Chapter Three

When the weekend came, I had to both mentally and emotionally make sure I would be fine. I had to keep a warm smile upon my face and be polite to both Jacob and Billy, despite the fact that I had known both of them for basically my whole life. Still, things were different than when I was here years ago. If I had only lost my virginity by itself, then yeah it wouldn't really matter but I had become pregnant and lost the baby, so things were even more different.

It would be a lot different too if I were able to stay pregnant, because he'd see me with my round belly, on the verge of giving birth. He'd be excited for me, and Billy would excitedly tell me all the anecdotes about Sarah's pregnancy with the twins and Jacob. Charlie would chuckle with him and together they would tell even more stories about me and Jacob when we were little and played both here in town but also on the reservation.

They'd give each other looks, ones that they thought were sly but weren't. It would be obvious they would have hoped if I had gotten pregnant as a teenager it would have been with Jacob and not with a random boy that I knew from school. They wanted Jacob and I married, having a bunch of children. Not like this, with the baby's father obviously being Caucasian and nothing like Jacob Black (not that there was anything wrong with Jacob Black).

I was dressed in one of my hoodies that I had bought back in Phoenix at one of the outlet malls. My hair was scraped up in a messy bun, and I wore gray wool leggings with a crimson hoodie. A pair of fuzzy socks were gray and black striped. I was sitting all the different types of finger foods and dips to have with the chips when a honking from a steering wheel allowed me to know that Jacob and Billy would be here. I nervously straightened up as Charlie rushed outside and kept the door open so they wouldn't have to worry about needing me to keep the door open.

As Jacob pushed his dad in his wheelchair through the front door, I couldn't help but smile when all that greeted me was familial warmth. There was a tiny bit of pity in Billy's eyes but not enough that made me want to tell him to stop looking at me. He motioned for Jacob to push him forward so that he could reach me. He held out his hands and put my pale hands into his rustic red hued hands. I soaked in the warmth that came from his skin, so different from the cold and freezing I had been accustomed to from everyone else around me.

"Bella, dear, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Billy."

I let my eyes flicker from Billy and up to Jacob before greeting him, making Jacob blush some. My eyes went away from Jacob to the side. I didn't look at anything in particular. Instead, I reached my hand up and kept my fingers against the locket where Avalyn was. I smiled some as though my daughter was wrapping her baby finger against my fingers, squeezing and reminding me that everything was going to be alright in the end.

"That's a pretty necklace you've got."

My blood ran cold at the statement.

It was so innocent, something that anyone could say.

If I were wearing any other necklace, then I would have thanked them, but I merely pressed my lips together and picked up a paper plate before putting some of the finger foods onto it. I plopped down onto the couch and tried not to act as though I was shoving food into my mouth to keep from talking to him. Nothing was said for a moment, only the sound of me chewing on the chips that I had stuck into some dip could be heard.

"Jacob…"

Once I made sure I wouldn't choke on my food, and I swallowed it down the right windpipe, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. "I'm sure that Dad told you about Avalyn."

"Bells, you don't–"

"It's okay, Dad. It was bound to come up eventually for the time I'll be staying with you," I pointed out, before my eyes opened.

He nodded his head and sat down in his normal recliner. Billy had his wheelchair angled so that he faced me now instead of at the television set (it was currently playing some random commercial that no one cared to really pay attention to). Both of them had their brown eyes showing understanding, though one of them I was accustomed to while the other was kind of odd since I hadn't been accustomed to those eyes in a couple of years.

"I'm sure that you learnt that I was pregnant last year, and I was supposed to be in my last month now. In fact, I'd probably be about to have her, Avalyn I mean. I was going to name her Avalyn Anne Swan. I lost her on my birthday last year," I merely stated, trying to keep my mind away from the blood, oh the blood on the white sheets. The screaming, the crying, the anger at God for letting this happen. Yes. That was something I shouldn't be thinking about right now.

"What does that have to do with the necklace though?"

Jacob.

Poor innocent Jacob.

I loved him like a brother, that much was true, but sometimes like siblings did they wanted to strangle the other.

I merely arched one eyebrow up and pulled my necklace off before slowly handing it over to my godbrother. He took the locket from me and held it, his eyes widening when he felt that there was something that was inside of the locket. He noted how Avalyn's name was etched across the locket, in that beautiful cursive writing. He handed it back to me quickly, as it hit him how he was holding a locket that had the remains of my daughter in it.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that, Bella. I would have loved to have met her," Jacob mumbled while I put the necklace around my neck once more.

I didn't comment on how handing him the locket had made a part of me wither away, nor how it would regrow and blossom even brighter every time I would have that locket placed around my neck again. It probably wasn't healthy to be so dependent on my daughter's remains, but I couldn't care fewer what others thought about my dependence.

Thankfully, since I had gotten the whole miscarriage thing out of the way, we were able to focus on the time Billy and Jacob were staying here. We sat around the coffee table and ate the random snacks I had laid out for. Billy talked about how he was wanting to go fishing sometime soon. Charlie was complaining about how he wished Billy could have brought the rest of the fish fry that Henry Clearwater was always known for making, with his wife Sue once he had learnt that Billy had just had some the other day so there wasn't any he could bring today.

I stayed downstairs, knowing if I went up to my bedroom chances where Jacob would feel as though it was an open invitation for him to join me. It wouldn't be. I didn't know why people just automatically thought that since you would be heading up to your bedroom it just automatically meant they could come and follow you. It wasn't someplace that I felt I could just leave open and allow an even amount of traffic in and out when it came to people.

It was raining when Billy and Jacob left, both of them waving goodbye to us as they drove away from the house. I went back inside while Charlie stayed out on the front porch, listening to the heavy downpour of rain while I cleaned up the mess that we had all made in the living room. I picked up some of the paper plates only for my stomach to have a phantom kick, which made me 'umph,' at the feeling of little baby feet hitting against the inside of my uterus.

One of my hands reached up and touched my stomach, tears rising in the corner of my tear ducts, but I straightened my back. I went into the kitchen and threw away what needed to be thrown away and placed what needed to be put into the fridge or the pantry into their respective places. I left the kitchen, turned off the light behind me, went outside to kiss Charlie on the scruffy cheek, and then went upstairs so that I could spend some time alone in my bedroom.

The weekend went away, and with the new week I was welcomed with Edward Cullen coming back to school. He re-introduced himself to me on Monday, despite the fact that his first impression had made a more permanent mark upon me than this dazzling smile and twinkling golden irises that he tried to show me to make me forget the whole rigidness that came from him on the first day I had at Forks High. I'd rather have another one of his siblings than him for Biology, Rosalie Hale would have been the perfect candidate, but she was a senior.

It was the next day, Tuesday, and the day that marked a whole week. I had put on a random white baggy sweater, dark washed jeans and some pair of winter boots that still fit me from when I would still come up here before I started high school. My hair was brushed and smoothed down by a hairbrush and I put on very little makeup, nothing that was too noticeable. I wasn't really a makeup, frou-frou kind of girl. I didn't like frilly, lace things.

Charlie was already gone off to work when I came downstairs once I had gotten everything done to head off to school. I went over to where the apples were in a small wicker basket on the kitchen counter, bought randomly the last time I had gone to the grocery store. They were already starting to bruise, and I knew I would end up having to throw them out soon, but I managed to grab one of the red apples that didn't have any blemishes or bruises on them.

Leaving the house, I made sure to lock the front door behind me and slowly went over to where the rails were for the front porch steps. I gripped onto the railing and slowly went down them, my backpack slung haphazardly on my shoulder while my other shoulder held a satchel. My hand that wasn't gripping the railing in a dead grip instead was holding the apple.

The very last thing I needed was to accidentally trip and go sprawling down the steps. There weren't that many of them, but it would be enough for me to dramatically land in an awkward position. The apple would be thrown away from me and quite possibly smushed depending on how hard it would hit the sleet covered grass. It would be a disaster.

Thankfully, I made it to my truck without any scratches or unlucky happenings that resulted in me needing to go to the clinic. I opened the driver's door and made sure to throw my purse and my backpack towards the passenger seat before hopping into the truck. It took two times to actually be able to get into the truck due to my height but in the end, I managed to have my stubbornness win, so I didn't have to wait for one of my male neighbors to come out and help me into the truck.

The drive to the high school was about average, it wasn't too fast nor was it too slow. I was able to have a handful of songs that were playing from the radio. The static that came from the radio station was the only thing that grinded my nerves. I would rather have music with a clear reception on it or have no music playing at all. I turned off the radio when the high school came into view, knowing I would not be listening to any music on the way home from school today.

Arriving in the parking lot, I drove to one of the spots that I had been wanting to park in but hadn't had the chance to before. Parking, I patted the steering wheel of the truck, thankful that so far, the truck hadn't done anything that would make me hate having accepted it to begin with. I hopped out of the truck with my apple and went to go around the truck to go get my backpack and satchel only for me to pause as though the soles of my boots had been superglued to the pavement.

I slowly turned my head, my eyes landing on the Cullens across the parking lot. All of them were staring at me as though I were Gwen Stacy falling from Peter Parker's grip, and in the end, I would die from the whip-plash. My neck would break, and I would be gone. They were staring at me as though I was seconds away from death.

My brown irises flickered away from the five pairs of golden irises, my mouth falling open as I heard the screeching of Tyler's van skidding across the parking lot.

Students that were originally strolling through the parking lot kicked themselves into high gear and rushed off to be away from where the van would hit them. I wished I was able to do what they did but the fear had overcome me more than anything else. I was weak, I was letting death come for me. It was pathetic of me, especially when my death could be prevented if I actually fucking moved away from where I was standing.

One moment the van was closing in on me and the next moment a hand shot out and pushed me backwards a little bit, so I fell down in a sprawl on the pavement. I hissed as my wrist became scratched up from hitting the ground hard, but when I looked away from the hand, I instead noticed how Emmett Cullen was in front of me and Rosalie Hale was crouched down next to me.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

Tears began to rise in my tear ducts and without having any hesitation I began to cry; the tears began to flow down my cheekbones without any effort needed. I sniffled as my wrist hurt and I sniffled as I imagined what it would have been like if I were still pregnant. I could have died along with Avalyn; I would have died and left Charlie without his daughter and his future granddaughter.

I hadn't even realized my hand had snuck up and wrapped around my stomach, digging my fingernails into my stomach in order for them to know I wouldn't let them away from the bump that was still present upon my stomach. I was shaking some from all the emotions, my hand that wasn't holding my stomach was twitching some and my mouth began to tighten.

I was both here and not here at the same time. A heavy warmth draped over me, tingles overcame and the last thing I heard before I fell away into unconsciousness was my name being screamed. Then I succumbed to the seizure that had suddenly hit me from the emotional trauma that had just hit me because of almost getting killed by Tyler's van.

Everything became blurry, there were moments my eyes would open and through the blurriness I would note myself being put onto a gurney, us driving towards the clinic, and then a more permanent darkness came over me. I slumped and fell into the darkness with welcoming arms, wanting to get away from everything around me.

When I truly came to I was more than confused at how I was lying on a cot in the Forks' Medical Clinic with an intravenous needle making sure to put supplements and vitamins through my body. Charlie was sitting in the visitors' chair that was placed next to my cot, his head tilted down and tiredness radiating from him. He glanced up, noting me sitting there with my own drained energy evidence I had suffered from the seizure more than I had known.

"Oh, Bells! I'm so glad you're okay!"

I didn't have time to say anything, before he reached over and wrapped his arms around me to hold me quietly and softly in his arms. I would have let my arms wrap around him, but my body felt like lead, and I just didn't feel as though I could move them even if I tried. The energy it would take was something that I didn't have right now, all my energy was zipped away.

"W-What happened?"

"Ah, Miss Swan, I see you're awake."

Charlie pulled away from me so I could turn and see who it was that had spoken to me. My eyes widened and my face became flushed red at the sight of the beautiful man who had to still be in medical school because there was no way he was already a licensed doctor.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

A tall, muscular man with medical blue scrubs and a white doctorate coat that was worn over the scrubs, came up to me with a clipboard in his hands. His golden hair was nicely groomed down so none of the pieces of his hair would fall out of its nice placement. Just like his children he had whitish blue skin, along with too perfect symmetrical features. His golden irises were the warmest I had seen so far; those butterscotch hues could steal your heart.

Dr. Cullen sat down next to me on the cot, after he noticed I wasn't against him sitting next to me, once Charlie moved to the chair again. Dr. Cullen turned his attention to me and slowly but surely informed me all that had happened, since the last thing I could remember was how I had gone to get my bags from the passenger side of the truck. Then everything kind of went blurry. Everything else was up for grabs when it came to what someone would tell me would happen.

"You suffered a seizure; it was brought on by the emotional trauma that hit you. I've already looked over your medical records and there's no history of epilepsy for you or any of your family members. Still, I think it would be best if we keep you from school the rest of the week. This was most likely a one and done seizure, but we don't need to give you any more stress."

I nodded my head, as my fingers intertwined together and began to play. Avalyn's dad had epilepsy, and I didn't know if Avalyn would have suffered the same fate as her dad would have. Or if she would have been lucky and she wouldn't have worried about becoming epileptic.

"Can I ask how I was saved from Tyler's van? The last thing I remember is how I had gone to get my things from the other side of the truck and then I was waking up here," I confessed, which in return made Carlisle (he told me I could call him Carlisle) listen to me before he seemed as though he didn't want to tell me who it was or how I was saved from Tyler's van.

He went to open his mouth only for the doors of the E.R. to open and two children of his to come waltzing towards us. Rosalie Hale and her boyfriend/foster brother, Emmett Cullen, were coming towards us as though they were on a mission. Rosalie reached me and sat down on the other side of me before she turned and nervously looked at Carlisle.

"Is she okay? She had a seizure, didn't she?"

My mouth fell open at how much concern was laced upon and within the blonde girl's voice and appearance. I almost wondered if I was imagining this, but then I remembered how she had been so concerned about me during the whole locket situation in the cafeteria on my first day at the high school. She had been nothing more than kind and respectful to me.

"Yes, she did. She's kind of out of it, as is expected and she'll be staying at her house for the rest of the week," Carlisle explained, making Rosalie nod her head.

He turned to me as though he remembered something and he frowned before he said, "Speaking of your seizure, you're not allowed to drive for the next six months."

I swore my heart almost stopped at hearing this, as guilt consumed me at the knowledge that I had barely received Billy's old truck only to end up not able to drive it for six months. Charlie reached his hand out and put it in mine, to let me know it was okay. He wasn't upset with me not being able to drive the truck. He was more relieved that nothing bad had happened to me after all.

"Is it okay if I drive you to and from school?"

Rosalie was the one who had asked me this, making me blush some from the fact that she had automatically asked me if she could drive me to and from school. I hadn't expected for her to do this, it was overwhelming, but I was relieved. I was glad that Rosalie had been the one who had offered this to me, instead of someone else.

"That would be nice."

Rosalie shot me a beautiful smile, which in return made my breath stop for the beauty that came from her reminded me of a goddess. I was straight but that didn't mean I didn't think that she was so beautiful when she smiled.

"Good. I'm glad. I would have made sure to do it anyway," Rosalie informed me, making Emmett chuckle next to her before nodding his head. He obviously was letting me know wordlessly that this was true. Rosalie would have done this anyway.

Once I had gotten the green light from Carlisle to go home, Charlie helped me up from the cot. My legs were shaky, and I was wanting nothing more than to lie down onto the cot once more. I knew I would sleep like the dead when I got home. It would take me some time for me to recover from the seizure I had experienced. I just hoped that I would never end up in this kind of situation again, for I was terrified of what it would end up doing to me when it came to my mental health.

I hadn't expected for me to go into the lobby only for me to see Jessica and the rest of her friends waiting for me. Charlie lighting squeezed my hand with enough pressure, it was obvious that he was signaling he wouldn't allow the teenagers to overwhelm me.

"Bella, thank God that you're okay! I was terrified that you would end up having to be transported to the hospital," Jessica breathed aloud to me, before she went forward to hug me.

Charlie moved so that he was in front of me. His pappa bear vibes made Jessica pause where she was. She obviously was quick to learn when it came to the fact that when the chief-of-police was intimidating it was best to listen to him when he was voiceless.

Leaving the clinic we reached his police cruiser, where he gently let me into the front passenger seat. He buckled my seatbelt and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled at this. He shut the door behind him and went around the cruiser. He opened the front driver's door and plopped down into the cruiser before he shut the door behind him and locked the doors.

Driving back to the house, I didn't pay attention to the police scanner that was on. I merely closed my eyes and focused on the fact that I hadn't died today. I wouldn't have died with Avalyn if she had still been alive. I wouldn't end up needing to be buried six feet under all because of the dry, black ice that coated the asphalt parking lot.

It was the only saving grace when it came to me having already lost Avalyn in the womb, I wouldn't have lost her and myself from Tyler's van. That didn't mean I still wasn't over the miscarriage. It just meant Charlie wouldn't have lost me and Avalyn altogether.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: for those who were wondering, I never had a miscarriage, nor have I ever been pregnant. This fanfiction is dedicated for those who lost their children-whether it be in the womb, a stillborn, or later. I want to hug every one of you.

as always: Twilight doesn't belong to me

-Emmy

ps: I am epileptic and describing the seizure is exactly what it's like for me. It takes about a month/two for me to recover from the grand-mal seizures I have. I often have bad memory for a while because of how messed up my brain gets from it.