AUTHOR'S NOTES:
We've hit the big Three-Zero and we're officially diving headfirst in to the final arc. Hold on to your butts – it's going to be a bumpy ride!
Gonna quickly throw some shout-outs in to the mix: A huge, continued virtual hug and massive thank you to crestoflight3 – I am loving all of your reviews, and love getting the chance to chat with you! Same goes to Scarlett-95, I love your messages. And thank you to YumeTakato, KeybladeKeira and to Tiffanyreigle777 for your kind reviews!
Also readee I couldn't reply to you because you left your review as a guest, but thank you so much! And angst? Don't worry – we got some existential dread on back order and it should be here any day now.
Hope you all enjoy today's chapter!
CHAPTER THIRTY | A NEW JOURNEY
She had thought that Sora's stories would have prepared her for travelling with Donald and Goofy.
She had been wrong.
The two could not have been more different. Goofy was laid back and relaxed, seemingly unflappable, whilst Donald seemed to spend most of his time bristling with anxious energy. If he wasn't pestering Goofy about how to fly the ship ("That's not how Sora used to do it," he had huffed on more than one occasion), he was asking Kairi thinly-veiled questions about Sora and then getting immensely flustered when Goofy asked her outright.
It was with great relief then that Kairi disembarked the ship, glad to be out of the confines of the crowded cockpit. Donald and Goofy quickly took the lead towards Merlin's house, and Naminé fell in step beside Kairi, squeezing her hand tightly.
"Don't worry," she whispered through a barely-smothered giggle. "We'll get used to them."
There were signs of repair scattered all around – a new lick of paint here, or a boarded window there. But besides a few minor patches of damage to glass or stone, the city seemed mostly unharmed, and its people even less so; they seemed to be going about their business as usual, giving little more than a sideways glance to Kairi and the others as they made their way through the streets. It all seemed strangely peaceful.
Merlin's house was an entirely different story. Assorted building supplies had been stacked, piled, and stored in towers that teetered ominously close to collapse while workbenches had been loaded with bricks and bags of dry powder which was trickling slowly through the seams. A stack of vibrant paint tins were pinning open the front door through which Yuffie slowly emerged, staggering beneath a teetering pile of mismatched planks of wood.
"Hey there, Yuffie!" Goofy greeted warmly. "Can we help?"
"Goofy? Is that you? We didn't know you were coming!" The planks of wood swayed this way and that until finally Yuffie's face appeared. Exhaustion quickly turned to delight as she took in the rest of the group. "Hey, guys! What are you all doing here?"
"We're on a top secret mission!" Donald exclaimed proudly. Yuffie laughed.
"We were hopin' to get everyone together so we could tell you all at the same time," Goofy added. Yuffie nodded.
"I see. Well, most of the gang's inside. I just need to run these down to the Bailey and then I'll be right back with you!" She disappeared behind the pile again and began making her way down the cobble steps that surrounded Merlin's house.
"Are you sure you don't need a hand?" Goofy offered.
"I got this!" Yuffie called, though she staggered left and right. "Don't wait up!"
Despite the supplies piled up on the outside of the house, nothing had changed on the inside. Cid was sitting at his computer, muttering under his breath, while Leon stood leaning against the wall nearby with his arms folded and his features set in his usual pensive frown. In fact, the only change came in the form of a woman Kairi didn't recognise; tall and slender with a curtain of black hair. She was stood in the corner with her back to the door, talking to Aerith whose concerned frown quickly melted as she caught sight of Donald and Goofy.
"Hello, everyone," Aerith greeted warmly. The unfamiliar woman turned then, long dark hair falling over her shoulder as red eyes took in Kairi and the others.
"We weren't expecting you," said Leon. "Is everything all right?"
Silence followed. It took Kairi a moment to realise that everyone was looking at her, and when she finally noticed she felt her ears start to burn.
"Y-yes," she finally squeaked. She saw Naminé fighting a smile from the corner of her eye and she swallowed over the lump in her throat. "We're here because we think we have a way to help Sora."
Leon stood rigid, his hands falling to his side in clenched fists as Cid span around in his chair so quickly that he almost fell right out of it. Aerith was more subdued, though Kairi didn't miss the hope that flashed across her face.
"Well? What's the plan?" Cid grunted, placing a toothpick between his teeth.
"We're gonna use everyone's memories of Sora to help give him the strength he needs to fight back," said Goofy.
"Fight back?" Aerith repeated with an anxious frown. Donald and Goofy glanced to each other hesitantly; Donald pressed the tips of his wings together while Goofy scratched the back of his head.
"The best way we can help Sora," Naminé began, "is by making sure that he can help himself. His friends are his power, and right now he needs us to give him the strength to fight."
"And you think our memories can do that?" Leon asked. Naminé nodded.
"If I strengthen the connections between your hearts and Sora's, it might just give him the strength he needs," she said.
"So you know how to get to him now." A confused silence followed and Leon folded his arms. "Riku mentioned that you knew where Sora was, but you couldn't reach him."
"That's… one way of putting it," Kairi mumbled. The scars on her chest itched and she clenched her hands in to fists to keep from scratching at them.
"We'll do whatever we can to help," Aerith said. "Just tell us what to do."
Naminé took the lead then, with Donald and Goofy at her side. She began by briefly explaining her power over Sora's memories before talking them through the process. She would need to create a connection between her heart and theirs, one at a time, and through that connection she would seek out all the memories of Sora to reinforce the links in the chain. Kairi fell back a little, giving Naminé the space she needed to rearrange the room and create a comfortable space near the fire where she could spend a few minutes with each person. There wasn't much else she could do, and as Aerith settled in to the chair by the fire with Naminé at her side. With nothing that she could really do to help, Kairi had lingered by the doorway and she found herself shifting restlessly as she watched Naminé reach out and take Aerith's hands.
"Don't worry."
The soft voice made Kairi jump, and when she turned she found the dark-haired woman towering over her. Her crimson eyes were soft and sympathetic, and her lips were pulled in to a tight smile.
"Light is easy to find," she continued. "I know you'll reach Sora, even in the darkest of places. Follow the light." Her words were reassuring, if a little… unnerving. Kairi swallowed thickly and forced a smile.
"I… I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Kairi." The woman seemed to hesitate for a moment before finally answering.
"Tifa."
"It's nice to meet you. Did you know Sora?"
"I met him," Tifa answered, "once or twice. Not enough to be of any help."
"Every memory could help make Sora stronger-"
"I'm back!" Yuffie barrelled through the open doorway and leant heavily against the frame, breathing hard. Her cheeks were flushed with colour, and she wiped the sweat from her forehead on the back of her arm as she glanced around the room. "Did I miss it?"
"No, you're just in time," said Tifa. Then, turning to the room, she added: "I gotta go."
"You're not staying?" Yuffie asked, her expression crestfallen.
"Don't go away for so long this time," Leon said firmly from the corner near Cid's computer. Tifa smiled.
"Try not to miss me so much." She turned to leave then, only to pause in the doorway. Finally she turned back to Kairi and tilted her head with a warm smile. "It was nice meeting you, Kairi."
"You too," she answered, wishing she could make Tifa stay. Every memory would help, and yet none of the others seemed overly concerned about trying to change her mind, even Donald and Goofy. Perhaps they really had done nothing more than cross paths once or twice. Her name certainly hadn't been mentioned when they were going through the list of connections, but what if Tifa had just been forgotten? The list had been so very long – much longer than Kairi could have imagined – and it was more than likely that they might have forgotten someone. Kairi wondered how many other people might have been missed or forgotten. They had so many worlds to go to, and so many people to find on each world, and somehow they had to do it all before Luxu and the others found out what they were doing-
"Are you okay, Kairi?" She jumped at the sound of Goofy's voice and quickly turned to face him. His brow was furrowed in concern and his ears were twitching anxiously. She tried to smile but failed miserably, and instead let out an awkward sort of half-laugh that only made his frown deepen.
"I guess I'm just realising how huge this all is," she sighed. "There are so many people Sora has never even mentioned…" Goofy let out a deep chuckle.
"Well, that's Sora for ya!" he said affectionately. "He has a way of makin' friends outta just about anyone. But don't worry, I'm sure they'll all love to be friends with you too!" It hadn't been what she'd been worrying about, but the thought was comforting nonetheless and she thanked him.
After that, there wasn't much else to do but wait. Naminé and Aerith remained motionless by the fire aside from the occasional smile and grimace, and after everyone else had exhausted a short list of polite conversation topics everyone seemed to lapse in to an awkward sort of silence until a flash of light and smoke startled Kairi so much that she leapt to her feet and summoned her keyblade. Donald let out an indignant squawk and brandished his mage's staff wildly as Merlin emerged from the smoke.
"Ah! You made it. Lea said you would be popping by." He tugged at his sleeves, sprinkling sparkles across the stone floor.
"Were you in Twilight Town, Merlin?" Goofy asked. Merlin nodded.
"That I was, dear fellow. It's the only place I can get decent tea, and I dare say we'll be needing a lot of it. Would you care for a cup?" He glanced at each of them in turn, his eyes settling on Kairi who smiled and shook her head.
"We won't be staying long," she said. "We'll have to be leaving soon-"
"I'm afraid you won't be leaving as soon as you'd like," he said sombrely, making his way over to the stove. He tapped it three times with his wand and the crockery sprang to life – the kettle set itself atop the flaming hob while the teacups formed a neat procession to the sink where they filled themselves with water which they neatly dumped inside the kettle. "This process is going to take longer than you expect, I'm afraid. If you're lucky you'll be able to leave in the morning, that's if poor Naminé doesn't exhaust herself. You three will need to take very good care of her." Donald and Goofy snapped to attention with a stiff nod.
"Of course!" they said together. Kairi swallowed and nodded too, clenching her fingers in to fists.
"I'll do my best," she said. To her surprise, Merlin let out a disappointed tut.
"I'm afraid that will not do," he said. His sharp eyes gleamed as he fixed her with a fierce look. "You can't doubt yourself now Kairi, not after everything you've been through and before everything you're about to face. If you don't think you can do this, then you won't."
His words sent an icy jolt of fear racing through her veins. Her voice deserted her, and for a moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity she could do nothing more than stand and stare gormlessly, painfully aware of the awkward shuffling around her.
She was grateful when Naminé seemed to emerge from her trance then with a deep sigh. Aerith followed suit a moment later, taking in a deep breath and blinking several times.
"How do you feel?" Leon asked. Aerith smiled softly up at him.
"I feel fine," she answered. "It's strange, the feeling of someone sorting through your memories, but it was nice to revisit some of them and remember Sora."
"How you doin' over there, Naminé?" Cid called, leaning so far back in his chair Kairi thought it would tip over. It took a moment for Naminé to answer, and when she finally did her voice was lighter and breathier than usual.
"I'm okay," she said softly. Merlin appeared at her side then and offered her a cup of tea, which she sipped at gratefully. The glassiness faded from her eyes almost instantly, and they quickly settled on Kairi. "I think this might take a little longer than we thought. We might be here for a while." Kairi's smile felt strained as she nodded.
"As long as it takes," she said, wishing she felt as confident as she sounded. Merlin paused behind Naminé's chair and fixed Kairi with a firm look as Naminé smiled softly.
"You probably have time to visit your grandmother, if you wanted to," Naminé suggested. Kairi sat up a little taller at the idea, but she was almost immediately shot down by Aerith.
"I'm afraid she'll be sleeping by now," she said gently. "She's still recovering. But maybe you could see her in the morning." Kairi glanced towards the doorway, still open just enough to make out the dim dusk light that had washed over the streets. Donald and Goofy shared another anxious glance and Kairi swiftly squashed the disappointment pooling in her belly.
"We'll have to go as soon as Naminé is finished," Kairi answered. Naminé's smile fell. Merlin offered a sympathetic smile followed by a stiff nod of approval.
"Maybe you could write her a letter," Aerith suggested. "I could deliver it to her in the morning." A letter… It was certainly better than nothing, and writing had always felt so cathartic. Kairi nodded and Merlin disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to reappear a moment later at her side.
"Here, dear," he said. "I kept them safe, as promised." In his hands he held a familiar notepad and pen, and the sight of them made Kairi hot and cold all at once. She reached out to take them, slowly running her fingers over the cover.
"Thank you, Merlin." It was hard to speak past the lump in her throat. Merlin smiled and nodded before turning to Donald and Goofy.
"As for you two, I don't see why you can't come out and help me later this evening," he said.
"Uh… Help you with what, Merlin?" Goofy asked.
"Why repairing the city, of course," he said. Donald scowled and folded his arms.
"Why are you doing it at night?" he asked, tapping his foot. Yuffie giggled.
"Merlin's been using his magic to help speed up some of the big repairs so they don't take as long," she answered. "It's easier for us to do it at night so that civilians don't ask too many questions."
"Or start demanding magical favours," Leon added in a low mutter. Yuffie nodded her head in his direction.
"So what do you need us for?" Donald demanded. Goofie chuckled.
"Aw c'mon, Donald," he said, nudging Donald's shoulder lightly. "It's not like there's much else we can do around here until Naminé's finished." Donald's scowl deepened and he took to muttering under his breath, but he kept his objections to himself.
Aerith cooked up a quick dinner for everyone; with so many extra unexpected mouths to feed it quickly became a strange assortment of odds and ends that were spread across the table. After they were done Kairi helped Aerith wash and dry the dishes while Merlin herded the others outside, instructing them which supplies they would need to carry and where they would need to take them. Yuffie hung back to sit by the fire with Naminé who, after another cup of tea and a hearty dinner, was more than ready to carry on. After the dishes had been dried and put away Aerith bid Kairi a whispered goodnight before she slipped out of Merlin's house, and Kairi settled in to a large armchair by the table with her notebook and her pen.
Her letters were all there. She flicked through the pages, skimming over the occasional paragraph here and there. It felt like stepping back in time. If she closed her eyes she could remember the glade where she used to write so vividly it was like she was there. She remembered the boulders overlooking the endless forest below; the sounds of the birds in the trees and the rustling of the leaves.
"A letter?"
"Yup."
"To Sora?"
"Mmm, technically yes. But I won't send it. It's more for me."
How far they had come since then. She set down her pen and reached for her phone. How she wished she'd had one back then. Maybe if she'd spoken to Sora she might have been able to tell him how scared she was. Maybe it would have all been different. She chewed the inside of her cheek to keep from spiralling and instead opened up a new message to Axel.
Hey! How's everything going? Merlin said he bumped in to you guys. Say hi to everyone for me!
She hesitated over the message, wondering if perhaps she should say something more. But what else could she say? After all, it had been less than a day since they'd last seen each other. Was it okay to send such a short message? She'd never really started a conversation before; all of her messages had been replies. She pursed her lips and pondered quickly flicking through her other messages to see how other conversations had been started before shaking her head firmly. She was being ridiculous. It was just a short message and it was to Axel. It would be fine. It would be. It took a few more moments of convincing herself before she could finally hit the send button, only to realise that she didn't know what time it was in Twilight Town.
Oh well. It was too late now.
She picked up her pen again, glancing back to her notebook. On the page was the first letter she had written from inside Merlin's time chamber. It had taken a couple of weeks (for her, at least) to think of asking for a pen and paper. Merlin had been all too happy to oblige, and a quick trip for him to pick the items up had lasted several days for Kairi and Axel. That had been the first time they'd spoken to each other beyond the occasional polite small talk, and by the time Merlin returned they had been almost-friends.
I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. Did Master Yen Sid tell you? I'm training to become a keyblade wielder like you. That's right, no more waiting for you to come back from your adventures. I want to get out there and do my part to help.
Had she helped? She'd helped Xehanort achieve his goal of summoning Kingdom Hearts. She rolled her eyes and ran an exhausted hand over her face, reminding herself that she'd also saved Sora, which easily outweighed any unwilling part she had played in Xehanort's plans (as Sora had told her several times).
Her phone chirped and she lunged forwards to smother the sound, glancing nervously to Naminé. She didn't know what she could hear while she continued to work through Yuffie's memories, but Kairi didn't want to be the reason that anything went wrong. She quickly silenced the phone so it wouldn't happen again before checking the message.
Hey yourself! We're good. Hayner, Pence and Olette found out we were in town and they won't leave us alone. Isa's pretending to be annoyed about it. He says hi. Don't forget to take lots of pictures. I wanna see all the places you go.
She smiled and sat back in the chair to compose her reply.
We're going to the same places. You'll see them for yourself. Also (she paused here, her thumbs hovering over the keys) hi Isa. I hope Axel isn't driving you too crazy.
She sent the message and turned back to the notebook, twirling the pen in her fingers as she flicked through the other letters. She had written once every few days, when breaks in her training schedule hadn't left her too exhausted. Most of the letters were filled almost entirely with anecdotes about training with Axel, or about some of the more unusual lessons that Merlin had put them through. Kairi paused over those, remembering them vividly and comparing them to the lessons that Aqua and Terra had given them. There was so much she had learned in the Land of Departure that had never been touched on by Merlin. She knew time had been of the essence, but Merlin had said that time didn't matter to them. She shook her head and turned the page as her phone buzzed again.
I'm hurt that you think that I would hasjdg bkjs
Then:
Hello, Kairi, this is Isa. Thank you for your concern. Lea is being his usual, persistent self. I hope that you and the others are well.
Kairi stifled a giggle at the message.
As long as you're keeping him in line. He's a handful!
The response was immediate.
Mean.
She set her phone aside and turned back to her notebook; if she was going to write a letter to her grandma, she supposed she'd better start it sooner rather than later. It had been so long since she'd written anything that her fingers fumbled around the pen and her writing was loose and sloppy. Letters ran together in a jumbled mess, and before she'd reached the end of the page she found her wrist aching. She set her pen aside and massaged it, leaning back in her chair with a frown. She used to love writing. She had piles of diaries and journals in her room, stacks of notebooks, and an assortment of pens that filled an entire drawer of her desk. She used to take great pride in her written work, but now… Now her handwriting was a barely legible scrawl.
She tore the page from the notebook and set it aside. It would take time, she knew, to retrain the muscles in her wrists – but it made it no less frustrating as she watched her fingers shiver and shake over the tiny loops and curves of her letters. Slowing down didn't seem to help; the little improvement she saw in her writing came with a mounting frustration as it took her twice as long to write half as much.
Movement by the fire made her look up from her letter. The dying embers were casting an ethereal orange glow over Naminé and Yuffie as they opened their eyes. Yuffie stood and stretched, working the kinks from her neck before she glanced around the room.
"Whoa, it's later than I thought!" she said. She turned back to Naminé with a frown. "Are you sure you wanna carry on? You're not too tired?"
"I'm fine," Naminé answered with a smile. Yuffie fixed her with a scrutinising stare, inspecting her from head to toe before finally shrugging.
"All right," she said. "Who do you want me to get next?"
"Whoever you find."
"Got it," she said. She caught sight of Kairi then and jumped, resting her hand over her heart. "Oh, Kairi! I didn't know you were still here! Are you all right?" Kairi nodded.
"Just here to make sure Naminé's okay," she answered.
"Well if there's anything I can get you, let me know, okay? I'm gonna head out and see if I can find Leon." She bid them both a cheerful goodbye before slipping out in to the night. Kairi stood from her chair then and moved towards the stove where Merlin had left a steel kettle filled with water and a small jar of teabags.
"How are you feeling?" Kairi asked as she set the kettle back on the stove top. Naminé stood and rolled her shoulders as she shuffled over to Kairi's side.
"It's a little draining, I guess," she said. "Their memories of Sora are scattered because of how often they've crossed paths. It takes a lot of focus to make sure I don't miss anything."
"You don't have to get them all," Kairi reminded her. Naminé nodded with a bashful smile.
"I know," she murmured, "but it seems a shame not to try." Kairi reached out to squeeze her hand.
"Just don't burn yourself out with trying," she said. Naminé smiled and said nothing, opting instead to rest her head on Kairi's shoulder while they waited for the kettle to boil.
Leon would arrive as they were finishing their tea, and as he and Naminé settled in by the fire Kairi set herself back at the table, glancing back over her half-written letters. She turned to a new blank page and set herself the task of writing a short note to her grandmother instead of a longer letter. In it, she assured her that she was fine and promised that although she wouldn't be around much for a while, she would try and visit whenever she had the chance. Realising she didn't have an envelope, she folded the paper in half and half again before reaching for the candle in the middle of the table. She poured a dribble of hot wax on to the overlap and weight the paper down with her empty teacup. Then she took the locket from around her neck and pressed the heavy pendant in to the wax.
Her handwriting was still far from perfect, but the letter was better than nothing. And despite the frustration at her wonky letters and shaky penmanship, it had been incredibly cathartic to just sit and write. Hadn't that been the whole purpose of asking for the notebook so long ago? An idea came to mind then, and she rolled out her wrist as she leaned forward to prod the wax. Cold. She peeled her necklace out and dusted the extra wax from the crevices before setting the letter aside for Aerith to collect in the morning. Then she pulled the notebook closer, turning to the next blank page.
Dear Sora…
They should have been heading to Agrabah first, but Roxas had plans of his own.
He had been grateful when Xion hadn't objected. In fact, once he had told her where he wanted to go and why, she seemed fully in support of it. Her only objection was to the fact that he didn't plan on telling anyone else.
"It'll only take a couple of hours," he answered. "They won't even know we took a detour." Xion had looked as though she wanted to disagree, but Roxas' phone had chimed. He quickly read the message and nodded to Xion who changed the ship's course. When they arrived at the Land of Departure she put the ship in to orbit and turned in her chair to offer him a small smile as he disembarked.
Ven was waiting for him, sitting patiently on the stairs that led up to the castle. In his hands he held a small basket of pastries and assorted cloth bundles, and as Roxas closed the distance between them Ven stood and thrust the basket in to his hands.
"I don't know where Aqua thinks she's going to keep all this food," he said with a fond sigh. Roxas took the basket with a shrug.
"At least she's not stress-cleaning this time," he offered, remembering all too well the late-night messages from Ven when he had been kept awake by banging and clattering at all hours of the night. Ven huffed a dry laugh.
"I just wish she'd stop stressing at all," he said, his expression defeated. It lasted for a split second before it was replaced by his usual boisterous smile. "C'mon, this way."
They skirted the castle and climbed the side of the tallest hill until they were at the summit. There Ven settled on the edge of the bluff with his legs hanging over the edge. Roxas sat down beside him and placed the basket between them. The pastries looked delicious, but with his stomach tied in knots it was impossible to think about food without feeling nauseous.
"So I know you didn't come all this way just to get surprise pastries," Ven said, his tone unusually serious. "What's on your mind?"
Roxas wondered where to begin. There was so much he wanted to get off his chest if he could only find the words. He chewed the inside of his cheek for several seconds, trying to find a good place to start.
"Be honest, Ven. Are you really okay with Vanitas being back?"
The question didn't seem to throw him the slightest; in fact Ven seemed to almost smile, and he leant back heavily on his hands and let his head roll back until he was staring up at the clouds.
"I was wondering when you would ask me about him."
"You were?" Ven nodded.
"Almost everyone has at this point," he said. Roxas hesitated slightly, bouncing his next question around his mind before finally voicing it aloud.
"Even Kairi?" Ven nodded.
"She came to see me the morning after we got back from the Graveyard," he said, though he quickly frowned. "At first I thought she was asking because of the unversed that saved her, but the next day when she told me that Vanitas was inside her heart it all became a bit clearer." Roxas dug his fingers in to his palm.
"So she lied to you too?" Ven looked at him strangely.
"I wouldn't say she lied," he said.
"She didn't tell the truth."
"She didn't tell the whole truth," Ven countered. "That's different."
"It's semantics," Roxas grumbled. Ven nodded.
"True, but I understand why she did it. At least, I think I do." Roxas furrowed his brow and Ven smiled a little. "If I'd known that Vanitas was there and he might have been listening in, I probably wouldn't have answered her questions properly. I would have been too busy worrying about what Vanitas was thinking."
"What did you tell her?"
"What I wanted her to hear," he answered. "What I want everyone to hear. It's not Vanitas' fault that he is the way he is. He didn't ask for this any more than I did."
"None of us asked for this," Roxas said. He sat forwards, leaning heavily on his knees as he stared out over the abyss below them. "I didn't ask to be a member of the Organisation, and neither did Xion. You don't see us siding with the darkness." Ven leant forwards then too.
"But, Roxas, you had something Vanitas didn't. You had Sora's memories." Roxas frowned and glanced at Ven from the corner of his eye.
"So? Vanitas had yours." Ven's smile fell and he shook his head.
"I don't think he did," he said softly. "I don't really remember anything from before Xehanort left me here. I've always assumed that Vanitas was the same." Roxas shrugged, turning away again.
"Well, so what?" he asked. "I had my own memories too. I didn't need Sora's memories to show me the light from the darkness."
"Didn't you?" Ven challenged gently. "Whether you realise it or not, being connected to Sora's heart and having his memories helped you. You knew what hope and love and friendship were supposed to feel like, even if you couldn't really feel them yourself yet. Plus, you had Lea – Axel – and Xion. The bonds you formed with them gave you the strength you needed to turn away from the darkness. Vanitas was never given that chance."
"Sora gave him that chance-"
"It was too late. By the time he and Sora were finally able to talk, his strength was fading. If he had chosen to join us, Xehanort would have had him eliminated in a heartbeat." He paused then, and after a moment he let out a heavy sigh. "After we were separated, I don't know if Vanitas was ever with anyone besides Xehanort. I can't even imagine the lies that Xehanort must have told him."
"I can," Roxas growled. "Xemnas lied to me too, remember?"
"About having a heart," Ven countered. "He lied about what you were doing and why. But Xehanort… I think he lied to Vanitas about the light." Roxas frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know that Vanitas and I are two sides of the same coin, right? I'm light, and he's darkness." Roxas nodded. "After we were separated, both of our hearts were incomplete. Sora helped make up the difference for me, filling in some of the gaps until my heart was finally strong enough to stand on its own again. My heart recompleted itself. It became whole, just like yours did." Roxas shifted his weight.
"So?"
"So it's a whole heart now. It has light and dark inside it. Not as much darkness as most people, I guess, but it's still there. Mine isn't a heart of pure light, which means I don't think Vanitas' is a heart of pure darkness anymore either." Roxas glanced over his shoulder, catching the thoughtful smile on Ven's face.
"You think Vanitas has light in his heart?" he asked. Ven laughed.
"You look exactly like Aqua did when I told her," he said, "but yeah, I do. I think Xehanort did everything within his power to try and stop it from happening, and when he realised he couldn't stop the inevitable he tried to make Vanitas believe it anyway – like how Xemnas made you all believe that you didn't have hearts at all."
"Exactly!" Roxas exclaimed, and he twisted towards Ven. "I was created from nothing, I was never supposed to exist, I was lied to and forced to work for the darkness, and here I am – fighting for the light." Ven's expression became troubled for several long moments before it finally lit up. His epiphany quickly turned to sympathy and his looked at Roxas with a heartbroken expression.
"Is that why you hate Vanitas?" Ven asked. "Because you think he's what you could have become?"
The words struck Roxas to his core. Out loud, spoken by someone else… His innermost thoughts had been brought to life by Ven's words and he turned away sharply. He grit his teeth to fight the burning in this throat.
"I am nothing like him," he grunted. Ven sat forwards and carefully wrapped his fingers around Roxas' shoulder.
"No," he said, "you're not. You and Vanitas… you're as different as me and Sora. We're connected, but we're not the same."
"I don't want to be connected to him," Roxas spat. Another tear fell and he scrubbed it on the back of his sleeve, hard enough that his cheek tingled. "I don't want anything to do with him."
"I know," Ven murmured. He squeezed Roxas' shoulder lightly. "Believe me, Roxas, I know-"
"Then how are you okay with this?" Roxas demanded. "How can you be on his side after everything he's done? He chose the darkness, Ven. I was there!"
"So was I," said Ven. His expression was tight and unusually sombre, without even a hint of a smile, and he fixed Roxas with a look so serious that Roxas felt his stomach tighten. "I'm on his side because I feel sorry for him."
"And I'm trying to understand why," Roxas pleaded. Ven's expression softened a little then and he turned his gaze away towards the horizon.
"I never really told you how Master Eraqus… lost his heart, did I?"
The change in topic caught Roxas off-guard, and for several seconds all he could was stammer uncertainly. Ven closed his eyes, his expression pained.
"Terra defeated him."
"Did Xehanort make him do that?" Roxas asked.
"Yes… and no. He did it because… because Master Eraqus was trying to destroy me."
The words hung heavily between them. Roxas felt the knot in his stomach tighten and he swallowed thickly.
"But… I don't understand…" he said at last.
"My master believed in the light above all else," Ven continued. "He taught us that it was never acceptable to use the darkness under any circumstances, and to always use the powers of light for good. And then… then he tried to use those powers to destroy me." He opened his eyes – they were bloodshot and glassy, and Roxas watched as a glistening tear rolled down his cheek as Ven continued to stare out over the horizon. "That was the day I learned that light isn't always good. It took me a while to realise it, but once I understood that then I could see that if light isn't always good, then darkness isn't always bad either."
The silence that followed seemed to stretch for an eternity. Roxas turned away, staring out towards the sunset. He had never been naïve enough to believe that light could never be used for evil, but he supposed he'd never spared too much thought for the other side of that particular coin. After all, hadn't Riku used darkness to help Sora?
"Vanitas said… 'What I am is darkness'," Roxas murmured. "I don't think I understood what he meant when he said that." Ven squeezed his shoulder again.
"I don't think Sora did either," said Ven, "but Vanitas had made up his mind. If you ask me, I think that might have been the first time that Vanitas had been able to control his own destiny, and he chose to step aside. By having Sora defeat him, he would finally be free."
"He could end it on his own terms," Roxas mumbled. The pieces finally fell in to place, and at last Roxas could see why Xion understood. Hadn't she done the same thing? She'd faced a similar choice, once upon a time; to give herself over to Naminé and Riku to save Sora, or to keep Sora's memories and add Roxas' power to her own but forever be a pawn of the Organisation. In the end, she had baited Roxas in to fighting her so that he might defeat her.
It was my choice… to go away now. Better that, than to do nothing… and let Xemnas have his way.
Roxas let his head fall forwards with a heavy sigh. Ven patted his back lightly.
"I've been an idiot," Roxas grumbled. Ven chuckled.
"No, not an idiot," he said. "You were just trying to do what you thought was best. And in your defence, Vanitas didn't exactly help himself all that much."
"And Luxu… Luxu knew I had doubts." Roxas lifted his head and he caught Ven's surprised expression in the corner of his eye.
"He came to see you?" Roxas nodded.
"I didn't really wanna talk to him but he had me cornered. After what happened to us all at the Graveyard... I didn't want to listen, but I knew he would wipe the floor with me if it came to a fight so I just let him talk. I didn't want to listen but everything he said… it just made so much sense."
"What did he say?" Ven asked. Roxas shook his head and shrugged.
"Just… stuff about Vanitas, how we were so similar." Roxas scoffed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I guess he got inside my head more than I thought."
"Well I can tell you first-hand that you are nothing like Vanitas. Your stories might have similar beginnings, but they're not the same." Roxas nodded slowly.
"I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't had Axel or Xion," he murmured. Ven nudged his shoulder lightly.
"I'm sure you still would've made that leap," he said. "You still had Sora's memories, after all." Roxas nodded, and he felt a small smile tugging at his lips.
"Right," he sighed. Ven scooted himself closer and threw and arm around Roxas' shoulders.
"You couldn't have become like Vanitas even if you'd tried." The thought was a welcome one, though it was oddly sobering.
"I've been a real jerk," he mumbled.
"If anyone knows anything about being a jerk, it's Vanitas," Ven joked. "And if he tries to give you any grief about it, you call me and I'll remind him of all the extra jerk-y things he did to me, Aqua and Terra." Roxas glanced at Ven.
"You think he's coming back?" he asked. Ven's smile faltered a little, becoming tight and pinched as he dropped his arm from around Roxas' shoulders.
"I want to believe that he will," Ven answered. "I want him to, but it's his choice. We can't force him, even if Kairi tried. I still wish she hadn't…" Roxas frowned.
"Don't you want Vanitas to fight for Sora?" he asked. Ven nodded, though his expression was troubled.
"Of course I do," he answered, "but I wish Kairi hadn't tried to blackmail him into it. If he fights for Sora, it'll be because he wants to not because of any kind of deal, even if he won't admit it." He paused and shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Who knows? Maybe he'll use Kairi's deal to pretend like he's not doing it for Sora's sake."
"Do you think he'll do it?" Roxas asked. "Do you think Vanitas will fight for Sora?" Ven smiled softly.
"I want to believe that he will."
Did I mention that Kairi is an over-thinker? I've been in her shoes – I got my first mobile phone (sorry, "cell phone") waaaay after other kids my age, and I remember being so paranoid about sending my first few texts. Were they okay? Were they too long? Could I really just send a text to say 'hi'?
Also, I'm so glad to have finally cleared the air with Roxas. I'm not saying it'll be smooth sailing from here on out, but this was a very important conversation – in more ways than one. I have had a lot of interesting discussions with people in my inbox about why Roxas has been such an Angry Boi™ so it's been nice to finally put it down on paper (or, the screen? IDK…)
See you in the next chapter!