisted in her seat a little, seeing that Pence had joined the others in sleep. She glanced back at the projector to see a shadow dancing infront of the lens, though against the bright light it was hard to make out. It seemed to sense her and it froze; she could feel it watching her before it bolted towards the door with a familiar skittering sound.
Slowly Kairi peeled herself from the sofa, careful not to wake Naminé or the others. The movie was almost at an end now, but Kairi couldn't say she'd been all that interested in the story. Instead she slipped out in to the foyer, fingers twitching and ready to summon her keyblade at a moment's notice, though she had a hunch she wouldn't be needing it. Her eyes picked out the dancing shadow, watching as it darted from one nook to the next. Kairi followed it in to the other room, through the kitchenette and out in to the garden. It hovered in the grass, glancing around uncertainly. Kairi took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the patio. The cold stone sent a chill racing up her spine.
"I'm not going to do anything to you," she told the flood, "I promise. I'm sorry for what I did earlier. It wasn't fair." The flood watched her carefully, its beady red eyes studying her. After a moment there came a rustling from the bushes at the edge of the garden. The flood bolted towards it, disappearing in to the undergrowth, and after a moment Vanitas emerged. He said nothing as he slowly made his way towards Kairi and sat down beside her.
They sat in silence for several moments – long enough for the cold in the concrete to make its way through Kairi's skirt and in to her spine. She tucked her hands between her thighs and tried not to shiver.
"I meant it," she murmured at last. "I'm sorry for what I did this afternoon. It wasn't fair to you, and I won't do it again. Not unless you ask me to."
Vanitas remained silent. Kairi glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was sitting back, leaning heavily against his hands and staring up at the stars, his face an unreadable mask. Kairi sat forwards, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees.
"What you did…" Vanitas started. Kairi braced herself, half-expecting some sort of explosion, and she was pleasantly surprised when Vanitas merely sighed. "I always wondered what the light felt like… why it was so important…" She sat up a little taller, turning back towards him.
"And?" she asked eagerly (maybe a little too eagerly judging by the sneer that flashed across his face). "What did you feel?"
"Underwhelmed." Her stomach sank. She tried not to frown.
"Oh," she said. His head lolled back all the way until all she could see was the bottom of his jaw.
"But… I can see the appeal," he admitted, somewhat begrudgingly. "I always wondered why you Guardians fought so hard for it." Kairi chewed her lip thoughtfully and turned her gaze back to the garden.
"A while back you said told me… 'You can't reject what you've never had'," she said. "You've never had any of those kinds of feelings before, have you?" His response was a grunt as he pulled himself forwards, resting his elbow over one knee as he stared up at the stars.
"What was the point?" he asked. "I didn't need them. What I needed was darkness; that was the only thing that could make me stronger."
"How do you know?" she asked. He scoffed.
"I know because it worked," he answered curly. Kairi bit her tongue for a moment, carefully considering what she wanted to say.
"But… how do you know the light wouldn't have worked as well?" she asked. He arched an eyebrow and let out a low bark of laughter.
"Please," he grunted.
"Well… not all darkness is bad, right? Which means that not all light is good," she said.
"Your point being…?"
"What if darkness and light… what if it doesn't matter? What if it all just comes down to power?" Vanitas was staring at her now and she swallowed thickly, trying to find a better way to express what she meant. "Xehanort was strong and he used darkness, but Sora is strong too and he uses the light. And Riku… Riku has used the darkness and the light, and he's strong too. What if you just thought that you could only use darkness because nobody ever gave you a chance to use light?"
Vanitas didn't answer immediately. He turned his face back towards the garden but his eyes were glazed and unfocused, staring at something unseen as he seemed to consider her words. She rested her chin on her knees again, giving him time to think.
"I've been darkness my whole life," he finally grunted. "I came from darkness, and I learned to live surrounded by it. It's what I am."
"But is it what you want to be?" she asked. "You're your own person now, Vanitas. You should be free to make your own choices." He scowled at the grass, fingers curling in and out of a fist anxiously.
"My own choices…" he echoed. He huffed a dry laugh and stared up at the stars. "That's all I used to ever wish for. Now that I can…" He clenched his jaw so tightly that Kairi could hear his teeth grinding together in the silence that fell between them.
"Choices are difficult," she said, forcing herself not to look at him. He seemed somewhat more at ease when she wasn't staring. "Sometimes you make the wrong choice, and things don't go the way you'd hoped, but that's a part of existing. Some choices are easy and others… others are more difficult."
"Like choosing to help your enemy?" She could almost feel the self-loathing pouring off him in waves. She nudged him lightly with her shoulder, keeping her eyes fixed on the garden.
"You're not my enemy, Vanitas," she said softly. "I want you to be my friend."
"Why?"
"So that maybe you'll want to be mine." She glanced at him then, noting the contemplative frown on his face. Slowly he lowered his gaze to the garden.
"What is friendship?" he asked, his voice so quiet that she almost missed it. "How do you know when you… when someone is your friend?"
"It's…" Kairi trailed off, unable to find the words. How could she possibly describe it? It was impossible to describe the feeling of a friend at your side, the feeling of knowing they were there for you, the feeling…
Kairi sat up and twisted to face him so fast that he flinched, recoiling away as though he expected her to lash out at him.
"I can't tell you," she said, "but what if I showed you?"
"Showed me?" he asked. She nodded and leant back a little to give him room.
"What if we used the unversed?" she suggested. "You know loneliness, right?" His expression darkened and he glowered at her.
"I'm familiar with it," he sneered dangerously.
"What if you made an unversed from your loneliness, and I changed it?"
"I thought promised you weren't going to do that anymore," he said with a scowl.
"Not unless you asked me to."
"Well I'm not asking you to." He hauled himself to his feet and Kairi felt her heart sink in to her stomach. She clenched her fists and sat up taller.
"Why not?" she asked as he started to walk away from her. "What have you got to lose?" The question made him pause and she slowly stood, careful to avoid any sudden movements. "It's just you and me, Vanitas. We do this on your terms – you can make the unversed as big or as small as you want, and I won't send it back to you until you're ready." He folded his arms and shot a scowl over his shoulder.
"And what if I'm never ready?" he retorted. She took a tentative step closer.
"I think you are," she said. "I think if you weren't, you wouldn't have saved my life or agreed to fight for Sora."
"I needed a vessel."
"You didn't need to come back here," she said. "You didn't need to help me. You didn't need to agree to Naminé's plan to hide out with us." She took another step, and when he didn't move she risked another. He turned away then and she stayed put, barely out of arm's reach. "I can't imagine what you're going through, Vanitas, and I don't expect you to tell me, but it's okay if you feel scared or nervous or even excited. It's okay to let people help you." His shoulders tensed and she bit her tongue, wondering if perhaps she'd gone too far. She waited with baited breath, wondering if he might run from her again. After a while he slowly turned to face her, his hands cupped close to his chest, and she forced herself to remain calm.
"We'll try it your way," he said quietly. His expression quickly hardened. "But if I say stop-"
"Then I'll stop," she said. "I promise." He stared at her for several minutes, at obvious war with himself before he extended his hands towards her. He peeled the top hand back to reveal a tiny unversed, no bigger than the palm of his hand. Its head was large and bulbous, perched precariously upon a pear-shaped body, and two large, drooping ears swayed from side to side. Its red eyes were crumpled shut as though it was crying, and as Kairi reached out towards it she felt a jarring spark of loneliness. She met his gaze, pausing to give him a chance to object, and when he remained silence she slowly lifted her hand towards the unversed.
"Stop."
She looked up at him, watching him carefully. He seemed nervous, as though scared she might refuse him. She wondered if he'd ever told anyone to stop before; if he'd ever asked Xehanort to stop. If Xehanort had ever listened. She pulled her hand back and let it fall to her side before taking a silent step back to put more space between them. The tension in his shoulders seemed to ease a little as she heard his breath hitch.
"We don't have to do this tonight," she said quietly. He clenched his jaw so tightly that she saw the vein in his neck pulse. After a deep steeling breath he held his hands out towards her again.
"No, I… You can try again." She nodded and closed the distance between them, reaching out to the unversed. Her fingers hovered above it as she locked eyes with him again, giving him a chance to refuse her again, and when no objection came she closed her eyes and rested her fingers against the unversed's cool skin.
It felt like barely more than a thimble full of emotion compared to the unversed he'd sent her way earlier that afternoon, but she didn't blame him for being cautious. She latched on to the emotion at the core of the unversed – it was so small it could only hold one, and feeling the cold sting of loneliness in complete isolation was a jarring sensation that made her shiver. She latched on to it, taking the feeling and flipping it, replacing it with all the friendship she could find. She searched through her memories, taking fragments from all of her friendships and pushing them in to the unversed until she could feel it overflowing.
When she opened her eyes the inversed was sitting quite contentedly in Vanitas' palm. Vanitas was eyeing it warily, his nose crinkled in to a sneer as he stared down at the pink and white creature in his hand. Kairi stepped back again, allowing him space to explore the creature. He picked it up by one of its ears, examining it from all sides until it swung itself up on to the back of his hand where it sat and watched him with wide, purple eyes. Vanitas' gaze flickered from the inversed to Kairi and he frowned.
"Stop staring," he grumbled. She quickly obliged and turned her back, staring back at the mansion. She wondered if the movie had finished yet. She heard Vanitas take a deep steeling breath and then there was a light rustling before he finally breathed out again – heavily and all at once.
"Are you okay?" she asked, still staring at the mansion. Vanitas grunted. She shifted her weight and knitted her fingers together, staving off a shiver. It must have been well past midnight by now, and the cool breeze was threatening to make her teeth chatter.
"You can turn around now," Vanitas said quietly. He was staring at his hands, clenching and flexing his fingers as he ground his teeth together.
"How do you feel?" she asked.
"I… It feels wrong, but it doesn't feel… bad." She smiled.
"It's just different," she said, "and sometimes different feels weird." He replied with a thoughtful hum as he rolled his wrist. A flood sprung forth from the shadows, circling his ankles twice before approaching Kairi carefully. She crouched low, reaching out to the flood and allowing it to close the distance between them. This one was made of sadness, filling her heart with an indescribable emptiness. Kairi closed her eyes, pulling the emotions apart one by one and countering them with feelings of her own. The calm happiness she used to feel on the beach. The soothing feeling of contentment that she used to feel when she could relax in her bedroom at the end of a long day. She sent the inversed scurrying back to Vanitas; he did not lower himself to meet it, but he did not object when it clambered up his leg and climbed over his chest to wrap itself around his shoulders. He grit his teeth while he took a deep breath before accepting the inversed back in to his heart. It dissolved in to a wisp of glittering white smoke.
"Your emotions," he murmured, "they're all from when you were younger." She flushed a little, not realising that he would be able to see the memories she had pulled the emotions from. She cleared her throat awkwardly.
"Well, emotions are easier when you're younger," she answered. "When you get older things get a little more… complicated." He frowned, considering her words carefully, and she was relieved when he didn't press her further. Instead he drew himself up taller.
"Let's keep going," he said, and before she could stop him he had summoned another. This one was a scrapper, and Kairi shivered as it bolted towards her.
"We can't do this all in one night," she said.
"Why not?"
"There's too much for us to cover," she answered. "You're trying to cram the entire emotional spectrum in to a few hours."
"I can handle it," he answered. The scrapper danced back and forth between them, its red eyes fixed on Kairi.
"Well I can't," she answered firmly. She stood tall and let her hands fall to her sides. His face twisted in to a scowl.
"But I want to."
"Do you want to?" she asked. "Or do you feel like you have to?" The question seemed to catch him off guard and his scowl faltered. Kairi offered him a small smile. "I can't begin to imagine how hard Xehanort must have trained you to make you as strong as you were, but you don't have to do that anymore. It's okay to take a break."
"What's the point?" he asked. "It's just wasting time. If you can train, then you should."
"And if you train too hard, you'll burn out," she countered. "Let's do one more, and then we'll pick this up tomorrow."
"No," he said firmly, his scowl back in place. He folded his arms and glowered at her, though it seemed to be lacking some of its usual fire. She arched an eyebrow at him, unfazed by his attempts to intimidate her, and finally he huffed. "I… I don't want anyone to know about this."
"Okay," Kairi said, "they won't." Anger melted to confusion and she smiled. "We won't talk about this in front of Naminé or anyone. It'll just be our little secret. We'll work on this more tomorrow night, after Naminé has gone to sleep." His lips curled in to a sly smile.
"Is the princess suggesting that we sneak out?" he sneered in a scandalous tone. She folded her arms with what she hoped was a smirk.
"Do you want my help or not?" she countered. He'd asked her the same question in Radiant Garden, and it felt good to turn it back on him now. He barked a short, dry laugh and folded his arms.
"Just when I think I have you all figured out, you find a new way to surprise me," he answered.
"I'll take that as a yes then," she said, unfolding her arms and reaching her hand towards the scrapper. She gave him a cursory moment – just in case he decided to change his mind – but he made no move to stop her. She took the unversed's doubt and turned it to confidence, filling it not only with the confidence she had in herself but the confidence she had in him. It seemed to have its desired effect; after he had accepted the inversed back in to his heart, Vanitas took to staring at her curiously and didn't object in the slightest when she made to head back inside.
"Olette and the others might still be here," she said as she made her way back across the patio. "You're welcome to join us if you want." She left the back door open behind her and walked slowly back through the large room and back in to the foyer. As she reached the door to the lounge she heard the back door click closed, but when she turned she saw no sign of Vanitas.
He can take care of himself, she told herself firmly. She slipped back in to the room and left the door ajar, wide enough for Vanitas to slide silently inside if he chose to join them. The movie had finished and the projector was clicking away to itself, its film reel empty. After a minute or two of fumbling Kairi finally found the switch to turn it off, and she fumbled in the darkness to find her way back to the couch where she slid back under the blanket next to Naminé who squeezed her hand gently.
"Everything all right?" she whispered. Kairi leant in close, using Naminé's shoulder as a pillow.
"Everything's fine."
Poor Vanitas. He really has been through the works, hasn't he? It's about time he found someone give him a helping hand.
I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stay safe, stay well, and I'll see you next time.