Chapter Twenty: Decisions, Decisions…

I could barely contain my excitement as I headed over to the bakery. After all, Ushio would be coming home today!

As I headed away from the apartment complex, I carefully rotated my right shoulder as I thought back on what had brought us to this point. I was glad that my daughter had gotten over her guilt over her mother's death, though I figured she'd never completely get over it. If nothing else, I didn't have to worry about being romantically pursued by my own daughter; I shuddered at the memory of the events that had led to the re-injuring of my shoulder.

I rounded the last corner and smiled at the sight of Ushio outside the bakery, crouched among several bags and a couple of small suitcases. "Hey, sweetie!" I greeted. "Ready to come home?"

She looked up, and her eyes widened. "Daddy!" she squealed and charged at me with her arms open wide. "Are you here to take me home?"

"Yup," I grunted as she threw herself into me with a hug, and I gave myself a moment to recover my breath before continuing. "Is this everything?"

"Yeah," she said as I followed her back to the bakery entrance, where Sanae was just stepping outside. "I think I have everything, but I know I can come back if I find out I'm missing something."

"Ah! Good afternoon, Tomoya-san!" Sanae greeted in her pleasant melodious tone. "I trust you are well. How is your shoulder?"

"Getting better," I said as I rubbed the area in question; it had been a couple of weeks since I'd been freed from the harness. "It feels like it's getting stronger every day, but I know I have a long way to go."

"Every step counts, no matter how small it may seem," she said encouragingly.

"Oh, I know," I told her. "I'm not getting down about it; I'm just acknowledging the reality of it all."

"I understand. Well Shio-chan; are you ready to go?" she asked, indicating the pile of luggage. "Do you have everything?"

"I think so, Grandma," Ushio replied. "Thank you for taking care of me. I really enjoyed my time here."

"It was lovely having you, as always," Sanae said as she drew my daughter into an embrace. "Feel free to come over anytime. I love my little stay-overnight girl."

"I love you too, Grandma," my daughter said, giving her grandmother an extra squeeze. She released Sanae – reluctantly, I noticed – and looked over at me with a hesitant look. "How…much can you carry?"

"I guess we'll find out," I said while trying to flex my right arm, causing her to giggle.

Between the two of us, we managed; I carried one of the suitcases in my left hand, with a couple of bags looped around my wrist. In my right hand I carried the other suitcase. Fortunately, nothing was too heavy, and we were on our way home sooner than I had thought.

We didn't say much for most of the trip; I guess we'd done so much talking in our sessions that we'd need more life experiences to have something new to share.

"How's my room?" Ushio suddenly asked, snapping me out of my train of thought.

"It should be fine," I told her. "You might need to do a little cleaning, since I've only been able to do so much with one arm."

"I'll take a look when we get home," she decided. "Thank you for doing your best."

"You're welcome. Hey, do you want any kind of homecoming party? This is pretty special, after all."

She didn't answer, and I glanced over to see her nibbling on her lower lip. "I'd like something, sure, but...not huge," she said. "If I invited friends over, and they asked what happened…"

"I got it," I said. "Well… What about Kyou? She loves you, and…" I wanted to add 'she knows what happened' but realized that that might not be a good idea. "…we never got to celebrate your graduation with her."

"Hey, you're right!" she exclaimed.

"Maybe after you get settled in, we could give her a call and plan a grad party for you, just the three of us," I suggested.

"I like that idea," she said. "Now I want to get back to normal as soon as possible so we can party!"

"Oh, and you didn't before?" I asked with an impish grin.

She looked at me with an expression of mild shock before grinning impishly herself as she playfully whacked my arm. "Daddy! You know what I mean!"

"Yes, I do," I chuckled. "You have another reason for looking forward to getting back to normal; is that right?"

"Yes," she grumbled through her grin. "Hey! What about inviting Hiiragi-senpai?"

"Mika-san? What for?" Other than my own personal discomfort, I wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea; the two of them knew each other at school, after all.

"Well, I don't know her as well as I'd like to since we'll be going to the festival together. I bet you know her better than I do now since she's been coming over to help out."

"Which she probably won't be doing anymore since you're coming home," I pointed out. "For that matter…she's going to be coming today; why don't you two have some girl time then?"

"It's not the same!" she whined halfheartedly. "This is just day-to-day stuff, while I'm talking about a party!"

"I don't see the difference as far as talking goes," I said as we approached the front door of our unit. "Talking is talking, isn't it?"

"Maybe for boys it is," she huffed. "And men. But for us girls it's different."

"All right," I sighed. "I'll take your word for it. Just give me some time to think about it, okay?"

"Okay!" she chirped. "Thanks, Daddy!"

"Don't thank me yet," I grunted as I finally got the door open. "Nothing's set in stone just yet."

We went inside and headed to her room. Since I had the heavier load and had to account for my shoulder, she slid the door open and let me in first. I carefully put her things on the floor and grunted as I straightened to turn to my daughter. "Well, it's-"

I cut myself off at the sight of Ushio standing at the door to her room, staring blankly inside. She looked as though she was looking into a new and unfamiliar place, and it occurred to me that she may have been going through the same kind of thing I did when I first got home after losing the harness; a sense of alienation, of being a new person in otherwise familiar surroundings.

"Do you need a minute?" I asked softly.

She shifted her blank gaze up to me. "May I come in?"

"Of course," I said with a gentle, understanding smile. "This is your room, sweetie; come on in."

She smiled gratefully before cautiously stepping across the threshold to the bedroom. In some ways she reminded me of a cat, sniffing its way into unfamiliar territory. She looked around slowly as though seeing the room for the first time. "It's so weird…" she murmured. "I know this is my room, but it seems so…foreign."

"Maybe it's because you're a different person than before?" I suggested. "You're not the person you were when you left, so it's like looking at it with new eyes."

"I guess…" she said in a quiet voice. "I do feel different, now that you mention it."

"If it helps, I was just thinking how I felt the same way when I got home after I found out I didn't need the harness anymore," I told her. "I felt free."

"I don't know if I feel free, but I know I feel different."

"Well, take your time," I said as I headed toward the door. "I'll make some tea while you get settled in."

"Okay," she said absently, still looking around her 'old' room. "Thank you."

I smiled before quietly sliding the door shut behind me. I knew that it would take some time, but I believed that we would eventually get back to normal. I headed out to the kitchen and, after making sure there was enough water in the kettle, set it to heat on the stovetop. I then got out a couple of mugs, using my right hand to open the cupboard and my left to retrieve them, and set them on the counter before dropping a tea bag in each of them. After brief consideration, I dropped a second bag in mine; I'd need the caffeine if I was going to last the rest of the day.

A few minutes later I heard Ushio make her way down the hall, and I turned to see her settling into her spot at the kotatsu. "Feeling better yet?" I asked.

"A little," she replied, ducking her head. "It just feels so weird to be back home."

"For what it's worth, I'm still getting used to it myself," I said, then looked back to the stove as the kettle started whistling. "I know where everything is like usual, but it all looks different. I think it's because my perspective changed after I lifted my arm over my head."

"Who would think that such a simple act could mean so much to someone?" she said with a giggle.

I mulled over her words. "Yeah, I guess we can take things for granted, huh?" I then winced as an image of my old man came to mind. "Yeah…"

"Daddy? Are you okay?"

Her question snapped my out of my reverie, but the thought remained. "Yeah…I'm fine. Just have some thinking to do…"

"Speaking of thinking," she said with another giggle, "I was thinking while unpacking, and I'd like to call Kyou-sensei tonight and plan the party, if that's okay."

"Already?" I asked as I poured the water into our mugs. "Are you sure you don't need more time to adjust?"

"If we plan it for, say, a week from now, that'll give me a week to adjust. Besides, I think being able to talk with Kyou-sensei in our home will help me to feel better."

"Yeah, I could see that," I replied as I set the kettle back on the stove and retrieved our mugs. "The familiar."

"Yeah, that's it."

I shrugged. "Okay, well…just give me a week's notice so I can plan around it."

"Okay."

We spent the next few minutes quietly drinking our tea. I found myself feeling a little self-conscious before I realized it was because I was used to us chatting up a storm during meals. Considering that we'd done a lot of talking during our counseling sessions, along with feeling disconnected from our home, it made sense…sort of.

She finished her tea and headed out to the counter to wash her mug. She then came back and plopped down into her seat again. "May I use your phone?"

"Oh…sure," I answered, digging into my pocket. I pulled it out and handed it to her, and she giggled to her feet with a 'Thank you!' before hurrying down the hall, presumably to her room. I smiled with a shake of my head as I downed the last of my tea and headed to the kitchen to wash out my mug.

While she was on the phone I took the opportunity to think about how things were going. My shoulder was well on its way to recovery…full recovery this time. Ushio seemed to be back to normal, though I couldn't be sure what normal for her was anymore, considering she'd been 'grooming' herself for the last four years. "Oh well, we'll figure it out," I mumbled to myself as I leaned against the frame to the sliding-glass door that led to our balcony.

I sighed as an image of Mika drifted into my conscious thought. She was an interesting girl; very kind, very compassionate, but she could also be very strong-willed. "Kind of a combination of her mom and her aunt," I mused, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Ushio was still down the hall. I still wasn't sure what to make of her, though; if what Kyou said was correct, I'd have to reject another sweet young girl, which I wasn't looking forward to.

My thoughts then drifted to Kyou, and I started wondering how she and the pastor were getting along. I hadn't heard much in a while, so I figured things were still all right. If things had turned sour, I'd probably be the first she'd tell…after her sister and family, of course.

"Daddy?" I twitched slightly before looking over to Ushio, standing at the entrance to the hallway. "Would Friday night be okay? I know today's Sunday so it's not a full week, but would it be okay?"

"It's fine," I said with a chuckle. "The point was to give me some time to prepare."

"Did you hear that, Kyou-sensei?" she said into the phone. "So, Friday? Yeah. Oh, that's right! Hold on, sensei… What time, Daddy?" she asked with hopeful eyes.

"I dunno. When did you want to have it?"

"Could they come over after lunch?"

"'They'?"

"Kyou-sensei and Hiiragi-senpai, of course!" she chirped.

I sighed internally; was I really up to dealing with 'Nemesis and the Affectionate Niece'? "Sure, after lunch would be fine. What would that be; about one, one-thirty?"

"What time did you have in mind?" Ushio asked into the phone. A nod, then: "One-o-clock?" She looked at me, apparently for confirmation, so I nodded. "That'll work. Yeah." A giggle. "Yeah. All right, we look forward to it. Yeah. All right sensei, see you then. Bye-bye."

"So, Saturday at one?" I asked as she handed me my phone.

"Yup!" she chirped. "Thanks a lot, Daddy. Thanks for doing this on such short notice."

"It's not that short, but you're welcome," I said, smiling warmly at her.

As she fisted her hands under her chin and squealed her excitement over her upcoming party, my mind drifted back to concerns; concerns about my shoulder, about Mika, about the man I was going to become.

"Glory to God, Pastor Ashton speaking."

"Hello pastor; this is Okazaki Tomoya."

"Tomoya-san, hey! Good to hear from you again! How's life treating you?"

"Better, thanks."

"How's the shoulder coming along?"

"Slowly but surely." I thought it was interesting how he seemed more excited about my shoulder than I was. "Listen, you got a minute?"

"Sure."

I sighed; this wasn't going be easy. "Listen… I, uh… I've been thinking about your offer, and I'd like to take you up on it."

"My offer? Are you referring to my offer to help you with your…situation?"

"Yeah," I said, grateful for his discretion. "I think I've been letting other people run my life, my dad included, and I'd like to figure out how to take it back."

"A laudable goal, one that few people have tried to accomplish, to my experience. Good for you." I could hear the smile in his tone, which warmed my heart. "When did you want to get started?"

"As soon as possible," I chuckled. "But if you're asking about a date and time, I can say that Saturday mornings are probably best for me; I have weekends off, and Ushio's in school."

"Do you have any particular time in mind?"

"Well, Ushio gets out of school at about one, so…" I scratched my head, nearly elated that my right hand could do it. "I guess it depends on how long the sessions would be."

"About an hour, like what you're used to."

"Well, I guess ten or eleven would be fine. Whatever you have available."

"How about ten, in case later sessions go a bit long?"

"That's fine, but… I'm not going to get in the way of any of your other duties, am I?"

"No, but thank you for your concern. I don't know if you remember, but I don't do a lot of counseling, except when a court case requires it. With all respect, Japan still doesn't seem to think much of the counseling industry."

I did vaguely remember, but it seemed like a memory from another life. "I think I get it, anyway. So…did you want me to come in this Saturday, or should we wait another week?"

"This Saturday is fine with me. You?"

I snorted. "The sooner the better, really. I'd like some help with this situation with Mika-san."

"Well, we can talk about that on Saturday, if you'd like."

My heart sank as I remembered… "Crud, that's right; she's supposed to be over this Friday night, and I won't be seeing you until the morning after."

"I can help clean up the mess then, I suppose," he said with humor in his tone.

"That's-" I started to say before my own chuckles prevented me from finishing my thought.

"I can spare a few minutes now, if that's enough."

"Thanks, I'll take whatever I can get. See, we're having a graduation party for Ushio on Friday night. She'd already had one with her old schoolmates from middle school, but she wanted to have one with me and Kyou, her old kindergarten teacher, so we were going to plan one until…yeah."

"I believe I understand," he said, much to my relief. "So what's the problem?"

"She's inviting Mika-san, Kyou's niece."

"So it is the same person!" I heard him exclaim. "I'm sorry that I didn't think to bring this up sooner, but I found it interesting that your description of her matched the girl that Kyou's described. What a small world."

I couldn't believe that I'd never thought of that, though with all the stuff I'd been dealing with, it made sense. "Hey, do you think you could find out how she feels about me? It'd help me know what I need to do."

"Tomoya-san, you make a very difficult request. The fact is; I'm too far removed from that part of the family yet for it to be appropriate. Besides, you're an adult, and need to be able handle these kinds of things yourself, right?"

I sighed in resignation. "Yeah, you're right. Good grief, I sound like a…a…teen-aged boy or something." Without meaning to, I thought of Tadashi, who seemed so mature, and my heart sank a little. "All right, I guess I'll have my chance on Friday to sort this out. I hope it doesn't happen, though; we're supposed to be celebrating Ushio's graduation, not sorting out my love life…a love life that I'm not even supposed to have." I then smiled at his sympathetic chuckle. "Hey…Has, uh…Kyou mentioned Mika-san's feelings at all?"

"Not that I can recall. Frankly, we've been too busy getting to know each other. Enjoying each other, really."

Considering her somewhat domineering personality, I had a hard time imagining any guy enjoying time with Kyou, but he was a pastor, after all. "Well, I'm glad that things are working out for you."

"Thank you!" A heavy sigh. "Look, I really can't tell you anything more than I already have; you need to decide where you are at this point when it comes to remarrying, or you could end up needlessly breaking her heart, and potentially those of other women. You need to commit one way or the other. It doesn't preclude changing your mind later, but Mika-san may need to know where she stands now, and you'll need to be ready to tell her when or if the time comes."

"All right, I got it," I grunted. "Thanks, and wish me luck."

"Not to sound snobbish, but would you mind if I prayed for you instead?"

I chuckled. "That's fine. I just put it the way I did out of habit."

"Ah, got it. Then I shall be praying for wisdom and discernment for you, as well as guidance regarding your current situation."

"Thank you; I really appreciate it." While part of me still couldn't accept his religion, at least he still wanted the best for me, and I wasn't going to spit on that. "Well, I guess that takes care of me, then. Thanks for your time."

"I'm glad if I've helped. Have a good day, Tomoya-san."

"Thanks, you too."

I ended the call and sighed, feeling no closer to an answer for my 'Mika problem' than before. "Well, like I said; I'll have a chance on Friday to sort things out…but I don't want to end up ruining Ushio's grad party." I mulled this over a bit more before refocusing my attention on my phone and dialing another number. I'd felt like I'd been on my phone a lot more lately, and I wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Hello, this is Tadashi."

"Hello Tadashi-san; this is Okazaki Tomoya. Is your aunt there right now?'"

"Yes sir, she is. Would you like to speak with her?"

"Yes, please."

"One moment." As he left to get Kyou it occurred to me to ask her if she had a cell phone, and to get her number if she did.

A minute or so later I heard the phone picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kyou; It's me."

"Yeah, Tadashi told me. Hey, what's up?"

"Well, I wanted to ask… first; do you have a cell phone?"

"As of about a month ago, yes. Why? Did you want the number?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

"No, not at all." She gave me the number and I entered it into my phone. "You got it? Do you need me to repeat it once more?"

"No, I'm good."

"Good. I'm assuming that's not what you called about, though."

"No, it isn't," I chuckled. "I…wanted to talk to you about Mika-san, if you have the time."

The sigh from the other end was unmistakable. "Tomoya, it was a hunch, okay? Have you been obsessing over this all this time?"

"I've had other things on my plate," I told her. "But I can't help but be concerned when I find out that a girl two years older than my daughter and who's been helping me out may be attracted to me."

Another sigh. "Okay, I could see that. Have you thought of talking with Jeff about it?"

"I talked to him earlier actually," I admitted. "He wasn't able to say much other than I should figure out whether I want to remarry or not."

"Seriously?! You'd seriously consider marrying my eighteen-year-old niece?!"

"I'm not even there yet, Kyou," I grunted, running my fingers rough my hair repeatedly. "The remarriage thing came up because I'd asked him what I should do if you're right and Mika-san actually does…you know…."

"Are you twelve, Tomoya? Say it: 'if she likes me'."

"If she likes me," I repeated as my face heated up; if felt so weird saying something that hadn't been part of my life for so long.

"Good. Now why did remarriage come up?"

"Well, if I'm not interested in remarrying, then I need to have that in mind if she does confess to me."

"That does sound like Jeff's logic."

"What do you think, Kyou? Does she… Do I need to be worried?"

"From the way she's been talking I'd say you ought to be…concerned but not really worried."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the way she's been talking about you at the dinner table… I think even my sister and Kappei are starting to see it."

"Aw, great." The last thing I needed was an irate father and friend. "And they're letting her come over anyway?"

"Well, they're not certain enough to make an issue out of it. Really, it'd be easier if we just got all this out in the open and dealt with it at once."

"It'd be easier on my nerves, that's for sure."

"You poor thing," she giggled. "You're one of the few guys I've known who'd get stressed over a girl liking him. But I understand, since she's eighteen."

"Do you think I should remarry?"

"Well that was out of the blue!" She sighed. "I think you're made to be married, Tomoya; you're a great guy who really should be sharing his life with someone."

"I see…"

"You shouldn't need a wife to be happy, but I think having a wife will enrich your life in ways that you wouldn't know about otherwise."

"You're starting to sound like the pastor," I noted with a smirk.

"Yeah, and it's a good thing," she replied. "Meeting him has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me, right up there with being your friend."

My eyebrows jumped, but I said nothing; I never knew she thought so highly of me.

"Anyway, I think you should remarry, but only after you get your past taken care of; I really don't think it's fair that your wife had to make up for your bad relationship with your dad."

"I didn't-" Wait, did I? If what Kyou said was true, then had I been using Nagisa as an emotional crutch? "That's…but how am I supposed to…?" I trailed off as I thought of Pastor Ashton's offer; maybe working with him could help restore my soul? Like the way the doctors had helped restore my shoulder? "So I guess I should focus on counseling for now, and just be…kind to Mika-san."

"And if she confesses…I really need to find a new word; that sounds so high-schoolish… Anyway, if she confesses, I think you could be honest with her and tell her your situation. Both my niece and nephew seem…mature for their age, just in different ways. What I'm saying is that she could probably handle it, even if she doesn't completely understand."

"I guess I'll find out on Friday, huh?"

"Yup! You boys are pretty good at taking the long view on stuff, but remember that you still have to live life one day at a time."

"Got it. Thanks, Kyou."

"You're welcome!"

"And I'm glad that you and…Jeff…are doing well. I wish the best for you both."

"Hey, thanks. Did you need anything else?"

"No, I'm good," I said, trying not to chuckle at how much she sounded like her boyfriend. "Have a good day, Kyou."

"You, too. Take care!"

I ended the call and dropped the phone into my lap with a sigh; I had to lot of thinking to do.